How the Queen Stole Christmas
by Snapegirlkmf
Summary: A holiday wedding for Archie and Lilly enables Regina to be a flower girl, but the Christmas spirit is not in everyone's heart in Storybrooke when Cora the Queen of Hearts stealthily invades and sets out to spoil the holiday by kidnapping Regina and her small rival Meredith. Will the Queen succeed in stealing Christmas? A Baby Regal/Gold fic! Gold Standard AU!
1. A Regal Wedding

**1**

 **A Regal Wedding**

 **by Snapegirlkmf & CJ Moliere**

 **(a Gold Standard Baby Regal/Gold holiday fic)**

 **takes place after the events in Regal Mischief**

Regina Nolan was an excited little girl, far too excited to be staying in bed late on the day when she had a very important job to do. It wasn't the kind of jobs her parents had but still important nonetheless. She would be one of two flower girls in Doctor Hopper's wedding to Lilly Bergmann. The couple had been dating for over a year and both decided it was time for them to settle down. They were moving beside the Nolans after their honeymoon.

She would be sharing flower girl duties with Archie's granddaughter to be, Meredith Bergmann. The two met last Halloween and the older girl had been rude from the moment she walked into the Gold house until she had to leave, directing most of her hostility at Regina. Oh, Regina had tried to be nice like her parents taught her to be until it was time not to be but Meredith had gotten a dose of her own medicine when she got sick after stealing all of Regina's candy. The two girls rarely saw each other after that and Meredith's attitude hadn't improved. In fact, she'd gotten worse after her grandmother announced her plans to marry Archie.

Regina was determined to do a good job for Archie and Lilly even if it meant having to spend a few hours in the company of her nemesis.

She asked her mother if they could watch movies of couples getting married so that she could see how other flower girls acted and held little rehearsals to make certain she was doing everything right. Snow took a few videos and showed them to Archie and Lilly; so proud of her daughter.

"Mommy, Daddy! Wake up! We're gonna be late for the wedding!" Regina cried, racing into her parents' room and jumping on the bed, nearly scaring the daylights out of them.

"Regina! Honey, calm down! We're gettin up!" David groaned. Snow was already out of bed.

"You better or I'm gonna call Unca Rumple 'an make him come over here with ice water!"

Snow giggled. "Honey, why don't you go in your room and wait for me. I'll be in as soon as I get Daddy up."

"Kay but if he's not up in five minutes I'm calling!"

"Jesus Christ," David muttered.

"Hey! You're not 'sposta say that! It's bad!" Regina scolded.

"Snow...will you please do something," he pleaded.

"Come on honey. Daddy will get up...it just takes him a little longer that's all."

"Guys take for-ever to get up or do anything," the former queen snorted.

"I think I need to ask Archie to have me committed," he muttered.

While David took a shower and changed in the bathroom, Snow and Regina sat at the vanity in Snow and David's bedroom in their matching forest green gowns, Snow winding Regina's hair into a French Twist, recalling how her own mother used to do so.

"I really wanna do a good job today Mommy."

"I know you do honey."

"Meredith better not be mean today."

Snow sighed. She didn't envy Archie and Lilly one bit having to deal with such a troublesome child. Meredith's mother had no control over her child at all and had surrendered custody of her to Lilly.

Cas would not be attending the wedding nor would most of the babies in the town. They would be at Golden Locks Daycare, a new daycare facility that opened up in the town when Rapunzel arrived in Storybrooke a month earlier along with a few friends; Tiana, Flynn and Naveen. Belle and Snow had taken the children to the daycare a few times and the kids adored Rapunzel and Tiana. Tiana wanted to open her own cafe but didn't want to start a business war with Granny.

"Granny needs a little competition dearie," Rumple told her one afternoon when he came to pick up Daria and Dylan. "And your baked goods are much better!"

"Thank you Mister Gold."

"I mean every word. If you want to open a cafe, open a cafe and let Granny deal with it. There are a few other eateries in this town but they're too intimidated by her to give her a run for her money. And you will be bringing us New Orleans cuisine!"

"I never imagined the bean we bought would take us there after the curse but it is the most delicious food I've ever eaten!"

"You have my number if you need any help getting started."

Caspian was cranky during the drive to Golden Locks as if he sensed he would not be taking part in the day's festivities.

"Cas, you better stop poutin or Daddy's gonna havta pull the car over!" Regina whispered in his ear.

His eyes widened.

"Uh-huh. Unca Rumple hadta pull the car over once because I was bein bad and I had a sore butt, You don't wanna have a sore but do you?"

He shook his head vigorously.

"Sides you like being with Rapunzel and Tiana's gonna make lotsa goodies for you."

He smiled.

"Crisis averted," David mumbled. "Cas, here we go! Rapunzel is waiting for you."

They couldn't get him out of his car seat fast enough.

It was a different situation over at Lilly Bergmann's apartment.

"Meredith...Meredith Bergmann you get out of that bed right now!"

"No!" she yelled defiantly and yanked the covers over her head.

"You are not doing this to me today."

"Gramma you can't marry that stupid cricket!"

"Archie is going to be your grandfather and you will treat him with respect! Now get out of that bed before I start counting."

"So count. I don't care!"

Lilly counted to ten to regain her composure and yanked the covers off the bed. Meredith glared at her and jumped off the bed, stomping on her grandmother's foot.

"You...come back here right now..." Lilly panted as she limped after her. Moments later she heard a knock on the door and opened it to find Granny and Ruby on the other side.

"Lilly, what happened?"

"Meredith...is being...difficult this morning."

Granny snorted. "Ruby get some ice for Lilly's foot. I'LL deal with HER."

Ruby took off Lilly's shoe, frowning. "We'd better get Whale over here. I think..she might have broken two of your toes."

"Oh no!" she moaned.

"Honey, I don't mean to get in your business but something's gotta be done about that girl. She's nasty to everyone and you and Archie get the worst of it."

"I can't just...send her away...We're going to be the only family she has left now. My daughter...wants nothing to do with her and her father...doesn't either."

In Meredith's bedroom, Granny was attempting to give the child a good scolding that seemed to fall on deaf ears, even suggesting that she may have broken her grandmother's toes didn't seem to phase her. Also her flower girl's dress lay on the floor in the bedroom, shredded to pieces.

She walked out of the room shaking her head. "That one puts our former Evil Queen to shame. How is Lilly?"  
"She's in a lot of pain. I called Whale and Archie. They're on their way over now. Maybe Whale can get something through to that kid's head. He is her father."

"And we've seen what good that is. I'll give him credit, he's trying to change his ways but he was a little too late trying to be a father to that girl. Archie tries but she's worse to him."

"What's she doing now?"

"Just sitting in her room but she cut her dress to ribbons."

"Maybe they should just...leave her out of the wedding. She'll only cause problems anyway."

"That's what I think too, Ruby, but it's not our decision. It's up to Lilly and Archie."

"...Where's Lilly?" a frantic Archie asked as he ran into the apartment with Whale at his heels.

"She's in the kitchen Archie."

Archie comforted his bride while Whale examined her foot. "Lilly, you're going to have to stay off this foot."

"How bad is it?" Archie asked him.

"She's got three toes broken. And you say Meredith did this?"

Lilly nodded through her tears. "I don't think she meant to hurt me."

"I'm sorry Lilly but I do," Archie said angrily.

"Please, Archie. I don't want to send her away..."

"Honey, we've been trying for a year to get through to her and now this! I am not going to have her assaulting you because she's not getting her own way. Maybe we should postpone the wedding until you're better."

"No! I am marrying you today even if I have to be sitting down!' she declared stubbornly.

"Lilly it looks like you're gonna have to be sitting down," Whale informed her. "But that's not gonna be a problem later now is it?" He winked at Archie.

"Oh get your mind out of the gutter and just take care of my bride's foot. And THEN you and I are going to have a talk with my granddaughter."

"What makes you think she's gonna listen to me?"

"Well you are her father. Act like it!"

After dropping the twins off at the daycare Rumple and Belle drove over to the church to meet with the rest of the wedding party. Belle was a bridesmaid, Rumple a groomsman. Bae and Emma were also in the wedding party along with Henry who would have the equally important job of carrying the rings.

The moment they walked in Rumple sensed a tension among the other members of the wedding party.

"Alright now what is going on dearies?" he demanded.

"Meredith shredded her flower girl dress but that's not the worst of it. She broke three of Lilly's toes," Ruby told him.

"The brat," he hissed. "I hope Lilly tanned her backside good for it!"

"She's too upset. Whale had to do it."

"It's about time he assumed some responsibility for his offspring."

"Poor Lilly!" Belle cried. "Are they postponing the wedding?"

"No she wants to have it even if she's sitting down but Meredith will not be taking part in the ceremony. Archie wants Alina to be a flower girl in her place but we don't have a dress for her." Snow replied.

"I'll take care of that." Rumple gestured and a larger flower girl's dress appeared in his hand along with a box of jewelry. "Alina, go get changed."

"Okay Papa."

"And I'll see if I can take care of Lilly's foot."

"She may not let you Rumple. You know how stubborn she is."

"I'll offer Belle but I won't force her if she doesn't want me to." He kissed her tenderly. "I'll be right back."

The Sunday school playroom had been designated the bridal party's dressing room for the festivities. Some of the wedding party guests opted to change at the church rather than get ready at home and the photographer the couple hired wanted to take pictures of them getting prepared for the ceremony.

Rumple knocked once on the playroom door. "Is everyone decent in there?"

He heard giggling on the other side of the door. "Oooh Gold what would Belle say if she caught you sneaking in here watching us get dressed."

"Very funny Emma! Now are you decent or not?"

"Yes, we're decent!"

"Rumple, what brings you here?" Lilly asked from her chair.

"I heard about what happened and I can heal you...if you wish me to."

"That's very kind of you Rumple but..."

"Lilly, let him heal you," Emma pleaded. "You've been waiting for this day for a year and besides...your honeymoon won't be much fun with broken toes!"

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Why does my son put up with you?"

"Because we're alike," Emma retorted.  
"Oh aye. If he's not giving me gray hairs, you are."

"You love me and you know it."

"I tolerate you," he quipped.

"Seriously Lilly, you and I both know you'd rather be standing up there with Archie rather than sitting and my father-in-law, pain that he is sometimes, can make you feel better in no time."

"And you need to dance with your new husband too," Granny added.

"Trust me, dearie, dancing's no fun with a cane," Rumple persuaded. "Besides, it'll show your scamp of a granddaughter that her attempt to ruin your big day with her insolence failed. And," he went in for the coup de grace, "it'll make Archie happy. He's upset you've been hurt."

Lilly blushed. "Oh . . . all right, Rumple. You win."

"That's amazing," Emma muttered. "I think he could make a deal with Hades and come out on top."

"That's my papa!" Alina said proudly, emerging from behind the changing screen. "Well, how do I look?"

"You look fabulous, dearie!" Rumple praised. "Like your mama."

Alina kissed his cheek. "Can I watch you heal Lilly, Papa?" Alina was also a powerful sorceress, but she had only healed once, and that in desperation, having healed Rumple's leg while he was being attacked by a reanimated T-Rex at the Museum of Natural History in New York City on an unforgettable vacation.

"You may. But no talking until afterwards." He instructed.

Alina nodded and allowed her Sorcerer's Sight to come to the fore, so she could see how her father used his magic to heal.

"What do I need to do, Rumple?" Lilly inquired.

"You won't feel anything," he assured Lilly. "Just relax, dearie." He took her foot gently in his lap. "First, I use my magic to numb her injury," he explained to Alina. A flicker of purple light emerged from his hand. "Now I allow the magic to mend what's broken." He lowered his head and immediately Lilly's foot was surrounded by a bright purple light.

Alina saw with her Sight how his healing magic flowed through the foot, rejoining the bones seamlessly and reducing the inflammation. Soon the foot was healed.

"And there you go!"

"Oh...oh!" Lilly slowly rose to her feet and began to walk around the room. "I don't even have that pain in my heel anymore!"

There was no way he could have known about the recurring pain she felt in her right heel almost every day for the past two years that she'd been trying every remedy to treat.

She threw her arms around the sorcerer.

"Thank you so much Rumple!" she sobbed joyfully.

"You are very welcome, dearie," he smiled. Then he added, "Sometimes the magic heals where I don't direct it. I know how it feels to be chronically in pain all the time."

"Papa, won't you get tired from this?" Alina queried.

"Yes, but my magic reserves will replenish faster than yours, so I won't feel it the way you would. One of the perks of being an archmagus, Alina."

"Now I'm ready to get married!"

Lilly grabbed her shoes and ran out of the playroom.

"Well, all's well that ends well," Rumple giggled. "Come on, let's not be late for the wedding." He shepherded the rest of the bridal party out the door.

Regina squealed with delight when she spotted Alina wearing a matching flower girl's dress. "Yay! Now I don't havta deal with that nasty Meredith! Hope she got her butt spanked good!"

"I think so. I would've," the older girl replied. "Are you all ready for your important job?"

Regina nodded. "Have you ever been a flower girl before?"

"No. This is my first time too," Alina admitted. "But we'll do fine."

"We just gotta smile pretty and toss the flowers so's Lilly can walk on 'em and then we throw flowers on her after she gets married."

"That's right," Alina grinned.

"You girls look hot," remarked Jimmy, smirking. He was a guest but had permission to be there early with the wedding party. He was dressed in a very nice suit, navy blue with a nautical tie-the clothing picked out by Mr. Gold himself.

Regina made a face. "Umm Jimmy, you're not 'sposed to say stuff like that to family or people are gonna think you're a pervert."

"Why?" asked the former pirate, puzzled. Back where he grew up that was a compliment.

"Ummm...I heard Daddy say so once...you gotta tell us we look nice or something."

She looked to Alina for guidance.

"See you don't wanna give people the wrong impression. That you like little kids or something," she explained.

"I ain't no baby raper!" Jimmy hissed, horrified.

He had known a few scumsuckers like that on the island and they had made his skin crawl. He had also been careful to avoid them.

"So now you gotta 'member to watch what you say, okay?"

"Umm . . . yeah." He shook his head. "This realm . . . it's got so many confusing customs."  
"Like Papa says-you learn something new everyday," quoted Alina.

"Ain't that the truth," muttered the reformed buccaneer. He knew that if not for Mr. Gold's willingness to make a pirate into a gentleman and give him a second chance, he may well have ended up in the brig forever or dead at the end of a rope.

Instead of the traditional wedding march, Lilly asked to be walked down the aisle to the music of a New Age group called 2002. Most of their music was influenced by mythology but This Moment Now was an album that focused on love and Lilly chose the song Dreaming of You as her wedding march.

Jimmy snapped a few pictures of the bride with his camera, using the light and his zoom lens to the fullest. He really enjoyed photography and thought he might like to go to school for it someday . . . if he could borrow money from Rumple.

August held out his hand for the bride. "Are you ready?"

"I've been ready. Thank you for doing this for me August."

"I hope you and Archie have a great life together."

She would walk down the aisle in a replica of the dress worn by Queen Elizabeth II when she married the Duke of Edinburgh in 1947 with a much shorter train. Her groom wore a black tuxedo with a red rose on his lapel.

"Let's go Regina. We're up," Alina whispered to the toddler. Regina picked up her basket of flowers, flashed her brightest smile began tossing red and white rose petals, several people recording them on their phones.

"She looks adorable, Snow!" Ashley praised.

"She's been practicing for weeks to be perfect."

Meredith glared at her from her seat. She would be sitting with her father during the ceremony, furious that Snow and David's brat had to be the center of attention yet again, forgetting that it was her own bratty behavior that forced her grandparents to exclude her from the ceremony.

 _I'll get her good_ , she vowed.

Jimmy took shot after shot of both Regina and Alina as they tossed petals and walked down the aisle. He knew that Rumple and Belle would love to have a picture or two framed of their eldest child in this one-of-a-kind moment.

He intended to give everyone pictures for Christmas this year, and had frames in mind for each commissioned by Geppetto, for whom he had done odd jobs for in order to pay for them.

Everyone rose to their feet when Lilly entered the room on August's arm, Lilly feeling very much like a queen about to marry the prince of her dreams.

Belle yanked Rumple's handkerchief out of his breast pocket and dabbed at her eyes.

"And don't you say one word Rumplestiltskin," she sniffled. "It's just...so beautiful..."

Bae snickered behind them. Emma kicked his foot.

"What was that for? You don't cry at weddings."

"No, I don't but you're gonna cry in a minute if you don't knock it off, Gold!"

"Children, behave," Rumple tutted. "Don't make me get my cane."

"Please be seated," Blue instructed.

Regina sat down next to Alina cradling her empty basket.

She was happy and felt she had done a good job.

"Alina...I gotta ask you somethin..."

"What?" the other girl whispered behind her hand.

"Do grammas have babies? I mean, Meredith's a real brat and her mommy's grown up so Lilly should have a nice baby with Archie."

Alina almost lost it. "Umm . . . well . . . it depends . . .but even if Lilly is too old they can always adopt a baby. Plenty of kids need good homes and good parents."

"Mommy says she's forty-four an I think you can have kids that old..."

Alina considered. "You can, if you haven't started your changes yet."

"Like that time of the month Daddy says Mommy gets grumpy?"

Alina almost choked to death to keep from laughing.

"I heard him say once she gets like that for five days and he has to go out and buy diapers."

She scowled. "But shes potty trained!"

"Umm . . . it's not really like that . . ." Alina gasped, giggling softly. "You see . . .umm . . . " she was unable to continue, and even her clever brain couldn't come up with a way to explain a woman's time to the curious toddler.

"I'm not gonna go through that if I gotta get potty trained all over again!"

"My mama says it's all part of growing up and being able to have babies. But you've got a long time before then so . . . don't worry about it," Alina managed to say. "And if Lilly has a baby you can be the big aunt to it like you are with Ilyssa."

"Cool! I'll be a better Auntie than that nasty Meredith."

"I know. Just like I am."

Alina sighed upon observing the death glare Meredith was giving her little co-flower girl. "That kid needs an attitude adjustment, as my papa would say."

"You see that boy over there? He's starin at me. Why?"

The boy Regina was referring to was young Robin Hood, another new addition to the Storybrooke population.

He was a year older than Regina, his father a low ranking noble in her former court that had his lands taken away and had been roaming Sherwood Forest robbing the carriages of the nobles.

Little Robin waved.

Alina looked and whispered, "His name's Robin. Maybe he thinks you're cute."

"Huh? Like he wants to be boyfriend an girlfriend?"

"Maybe when you're my age, yeah," Alina remarked. "But right now I think he wants to be friends."

"Ummm...okay..."

"You can talk to him after the ceremony."

If David were anything like her papa, Alina thought, he wouldn't let Regina date till she was out of high school.

"Archie and Lilly have written their own vows. Archie, you may begin when you're ready."  
Jimmy grabbed his camera.

"Lilly, I will always do my best to be a good stepfather to your daughter, a good grandfather to your granddaughter and a good husband to you through good times and hard times and I will love you in this life and the next."

He took a deep breath before he continued. "For so long I though my happy ending would be helping others find their way, never thinking that I still needed to find mine. That night at Boston, I realized that the piece I needed to make my life complete was sitting alone in a crowded room. From that day on you made me realize that you were what I needed to make my life complete."

"Before that night in Boston," Lilly began. "I thought I would live the rest of my life a widow of an unhappy marriage made to fill my parents coffers. I was also a strange woman in a strange land fearing even trying to find love because I thought it was a luxury other women could afford. But that night, you took my hand and led me out of my cave of self doubt and taught me what love is and what it can be. and I will love you Archie Hopper in this life and the next."

"Henry, may we have the rings please." Blue prompted.

"Ah, just drop them!" Meredith yelled.

"Meredith!" Whale hissed.

Rumple shot the little girl a Look that made people shake in their shoes. He was incensed at the child's behavior. _If you were mine, dearie, you'd have learned how to behave or else!_

She stuck her tongue out. "You don't scare me!"

"Excuse us please," Whale growled and picked her up, carrying her out into the hall kicking and screaming.

Gold shook his head. "Maybe now we'll get some peace," he muttered to Belle. "That child could try the patience of Mother Theresa."

"Shhh...they're exchanging rings!"

Belle elbowed her husband in the the ribs.

Archie held up Lilly's hand and slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her knuckles. "With this ring, I thee wed.

"  
"With this ring, I thee wed," Lilly whispered lovingly.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Maine and by the gods of love and light, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Archie, you may now kiss your bride!"

Archie gathered his wife into his arms and kissed her passionately amidst cheers and applause from the guests.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present Archie and Lilliana Hopper!"

"Do we get up now, Alina?" Regina asked.

"Yes, and we throw the rest of the flower petals," the older girl told her, and then handed Regina some of hers to throw, because the child had been a little too enthusiastic and had no more left.

"Okay. C'mon!"

They followed the bride and groom down the aisle and when they were outside, they threw the remainder of their flower petals over Archie and Lilly yelling, "Congratulations!"

Archie picked up Regina and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You did a fantastic job Regina! I'll tell you what:we'll have a nice surprise for you when we get back from our honeymoon."

"Thanks, Archie! You're the best!" Then she turned to Lilly. "And I hope ya have lotsa babies."

Alina nearly died laughing.

"Ummm...well...ahhh..." Lilly stammered. "I'm well...ahhh...a little old now..."

Why? Didja go through the changes yet?" Regina queried artlessly.

Archie's mouth dropped open.

"Well...ah...no...how did you...?"

Behind her Jimmy nearly wet himself. Bae was in stitches and so was Rumple.

"Alina told me it's what her mama said," answered Regina.

Alina turned the color of a ripe strawberry. "She asked!"

"Oh goodness!" Belle coughed, blushing. She too was biting her lip to keep from laughing.

Archie brushed tears of mirth from his eyes. "I am still not getting used to what comes out of her mouth yet. But...my Lilly, if you want to try..." he whispered in her ear.

"The things you come out with, scamp," Rumple said, his mouth twitching.

Lilly smiled at her new husband. "Maybe we can."

"I don't know about any of you but I'm getting hungry!" David said, rubbing his stomach. "I can smell Granny's buffet from here."

"Me too!" Henry said. "My stomach's hitting my backbone."

"You're always hungry, tiger." Bae laughed.

"Like his father at that age," Rumple remarked.

"Better not be any turkeys or I'm not eating!" protested Regina.

"I was on the free the birds side, remember?' Archie asked her.

"The what?"

Archie laughed. "I forget I didn't tell you that one Lilly. I'll tell you at dinner."

Regina went and hugged Snow as she emerged from the church. "Mommy, I did it!"

"You were wonderful, honey! I'm so proud of you."

"Regina, you were a pro," David added. "I think we're gonna have to hire you out."  
"Cool!" she shouted, beaming with pride. Then she added, "But Alina helped."

The reception would be held at the town hall, the only place large enough to accommodate so many guests.

The bridal party all piled into the waiting limos for the drive to the town hall. Regina would ride with Alina, Henry, and the bride and groom. As she peered out the window, Regina saw something that made her gasp in fear.

"What's the matter honey?" Lilly asked.

Regina was frozen. For there half-hidden behind a large azalea, was the woman from her nightmares. She was wearing a long red dress with her hair piled up on her head and her face twisted into a familiar vicious scowl. Regina knew what that Look meant. It meant somebody's head was gonna roll.

"The lady from my bad dreams...she's out there!"

Where?" Henry peered out the window. But the woman in red had vanished. "I don't see anyone."

"I don't see anything," Archie said.  
"But she was there!" Regina wailed. "She's gonna get me an...an cut off my head..."

"It's okay," Alina soothed, hugging her. "Nobody's gonna do that. You're safe, Regina. Papa will protect you. Remember how he made your nightmares go away?"

"Uh-huh...but I saw her Alina. I really did..."

Alina didn't answer, she was too busy comforting the distraught child. She wasn't sure what the little girl had seen-if it really was a person or a figment of her wild imagination. But she said nothing.

Maybe you saw a woman that looked like her," Henry suggested kindly.

Regina shook her head. "It was her an she's comin for me..."

"Maybe Rumple should dreamwalk her again," Lilly whispered to Archie. He nodded in agreement.

Alina felt a shiver skitter down her spine at those whispered words. She didn't know why but she felt an eerie sensation quiver through her, a warning perhaps of things to come.

"Talk to Papa at the hall," she murmured to Regina. Rumple would be able to figure this out. He always did.

"Unca Rumple will protect me," she murmured.

But for the first time in her memory, Regina wasn't sure he could.

The woman stepped out from behind the azalea, her eyes narrowed to slits. "You've forgotten who you are Regina but I'm going to make you remember...and everyone in this town will be exactly where they should be...on their knees to their new Queen."

There was a new queen in town and her name was Cora.

 **A/N: hope you all liked, dearies! There's trouble afoot! What will happen next?**

 **Hope everyone has a happy holiday!**


	2. A Rock n Roll Era Reception

**2**

 **A Rock n Roll Era Reception**

For their reception, Archie and Lilly wanted to relive their first meeting at a 50s themed party in Boston, including music from all the popular artists of the era along with memorabilia borrowed from Gold's shop. The Charmings, the Golds and the dwarves decorated the hall the night before so that it would be ready when the guests of honor arrived.

Leroy who was acting as DJ for the evening grabbed the microphone and began to announce the names of the members of the wedding party as they passed under the archway, a cardboard cutout of a jukebox with Archie and Lilly's names and the date of the wedding.

"Bridesmaid Belle Gold, escorted by Rumple Gold!"

"Oh I hope Archie and Lilly like it Rumple," Belle whispered to him while they walked to the bridal party table.

"You were the one who suggested it dearie," he said with a smile. "I just provided a few odds and ends..."

"That you spent a fortune on Ebay and auction houses buying!" 

"It was worth it."

He couldn't wait to inform the newly married couple that all of the memorabilia from the wedding reception would be his gift to them.

"Your flower girls, Miss Regina Nolan and Alina Gold!"

"Ooh Alina, what is all this cool stuff?"

"It's from a time called the 50s. Mama said Archie and Lilly met at a party like this and thought they should recreate it for their wedding."

Regina wanted to see what the light up machine in the corner did. It reminded her of an arcade machine. But Alina told her to stay put and watch the rest of the bridal party, so she did despite her raging curiosity. She didn't want people to think she was like Meredith.

"Our guests of honor: Mr and Mrs. Archie Hopper!"

The couple paused under the jukebox arch for their guests and the photographer to take pictures.

"I think Lilly looks really pretty "Regina said. "I need a dress like that."  
Alina giggled. "When you get married you will."

"That boy keeps staring again."

"I think it's cause he likes your dress."

"Not me?"

"No cause you're ugly!" Meredith taunted.

She'd been waiting since the ceremony for her chance to settle the score with the Nolan girl and seized her opportunity once she noticed that Robin had taken an interest in HER when Meredith had been trying to get his attention for weeks.

"Ya know what...why don't you go down to the lake and kiss a frog. That's the kinda boyfriend you should have!"

"Don't listen to her,"Alina declared. "Meredith is jealous as a green skinned witch that Robin is paying attention to you and not Miss Sour Grapes."

Meredith laughed wickedly. "Oh yeah? Well, you wanna really talk ugly, look at your papa. What's your mama see in him anyway? His bank account?"

Alina glared at her. "Beauty is only skin deep. What counts is how you are inside. And my papa is as beautiful inside as any handsome prince. Which is why Mama chose him. Because she looked with her heart not her eyes. The heart never lies but eyes can be tricked."

"Then my gramma is blind as a bat!"

"Meredith Antonia Bergmann, that is enough!" Archie said sharply.

Alina shook her head. "No matter how pretty you are outside if you're dried up and bitter and filled with jealousy inside you'll never be happy. You'll always be miserable."

She glared up at him. "You can't tell me what to do, you dumb bug! You're not gonna be my grandpa no matter what Gramma says!"

"Oh yes I am young lady and I will not tolerate you insulting our guests like this!"

Regina elbowed Alina and hissed, "This is gonna be good."

"Alina, Regina, I am so sorry about this. Come on Meredith. You and I are going to have a little talk!"

She kicked him hard in the shin and run away only to be caught by Whale. "Go back to Lilly, Archie. I'll take care of this!"

"You ain't the boss of me!" his daughter yelled.

"We'll see about that!"

"I should have just locked her up!" moaned her mother.

Archie and Lilly glared at her.

"That wouldn't help. She'd just pick the lock." Regina stated.

"I never should've had her!"

"Cassie!" Archie barked.

"What an awful thing to say!" Belle exclaimed.

"I mean it! I mean every damn word!" Cassandra Bergmann shouted.

Rumple nodded tightly. "If that girl knows this it's no wonder she's a hellion. Being unwanted is the worst feeling in the world."

He recalled only too well how that felt.

"Cassie, I never want to hear you say that about my grandchild again!" Lilly cried.  
"Mama you and I both know she's been nothing but a pain in the ass since she was born."

"That may be your opinion but it is not mine."

"Cassie, I think you;d better leave. Now," Archie said leaving no room for argument.

"You think she'll change living with you? Think again! And then don't come crying to me when your life is a living hell dealing with her!"

Bae whistled. "Wow...with a mother like that..."

Emma grimaced. "Some of my foster moms were like that."

"Thank God Whale took the kid somewhere else so she didn't have to hear that but Archie and Lilly have their hands full trying to get that kid's head straight."

"You're telling me. Maybe half her problem is she thinks nobody wants her and so she doesn't want any body. Not a good combination." Emma said safely. "Knew a few like that in the orphanage. "

"My mama was like that," Bae said darkly. "But I always knew Papa loved me. Even so I was mad for a long time after she left."

Whale returned a few minutes later with a still pouting Meredith and had her sit with him at a table across from from her grandparents.

"Alina, that Cassie reminds me of the scary lady. I know I saw her."  
Regina tried to put the frightening encounter out of her mind but she sensed the woman from her nightmares was still out there, waiting.

"Remember what I told you? She can't hurt you. Papa will protect you," Alina reassured her.

"What if he can't?"

"He can. He protected you from her in your nightmares," Gold's daughter pointed out.

"I hope so. I don't want her coming to get me."

"If she tries she'll have to get past Papa and your parents," Alina predicted. "And Emma and Bae too."

Altogether, the Golds were a force to be reckoned with.

Someone tapped their glass at the bridal table.  
"If we may have your attention please, the best man would like to make a toast!" Leroy announced.

"They're gonna make toast?" Regina asked.

"No, silly! It means the best man is gonna make a speech about Archie and Lilly and then we all drink the Moscato to show we support it." She indicated the small amount of bubbly sweet dessert wine in their glasses.

"Are we gonna get drunk? Mommy says if you drink too much wine you get drunk and act all stupid like Daddy did one night."

"No," the older girl coughed struggling to keep from laughing hysterically. "This isn't enough to do that. It's just a little."

"Okay cause I don't wanna act stupid."

The young enchantress wondered just what David had done to make such an impression on Regina. And how she had learned about it. Her papa never got drunk-at least she had never known about it.

Regina glanced over to where her parents were sitting. "Daddy came home from that Rabbit Hole place...I guess he went with Jeff and he was havin trouble standin up an stuff and he bumped into things. It woke me up."

"And Unca Rumple...I think he was drunk that time we went to New York and Daddy said he was just sick."  
She recalled her uncle acting a bit silly once they got off the plane in New York for their first vacation. "Member Alina. He was singin about some Danny Boy?"

"Oh yeah! Now I remember!" Alina giggled.

She wondered how that had escaped her notice. Then again, she hadn't been paying attention she had been so excited to finally be in New York.

Geppetto rose from his seat with his glass in hand. "Archie, my old friend, you gave so much of your time and your life to making others happy but you never once realized that finding your own happy ending was what we wished for you. Lilly, you are a wonderful woman and I couldn't have asked for a better one to be the wife to my best friend. May you have many more years of happiness together!" He raised his glass high. "To Archie and Lilly!"

Alina clinked her glass against Regina's.

Regina sipped her Moscato. "The bubbles tickle my nose."

"They will a little bit."

The wine was sweet on her tongue and she drank till it was gone.

"I hope they gots mac n cheese to eat. I'm hungry."

"We'll have to wait and see," Alina said. "Look, here comes a server with some mini hot dogs in a blanket."

Another server brought over a large bowl. "Would you like white or yellow cheddar on your macaroni?"

Alina said, "I'd like the white cheddar, please."

He spooned some macaroni onto her plate and ladled white cheddar sauce over it. "And you Miss Nolan?"

"The yellow one," Regina said because it was what she always ate at home.

Another server held a tray of hamburgers. "I have medium patties, rare and well done."

"I'll take a medium, with some pickles and ketchup," Alina said. "My mama sure loves these."

Across the table, she saw Belle happily eating her hamburger and beside her plate was a large glass of iced tea.

"And extra pickles!" she cried.

"We didn't forget Belle," Archie chuckled. "Didn't want Rumple to sue me for negligence!"

Rumple had a n almost identical burger, with extra pickles, fried onions, lettuce and tomato with plenty of ketchup. "If my wife had starved, you'd be hearin' from me," he teased. Then he bit his own burger. "Perfect."

"It better be Rumple or I'm not cooking for you anymore!" Alice threatened.  
Jeff nearly choked on his wine laughing.

"You know how I like my food, dearie," he returned. She had done most of the cooking for the wedding.

Another server came around with mini eggrolls and skewers of shrimp wrapped in carmelized bacon. Jimmy's eyes lit up. "My favorite!" he cheered. He loved seafood having grown up on an island eating it all the time.

"Gold you're gonna need a forklift to get me in the house after this!" Emma joked.

"Nah," Bae disagreed. "I'll just get out the wheelbarrow." He dipped an eggroll in some duck sauce and popped it in his mouth. "Mmm! Sweet and spicy!"

There were mini quiches, crab puffs, and small spareribs with Archie's special barbeque sauce.

"Dad you have GOT to have these ribs!" Henry exclaimed.  
He'd already eaten half a dozen.

"Okay, tiger. Gimme a sec," Bae grinned. He took four,and finished eating his shrimp skewer, which also had pineapple grilled on it.  
A look of bliss came over him after he ate a rib. "Jesus H Christ! Em, you have got to try these! We need to get the recipe."

"Ummm...the groom's a bit busy now," Emma giggled, pointing to Archie wiping barbeque sauce from Lilly's cheek.

"It's not polite to point Emma," Snow scolded playfully.

"Umm . . . I'll make sure I get it before they leave," her husband promised. Then he said to the server. "Hey, can you just bring a tray of ribs out and leave it in the middle of the table? Thanks!"  
"Hey save some for me!" David protested.

"You snooze you lose," Jimmy said, licking some sauce off his fingers. "I bet I can eat more than you. Bae."  
"You wish, little brother!" snorted the martial arts instructor.

"Okay, if you win I will sit through all those old comedy movies you've been trying to get me to watch and if I win you have to make a video for me singing that Bologna song."

"Aww not that again!" Bae groaned.

"Yep!" Jimmy smirked. "I heard all about it."  
"Damn!"

"He got you good Dad! Better hope you beat him."

"I'm gonna try."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Boys will be boys."

Rumple chuckled. "And don't come crying to me after you stuffed yourself like a Christmas goose." Then he added, "I much prefer this contest than one where they puke from drinking too much. Or they end up hospitalized from beating each other."

"Oh give it time."

"Not here, dearie. You hear me, Baelfire and James?" He narrowed his eyes in warning.

"Yes Papa, we hear you!"

"I want in on this game too. You're not having all the ribs." David grabbed one off the tray.

"Fine. Then if you lose...you have to pay next time you double date with me and Emma," Bae challenged.

"You're on!"

David grinned, liking the idea of his son-in-law paying for one of their double dates at the most expensive place he could find.

Bae began eating, thinking he'd better not lose to either his younger brother or his father-in-law. Then again, he doubted he would. He used to be a champion at these contests back in college, 

Emma made a mental note to stop by the pharmacy for some Pepto Bismol.

Regina had just finished eating when she felt someone tap her shoulder.  
"Who..."

Splat! A piece of cherry pie had been mashed into her face.

"Meredith!" Whale growled.

"She deserves it! Awww...are you gonna cry now little baby?"

Archie threw down his fork in frustration. "Good God, Lilly, this has gone on long enough!"

LIlly rose from her chair and walked over to Regina's table, glaring down at her granddaughter. "Meredith Bergmann, you will help Regina clean up and then you will apologize to her!"

Little Robin Hood jumped out of her chair and ran over to the table, handing Regina his napkin. "Here you can use this," he offered.

"I'm not apologizing for nothing! Why's she gettin so much attention today huh? SHE's not your granddaughter!"

"And if you do anything like that to my daughter again so help me God I will turn you over my knee and spank the daylights out of you myself!' Snow snarled.

"M'not gonna cry 'cause I'm not gonna give you that sa...sasfaction!" Regina said angrily.

"Sa-TIS-faction dummy! Learn how to talk!"

Whale shook his head. He was going to wear out his hand at the rate he was going with constantly having to spank his unruly daughter.

"Victor...I'll take care of it..." Lilly began.

"No, you and Archie go back to the table. I'll deal with her."

"I gotta give Regina credit. She can sure hold her own against that brat," Emma praised.

Henry sighed. "But it wears on you, Mom."

"Yeah I know. They really need to get the kid straightened out or she's gonna be one of those ones I'm hauling in for disorderly all the time."

Rumple beckoned Victor over with a finger. "Might I suggest something, doctor?" He whispered something rapidly in Whale's ear.

"I believe that your daughter is acting out purely for attention. She feels unwanted by her mama, and so she does things to be noticed . . . and doesn't care if they are positive or negative. It's attention and any attention is better than none at all. So what I suggest is you do the opposite of what she wants-you pretend you don't see her for a time. In fact everyone ought to do this-and once she realizes her naughtiness doesn't get her attention, she will stop."

"It's much worse than that Rumple. I haven't told Archie and Lilly but...a few months ago...they went out of town to spend the weekend together alone...and Cassie still had custody of Meredith then. One night she brought her into the ER with bruises and said she fell somewhere."

He sighed. "I never took an interest in her before because I had my doubts she was mine. Cassie ran around a lot, her mother never knew of it and any one of us could have been Meredith's father but that night I took a sample of her blood and ran a DNA test. She is my daughter...and I think Cassie was abusing her."

"Do you want to sue for custody? If so stop by my office. Getting her away from her mama would be the best thing for her. I think much of her attitude was learned because Cassie rejected her and never let her forget it." Rumple murmured softly. "I would be happy to help you. No child deserves to be abused."

"Cassie signed custody of her over to Lilly a week ago but Lilly has been letting me see her."

"Good. I think you will find that if you take a more active role in her life she may stop acting out. Eventually she'll realize that pleasing you is better than having you discipline her. And you may also wish to tell her that you won't leave no matter what she behaves like-unlike her mama. But that also means giving her consequences she won't like. It's not going to be easy, dearie. Perhaps you might consider enrolling her in some kind of activity she likes after school? And using that as a bargaining chip for good behavior?"

"Those are some of the things Lilly's been trying and Meredith's resisted her at every turn."

"Because Lily's her grandmother. But you're her papa, Whale. It may have a different result coming from you. Take it from one who would have given anything to have his papa notice him, instead of treating him like he didn't exist."

"Maybe while Lilly and Archie are on their honeymoon she and I can make some progress. Lilly wants her to stay with me."

"Good. She needs to spend time with you on a regular basis at your home-where some routines and rules and security can be established. She will also have your undivided attention then-which is something she feels she lacks from both her mama and grandma since Lily started dating Archie."

Gold glanced at the sulking child then added, "She may feel she's a difficult child to love . . . but she needs you, Victor, whether or not she will admit it. And you need her. Show her you care for her and love her-even when you want to throttle her. And someday you'll be glad of it."

"I'm going to try like hell. And I'm hoping sooner or later she comes to think of Archie as her grandpa not a rival for Lilly's attention.

"Give it time. Once she's secure that she has a place in the family that no one will take away, I think she will see Archie is a great guy and someone she will like being around. After all-grandpas get to spoil their grandchildren."

Victor laughed. "Only he can't send her home to me...not yet anyway! I'm hoping eventually she'll want to live with me."

"I think once you win her over, dearie, she'll be your shadow. That was how it was with me and Bae after Milah left. Once he stopped being angry, that is."

"But for now...I have to do something...she deliberately attacked Regina."

He was hoping that he newest plan he had in mind would distract her from bothering Regina again. Were she still the Evil Queen he would have gladly turned his daughter loose on and called it day but Regina was now a child with a completely different personality.

Victor took Meredith's hand and led her outside to speak with her privately while Snow and Robin helped Regina clean up. The little girl was slightly nervous from all the attention she was getting from the older boy.  
"Why you keep staring at me?"

Robin shuffled his feet nervously. "Ummm...ummmm...cause I think you're really pretty...an I like you."

"You do?"

"Uh-huh."

"But you don't know me."

"Ummm...well...I see you 'round all the time an you never talked to me...an I was too scared to talk to you."

"You coulda just said hi. That's what Mommy says you do when you wanna get to know somebody. Right Mommy?"

David grabbed his glass of wine and took a long drink. "Not the boys, not the boys...I'm not ready!" he moaned.

"Umm...yes, honey, that is what you do," Snow confirmed with a smile.  
Jimmy grabbed his camera and snapped a picture of Robin taking one of the flowers out of the vase on the table and handing it to her. He would make a copy of it to give to Snow.

Alina was grateful for the boy for distracting Regina from her fears but she knew she would have to mention it to her father. She didn't want to believe it but her instincts were telling her that there was danger lurking in their quiet little town.

It was the same tingling creepy warning feeling she had back when Regina was the adult Evil Queen intent on stomping out all the happy endings. And she knew better than to ignore it. A sorceress's instincts were her best friend.

She went round the table and tapped Rumple on the arm. "Papa?"

"What's up, Alina? Don't let Meredith spoil your good time."

"I'm not. But . . . I'm having one of my feelings." She knew her father would understand what she meant.

Rumple frowned. "For how long?"

"Since Regina said she saw someone who reminded her of the lady in her nightmares."

"Regina said she saw Cora? Here?"

"Yes. We thought it was just a mistake but now . . ."

Rumple's eyes narrowed. "You need to stay close to me, you, Henry, and Regina tonight. Don't go anywhere alone or outside this building. If Cora has crossed over, I need to strengthen my wards. I also need to speak to your Aunt Rhea after the party. She was monitoring them back in Fairy Tale Land."

As he spoke his hands were weaving patterns of invisible magic, strengthening his protections. "But don't worry about it tonight, sweetie. You're safe here, so go and enjoy the party. I'll keep watch."

Alina hugged him, the eldritch warning fading and a feeling of peace replacing it. "Thanks, Papa. Save me a dance."

"Always, dearie." He returned the hug,thinking it would be a cold day in hell when he allowed harm to come to his family. He would search for any aberrations in the magical web later. For now, his wards would prevent any harm entering this place.

Alina returned to her seat, whispering to Henry.

Belle eyed her husband. "Rumple? Has Cora returned?"

"Possibly. But if so, she hasn't triggered one of my wards yet. Don't worry, dearie. That cold bitch won't be able to touch my family. You and the children are safe."

"I trust you, Rum. You know best about magic,"his wife said confidently.  
His wife's unwavering belief bolstered his self confidence and Rumplestiltskin relaxed. He sensed that Cora would bide her time like a black widow spider. And he would be watching ready to stop her.

"Our bride and groom are now ready to share their first dance as Mr and Mrs. Archie Hopper, their song performed by the siren of Storybrooke, Mrs Granny Lucas!"

"At last...my love has come along..." Granny sang as Archie took his bride into his arms.

"Papa, I didn't know Granny could sing...and she's good!" Bae exclaimed.

"I love this song," Belle murmured.

"My heart was wrapped up clover the night I looked at you  
I found a dream that I could speak to  
A dream that I can call my own  
I found a thrill to press my cheek to..."

Archie was also singing the lyrics to his bride while they danced, many of the guests taking videos of them with their phones and digital camera.  
"I can't wait until we can dance," Belle whispered to her husband.

"And now Mr and Mrs Hopper would like to invite everyone to put on your dancing shoes!" Leroy announced.

"Ooooooh Elvis!" Emma cried, grabbing Bae's arm and practically dragging him out onto the dance floor.

"Didn't know you liked Elvis babe," Bae joked.

"A little. I was doing my impression of how girls used to go crazy over him back then."

Henry smirked. His mother's impersonation would be the highlight of his YouTube video that night.

"I'm not good at the shakin thing but I'll try!"

"Well, my hands are shaky and my knees are weak  
I can't seem to stand on my own two feet  
Who do you think of when you have such luck?  
I'm in love  
I'm all shook up  
Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, yay..."

"Cmon Regina, let's dance!"

"Ummm...I dunno how!" Regina admitted.

"Guess you just move around an stuff." Robin said.

"Okay."

Soon everyone's attention was on the toddlers trying desperately to imitate the adults.

"See I toldja we can dance!" Robin cried happily.

"Yeah but Unca Archie and Auntie Lilly are really good. Look."

Regina pointed to the newlyweds as Archie picked up his bride and spun her around.

"I'd try to lift ya but I don't wanna drop you on your head or your butt."  
Regina laughed. "You're funny!"

"One time I was drinkin my Kool-Aid an Little John said somethin funny an it came outta my nose!"

"Henry does that all the time."

"Take out the papers and the trash  
Or you don't get no spendin' cash  
If you don't scrub that kitchen floor  
You ain't gonna rock and roll no more  
Yakety yak (don't talk back)..."

Bae burst into laughter. "That's YOUR song Papa!"

"Just finish cleanin' up your room  
Let's see that dust fly with that broom  
Get all that garbage out of sight  
Or you don't go out Friday night  
Yakety yak (don't talk back)..."

"Hey Regina lookit, Meredith's back." Robin pointed to Meredith and her father dancing. The child seemed happier and Regina hoped she would be given a much needed reprieve from her nemesis for the rest of the night.  
Rumple nodded in approval.

He'd cast an enchantment on his leg so that he could share a few dances with Belle and the rest of the group on the floor and he knew he would have to dance with Regina once.

"Robin you gotta 'scuse me but I wanna dance with Unca Rumple now."  
"Okay..."

"But I'm comin right back."

He smiled.

"You ready to dance Unca Rumple?"

"I certainly am dearie."

"He rocks in the tree tops all day long  
Hoppin' and a-boppin' and singing his song  
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street  
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet  
Rockin' robin, rock rock  
Rockin' robin'  
rockin' robin..."

"Do robins really rock Unca Rumple?"

"Ummm...no," he chuckled. "Unless they're shapeshifters like Ruby."  
Belle also laughed while she was dancing with Alina and Henry.

"I hope I get to see one. That would be really cool."

After the song ended he could feel something tugging on his pant leg and glanced down to see an eager Robin Hood standing behind him. "Can I dance with her now, please?" 

"Okay dearie, She's all yours."

"Thanks!"

"I think our little queen has a boyfriend now," Belle whispered to him. "I have to admit, it is cute."

"And it will keep her occupied from worrying too much about Cora. If that witch dares to show her face here she's going to have a hell of a fight on her hands."

"Fly me to the moon and  
Let me play among those stars  
Let me see what spring is like on  
Jupiter and Mars  
In other words,  
Hold my handin other words,  
Darlin kiss me..."

"OOOOH FRANKIE!" Emma pressed her hand to her heart and pretended to swoon in Bae's arms.

"You got that off the old Looney Toons Mom!" Henry laughed.

Regina was puzzled. "I don't get it."

Snow and David were clutching their bellies laughing hysterically.

"She is too good at that!" Lilly giggled into Archie's shoulder.

"You should've seen her at Rumple's Halloween party two years ago. She did a valley girl impersonation."

"I think I want to hear that."

"I'll play it for you later."

"I'm glad Victor is spending more time with Meredith. It will keep her from acting out. I know I haven't spent as much time with her as I used to before we started dating but she needs her father too."

"Lilly, I think we should keep custody of her until she feels she's ready to live with him. As for Cassie, I know she's your daughter but we can't give Meredith back to her. I don't trust her with her."

"Archie, what are you saying? Do you think Cassie..."

"You and I both saw those bruises on her when we came back from Boston. I don't believe they came from a simple fall and you heard how she talked about her here. It would explain a lot of her behavior. We've both seen enough abused children in our jobs not to ignore the signs."

She nodded. "Then she's become like her father..."

"We can't let Meredith be alone with her."

"We won't."

After the music stopped Lilly walked out into the middle of the dance floor holding her bouquet.

"We'd like all the single ladies to come out to the dance floor for the bouquet toss!"

Jimmy found there were plenty of girls without partners he could dance with. One, Elena, seemed to like him and she sashayed out onto the floor in her pretty crimson dress with a toss of her curly dark hair that made his mouth go dry with longing.

She said she was from a small southern kingdom called Avalar, Jimmy wanted to ask Rumple about it but he was too distracted.

Alina joined Regina, Ruby, and Elena, along with other girls of various ages.

Meredith came out last, standing a few feet away from Regina and Alina.

Music began to play and Lilly wound up her arm. The guests counted backwards from five. The bride tossed the bouquet.

Regina looked up and the bouquet was coming straight at her. She opened her hands and it fell into them.

"I got it! Now what?"

"Now Daddy gets out his gun," David groaned. "It's too soon! I'm not ready!"

"Alright Archie, get that garter off your bride."

"Alina, what's that?"

"Some old fashioned lace thing women held up their stockings with before they invented elastic."

Granny brought out a chair for Lilly, her groom grinning as he kneeled beside her.

"So Unca Archie hasta put his hands under her dress?"

"Just a little. The garter is around her knee."

"How high can ya go Hopper!" Happy hooted.

"That's for me to know and you not to find out!"

He stood up with the small scrap of white lace and silk in his hand. "Alright boys, remember you're putting this on a little girl so keep it clean!"

"It's MINE!" Robin yelled.

Jimmy laughed. "Make sure you catch it, little buddy!"

"Oh I'm gonna so you git outta my way!"

"Shush! I like older women, kid." The teenager smirked.

"C'mon Mister Hopper throw it already!"

Archie chuckled and turned around, tossing the garter over his shoulder.

Jimmy winked at Elena. Perhaps he could entice her to dance again.

Robin darted in front of him and snatched the garter with nimble fingers. "Gotcha!"

"Mommy, what do I do now?" Regina asked.

Snow was at a loss. The garter wouldn't fit Regina. It was for an adult. Then she had an idea. "You go and exchange the bouquet for the garter. It's like a promise token. Like we did back in the Enchanted Forest. There's a little ring on the bouquet and another on the garter. You give Robin your ring and he gives you his."

"Okay!"

"Snow, promise tokens are for betrothals" David cried.

"It'll be okay, honey. It's not formal."

"So YOU say!" he grumbled.

Regina ran over to where Robin Hood stood and handed him the bouquet. "Okay Robin you take the ring off this and I take the ring off that," she explained to him.

"You mean like we're gettin married?"

"Ummm not yet 'cause we're too little but it's a promise."

"Okay!"

"Good going Snow!"

"Oh relax, will you! We have years to wait before they think about getting married."

"Rumple, thank you so much for everything," Archie said to him. "It was a great reception!"

"Where are you going on your honeymoon?" Belle asked them.

"There's a winter resort in Pennsylvania a colleague of ours told us about so we're going to stay there for a week."  
"It's called Seven Springs. Check our Facebook. We'll be posting pictures." Lilly added.

Everyone clapped. Then the band began to play another song. Jimmy asked Elena if she wanted to dance.

The guests of honor had an early flight to catch but insisted everyone keep the party going as long as they wanted to.

Jimmy danced several fast sets then excused himself to go to the men's room. It was stuffy and he stepped out for a bit of fresh air in the fountained garden. As he allowed the night breeze to cool him off, taking off his jacket, he placed it on the lip of the marble fountain with it's statue of Venus.

It was then he saw the bottle floating in the water.

He scooped it up, shocked some idiot would throw it in the fountain. Then he saw it held a message in it.

His fingers trembling, he pulled the cork out and removed the message.  
It read in the pirate code, We're here. Come to the docks. Jolly Roger under invisibility spell. Speak the word "Plunder" to get on board. See you soon,lad. Capt. K. J. Hook.

Jimmy swore colorfully. Then he crumpled the message in his fist. All of his newfound joy was shattered. He didn't want to meet his parents again. But he knew he needed to confront them and try to persuade them to give up their revenge. He owed it to the Golds.

His stomach in knots he went back inside to manufacture an excuse that he felt sick so he could leave early. Then he would rendezvous with the captain and his first mate.

He just hoped his silver tongue would be enough to turn the tide. Otherwise he would need to choose, and none of his choices were easy. 


	3. No Son of Mine

**3**

 **No Son of Mine**

The moon hung like a wandering pale eye in the sky before Jimmy arrived at the docks. At this time of night they were deserted, the only sound was the wind and the waves slapping against the wooden pilings. Barely a ripple stirred the water yet Jimmy knew that the ship was near. He strode to the end of the dock, and whispered, "Plunder."

Suddenly the air shimmered like a gauzy curtain, and it pulled aside to reveal a familiar two masted galleon flying the skull and crossbones. The ship caused a sudden pang of longing to stir in the young man's chest. He knew the Roger like the back of his hand, having grown up on her decks. It was as familiar to him as his house on the island or the Victorian in Storybrooke. He inhaled the familiar smells of tar, salt water, gunpowder, hemp, and faintly fish.

Swallowing against the sharp nervous fluttering in his midsection, he leaped aboard, calling out, "Ahoy there! 'Tis Jimmy Hook."

Smee, his father's first mate, turned and spotted him, a broad grim wreathing his chubby face. "Jimmy! Welcome back, lad! Your dad and mum are waiting for ye down in the captain's quarters."

Several other crew members waved and called greetings, a few chuckling at Jimmy's suit. "Have ye become a penguin, lad?"

"Nay," he answered. "I was attending a wedding."

"Oh ho! Was there rum there? Didja kiss the bride?"

"Aye, there was some whiskey and such. And I gave the bride a hello kiss," he replied honestly.

"Was she comely then? Mebbe ye oughter have given her more than a kiss!" cheered Barbossa.

"Yer dad would've, for sure!" shouted another pirate, Pegleg Pete.

Jimmy winced inwardly, knowing that was true. His dad had never been one to pass up a pretty girl, married or not. He always returned to Milah, but Jimmy had known long ago that women were like drink to Killian Jones, between them and the bottle he could forget his own name. Before he had met Mr. Gold he had thought that was simply the way a man behaved. But now . . . now he knew differently. And a part of him squirmed in shame.

He accepted rough hugs, hand clasps and swats on the back from the two dozen pirates who crewed the Jolly Roger. He had known all of them since he was a tiny sprout and none of them had aged much due to being on Neverland for part of their lives.

He made his way below decks, climbing down the ladder into the hold with careless ease. He didn't even need to think about it. His shoes echoed hollowly in the empty corridor as he walked towards the far cabin which his father shared with his mother.

The door swung open and Hook stood there, a broad grin on his face. "Milah, love! Look who's come home!"

He caught his son in a rough embrace, and Jimmy struggled not to cough at the fumes of rum that arose from Hook's mouth in a foul miasma. He had forgotten that his father indulged for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Indeed anytime he felt like it. He wrinkled his nose at the slightly rancid smell of the elder pirate's black leather outfit, then said weakly, "Hi, Dad."

Hook released his son and beckoned him inside. "Go greet your mum, lad."

Jimmy obediently approached his mother, who was sitting in a wooden chair fastened to the floor like a queen on her throne. She wore a black lace half-mask to cover her unsightly scars on the left half of her face. But the mask only added to her allure. Despite being almost forty, Milah Jones was still a heartbreakingly pretty woman with her lush ebony curls and flawless tanned skin, tiny waist and legs that made men drool.

She wore leather breeks laced up the side, high floppy black boots, a white billowy-sleeved shirt, black leather vest, and about her waist was a belt with a cutlass and dagger. Around her neck was heavy golden chain with a sparkling diamond pendant—something Killian had won in a card game long ago. Her dark eyes fixed on her youngest son.

"Hello, Mum," he said softly, wishing that he could drum up some enthusiasm upon seeing her again. But all he felt was a sudden squeezing in his bowels, not joy. For he had a feeling this conversation would not go well. He bent to place a perfunctory kiss on her smooth cheek.

Milah scowled at her offspring. "You're late. What kept you?"

"I was attending a wedding." He replied, knowing full well that was not what she meant.

"Not tonight," she snapped. "I mean why weren't you reporting in before? We've been here a few days already. How goes the espionage, son? Have you learnt anything that will enable me to kill that bastard yet? Any weaknesses besides his bloody dagger?" Her eyes glowed with repressed hatred.

Jimmy suppressed a shiver. He had forgotten how Milah's eyes resembled a crazed shark's when she spoke of her former husband, Mr. Gold. He searched for a reply that wouldn't cause her to go into a tirade, at last saying, "Err . . . Mr. Gold doesn't obey the dagger any longer, Mum."

"How is that possible? The Dark One _always_ is enslaved to the dagger."

"Not now. He . . . He's no longer the Dark One."

" _What?_ He broke his curse? Without dying? How?"

"I don't really understand all the magical particulars but an apprentice of his came and she broke it." Jimmy related, hoping Milah wouldn't ask what apprentice. For she would be sure to recognize Vasilisa.

Milah snarled a few choice swear words. "Must have been that whimpering Regina! She's the only apprentice here with him in this realm. So you're telling me Rumple is mortal again? The coward spinner?"

"Not exactly. He's not crippled anymore. His daughter healed him with magic."

"What daughter? You mean he's sired another brat? With what idiot woman?"

"Her name is Belle. She was his chatelaine back in our world. And he's got more than one kid now. She just had twins a few months ago." All of this was nothing that Hook or Milah couldn't have found out by listening to town gossip. Thus, Jimmy felt no guilt in telling he _r._

Milah looked like she wanted to throttle something. "Go on. So he's mortal and still a weakling, yes?"

"Um . . . actually he's the richest man in town. He owns almost all the property and he's the landlord as well as a lawyer. It was part of the deal he made with Regina. And he still has magic."

"How? He never was a mage before!" Milah cried, shocked.

"Apparently he was—but his magic was blocked for a time. Once his curse broke, he became what he was born—a white magician," Jimmy said, unable to keep the pride from his voice.

His mother glared at him. "You sound almost . . . happy. Have you forgotten that Rumplestiltskin is our great enemy? Have you forgotten what he owes me?" she gestured to her face, half-hidden behind her mask.

"No, but . . ."

"Don't bury yourself in the part, boy!" she growled. "You're a Jones and no Jones ever needed Rumplestiltskin for anything but a rug to wipe his boots on. Right, Killian? Tell your son about how you told off my crippled former husband."

"He's heard that story, love. A thousand times," Hook drawled as he sipped a tumbler of rum. "But, aye, your mum's right, lad. Rumple was naught but a coward then and he is still."

"How do you know?" Jimmy asked softly, greatly daring.

"Once a coward always a coward!" Milah laughed. "Leopards don't change their spots or a coward of his yellow stripe down his back!" Her eyes narrowed. "What else, Jimmy? What does Rumple fear the most?"

"Not much, Mum," he answered honestly. "He's not like you say. Not any longer. He's . . . he's well respected now and . . . wise and powerful, Mum. As powerful as the Evil Queen used to be. And he'll do anything to protect his family." _And I'm his family,_ he thought.

Milah stood, her hand clutching the chair arm. "Powerful? Rumple? I don't believe it! He's pretending. He always was a good pretender." She launched into a tirade about how Rumple had always lied to her, promising her the moon when she married him. "And what did I get? A lying coward! That's what!"

Jimmy shook his head. "Mum, that's the past," he interrupted. "He's not like that anymore. He's changed." _And so have I._ "If you go up against him, it won't be pretty. You might even get hurt or die. Mum, why can't you see it's time to—give up this revenge? And move on with your life."

"Move on? What do you mean, James? How can I— _move on_ —when I am _this?_ " she spat, indicating her ruined face. "Rumplestiltskin took my face! Now I will take what's owed me threefold! And make the coward rue the day he ever crossed me!"

"Mum! Will you listen to yourself?" Jimmy began with a conciliatory tone. "There's more to life than revenge. Revenge makes you bitter and hard. It ruins you for anything except doom. The wages of revenge are loneliness and death. If not for you than for me. Is that what you want, Mum?"

"I want Rumple to _pay_!" she hissed.

"Pay for what? Mum, I know you blame him for what happened, but I talked to Bae. He told me that Mr. Gold never intended to hurt you—but he was fighting with Dad and you got in his way."

"And that makes it all right?"

"No, but . . . it does make it an accident and not . . . not deliberate." Jimmy argued.

"Accident my arse!" Milah screamed. "Rumplestiltskin is the cause of all my misery! You used to know that. Dammit, Jimmy, what happened to you since you arrived in this pisspot town?"

"I grew up," he replied bluntly. "And I learned that there are two sides to every story."

"Now you sound like that milksop Baelfire!" she yelled. "Another useless waste like his papa!"

"He's not!" Jimmy couldn't help himself. "Bae isn't a milksop. He's a martial arts instructor—a warrior."

"A what?" Hook interjected.

Jimmy explained how Bae fought. "He's better than anyone I ever saw with a sword, Dad. He . . . he taught me things I never even knew about fighting." Unable to keep the admiration for his older brother from his tone, Jimmy went on. "Not only that but . . . I learned that there's more to life than revenge. And I found out that I don't want to become bitter and hateful and spend the rest of my days plotting to murder anyone."

Milah gaped at him. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I want more from my life than that. I don't want to be a pirate anymore. Sorry, Dad, but I've found things here in this world that I never could in our old one. I don't have to be a . . . a freebooter. I can be anything I want."

"And what do you want, lad?" Hook queried astonished.

Jimmy took a deep breath. Then he blurted, "I want to be a photographer. A photo journalist."

"What the bloody hell is that?" his father demanded.

"It's—it's a person who takes pictures and reports on events locally and al over the world. With this—it's called a camera."

He reached into his pocket and showed his parents his Nikon camera. Then he showed them a picture he had taken of the sunset on the dock. "See—you can take pictures of anything and then develop them so people can see and appreciate them."

Milah sneered. "So? What use is that?"

Jimmy stiffened at her criticism. "It pays a lot of money—if you work for the right people. Look, Mum, at how pretty the sunset was. And that was over a week ago. But you can see it just like I did with this photo."

She took the picture and threw it across the deck. "Bah! This isn't what I raised you for. Taking pictures of some sunset with a magic box! How utterly useless! You've been with coward Rumple too long. He's gone and corrupted you into a mealy mouthed weakling. I never thought I'd see the day!"

Her words stabbed Jimmy like a sword thrust to the heart. Temper leaped in his brown eyes and he lashed back, "I'm not a weakling, Mum! Just because I don't want what you do anymore. I'm my own person, why can't you see that? Mr. Gold, Bae, and Belle do." He went on, desperate to get all the words out before Milah erupted. "This world—it's full of opportunities that our old one never had. If you're smart and you work hard you can make something of yourself no matter what you were born as—commoner or king—or where you came from." Jimmy gestured excitedly. "It doesn't matter that I never went to a formal school—Belle—Mrs. Gold—tutored me and I passed my high school proficiency test and now I can go to university and learn to become a photo journalist. I can work for a magazine or a news company and report events going on across the country or even the world. I don't have to steal or pillage any more. I can keep my honor and have my self-respect."

"Oh you can, can ye?" his mother sneered. "Listen to ya, all fancy and high-falutin', like one o' those dyed in the wool nobles! Ha! You forget, my boy, that ye were born as common as dirt no matter what fancy airs ye might have acquired! That don't change!"

Jimmy flinched. "Here it doesn't matter, Mum. Can't you understand?" His tone softened and he tried to employ his most persuasive wiles. "Here is doesn't matter if you were born in a palace or a mud hut, because in America everyone is equal. You can be or do anything here as long as you work hard and do your best."

"And what do you call what yer dad and I have been doing?" Milah snapped.

"You've been getting rich off others misfortune," Jimmy shot back. "I used to think that was okay, but now . . . now I see differently. You don't have to hurt others to get ahead . . . or kill someone that's wronged you. Mum, your hate has poisoned you, like gangrene. And you don't even know it. I remember when you weren't like that . . . when I was small. You were gentle and you laughed and you smelled like tropical flowers . . ."

Milah stiffened. "That was another woman, long ago. She died when Rumple lit her face on fire."

"She can be reborn," Jimmy said eagerly. "Mum, there's medical practices in this world . . . you can have surgery to reconstruct your face . . . you can look just like your old self. It's expensive but I think Mr. Gold could loan me the money . . ."

"Loan you the money? As if I'd accept anything from that son of a bitch!" she snarled, her eyes blazing.

"Mum, don't be stubborn. If you can fix your face then you won't need to go on hating anymore. You can make peace and then we could be a family again like the Golds—"

"Like the _Golds_?" she nearly choked. "Have you lost your damned mind, James?"

"No. But I've finally realized what's important," he answered calmly. "And it's not revenge." He took a deep breath. "Mum, I don't hate Mr. Gold. Or my half-brother. They've been decent to me. They could have killed me or thrown me in prison when they found out who I was. They didn't. They gave me dinner and a bed to sleep in and they even had me celebrate their version of Yule with them."

Milah stared at him in horror. "You sound like—like that whelp Baelfire! Always prattling on about making friends and silly stupid nonsense like doing unto others and all that rot! Just like his papa! And look where it got them! Stepped on and treated like trash." She leveled a finger at her son. "And now ye come here and dare tell me to make peace with Rumple?"

"I just thought you could try—"

" _You_ thought? You're not supposed to think, you're supposed to obey! Like a good son!"

"Milah, let the lad speak—"

"Shut up, Killian! I've got the horn now."

"Mum, I'm not a child or a dog, to just blindly do what you say," he snapped back.

"My son wouldn't talk back to his mama like you do!" she roared.

"I'm sorry but you won't let me talk—"

" _My_ son would remember his place among this crew and obey his First Mate. _My_ son would do his duty to this family and kill the bastard who lamed his mama!"

"No!" Jimmy lost his temper. "I can't kill Rumple just because you blame him for something you started. _You're_ the one who ran off and left him, Mum. And Bae. You chose to be someone besides the wife of a spinner. _And_ you chose to interfere in a duel of honor between him and Dad, and _that's_ why your face got burnt."

Milah's mouth worked, but no sound emerged. Finally she stood, in a towering fury, and hissed, "How _dare_ you say such to me? Is this how you repay me?"

Jimmy stood his ground. "It's the truth. You and I both know it. And Dad too, right, Dad?"

Hook tossed back another tot of rum. "Is what right, lad?"

Jimmy sighed sadly. His father drank for pleasure but sometimes he wondered if part of it wasn't to escape his wife and her insane desire to kill Rumple. "Never mind."

Milah stepped up to him and spat in Jimmy's face. " _My_ son wouldn't spout treason and act like a namby pamby weakling! _My_ son knows how to be a man."

"I _do_ know! Just not your kind of man!" he glared back at her.

"That's the only kind worth anything!" she said harshly. " _My_ son wouldn't come here and prattle about magic boxes and a life other than the one he's always known! _My_ son would be loyal and remember his place."

"My place? And just where is that, Mum? Under your boot?" he demanded sarcastically.

"I ought to whip you raw, you wicked scamp!" she cried, and her hand flashed out and slapped him hard across the face.

He didn't move, a red mark glowing across his cheek. "Is that the only answer you have, Mum? To beat me like some puppy? Just because I don't agree with what you've shoved down my throat?"

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up!" she raged. " _My_ son would have no trouble killing Rumplestiltskin. And if you're really my son, then you'll do what I tell you."

Jimmy paled. He swallowed sharply. "No. I can't do that. Because I'm not a murderer."

"Get out!" she shrieked, spittle flying from her lips.

Some of it landed on his suit. "Dammit, why can't you see?"

"Get out!" she howled. "If you won't fulfill your debt I'll find someone who can!"

"Milah, love, calm down," Hook slurred.

"Shut your trap, you sot!" she cried, and threw a shoe at the captain. "When I want your opinion I'll ask for it. Now drink your rum!"

Hook happily went back to slurping down his fourth glass.

Jimmy looked disgusted. "You treat him like a servant. And you wonder why I . . ." he broke off before he said something he'd regret.

"I said get out! You're no son of mine!"

He went deathly pale. "Mum, you don't mean that."

"Don't I?" she screeched. "If you can't act like my son then you're no son of mine! I disown you. I have no son named James." She dusted her hands off as if she brushed away some unwanted dirt.

Pain lanced through him, but it was sharp and he barely felt the blow, though inside he bled as if from a mortal wound. Too proud to show his hurt, Jimmy drew himself up and said, "If that's how you want it. Dad?"

But Hook was so drunk he barely knew his own name. "Wotever ye say, luv."

Jimmy shuddered. "You too? Fine! You can both go to hell! And don't expect to see me there!"

Then he turned and stalked away, his boots echoing hollowly on the wooden planks.

He left the ship unmolested. He felt as if he wandered in a fog but his feet knew the way home, and they took him right back to the Victorian. Feeling slightly sick to his stomach, he knocked on the door, thinking inanely, _Least they left a light on for me._

In the distance, the clock tower tolled midnight.

The door was yanked open and he came face to face with a very worried and ticked off sorcerer.

"Mr. Jones, where in _hell_ have you been? It's midnight, young man!"

"I'm sorry, Uncle Rumple," Jimmy babbled. "But I had to go and see her, talk to her . . ."

Rumple's eyebrow vanished into his hair. "Excuse me? You were with a girl?" he sputtered. "Blessed hells, Jimmy! Tell me you didn't get her in the family way."

"Hell no! You don't understand . . ." Jimmy gasped.

"Damn straight. Come inside, lad, before you wake the whole house." Rumple ordered. "My study. Now." His tone left no room for argument.

Within ten minutes Jimmy found himself spilling his guts to the older man over hot cocoa and cookies, as Rumple was fond of midnight snacks, and despite his irritation with his ward he would never starve the young man.

"Then she said . . . she said _you're no son of mine . . ._ and she kicked me off the ship. She didn't want me, Uncle Rumple. Not unless . . . I became her little puppet and did what she wanted." His voice was stark and emotionless, but Rumple could hear the anguish beneath the cool façade.

"To kill me," he responded softly.

Jimmy gulped and nodded. Then he said, his tone hoarse and raw, "I tried . . . I tried to tell her that it was wrong, that the revenge was poisoning her, but she wouldn't listen . . . she wouldn't even think about what I was saying. It was like spitting into a gale. All that mattered was that I wouldn't do what she said. Like a good little boy!" Jimmy snarled, his eyes dark with anger and unshed tears. "Well, I'm not her boy any more, am I?"

"No, son," Rumple said very quietly, his eyes meeting those of his ward. His hand came up and he squeezed Jimmy's own. "Not hers, but mine. If you choose."

"You would—even after she—what the hell, Mr. Gold?"

"I don't care what she said." He brought his other hand up to clasp the younger man's shoulder. "You will always have a home with me, Jimmy. If you want it. It's up to you."

"Thanks, Uncle Rumple." He trembled. "I do."

"Welcome home, lad," murmured Rumple, and then he hugged the distraught teen, who now knowing the security of a home and father who wanted and loved him, gave into the pain that was tearing him apart inside and wept on Rumple's Armani-clad shoulder.

 **A/N: Sorry for the long delay between updates, dearies. But with the holidays and my being sick for a week with the flu, I'm glad I could finally write this! Hope you all liked my little surprise there. Let me know what you think and what will happen now.**


	4. A Dish Best Served Cold

A Dish Best Served Cold

"...So your son, whom you promised me WOULD deliver the Dark One to us, has turned out to be as pathetic as that former coward?" Cora sneered at her travelling companions. "I will handle the Dark One myself. YOU will take care of his other weaknesses or I'll rip your hearts out of your bodies and make you watch while I crush them to dust!"

Hook and Milah, who prided themselves on cowaring before no one could not help but cower before the former Queen of Hearts. Her evil deeds were the stuff of legends and sometimes used to frighten children into behaving for their parents. It was rumored that her own heart was no longer in her body, rather kept in a secret location. She'd removed it years ago, believing love to be a weakness rather than a strength, a lesson she thought her daughter had learned well but Regina, like the man she spawned her on turned out to be a bitter disappointment in the end. That would have to be rectified.

If her own powers were not strong enough to defeat Rumplestiltskin, she still had one other weapon at her disposal, held in the custody of the one person who had proven not to be a disappointment to her despite her rejection of her years before. Now she chided herself for spending so much time grooming Regina when the other girl proved to be a much better student.

Cora excused herself and returned to her quarters, removing the satin cloth covering the mirror she'd brought with her from Wonderland, a mirror that served both as a portal and allowed her to communicate with her protege. She stepped through the frame and found herself in the throne room of the palace her student now occupied.

"We should do this ourselves," the woman spoke up, waving her hand over a crystal ball.

"And we will dear, the most difficult task. The trivial ones we'll leave to the pirate and his crew."

"And him?" The woman gestured to a locked door.

"Leave him where he is until we can devise a way to counteract his unique ability."

"We don't need Regina...I can do this with you," the woman insisted.

"I want her back!" Cora hissed.

"And what about me?" the woman's voice rose in anger. "Haven't I done enough to prove my loyalty to you? What more do you want of me?"

"Stop that blubbering! I will have my daughter back and you will not interfere. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," she sighed.

"I will bring Regina here and you will begin work on reversing the aging spell that's been placed on her."

"My experiments have been failures. I've sent my pets out in search of new volunteers."

"I may also be bringing you someone else for your amusement."

"Oh? And whom might that be."

"My former page. Rumplestiltskin's son!"

She was unaware that she had Rumple's greatest weakness under her roof for so many years yet she'd inflicted enough pain on the boy during that time that he was certain to remember and fear her. And there would not be a Jefferson's hat for him to use to escape her this time.

"So that imp was able to reproduce? Terrifying thought." There was a screech on the other side of the mirror and a thud as a large monkey with wings deposited an unconscious Munchkin at his mistress's feet.

"Why thank you my pretty!" the Wicked Witch of the West handed the creature a treat and patted its head. "A perfect specimen. I'll get started on this one right away."

"I will contact you again when I have Regina."

"Until then...Mother."

The image in the mirror vanished. Zelena, born from a brief encounter with a con man who frequented the tavern she once worked in had always been one of Cora's best kept secrets and with good reason. An illegitimate child would have ruined her chance to become a queen when she married Prince Henry. Little did she know that he would never take the throne either, his father's kingdom conquered by the forces of King Leopold and Princess Eva a year after Regina's birth. She sent her firstborn to Oz, never imagining the child would come looking for her.

Zelena's magical talents, scorned by the man who raised her, were more advanced than Regina's even without the assistance of a tutor in her younger years. The girl learned her skills on her own until Cora took her under her wing and honed her skills until Zelena's magic was as powerful as her own.

Her latest test subject now locked in his new quarters, Zelena decided it was time to pay a visit to her other guest. She heard a snort from the other side of his mirrored prison.

"Now is that any way to treat your hostess?"

"What did you expect me to do? Kiss your feet? Can't do that in here and I'd be terrified of eating fungus."

"I could let you out for a bit...if you ask nicely."

"No thanks. Would rather be stuck in here than endure even a second of your company." He shook his head. "Sometimes I wish I was back in your counterpart's prison. She makes you look pale in comparison."

"She cant be as powerful as me."

"Oh but she is. And she doesn't have your little skin affliction. Envy is so hard on the complexion, isn't it?"

"I would rip your heart out..."

"Ah, but you can't, can you? You can't use any magic against me because it would just blow up in your green face and then you really would be having a bad day!"

"Shut up!"

"For someone who prides herself on being so wicked, your efforts are nothing more than parlor tricks. I do wish you could meet a truly wicked witch. She would mop the floor with you!"

"I'd incinerate her!"

"Wouldn't have the chance. She'd suck out your life force before you could blink."

Taunting his captor was always the highlight of the day, he never would've gotten away with it in his previous prison because that captor had been prepared for the likes of him.

And it was no idle boast when he claimed there was another Wicked Witch of the West with powers greater than hers. Stolen powers, but still greater ones nonetheless. And her consort, known only as the Commander, was equally ruthless or so it had seemed.

There were times when he felt being trapped behind this mirror was best for everyone. His abilities made him far too tempting a weapon to be used against the most powerful of mages, even those who served the light. That was what his previous captors had planned until the Commander released him, claiming to know who he was and where he needed to be though HOW he knew was anyone's guess. He thought finally he would be able to complete the mission he'd been on for years, finding the family he never knew only to be captured again. Perhaps it was his fate to spend the rest of his life imprisoned.

"Did you have something else you wanted to say or will you spare me the agony and leave me in peace for a few hours?"

Zelena glared at him.

"How intimidating," He shook his head and picked up one of the books he'd been carrying in his pack and started to read. "Well, don't come back when you do. I want to finish this book."

"I'm not finished with you!" she snarled. "Give me that book!"

"Not on your life."

"You'll give it to me or you don't eat."

"Then I won't eat. Your cooking is terrible anyway. If you even cook it, that is."

"I DO cook!"

"Then you might want to get more lessons before you give someone food poisioning."

"The book, or you don't eat for two days."

"Lady, do you think I've never gone without a meal before? Newsflash: I have and I STILL refused to give in to demands."

She leaned against the glass. "Why do you always have to fight me? It would be so much easier if you cooperate," she added softly, leaning down to allow him a view of her cleavage. He shivered in revulsion. Her counterpart was much more attractive but he wouldn't have even dared to touch her either. The Commander would've skinned him alive and worn his intestines as a hat.

"Hey, Mrs Robinson, I don't want you to seduce me so lay off."

"What?"

He rolled his eyes. "Never mind. You wouldn't get it even if someone smacked your green face a million times."

"You'll change your mind when the hunger pangs begin!" she hissed. She yanked the velvet curtain down over the mirror and walked away, wishing she was able to remove his smart tongue. She was certain the solution to her dilemma was in that book and she WOULD get it no matter what the cost.

And he was equally determined to make certain the second book in his pack reached the recipient it was intended for: Rumplestiltskin. It's contents were far too dangerous in any other hands if they managed to find someone to translate it.

Back on the Jolly Roger, Jones and his crew made their preparations to launch their attack against the Gold family that now. to their bitter disappointment, included Jimmy.

"...You're no son, you're no son of mine

You're no son, you're no son of mine

You walked out, you left us behind

And you're no son, you're no son of mine..."

Rumple winced when he passed by the closed door to Jimmy's bedroom, hearing the haunting song by the rock group Genesis playing on the boy's stereo. He rapped twice on the door to alert the boy to his presence and entered.

"Seems fitting, doesn't it?" Jimmy asked, turning down the volume. "Because it's exactly what SHE said to me."

"It's her loss son," Rumple said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I've been giving some thought to what we discussed earlier and there's something else I need to speak to you about."

"Yes...?"

"You will always have a home here with us but if you agree, I would like you to become my son legally."

Jimmy's mouth dropped open. "Y...You...you want to adopt me?"

"I do. Belle and I spent most of the night discussing it and she agrees. There'll be some red tape involved but I can speed things along."

"I...I don't know what to say..."

"Take as much time as you need to think about it."

"I don't need to!' he cried and threw his arms around him. "I want to stay here, to be your son more than anything now! I know I drive you crazy sometimes but this is the first real home I've ever had."

"Then I'll get the paperwork filed right away. Come on downstairs and get some breakfast."

"Ummm...are you gonna tell everybody?"

"Are you worried Bae and Alina might object?"

He nodded.

"I'm not. They've accepted you as part of the family in the time you've been living here. We're just going to make it official."

Jiminy was still nervous when he went downstairs to see his brother, Alina, Henry, Emma, Ilyssa, and Belle already at the table.

"Bae, Alina, there is something your Papa and I want to discuss with both of you," Belle announced.

"Is it about Cora?" Bae inquired.

"No, but she is a concern as are Hook and Milah. They are in Storybrooke."

"How do you know? Have you Seen them Papa?"

"No Bae. I talked to them," Jimmy spoke up. His brother glared at him from across the table.

"What did you tell them?"

"That I am not going to do anything against my family...THIS family," Jimmy replied firmly. "I went there hoping I could get them to open their eyes and put an end to this stupid feud but they wouldn't listen to me."

Bae scowled. "I'm not surprised Our mother's had it in for Papa since before I was born and your father..."

"...goes along with whatever she says. Like a puppet. I'm finished with them and...they are with me."

"Bae, Alina, your mama and I have talked it over and we've decided that we'd like to adopt Jimmy legally, if you both give us your blessing." Rumple announced.

"If you don't want to I'll understand," Jimmy said and lowered his head.

Bae understood the boy's fears of rejection well. He had them himself when he first started living with the Cassidys. They passed in time but the first months had been hard.

"As long as you keep to your word that WE are the family you want to be part of, you have my blessing."

"I'm not a Jones anymore. They didn't want me well I don't want them either!" Jimmy declared fiercely. "From now on I'm a Gold too."

"You followed your heart and it led you to us,"Alina said. "The heart never lies. You're home now." She said simply. "I'm happy to have another brother, but don't become an overprotective dragon like Papa and Bae, please!"

"Can't promise that little sister. Some guy tried something on you and I won't be responsible for my actions."

Alina groaned. "Grace and I are gonna end up old maids forever!'

"I'd rather you end up an old maid than get involved with someone like Hook!" Bae retorted.

His sister made a face. "C'mon, Bae! I Do have brains. I wouldn't date somebody like that!"

"Better not!"

Belle smiled faintly, wishing she had brothers like Bae when she was a child but being an only child, she often wondered if she were a disappointment to her father for not being born a boy.

Alina rolled her eyes. "Brothers!"

"Honey be grateful you have them. I sometimes wished I had when I was growing up."

"I'm gonna be the protective big sister with Cas...and already am with Regina," Emma spoke up.

Alina considered. "Okay. Then that means I get to boss the twins around." Then she added, "And just don't forget I'm not some silly girl that needs her brother telling her what she ought to do. The only one who's allowed to do that is Papa."

"Okay," Bae laughed. and finished his breakfast. "I gotta get over to the dojo before my class starts."

"Have a good day hon," Emma said and gave him a quick kiss. Ilyssa covered her eyes.

"What?"

Henry chuckled. "I dunno what made her do that Mom but it was hilarious!"

"She's a smart lass," Rumple chuckled, and tweaked his granddaughter's nose.

"She gets it from me," Bae taunted. Emma threw a piece of toast at him.

"Oh get going before you're late!"

"See you later," her husband smirked. Then he went out the door, whistling the tune to "Ride of the Valkyries."

"Why do I put up with him?" Emma sighed. "Okay Lyss, time to go to 'Punzel's."

Kathy Filardo

Her daughter clapped her hands and squealed.

"Rumple I can go in late today if you want to start the adoption process," Belle said to her husband.

"All right, dearie. I think the sooner we do so, the better." He didn't like leaving loose ends.

Alina grabbed her backpack. "Henry we better get going or we'll be late for school."

"Okay." He went and hugged and kissed his mom and sister.

Alina did the same with her parents and siblings.

Jimmy planned to spend the rest of the day working on a new project using some of the photographs he'd taken in the last few months. Henry and Bae taught him how to use a computer and a tablet and he spent part of his allowance on several photo editing programs that he could use to enhance them or add special effects.

"Let me go and draw up the papers," Rumple said. "We'll get them notorized down at the courthouse." He looked at his new son. "Jimmy, I'm going to need your signature on some of these."

"Ummm...it looks like chicken scratch but I'll sign anything you need."

"You'll need to do it in front of two witnesses," Rumple answered. "Emma, you can be one and Belle the other." He summoned the legal forms and began filling them out rapidly. He wrote efficiently and neatly.

Jimmy wished his writing looked like that.

Rumple signed the document with a flourish, then handed the pen to Belle. "Sign there, sweetheart. Then Jimmy, you sign here, and below that Emma signs." He indicated the proper spaces.

The papers signed, Rumple tucked them into his briefcase for them to be notarized that day. Normally an adoption involved months of red tape but he'd always been able to find shortcuts around that as Regina learned when she'd adopted Henry years before. He'd also gotten a call from Doctor Whale about reaching a joint custody agreement with Lilly once Meredith felt more comfortable spending time with him. He was making progress now that she was on her honeymoon and not due back for another two weeks.

Rumple and Belle drove to the courthouse while Jimmy remained at home working on his project. He already had several sets of photographs done, including one of Rumple in his old Dark One leathers using a program to add a flame burning in the palm of his hand. He also edited a photograph of Belle in her gold dress by adding sparkles to the skirt of her gown.

"Hey guys, what do you want me to do for this one of you?' he asked the twins. They stared at him.

"Yeah...keep forgetting, you're not ready to tell me yet but I promise ya I'll come up with something good, okay?"

Dylan clapped his hands, Daria following suit.

He couldn't wait to show Alice and Hatter their portraits.

"...Are you sure about this Gold?"

Judge Thomas looked up from the document he was reading and frowned at the sorcerer. "You know whose son that boy is."

"I do..and you know I don't trust easily but Jimmy has earned his place in my family," Rumple said firmly. "His parents want nothing to do with them but it's their loss, not his."

"Are they...here?"

Rumple hesitated to answer, not wanting to start a panic. "If they are, my family can handle it."

"Good because that damned pirate caused me enough headaches back in the forest. Gods, I wish I'd been able to capture him and make him dance at the end of a rope. The woman too. She's as ruthless as him."

"No one knows that better than I do," Rumple said with a hint of bitterness. "But her sons are nothing like her. Jimmy is his own person and a better one than either of his parents. Trust me on that."

"All right. I'll take your word for it." He handed the documents back. "You can tell Jimmy he is officially a Gold now."

Belle smiled. "He'll be so happy. Rumple, let's take him out to dinner to celebrate tonight."

"Sounds like a plan, sweetheart. I'll see if Bae and Emma or the Nolan's want to babysit."

"Let's try the Nolans. Bae and Emma should be with us."

"You're right. I'll text Bae, let him know and then he can make arrangements for Lyss too." Tonight should be Jimmy's special night, which was why Rumple wanted his younger children and granddaughter to stay home. So he could focus his attention on his new son.

"I'm texting Snow now...oh...she's going to have Meredith too...Doctor Whale got called in to work early."

Rumple winced. "Maybe we'd better ask Alice then. Meridith, Regina, and Cas is enough for her to handle."

"Good idea since we know Meredith and Regina are like oil and water."

One benefit of his large extended family was there was always someone on hand to help if needed. He knew Alice was home tonight, Jeff was working on a new trick with his hat, and Grace was helping Alice bake for the upcoming bake sale.

"I won't be surprised if the twins want to help with the bake sale."

"They make great taste testers. Alice told me she's made several new things, some of them sugar and gluten free."

"I'm always willing to test anything chocolate." Belle said with a grin. "Call Jimmy and tell him the good news."

Rumple texted his son, who promptly asked if he could pick the restaurant.

Sure. This is your night, son.

Thanks, Papa. There's this new Asian fusion place that just opened up in Mountain View that I've been wanting to try, Jimmy texted back excitedly. Mountain View was the nearest town to Storybrooke.

Make reservations for seven, Rumple told him. We'll be home shortly.

Aye aye, sir!

"I'll stop somewhere and buy Jimmy a gift before I get home Rumple."

"You do that. I'll wrap it." Her husband grinned. He knew Belle would pick something that expressed their wish to welcome the young man to the family without being tacky or too sentimental.

It would also give him some time alone with the boy. Rumple was worried Jimmy was suppressing much of his anger and hurt at Milah and he wanted to make sure the kid talked to him before those destructive emotions made him act out.

No one understood the pain of rejection the way Rumple did, and he knew Jimmy was still hurting over it.

"Maybe we should ask Jimmy if he wants to talk to Archie when he gets back from his honeymoon," Belle said.

"Yes. That would be a good idea. I'll run it by him," the sorcerer agreed. "Mean while I'll do what I can to help him."

"I know you will and so will I." She kissed him tenderly. "The books are calling darling. Have a good day."

"You too. See you later." He waved as she drove off in her Mini then he got back in the Cadillac and returned to the Victorian.

Two men who had been following the car on foot stopped to take a breath.

"How...how are we gonna keep up with him in that fancy coach?" one panted.

"We better figger it out or Cap'ns gonna make us walk the plank."

"I wanna run that crocodile through!"

"You'll get turned inta a slug first...better let that witch take him."

That 'witch' in question was currently staking out her youngest daughter's new home under the glamour of a blind woman.

It had come as quite a shock to learn that the daughter of her bitter rival was now raising the child that had been her revenge against the royal family. It was a glorious day when she gazed into her mirror from Wonderland and saw her daughter take her rightful place as Queen of the Enchanted Forest, forcing everyone to go down on their knees in homage to her for that was where they all belonged.

No, Snow White would not escape her punishment. She would join her mother and father in death.

Regina was not looking forward to having Meredith Bergmann for company that evening but she would try to be plesaant as she always did.

Her mom always told her that making someone welcome was not always easy but it was worth it to show kindness if possible since sometimes that was enough to change their attitude.

"Maybe we can teach her how to bake some goodies for the sale," Snow mused.

"That could be fun,"Regina agreed. She enjoyed baking with her mom and Alice.

"Okay...I'll get out the Easy Bake oven too so you can make your own little treats."

Regina clapped her hands. "Can we make apple tarts?" She loved anything with apples in it

"Of course!"

Regina cheered, and Cas giggled from his bouncy chair. The baby didn't know why his sister was happy but he was excited because Regina was, and that was enough.

"We're gonna make goodies Cas! Mommy, can he eat some apple tarts?"

"Yes. But in very small pieces," Snow told her.

Cas, like his mother and sister, loved apples. His favorite food was cinnamon applesauce.

"Honey, Meredith is here!" David called from the living room.

"Let's go and greet our guest, Regina," Snow said. She was trying to teach her daughter hospitality the way her own mother had.

Meredith was already in a foul mood, wishing it were her grandmother watching her not Snow White but she overheard her father asking several people to take her for the day and be turned down.

"Okay now remember what we talked about, Meredith?" Victor prompted. "About being polite and having fun?"

"Yeah," she grumbled.

"Hey," he sighed and gently took her chin in his hand. "I'm sorry I have to go in to work but that's how it is when you're a doctor. When I get off call we can spend the day doing something together but for now I want you to try and have fun with the Nolan's. You know if you quit being so grumpy then people will start wanting to be around you more. Because nobody likes a sourpuss."

"But I wanna stay with you!" she cried. "Wish Gramma were home instead of with that dumb cricket!"

"Archie isn't dumb," Whale told her. "And you'd be bored to death waiting for me in hospital on call room. This way you can be somewhere you can play and do something besides watch TV and rearrange my phone. Give it a chance, Merry, won't you? It's only for a few hours."

"I'll try Daddy," she said sadly.

"That's my girl." He kissed her cheek. "I'll see you later."

Meredith put on her best smile and followed David into the kitchen.

"Hello Meredith," Snow greeted cheerfully. "We're making some baked good for the upcoming sale. Would you like to help?"

"Ummm...I really don't know how to bake," Meredith admitted. "Gramma always does the baking and Daddy doesn't know how to to cook either. We just go to Granny's a lot." She made a face.

"We can teach you. C'mom. It's really easy." Regina piped up.

Meredith pointed to the Easy Bake Oven sitting on the counter. "What's that?"

"Oh, Mommy got me that so's I can bake my own stuff! It's really easy, That's why they call it the Easy Bake."

"You mean it's a toy that really works like an oven?"

"Uh-huh."

Meredith had little interest in toys as her grandmother and father learned once she started living with them but she did love books and was trying to improve her reading skills as much as she could so that she could read some of the same books they did.

"I don't play with toys much. I read. But I really do wanna learn how to make stuff so we don't have to go to Granny's all the time. That's too expensive."

"Doesn't your daddy know how to cook?"

"Nope. He's bad at it. I mean really bad! One time he tried to make me soup in the mic and he cooked it too long. It went all over the place."

"Maybe ask him if he can hire a housekeeper like Alice," Snow suggested.

"Ummm..that's really expensive too."

Snow was pleased to see the usually aloof older girl learning to open up a little more, thanking her lucky stars living under Doctor Whale's roof had been a positive influence rather than a negative one. Playboy he may have been but it seemed that he was willing to put all that aside for his daughter's benefit.

"He has it. He's a doctor," Regina reminded her.

"Yeah but you shouldn't really waste a lot of money on things you can do yourself," Meredith reasoned. "That's what Gramma taught me. I have to do chores for Daddy if I want to earn an allowance to buy books and he says I gotta do them at Gramma's too when she gets back."

"I gotta take Princess out when she hasta go and Mommy's teaching me how to fold the clothes after she washes 'em."

"Yes, you do Regina," Snow said proudly. "I think all children should learn to do chores."

"You didn't when you was a princess."

"And that was unfortunate. I was glad when I got to live with the dwarves. It was an eye opener for me on how everyone else lived. It also taught me to have greater respect for those less fortunate and be willing to help out more. You know Mr. Gold likes to do that."

Meredith's eyes widened. "He does? But...but he's rich as Midas!"

"Uh-huh but he's the one leavin gift baskets all over town on Christmas!" Regina clapped her hands over her mouth. "Ooops! Mommy, I think I wasn't 'sposed to tell anyone that."

"It's okay honey. I think Meredith will keep out secret."

She nodded, still stunned by the sorcerer's generosity, recalling her father's advice that she would learn so much more about everyone in their little town if she put forth more of an effort to try to be social.

"People aren't as bad as you think Merry," he'd said. "Some are but there are a lot of good ones out there too. Like you."

"Everyone thinks I'm bad."

"Because that's the impression you give them. Let them see the sweet little girl I see. You could have so many new friends if you show them the wonderful person you really are...how talented."

"All I do is read."

"So? One of these days your reading will put you on the path to a career."

This evening with the Nolans would be her first test, a test her father had every confidence she could pass with flying colors.

She hopped onto the barstool beside Regina's and glanced down at a set of index cards sitting in front of the Easy Bake Oven. "Oooh, you can make cookies in here too!"

"Yep. We're makin apple tarts but I gotta cut 'em up really small so Cas can eat 'em."

"Honey, I'm gonna go take Princess for a walk," David said from the doorway.

"An make sure she doesn't poop in someboy's yard!" Regina warned.

David laughed. "I will."

He put on his coat and hooked Princess up to her lead. The Dalmatian began growling the moment she stepped outside.

"Princess, what is it?"

Danger.

She bared her teeth. There was something evil lurking and she was ready to chew it to pieces once she found out. David gripped the handle of the leash tightly, trying desperately to keep up as the Dalmation raced toward the bushes.

"Princess, stop! Stop!"

"Hello Charming," he heard a woman say from behind him and felt something hard strike the back of his head. He fell to the ground. Princess leaped at the black cloaked figure ready to chew it to pieces. "Oh no you don't!" A cloud of purple smoke surrounded the dog, turning it to stone.

Cora lowered the hood of her cloak and waved her hand over the unconscious form of David Nolan, transporting him to the Jolly Roger. Hook and his crew would find plenty of ways to amuse themselves with their new toy.

Now it was time to deal with the bitch Eva and Leopold had spawned.

In the kitchen Snow, Meredith, Cas and Regina were having a wonderful time getting all of their delicious treats ready to bake in Regina's Easy Bake and Snow's oven. Meredith even asked Snow if she could bake an extra try of cookies and tarts to take home to her father. The two girls seemed to be getting along splendidly working together. Snow was even beginning to have some hope that they would eventually become good friends.

"I can't wait to try these," Regina murmured, staring at the apple tarts cooling on the baking tray.

"Not until they've cooled down honey."

"Your dad's been gone a long time," Meredith observed. "Princess really must've had to go."

"Ah, he stops and gabs a lot. That's what Mommy says. It really gets Princess annoyed. No Cas! You can't eat it now. You're gonna burn your mouth off!" Regina cried when she saw her brother reach for one of the tarts. Cas howled in protest.

Meredith covered her ears. "Holy crow! He's gonna scream down the walls."

"Don't I know it. Mommy, make him quit 'fore we go deaf!"

"Okay, okay." Snow picked up her son and broke off a piece of a blueberry muffin that had just finished cooling. "You can have that until the tarts are done."

The baby smiled.

"What a nauseasting picture of domesticity."

Snow back against the counter at the familiar voice. "No...NO! It can't be!"

"It's HER!" Regina screamed and jumped off the barstool. "UNCA RUMPLE HELP! SHE'S COME TO GET MEEEE!"

"Who...who is that?" Meredith asked fearfully.

"Regina..." Snow handed the baby to her daughter. "Run!"

"Mommy, she's gonna kill us," Regina sobbed, clutching Cas tightly.

"Regina, we gotta do what your mommy says and get outta here!"

"I want Daddy, Unca Rumple...anybody!"

"They're not here," Cora said smugly. "And I've waited a long time to put you back where you belong Snow White."

"You're not getting my daughter!" Snow snarled and grabbed a butcher knife. "Regina, Meredith! Get help quickly!"

The terrified girls ran out of the kitchen, Regina grabbing the cordless phone off the counter. She handed Cas to Meredith.

"I gotta call Unca Rumple. Hold Cas an don't let go!"

"It's okay Cas. It's gonna be okay," Meredith soothed the sobbing infant. "Regina, we gotta hide..."

Suddenly Cas vanished from Meredith's arms.

"Regina! Cas is gone! He vanished!" Meredith screamed.

"She got him! She got Cas!"

"Call whoever you gotta call but hurry up!" Meredith urged.

In the kitchen Snow was horrified to see her son reappear in her arms, asleep.

"I am NOT taking care of your brat so you can join him...back where you belong. Under your sleeping curse." Cora taunted.

"My husband will find us and wake us up. He ALWAYS finds us," Snow sneered. "So enjoy it while it lasts, Cora."

"Oh but I've added a little twist this time, dear. He only has fourteen days or you and your son will never wake up again."

"You bitch..."

"Say hello to your parents for me, Snow."

Cora gestured and teleported the now sleeping Snow and her son to her bedroom. She gazed into the full length mirror on the wall and smiled.

"Hello Rumplestiltskin. I've waited a long time for this reunion but I'm sorry you couldn't make it. Just know this: you won't have your family either when I'm finished with you!"

Regina misdialed several times before she finally heard Rumple answer his phone.

"UNCA RUMPLE HELP! SHE'S HERE AND SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!"

"It's time to go home Regina...and remember who you are!"

The phone fell out of the terrified child's hands.

"You're not taking her anywhere, you old witch!" Meredith ran over to Cora and kicked her in the shin.

"Well I see you need to be taught some respect too, you little brat!"

Regina threw her arms around Meredith. "She's gonna kill us. She's gonna kill us."

"Not if my daddy carves her up like a turkey first!"

"He won't even know where you are."

The two girls vanished in a puff of smoke.

Gold's shop

"Regina!? Regina!" Rumple cried frantically, the silence on the other line terrifying him and leaving him no doubt in his mind whom 'she' was. He sent a quick text to Belle explaining what was happening and teleported over to the Nolan house. The cordless telephone lay on the living room floor broken.

He ran as fast as he could throughout the house, hoping he would find Snow or David alive and able to tell him what happened but when he entered the couple's bedroom he found Snow lying on the bed holding Cas in her arms.

"Oh, no no…." he moaned, assessing them with his magic and to his relief he discovered that there were both still alive but under a sleeping curse. "It's going to be alright Snow. I'll find Regina for you. And _then_ I am going to make that woman pay!"

He heard laughter behind him and turned to see Cora's image in the mirror.

"Hello Rumplestiltskin. I've waited a long time for this reunion but I'm sorry you couldn't make it. Just know this: you won't have your family either when I'm finished with you!"

"That's what you think, dearie!" he hissed and threw a fireball at the glass.

If it was a war she wanted, then a war was what she would get.

 **Author's Notes: Buckle up dearies, this ride is about to get very rocky!**


	5. A Nightmare Come True

**5**

 **~ A Nightmare Come True ~**

 **Author's Notes: It is strongly suggested that the stories Child's Play: Baby Regal's Revenge and Regal Mischief be read as there are many references to both in this chapter as well as a trigger warning for references to child abuse. Also please send any PMs regarding update requests to me ... CJ Moliere.**

Zelena looked up from her book to see Cora in the room, two terrified little girls at her side, clinging to each other and sobbing. She recognized one of them immediately, her despised younger sister Regina but the other girl was a complete stranger.

"Have you found a spell that will work?" Cora demanded.

Zelena sighed exasperatedly.

"Would it be too much to ask for you to say hello once in a while Mother?"

"Be quiet and answer my question: did you find a spell that will reverse this aging?"

"Not one that works longer than a a few minutes but I have my suspicions the answer we need is in the mirror down the hall."

"Then get that book off him!"

"I've tried!"

"Try harder," Cora spat and vanished. Zelena groaned and glared down at the two brats her mother left in her charge.

"What are YOU staring at," she demanded of her toddler sister.

"Don't 'member me, do ya?" Regina asked, grinning mischeviously. "Well I 'member you and I'm gonna kick your wicked butt like I did last time!"

"You're delusional," Zelena retorted. "We've never met until now. Mother wouldn't allow it."

"So that witch is your mommy!"

"Who is this Regina?" Meredith asked her.

"Her name's Zelena. She's the Wicked Witch of the West an I kicked her butt before!"

"In your dreams maybe," Zelena snorted and grabbed Regina's arm.

"Owww...you're pullin too hard. I'm gonna have you 'rrested for child abuse!" she screamed.

"Shut up!"

Meredith cringed, her mother's angry face flashing before her eyes.

"I'll be good, I'll be good..." she chanted fearfully, hugging herself.

"You too! Come on!" Zelena commanded.

"I'll be good!" she sobbed. "Regina, please stop...she'll hurt you worse!"

But Regina was unwilling to give up without a fight. She kicked at her captor and screamed all the way down the corridor to a bedroom. Zelena shoved the frightened girls inside and slammed the door, locking it with a key. Just once she wished her mother would do her dirty work herself. The sooner she got her troublesome sister and the brat she was with out of her sight the better.

"Let us out you witch!" Regina pounded on the doors with her fists. Meredith huddled in the corner hugging her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I want Daddy and Gramma," she wailed.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna get outta here," Regina soothed and sat down beside her. Meredith lifted her head.

"How come you're not scared? She's the wicked witch. You know what she can do."

"Uh-huh an don'cha 'member me sayin I kicked her butt?"

"Yeah but how?"

"It's hard to 'splain. I was at Unca Rumple's shop playin around and there was this mirror...kinda like the ones we saw out there. I saw Unca Rumple in it, in a cage so I went through it to try to help him get out an SHE was there."

"She was?"

"Uh-huh. Only thing I could find to try to help him was a wand. Now I'm not 'sposed to touch wands cause I got in reallll trouble the last time I stole one from the fairies. I made a fossil T-Rex come alive and Unca Rumple almost got eaten tryin to stop him!"

"Whoa!"

Regina smirked. "Greenie there wanted the wand so I told her she hadta make a deal for it. Y'know like Unca Rumple does?" Meredith nodded. "So I told her she had to let him out." Regina snorted. "'Course she said she would...if I made it in her best interest. Sooo...I decided I was gonna drive her nuts and MAKE her let him out."

"She didn't turn you into one of those monkeys?"

"Nope. I had four hours to drive her nuts but I didn't think I was gonna need all of 'em."

Meredith laughed. "So what did you do?"

"She kept braggin how wicked she was and wicked always won well I'm naught and naughty never fails!" Regina cackled. "But I was worried 'bout Unca Rumple too 'cause that witch wasn't feedin him right an he was cold so I gave him some Golden Grahams and a blanket. Just wish I coulda got him out earlier. That witch was treatin him worse than an animal!"

"You gotta be careful Regina. She might hurt us...bad."

"Merri, why are you so scared? Did somebody hurt you?"

She nodded.

"Who?"

"My mom." Meredith looked away. "I'm not always bad. I try to be good, I really do but my mom never thought I was good. She hit me all the time and other stuff." She rolled up her sleeve to show Regina a faint scar on her arm. "I was playin dress up one time in her room and she got mad 'cause she said I messed everything up but I didn't make a mess! I just put on some of that stuff she uses on her face and tried to curl my hair but she turned that iron on and did this! It really hurt!"

Regina's mouth dropped open. "Didja tell somebody?"

"I was too scared."

"Merri you gotta tell when somebody hurts you! That's child abuse an Emma can 'rrest 'em an put 'em jail with some big Bertha who can beat them up an see how they like it! When we get outta here you gotta tell your gramma an granpa Archie or I'm gonna tell 'em for ya! She's gotta go to jail!"

"I don't live with her anymore. I live with Daddy."

"Yeah but she still hasta go to jail!" Regina said firmly. "She do anything else?"

Meredith nodded. "One time she hurt me really bad and lied and said I fell somewhere but I think Daddy knew what was goin on 'cause that's when he started comin around and asking to see me. He kept asking me if she hurt me but I was still too scared to say anything because I still lived with her and she told me she'd hurt me worse if I said anything."

"Pinky promise me you're gonna tell," Regina pleaded and held up her hand, exntending her hand, her pinky finger raised. "And pinky promise you'll help me get us outta here."

Meredith held out her own hand and entwined her pinky finger around Regina's small one. "I promise."

"Now you can't break it."

"I won't. Now I really wanna hear how you kicked the witch's butt!"

"Okay...first we gotta try to get a wand...I'm sure she's got one somewhere and then..."

Meredith suspected that Regina's previous encounter with the witch was just a dream but they wouldn't let that stop them from making the dream a terrifying reality for Zelena.

"...Kidnapping? Why am I not surprised?" Zelena's captive glared at her through the glass. "Your counterpart was evil but that is one thing she never did because the person whose body she occupied wouldn't dare take a child from its parents when she lost her own! Harm one hair on either child's head and I'll find a way to break out of this prison and mount your green hide on the wall!"

"Good luck trying my pretty." she taunted. "But I will let you out for some air if you give me that book."

"Nice try. No dice."

"Not even for a few minutes?"

"Why, when all I'd be breathing in is raw sewage?" he retorted. "You really should invest in some Glade or Air Wicks. Would make this place somewhat bearable to live in."

"What?"

"Never mind." He reached into his pack and took out another book. It was the third time he'd read it but something new always jumped out at him every time he reread the Harry Potter series. Ah, the writers in the land without magic certainly did know how to weave an interesting tale! Part of him longed to write one himself. He certainly had enough experiences to write dozens of novels. Zelena growled and waved her hand over the glass in an attempt to snatch the book from his hands. An energy bolt shot out and threw her to the floor.

"You bastard!" she puffed as she struggled to stand up. "You WARDED your books!?"

"Of course!" He giggled. "Can't have you trying to use them as toilet paper to wipe your boiled green ass, now can I?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh I forgot! You don't even have a toilet. Just sit on a hole and let the stuff drip down. Let me tell you, indoor plumbing is one of the best inventions. You really should think about it because I'm just as tired of listening to your shit as I am of smelling it!"

"Must you be so crude!" she complained.

"Need something to pass the time, don't I?"

"I can think of a far more pleasant way to," she cooed, leaning down to give him a view of her low cut bodice.

"Oh gods, not THAT again! Give it up, will you. I don't want crabs!"

"There are no crabs here!"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Can you just do me a favor and go away? I'm getting to a good part here," he mumbled and picked up his book again. "Wish I had Severus Snape here right now. He'd wipe the floor with your crab infested green ass."

"I would incinerate this Severus! Who is he?" she demanded.

"Oh, relax, Crabby. He's just a character in this book. But I would summon the Sorceress and Commander if I could and THEY would be able to wipe the floor with you and wear your innards as a hat."

"I'm wicked and I always win!" she sneered.

"Against them? You wouldn't stand a chance. Now git! I wanna finish this chapter before sundown!"

She sighed. She was wasting time arguing with him and it was only a matter of time before her mother returned and demanded results.

Belle sensed something was wrong the moment Rumple returned to the Victorian. His eyes glittered with rage, sparks of magic emitting from his hands and Princess at his side.

"Cora has taken Regina and Meredith!" he announced.

"Oh no! Snow and David...are they all right?"

"I found Princess turned to stone near the apartment and Snow and Cas are under the sleeping curse. I only have fourteen days to find David or they'll die from the curse." His eyes narrowed to slits. "I'm sorry Jimmy but we'll need to cancel our dinner for tonight."

"It's okay Papa. We have to help the Nolans first. Hook and Milah probably know where David is. I'm sure of it. They wouldn't just kill him. They probably have him on the Jolly Roger."

"Then that's where I'll go."

"Not without me you're not!" Jimmy cried.

"Son, I need you and Bae to stay here. Cora will try to strike at you to get to me and I will NOT let that happen." He summoned a small replica of the Black Pearl Rhea had given him.

"What was that?" Belle asked him.

"Rhea's idea of a telephone," Rumple said softly. "She left this with me and told me all I needed to do was whisper my message into the sails and it would find her no matter where she was and bring her to me. Until then, I need you, Henry and Alina to strengthen the wards on the house, Emma."

"I've got this Rumple. Are you sure you don't want one of us to go with you?"

"I'll be fine dearie."

Belle cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. "You'd better come back to me Rumplestiltskin!"

"I will sweetheart. I will."

He teleported to the docks. "Cora is here and she's taken Regina. Come as soon as you can, dearie. I need you," he whispered to the sails and kneeled down, releasing the small boat into the water. Seconds later it vanished. He stood up and conjured a sword. "All right, pirate. It's time you and I had a rematch."

The man once known as the Commander waved his hand over the lantern and the image of Rumplestiltskin vanished.

"So that's why we couldn't track her! She used a soul transference spell."

"Can we reverse it?"

"Only if the other soul is willing to release it but we both know Cora Mills would never do that." The Commander glanced up at his wife, sighing heavily. "It looks like I'm going to have to be him….one last time. I wanted to leave him behind when I left Oz just as much as you wanted to leave the Sorceress behind."

"I know but this is what we do: protect the realms from the darkness and Zorinda needs to stopped or she'll move on to another realm and terrorize them."

"How is he? Have you heard anything?"

"Zelena said she would come over and let us know after she talked to Emma. The others are in the waiting room. I'm sure he's going to get yelled at when he wakes up."

"Well he's asking for it. I told him to go get checked, hell we all told him to get checked and stubborn ass that he is, he waited too long and now he's gonna be laid up for a while."

"He'll be upset at the timing."

"I hope Rumplestiltskin will be able to help me hold Zorinda off until he recovers."

"We released MacNamara eighteen years ago! Where is he?"

"Zorinda's Zelena has him."

"Dammit!"

"We may still have an advantage. Zorinda doesn't know the soul transference spell affected her sister too."

"So Lilliana is in this realm too?"

"Yes but for all we know, Zorinda may be using some kind of spell to keep her from regaining her memory of her other life. We may have to awaken her. She's the only one of us who's fought Zorinda before."

"And lost," the Sorceress reminded him. "We cannot lose this time. If Zorinda reverses Regina's aging process her powers will unlock and her memories of her life as the Evil Queen will return. She will side with her mother."

The Commander nodded in agreement. "As she did here until she finally started using her head." A katana sword appeared on the table in front of him. "MacNamara better keep a tight hold on the Book of the Ancients. If they get that, they'll find out who Rumplestiltskin is, how to reverse Regina's deaging and unlock ALL of her powers, not just the ones she obtained being the Evil Queen and what Rumplestiltskin needs to send Zorinda back where she belongs…. In Hell with her mother and grandmother."

"When are you leaving?"

"After Zelena gets here. I want to make sure he's okay first."

A cloud of green smoke appeared in the room. "I'm sorry I'm late," Zelena said.

"How is he?"

"They just took him up to his room but he's doing fine...already complaining to the nurses and threatened to turn me green because I mentioned getting some hamburgers for everyone down at the Grille. I'll just make him some of my famous veggie lasagna when he gets better. That cousin of mine can try the patience of a saint!"

The Commander chuckled. "That's his job. What did the doctor say?"

"It was gallstones...just like we told him it was so he's going to need to change his diet."

"That's not gonna go over well!"

Zelena's gaze focused on the lantern. "You've been monitoring the other worlds?"

He nodded. "I gave him my word that I would keep an eye on them while he's in the hospital."

"Those other versions of me are puttanas!" she snarled.

"You won't hear me arguing with you on that Zee."

"Promise me you'll kick this one's ass."

"Oh I think Regina will do it for me."

"I think I'd like to see that."

The Commander picked up his sword. "Don't tell him anything until he's better. He'll just worry."

"I won't but you be careful!"

"I will." The Commander kissed his wife tenderly. "Tell the kids I love them. And I love you."

"I will and I love you too." She kissed him back and placed an object in his hand. They went outside to his backyard garden. He tossed the coin he held in his hand and a portal opened. The Sorceress began to cry softly as he stepped through and vanished. Zelena put her arm around her cousin's shoulders.

"He'll be alright," she soothed.

"I know...but I thought our battle days were over."

She feared they never would be.


	6. Wicked and Naughty

It was getting late and both girls were famished but it was also time to put their plan into action. Meredith studied the lock on the door, wishing she had a bobby pin or a paper clip to try to pick it as she'd seen characters in movies do.

"Regina can you look around and see if you can find something like a bobby pin or a paper clip?" she whispered.

"You gonna try to pick the lock?"

"Yep."

"Okay." The little girl ran around the room opening dresser drawers and closets and throwing items out while she searched. "Nothin but clothes, Merri! Whose room was this?"

Meredith shrugged her shoulders. "It was a girl's room. Keep lookin! She had to use some kinda pins to put her hair up. Gramma does. I really miss her."

"Do you miss Archie now too?"

"Uh-huh. I really gotta tell him I'm sorry. He's always tried hard to be nice to me."

"You can when we get outta here. Aww crap! Merri I can't find anything! We're gonna havta wait for that witch to open the door." Regina sniffled. "But what if she doesn't? What if she lets us starve in here?"

Meredith threw her arms around the younger girl and hugged her. "Hey, hey it's okay. We're gonna get outta here. We're naughty and we never fail, right?"

Regina smiled through her tears. "Right."

An hour later they heard the doorknob turn and Zelena entered the room. "I suppose I should feed you. What do you want?"

Both girls smirked. "Cookies!"

"Cookies?"

"You know how to make 'em. don'cha?" Regina demanded.

"Yes, I know how to make cookies!"

"So make us chocolate chip ones or we'll have you arrested for child abuse," Meredith threatened. "You know what they do to witches in prison?"

Regina giggled behind her hand.

"No."

"It's not pretty, my pretty..." Meredith taunted. Regina giggled.

"Shut up!"

Meredith held her nose. "What stinks in here? Smells like a toilet. You forget to flush or what?"

"What are you talking about, child?"

"It stinks like poop! Can't ya smell it?" Regina held her own nose. "Better check your undies lady in case you got skiddies."

Meredith leaned against the wall laughing hysterically. "She doesn't even know what skiddies are! I bet she's got a whole racetrack in there. Gross!"

"Shut up! Both of you just shut up or you'll have zippers for mouths!" Zelena threatened though it was an idle one. Her mother would skin her alive if she harmed one hair on her precious daughter's head. She spun on her heel and slammed the door behind her, grateful for a reprieve from the annoying little brats. She went into the kitchen and summoned one of her cookbooks. She'd once tried to use her culinary talents to seduce the Wizard of Oz but all they accomplished was making him so ill he couldn't get out of bed for two days and banished to the Haunted Forest. She also needed to cook for her other guest but he always refused her offerings and she had to wonder how he managed to survive without food for so long.

"Wish I had a wand so we could send Witch Hunting Barbie and Cannibal Barbies after her," Regina murmured from her place on the bed in their room while Meredith attempted to pick the lock with only thing they'd been able to find, a letter opener. "How's it goin?"

"Shh...I'm listening," Meredith whispered, her ear pressed against the door. Regina jumped off the bed and lay down, attempting to see through the gap between the door and the floor.

"Hurry up 'fore she comes back."

"I'm trying but these locks are really tricky. Get back. I think I got it. I got it!" They heard a click. Regina reached for the knob and opened the door just enough to poke her head out. "Coast's clear!"

The two girls took off their shoes and threw them in the bedroom, tiptoeing down the hall.

"Watch for those flying monkey things," she whispered to Meredith. They approached the kitchen and saw smoke emitting from the room followed by a string of curses. They pulled their shirts up over their noses to avoid inhaling smoke and continued down the hall. Regina clapped her hand over her mouth and ducked behind a statue when she spotted a flying monkey asleep in the hallway. It opened its eyes briefly then fell back to sleep. The girls waited several minutes before they emerged from their hiding places and crept past the sleeping creature as quietly as they could. The monkey opened its eyes again and took flight. It flew out a window and down the yellow brick road, landing softly. A puff of smoke surrounded it and a dalmatian now stood in its place as the Commander approached.

 _You owe me for this Archie!_

Archie Ozopov Hopper shook his head. "I don't enjoy being the Commander again any more than you do being Pallux, Pongo but I need information about that castle and its inhabitants."

 _You can't go in?_

"I can attempt it as a cricket but even that will be risky. I can feel MacNamara draining my powers as we speak."

 _How is that possible? He's locked up._

"I'm not descended from the gods. Zelena is. He can't drain her as quickly as he can drain me unless he's out of the prison she built for him. Even you run the risk of being trapped in your mobat demon form until we can get back to Juno Beach."

Pongo growled. _I'd like to avoid that if I can. And if you go in as a cricket you risk being trapped in that form until Azkadellia can fix it._

"Unless..."

 _Unless what?_

"I did have MacNamara make me a promise that he would summon me if he needed me. I wonder if he remembered it."

 _Let's hope for our sakes he did. Why? What are you thinking?_

"He's not going to like it but I'm going to suggest that he play nice with his hostess."

 _Please excuse me while I vomit._

"He's not going to get out of his prison at the rate he's going and he needs to be out in order to weaken her."

 _Then we can make our move?_

"We can try. But first let me see if I can get in there long enough to talk to him."

Zelena scraped another dozen of burned cookies off the tray and threw them in the trash. Those brats were going to eat what she cooked next and like it or they would do without. It was what her adoptive father always made her do when she refused to eat his cooking that was no better than her own. She slammed a pot down on the stove and began chopping vegetables for a stew. They were fortunate she didn't give them stale bread and water.

"Guess we can forget having cookies," Meredith whispered when they snuck past the kitchen again. "She's making veggie soup...and I'm so hungry I might just eat it."

"We gotta make her taste it first so we make sure she didn't put no poison in it. She's coming!"

The girls concealed themselves behind two antique vases then followed Zelena down the hall to the throne room and hid behind two suits of armor. Regina spotted a familiar looking wand on the table.

"There it is! That's the wand I used but it's up really high!"

"Not for me." Meredith grinned.

"Get it Merri!"

As she climbed onto one of the chairs to reach the table Meredith noticed a broom sitting in the corner. She snatched the wand off the table and climbed down, handing it to Regina. and grabbed the broom. "Wonder how you get this thing to fly?"

Regina aimed the wand at the broom. "Start flyin you!" she commanded.

"Holy crap! Regina, it's working!" Meredith smirked. "Watch this!"

"Go Merri, go!" Regina cheered when the older girl took flight.

"Yooo whooo witchy poo! Guess who's got your broom!" Meredith taunted when she flew into the kitchen.

"GET BACK HERE NOW!" Zelena screamed.

Meredith flew over to Regina and held out her hand, pulling her onto the broom behind her. "Hold on tight! We're getting outta here."

"Oh no you don't!" Zelena summoned another broom. Her old broom would now obey those brats' commands but this one would follow her orders and no one else's. "Out of my way, bug!" she yelled as she flew past a cricket and nearly clipped his wings. She waved her hand and a set of bars appeared on the window Meredith and Regina were about to fly out of. Regina pointed the wand and the bars turned into licorice sticks, the window into bubbles.

"Oooh, cherry! My favorite!" Meredith cheered and bit into a licorice stick. "Duck, Regina! We're goin out!"

Regina held on tighter.

"...What the bloody hell is going on out there?" MacNamara mused and set his book side. Seconds later a cricket crashed against the glass of his prison and fell to the floor. MacNamara stood up and chuckled as the cricket took the human form of a man he knew all too well.

"Well, well well...Commander Jiminy Ozopov! I was just thinking about you! Still look the same as you did eighteen years ago...well, except for a few grays in the mustache and beard."

Archie rose to his feet and glowered at him. "Cut the jokes! Regina and the girl she's with just hijacked Zelena's broom and are trying to escape but they're gonna need our help and I'M not gonna be much help to them while you're draining me faster than a car with the lights on all night!"

"I thought maybe you found some way around that."

"Well I haven't. Stand back and call me Jiminy. Don't want to confuse the girls since they're used to this world's Archie." Jiminy summoned his umbrella and swung it against the glass.

"Don't you have anything stronger?"

"My umbrella does a lot more than just keep me dry," He swung it again. "Dammit!"

"You have Thor's hammer anywhere in your arsenal?"

"Rumple...dammit...might have it...but he's in the hospital. Not even a scratch! Do YOU have any of Loki's weapons in your arsenal?"

"Why would I have anything belonging to gods? That's your department. Forget about me! Go after the girls!"

"I need you to weaken Zelena and to do that I need you of this cage. Not how I planned it but we're running out of time!"

"Then go!"

Jiminy sagged against the glass.

"Oh no...don't you dare pass out Commander! Last thing we need is both of us in this cage!"

"Drained me too much..." Jiminy murmured and turned back into a cricket.

"I have got to get this under control!" MacNamara slammed his fist against the wall of his prison in frustration.

"Regina, I'm gonna take her down. Hold on!" Meredith called out as they flew down the yellow brick road with Zelena in pursuit.

"Merri, she's gaining on us!" Regina cried.

"I'm gonna head for the trees!"

"Yay! Let's make her smash into one! How'd you learn to fly so good? I thought you read all the time."

"Stole some girl's Nintendo DS," Meredith replied. "Keep holdin on! We're goin back up!"

"STOP! STOP!" Zelena screamed, yanking on the the handle of her broom while it sped toward the trunk of a large oak tree.

Whap!

"Hey witch, don'cha know you're not 'sposed to drink an fly?" Regina asked, giggling.

"Hey Marty, look at this!" the oak tree raised its branch and pointed at the witch wrapped around it. "Ole Greenie musta tied one on!"

The other trees howled with laughter.

"Hey! You talk!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Course they talk. Don'cha 'member Wizard of Oz. Hi, Mister Tree." Regina greeted.

"Hello little one," another large oak lowered one of its branches and lifted the girls onto it.

"Hey, you're new around here," said the oldest oak.

"Just helping the little ladies out."

"My name's Regina an this is Meredith."

"Well I'm very pleased to meet you both."

"What's your name?"

"My name? Well...ahhh..."

"Is it hard to say?" Meredith inquired.

"Umm...I guess you can call me Tricky. Yes, I think Tricky will suit me for this occasion." The tree chuckled.

"But my real name is Skytreader."

"Okay can we call you that?"

"You may."

"Cool!"

"I know you ladies would like to get home and I know someone who can help you. He's locked in the castle. I cannot free him in this form but perhaps you can. And...I think our green skinned friend has more just desserts coming to her, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

"Well then...here's what you can do..." The tree began to whisper in the girls' ears.

Zelena sat up and rubbed her aching forehead.

"Those brats! When I catch them I'm gonna rip the hair from their scalps!"

She rose and brushed the dirt off the front of her dress, whistling for her broom. They were only children and this was her domain. They couldn't hide from her forever and she had their only route home; the silver slippers on her feet. She flew off into the Haunted Forest.

"I'm getting sleepy," Regina yawned.

"Me too," said Meredith.

Skytreader shuffled his branches to form makeshift beds for them. "Go on and lie down for a while girls. She won't find you here."

He began to hum a lullaby as he rocked them to sleep. Moments later he heard screeching and a monkey flew at him holding a cricket in its claws.

 _Keep your master outside so he can recover his strength, Pallux._

 _Who are you? Do I know you?_

 _No but I know you Pallux Demonio of Ephesis._

 _I prefer Pongo and I live in Juno Beach now, not the Ozian Hell Realm._

 _Pongo it is then. Tell me, why is your master here? He is not a Guardian of this Realm._

 _No but one of our darkest evils is roaming free in this realm. The witch is of her bloodline and she holds an ally of his captive._

 _And both will answer to ME!_

 _Why is that?_

 _Because the man your master is attempting to rescue is MY kin!_

 _Ah. I see. And which pantheon do you belong to?_

 _That is my business for now._

 _Fair enough. Can't you free him?_

 _Not in this form but these naughty little ladies certainly can._

 _And what of the witch?_

 _We have a few surprises in store for her. Some that may require your assistance._

 _I am at your service. My master won't mind._

 _Oh I know he won't. Rest up little demon. We have a witch to torture._

The Black Pearl

Will was busy scrubbing the decks when he spotted two objects floating in the water along the Pearl's starboard side. He gestured and they appeared on the deck before him. "Jess! Go get Mama and Papa quick! We just received two of their message ships!"

"What's all the commotion lad?" Jack demanded when he emerged from his quarters with Rhea at his side.

"Look. Two of Mama's message ships!" He held out the first one.

"A Piece of Eight sail. A message from the Brethren Court," Jack murmured.

"A spinning wheel sail. That's Rumple's symbol!" Rhea exclaimed.

She waved her hand over the first ship and her brother's image appeared on the deck. _"Cora is here and she's taken Regina. Come as soon as you can, dearie. I need you,_ " it said.

Jess waved her hand over the second ship. An image of the Pirate Lord Elizabeth Swann-Turner appeared on the deck. _"Captain Sparrow, Hook has captured the sea goddess Ursula in violation of the Code. We are at war. Hoist the Colors, Captain and join us in the seas at Storybrooke!"_

"Will! Bring the bean lad!" Jack shouted. "We sail for Storybrooke!"

Rhea summoned one of her own message ships. "Rumple, Hook has captured the sea goddess Ursula and intends to invade Storybrooke. Call in your favor, dearie. I know Ursula will be happy to repay it. We're on our way!" She tossed the smaller ship into the water as the portal opened to take the Pearl to Storybrooke. Across the realms similar portals opened as pirates loyal to both sides set sail for the small Maine town.

Another Realm

"Where's Loki? He missed dinner again," Frigga complained to her husband.

"Loki's not here. He's in Oz," Odin replied, petting his raven Huninn.

"Oz? What's he doing there?"

"Playing with children and torturing wicked witches. The usual mischief."

Frigga laughed. "That's our Loki. I'll just save him a plate."

"Better make it a huge one. He'll be famished after this job."

"So what did this witch do to piss him off?"

"The thing one should never do if they hope to live to see tomorrow. Harm one of his own."

She smiled evilly. "And ours. In that case I'll save him a feast on the condition that we meet this new kin of ours. Why didn't he tell us?"

"He wasn't aware of their existence until now."

"Their? There are more?"

"There are three. Twin boys and a girl."

"Wonderful! New grandchildren to spoil and send home!"

"They're adults now dear with offspring of their own."

"All the better."

They were looking forward to meeting the newest members of their family.


	7. The Wrath of Gods

7\. The Wrath of Gods

 **Author Notes: The alternate versions of Rumple, Belle, Archie and Pongo originally appeared in my series The Gold Chronicles which is a crossover of and features an AU version of the SyFy miniseries Tin Man where the character Azkadellia, aka the Sorceress first appeared. It has been a plan of Kat's and mine to do a crossover of Gold Standard and Gold Chronicles for many years since it was reading her Gold Standard series that inspired me to write Gold Chronicles. The Gold Chronicles characters bear the surnames Strogoff and Ozopov along with their cursed names to distinguish them from their Gold Standard counterparts with the exception of my Archie who uses his original name of Jiminy when he needs to and there is also more than one Storybrooke but we will not be seeing Gold Chronicles Storybrooke in this story. ~ CJ Moliere**

 **Also we suggest that you read this chapter carefully as a LOT of things will be revealed!**

Rumple parked his Cadillac in the lot behind the abandoned cannery and walked toward the docks using the crude map Jimmy drew for him showing where the Jolly Roger was moored under a cloaking spell and as he approached the ship he could see several portals opening on the water carrying ships flying the skull and crossbones flags of pirates. Soon more portals opened bringing more ships.

"Damned pirates!" he cursed and as he took out his phone he spotted a small replica of the Black Pearl floating toward him. He summoned the vessel to him and waved his hand over the deck. Rumple, Hook has captured the sea goddess Ursula and intends to invade Storybrooke. Call in your favor, dearie. I know Ursula will be happy to repay it. We're on our way!" he heard his sister say.

"Indeed she would," Rumple murmured.

It had been centuries since he'd crossed paths with the sea goddess whose true name was Calypso but he hadn't forgotten her nor the favor she owed him for saving her life when she was bound in human form by a group of pirates known as the Brethren Court and the man at the center of the plot had been her lover Davy Jones. The later generations of the Brethren Court hunted the goddess praying that they would be the ones to capture and kill her and the seas would at last be theirs to rule but Ursula gained a few allies among the pirates, Jack Sparrow and the Turners among them. Her greatest ally was the cursed sorcerer who had given her a home and cared for her for a few months the first time she'd escaped Hook's clutches. It was then that she vowed she would be at his service should he ever need her and in turn Rumple promised that he would release her from her human bondage and allow her to return to her beloved sea.

He typed a quick text to Belle, Emma and Bae's phones and contined down the dock to the Jolly Roger's hiding place.

Warn everyone in Storybrooke. Dozens of pirate ships sailing in. Ward homes!

"Damn Hook!" Bae swore.

"He's bringing all his friends," Jimmy said sadly. "I'm glad Papa called for Rhea. Jack can get the Brethern Court members to join him in the fight."

"What's the Brethren Court?" Belle asked.

"A group of pirates thst follow the Code...lady and gentlemen pirates I guess you can say. The Pirate Lord's a woman named Elizabeth Swann-Turner. But Hook has the sea goddess Ursula and he's gonna try to use her against them if they come." Jimmy made a face. "It's not the first time he's taken her either. If she owes Papa a favor, she'll repay it."

"Let's hope so otherwise those pirates are gonna level this town," Alice muttered.

Aboard the Jolly Roger, a bound and gagged David Nolan was tossed onto the deck.

"Been a while since we seen a good keelhauling!" Barbossa said gleefully. "Who wants to wager on how long he lasts? Ten pieces of silver says he doesn't last an hour!"

"Ah he ain't gonna last no more'n thirty minutes!" Smee threw ten pieces into a pot.

The others tossed their silver pieces into the pot while David was being tied to another rope.

"What we gonna do with Her Highness, Cap'n?" another asked Hook, gesturing to the tall, silvery blond haired woman tied to the mast.

"Keelhaul her too!" several crewmembers cried out.

"Feed her to her own sharks!" suggested another.

"Let us have her Cap'n!"

Ursula shivered. She would prefer being keelhauled than being turned over to the men for their amusement again. Her back still bore the scars from the beatings she'd been given during her first captivity and there were still more scars in her mind. Oh how she longed to have her powers back! Then these wretched mortals would feel the wrath of a goddess!

Hook caressed her scarred cheek, the stench of the rum on his breath making the bile rise in her throat. "Hmmm...it's been a while since I've enjoyed your favors too, hasn't it love?"

"I can't say I've enjoyed yours." She spat in his face. He raised his hand and slapped her hard, her head slamming against the mast.

"You will!" Hook sneered and sliced through her bonds with his sword. "Take her to my quarters!" he ordered Smee.

"You son of a bitch!" Milah howled when she came on deck in time to see Ursula being taken to her husband's cabin. "This is the LAST time you are going to cuckold me!"

Hook pointed the tip of his sword at her throat. "What did you say to me, woman?"

"You heard me. This is the last..."

"I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP. NOT YOU!" he bellowed.

Milah looked down at the sword thrust into her chest and then up at him again and fell back onto the deck.

"That goes for the rest of you. Take your orders from me or I'll run you all through!" he snarled. "Feed this bitch to the sharks!" he commanded and kicked Milah's still form, wondering why he hadn't killed her years ago. Finally free of the albatross that he called a wife, he was eager to slake his growing lust with the beautiful sea goddess confined in his quarters. She would come around. They all did eventually.

They tossed Milah overboard.

"Cap'n! They're coming!" Smee pointed to several fleets of ships sailing toward the Roger.

"Tell them to hold," Hook said. "I have other business to attend to first."

"What about him?" Smee gestured to David.

"Throw him over when I come out. Let him squirm a bit."

"You first dearies," Rumple hissed from his position on the dock and shifted into a crocodile.

"Crocodile!" Barbossa yelled. "Get the harpoons!"

Rumple opened his mouth and bared his teeth.

"You think harpoons are gonna stop me?" he giggled.

"Kill it! Kill it and skin it Barbossa!"

"Tis yer hides I'll be skinnin and mountin on my walls!" Rumple snarled as he inched toward Barbossa. The pirate tossed a harpoon that whizzed past Rumple's snout and tore a hole in one of the sails. "Better work on yer aim!"

"Gimme the gun, I'm gonna shoot it!"

Rumple threw up a shield as Smee fired, the bullets bouncing off it. "Missed me, missed me!"

He lowered the shield and pounced on Smee, the scent of urine and feces heavy in the air. "Ugh! I eat you and I'll get e coli and probably the pox!" The pirate squirmed beneath him and the others threw more harpoons that bounced off Rumple's shield and onto the deck. The other crew members began fleeing in terror. Rumple bit into the collar of Smee's tunic and dragged him across the deck then tossed him into the water. "Take a bath, dearie!"

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold clutched his belly laughing hysterically. He would probably tear his incisions but he didn't care one iota. Viewing his counterpart terrorizing the ragtag crew of the Jolly Roger through the seeing crystal he snuck in was the highlight of his morning.

"What's so funny...Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold, you put that seeing globe away this instant! You're supposed to be resting!" Belle ordered, her hands on her hips when she entered his hospital room.

"I am resting. Laughter is the best medicine, dearie!"

"And who do I have to throw the book at for sneaking that in?" She pointed to the crystal in his hand.

"I brought it myself so you can throw the book at me...when I'm better." he giggled.

"I will. Now do you want to tell me what is so funny?"

"See for yourself." He handed the crystal to her.

She waved her hand over it. "Oh my...is that the other Rumple...as a crocodile?"

"He does our name proud!"

"You are still my favorite Rumple."

"I'd better be. You married me."

"I tolerate you. Keep disobeying my orders and I'll have Fiona wallop you with the Bruiser!" she teased, referring to a large paddle his elderly Scottish cousin carried around to 'beat sense into stupid wankers' as she put it.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I would." She smirked.

"That is cruel and unusual punishment!"

"Then start listening to me."

"I will...after I see what happens to those wankers. Cast it on the wall. You remember how."

"I'm still not that good at it. You'd think after eight years..."

"Try sweetheart," he encouraged.

She cupped the seeing crystal in her hands and focused. Seconds later it began to glow and the images projected onto the wall in front of the bed.

"Not that good at it, eh?" he asked and held out his arms. She went into them willingly.

"I had the best teacher in all the realms and so will he when you go there but promise me you won't until you're better."

"We'll see how things develop. He's going to need my help if he wants to defeat my aunt. He thinks she's his world's version of Cora but she's much more than that." He froze.

Belle sat beside him in silence knowing that it was dangerous to disturb him while he was using the Eye of Aramon, as he now called his Sight. His Sight scrambled the images into the pieces of a puzzle that he sometimes had difficulty interpreting when he was the Dark One but once he embraced his true heritage he gained the sight the Ozian god Aramon, his ancestor who could see the past, present and futures of all but those closest to him unless it was an extreme emergency.

 **The Astral Plane - Oz**

He'd never been there but he'd seen the Haunted Forest many times through the memories of the mother who gave her life to protect him from the first Dark One, his aunt Zorinda Strogoff, reborn as Cora Mills in this fifth version of Storybrooke and just as ruthless. He stopped before a tall oak tree whose branches served as a makeshift bed for his cousin Regina and niece Meredith. Rumple clenched his right hand into a fist and pressed it against his left shoulder and kneeled, the signal the Guardians of the Balance used to identify themselves to each other and to the gods they served throughout the worlds.

"I am Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold, Guardian of the West Gate and keeper of the blade of fire. Who summons me?"

"Loki of Asgard." the tree replied.

"Forgive my lord but...my powers are weak at the moment. Just had gallstones removed."

The god of mischief laughed. "Yes I know...from eating too many hamburgers the size of pancakes among other things. But in all seriousness, this is why I summoned you." The tree gestured to Jiminy asleep against its trunk. "He cannot stay here. His powers are being drained by one of my kin. You must send him to the fifth Storybrooke to protect your mother."

"My mother! She's...she's been reborn?" Rum's eyes filled with tears.

A woman's image appeared on his trunk. "Her name in this world is Lilliana Bergmann...well...Lilliana Hopper now."

"Wait a minute...are you saying this realm's Archie is my stepfather? Bloody hell! He's three years younger than me!"

"As if your family tree couldn't get more complicated!" Loki quipped.

"You should talk! Yours is just as bad!"

"Touche. Lilliana does not remember her past as Lilliana Strogoff. She needs to remember before Zorinda finds her and Jiminy is the fourth strongest magical user of your bloodline that you can send since the women are knocked up again." The god laughed again.

"And Regina and Meredith?"

"I will take them home but we have a little payback to do on a certain witch first!"

Rum giggled. "Oh I'll be watching that!"

"Just don't get caught or Belle will throw the book at you."

"No, she'll watch with me. What of MacNamara...your great-grandson...it is grandson is it or somewhere down the line?"

"I'll release him. He cannot drain his own flesh and blood. I will send Pongo to Jiminy when I'm finished."

"I almost feel sorry for the witch. Almost."

"Don't waste a smidgen of pity on that one. She tortures children. Anyone who harms children deserves to be roasted," Loki snarled.

"Aye and I can give you a spit from my bar to use."Rum gestured and a business card appeared in his hand. "If you're ever down in Florida stop by for a drink."

On the business card was the name THE SPINNING WHEEL BAR AND GRILLE along with the address, telephone number and website.

"Nice. I will take you up on that offer. I often travel down to Midgard. Let me show you what I look like in my Aesir form." He sends an image of himself as a tall thin handsome man with shoulder length black hair and bright green eyes.

"Better not let my wife see you or she'll want to run off with you." He laughed. "We've made Juno a safe haven for mages in the last eight years. Now we're working on making another mage friendly community in the Outer Banks."

Loki laughed. "I have that problem with a lot of mortal women. I don't intend to steal anyone's wife however. They just tend to come after me. Thor calls it the Loki Effect. Unfortunately, it tends to start riots. In Vegas once they mistook me for some rock star and a bunch of women tried to rip my clothes off. They got as far as ripping my sleeves off before I cast an illusion and 'ported out of there."

"Hmmm...I wonder if that was the riot Regina and Emma were talking about when they were in Vegas after we broke the Dark Curse? Ye didna wander into a male stripper show did ye?"

"It very well could have been. No, but like I said, I have been mistaken for such before. Some of my Asgardian brethren find it flattering . . . me I find it annoying especially if I am down there to relax. It is not relaxing to be referred to as a sex object and mauled by fifty women acting like I'm the only dessert at a banquet." He sighed. "So I often shift into other forms.

"Belle gets like that when I wear my leathers..."

"I wear leather too, darling . . . and my wife Sigyn tells me I could stop the sun in the sky."

"Or traffic!" Rum sighed. "I'd better wake the cricket up and tell him he's being rerouted."

He shook Jiminy awake.

"Rumple, what...what are you doing here?"

"I need you to wake up and go to the fifth Storybrooke."

"I have to get the girls..."

"You can't do anything as long as Loki's great-grandson keeps draining you. Loki will have to release MacNamara himself since he is the only one here immune to his ability and take my niece and cousin home. I need you in Storybrooke to protect my mother and stepfather from Zorinda!"

"Who are they?"

"Better brace yourself Cricket. It's your other self and his wife."

"I...I'm your stepfather?!" Jiminy threw back his head and burst out laughing.

"Oh cut that out and get going before I shrink you!"

"You can't!" Jiminy teased. "Oh wait til my other self finds this out. It's gonna break his glasses!"

"Git! And you quit laughing too!" Rum snapped at Loki.

The god of mischief chuckled. "It's a most amusing conundrum. Go, you two. I will make sure the girls get home. And blanket their minds so they don't suffer nightmares from this. They have endured enough nightmares from abuse from their mothers."

"I'll see you soon but for now I'm going to enjoy my other self scaring the shit out of those pirates as a crocodile!" Rum said and vanished from the astral plane.

"Is everything all right Rumple?"

"My mother!" he wept joyfully. "Belle, I've found her at last! She was reborn along with my aunt. I've sent our Archie to protect her and and my stepfather."

"Your stepfather? Who is he?"

"The other Archie and there's no one else I would trust my mother's heart with."

And may you rot in Ephesis for all eternity Pan! he thought bitterly.

"We'll go and see them when you're better," Belle said softly.

 **The Jolly Roger**

It had taken him less than twenty minutes but the deck of the Jolly Roger was now empty except for David and Rumple still in his crocodile form. The pirates were scattered in the sea, wimpering and peeing themselves in fear. He shifted back into his human form and cut through David's ropes with his sword and untied the dirty rag from his mouth.

"Thank you Rumple."

"You need to get to my house right away. Snow and Cas are under a sleeping curse that will become permanent in fourteen days!"

"Regina?"

"Cora has her," Rumple growled.

"No!" he cried.

"I'll find her! I promise you I'll find her. Now go to your wife and son! Move it Charming!"

"Rumple...we got company!" David pointed to a pirate ship cruising beside the Jolly Roger.

"GO!"

David jumped off the boat and ran toward the dock as a plank was thrown onto the deck of the Jolly Roger and a group of ragtag pirates walked across, swords drawn.

"Easy pickins this one is," one laughed.

"Oh am I?" Rumple asked and gestured. Now there were twelve Rumples standing on the deck of the ship. "Not so easy pickins now!"

"What the...? How the...?"

"Never mind...let's kill 'em all!" another hooted.

"You have to find the right one first dearies!" he singsonged.

The pirates began approaching the Rumples who vanished as soon as they attacked with their swords and reappeared in various spots on the ship.

"Up here!" Rumple taunted and dumped a chamberpot over three of them from the crow's nest.

"Get him! Oh blast he's gone again!"

"Over heeeere..." Rumple waved to them from the mainsail.

"Get the gun and blast his arse inta Davy Jones' locker!"

"You mean this lil ole gun?" A Rumple poked his head out from inside one of the canons.

"How 'bout this one smartass?" A pirate pointed a large musket at a Rumple construct lounging in a hammock

"Compensating for something?" Rumple asked from the helm.

"Just shoot you idiot!" his captain shouted!

The pirate pulled back the trigger and fired. The construct's eyes widened. "I HAVE A HOLE IN MY STOMACH...and I'm still alive!" he laughed, quoting a few lines from a favorite movie of his and Belle's Death Becomes Her.

A pirate beheaded another construct. The head rolled over to his feet. "Do you remember where I parked my car?" it asked him. He screamed, threw his sword down and ran back to the safety of his own ship.

One of the pirates picked up a shovel and slammed it down on a Rumple's head. The construct raised its hands and pulled the head back up and snatched the shovel out of his hands. "Now let's see if your face pops back up."

The pirate backed away in fear and started running with the construct in pursuit, swinging the shovel.

Another construct used a sword to cut the letter R into the seat of a pirate's pants. "I see London, I see France, I see your holey underpants! You ever wash them? They're yellow! Like the stripe down your back!"

"Ahhh!" the pirate yelped. "What have ye carved into me?"

"It's the sign of the R! For R-r-r-umplstiltskin!"

"What fancy tricks you got now old man?" the last pirate sneered.

"Look down."

A rope was wrapped around the pirate's foot. Two constructs yanked on the line and the pirate was lifted off his feet. A third picked up a large oar and handed it to Rumple. "You do the honors, dearie," it said.

"This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me!" Rumple laughed and swung the oar, delivering a hard blow to the pirate's back side. The constructs laughed and started counting the blows.

"One!"

"Two."

"Three."

"Gonna wear my arm out," Rumple whined.

"...Sixteen...seventeen...give him one big one to grow on!"

Rumple loosened the rope and swung the oar again. "And one to grow on out of the park!" he hooted as the pirate went flying into the sea.

"Homerun!" the constructs cheered.

Rumple ran around the ship as if he were running the bases at the ballfield, hi-fiving each construct as he passed him.

The constructs smiled at him and vanished. Then he heard a terrified scream from the captain's quarters.

He picked up his sword, his eyes glittering with rage.

 **The Haunted Forest - Oz**

Regina and Meredith awoke to the sweet smell of apples and before their eyes was a feast fit for a dozen princesses.

"Merri, look...apple tarts!' Regina cried and bit into one.

"Ice cream! Sno cones!" Meredith cheered.

"Wonder who made all this good stuff?" Regina mused and reached for another apple tart.

"Wasn't Greenie. She can't cook worth crap."

They heard a screech on the ground below them and looked down to see one of the monkeys. Meredith threw her arms around Regina protectively. "You're not takin us back, you flea circus!" she yelled and picked up an apple to throw. "Take that!"

The monkey waved its arms at the tree.

"It's all right girls. He's a friend." Loki reassured them.

"Mister Tree! Did you get us all this good food?"

"Yes Regina. Pallux would you please shift into your other form?"

"Hey that's Pongo! My grandpa's dog!" Meredith exclaimed, pointing at the Dalmatian.

"No that's Pongo from another realm but he's here to help you get home."

"But we gotta get Greenie first. Right?"

"Right." The tree winked at Regina.

"I wanna get her good but I'm really hungry."

"My little tricksters need to eat up first. Then we'll show Zelena just how naughty we can be."

The girls giggle and then begin to eat the food. "You make food as good as Unca Rumple, Skytreader," Regina said, scarfing down an apple tart with some chocolate ice cream.

"Regina, these are really good!" Meredith said, eating an apple tart.

"I know. Skytreader, you cook as good as Unca Rumple," Regina praised.

"I feel I should be honored by that," laughed Loki. "Your uncle is a good cook?"

"Uh huh. Unca Rumple can cook everything and it tastes great. But he's also a sorcerer, a really powerful one."

"Uh-huh," Meredith agreed. "Gramma and Grandpa said he can kick butt three ways to Sunday even without using magic."

Loki thought that reminded him of himself, who was a master with martial arts and daggers beside being the most powerful magician in Asgard.

"Now I'm ready to a roast witch! What's the plan?"

Regina thought for a moment and laughed. "Too bad I just kicked her butt in a dream. It would be really funny if we made some of it real only worse!"

"She deservs to be locked up with a big bad Bertha." Meredith growled. "Like my mom!"

"So let's get her!" Regina stood up.

Pallux waited patiently, all this plotting reminding him of Jiminy and Azkadellia. It wasn't easy for Az when a wicked witch possessed her body but Jiminy could plot with the best of them even while playing on both sides of the fence.

"Suppose you tell me what you did to that green hag in your dream and we can figure out a way to do it to her here?" Loki suggested.

"Ummm okay I made up some cannibal and witch hunting Barbies...they're dolls an I made them chase her all around."

"Tell him about the monkeys!" Meredith prodded.

The God of Mischief giggled. "That sounds utterly hilarious!"

"Oh yeah...I made the monkeys make a lotta noise and carry signs about lettin Unca Rumple outta his cage only it wasn't Unca Rumple was it? Then I peed on her!"

Loki howled with laughter. "Oh, I wish I had seen that!"

"Gross!" Meredith groaned. "But since it was the witch..."

"And I sang a lot..."

Meredith grinned evilly. "I can do that and I know sone reaaallly annoying songs. I used to bug my granpda a lot when I'd sing em."

"Yeah well dont bug him anymore Merri."

"I won't."

"Gina, darling, you are definitely mischief's daughter," Loki declared proudly.

"Hey Gina...let's do the trick you did on me! Ya know with the fake maggots?"

"Fake maggots?" Loki queried. He thought, I pulled a similar prank on my brothers with fake worms.

"Yup. She put 'em in a sandwich and I almost ate em!"

"Very good! But what if they were real ones?" Loki chuckled evilly.

"Gross but hey she's asking for it!"

"She owes us cookies an Kool Aid too!"

"I'm not allowed to have Kool Aid. It makes me hyper."

"That's why we need it, Merri. To be really hyper."

"That's why I'm going to give you some, darlings," Loki declared.

"Cool!"

"...Idiot! Imbecile!" Cora raged, slapping her daughter repeatedly with one hand then the other.

"Mother..."

"How could let them get past you?!"

"I..." Before Zelena could utter another syllable she was thrown against the wall. Her mother approached her slowly, her dark eyes red as fire.

"I WARNED you what the punishment would be if you disappointed me."

"Mother...please.."

Cora held out her hand and forced her daughter's lips open. A white mist floated out of Zelena's mouth and into Cora's, several strands of Zelena's ginger hair turning snow white, the skin on her hands and arms wrinkling.

The woman who once lived as Zorinda Strogoff, descendant of Hades and Persephone and the Ozian gods Aramon and Lurline, had forgotten how thrilling the experience of taking a life force could be.

"Find them or I'll take the rest," she snarled.

Zelena nodded weakly and slid to the floor as her mother vanished.

After a few minutes she picked up her broom and flew out of the castle hoping she would find the girls before her mother returned.

And then she would take her sister's life force for herself and throw the corpse at the bitch's feet.

Skytreader's branches rustled as he sensed Zelena moving from the castle. "It's showtime, darlings! Go and be mischief's disciples. And free the man trapped in the witch's castle."

"What if the witch comes back?" Meredith said fearfully. "What about her magic?"

"Don't worry about it," Loki soothed. "Her magic cannot harm you." _Not with MY protection spells on you, th_ e god thought.

"Let's go Merri. C'mon Pongo!" Regina called out to Pallux.

Pallux laughed. _We'll do you proud Loki_!

Skytreader saluted them with a branch. Then he gently lowered the girls to the ground. "Go, daughters. Make that green hag wish her father never met her mother!"

Regina held up the wand. "Okay..here come my Cannibal and Witch Hunt Barbies...life size!"

Four adult sized Barbies wearing hunting clothes appeared before the girls. They were holding burning torches and pitchforks.

"Let's kill some WITCH!" screamed a Witch Hunt Barbie.

"I like my witch with buffalo and ranch sauce and fries on the side," said Cannibal Barbie.

"Ohh wee ohhh yohhh hummmm" they heard a group of monkeys chanting as Pallux flew above them screeching hysterically for Loki had given them the gift of speech.

"Archie says hearing that on the Wizard of Oz drives him crazy," Pallux informed the girls. "So one day his kids did it..."

"Ohh wee ohhh yohhh hummm!" Meredith recited. "C'mon Gina! Do it!"

Regina does it also. laughing. "Hurry, Merri! We gotta free the man in the castle before she gets back. Skytreader says so!"

"Coming!"

Once they were inside, they began searching for a cage like the one Regina described in her dream.

"It's not here!" Meredith cried. "Gina, do you remember anything else about where you found your Uncle Rumple?"

"I got in through a miror..." She opened a door. "Merri, look! It's a hall of mirrors like I saw in my dream! Maybe he's in there!"

"Let's look!" She grabbed a torch and waved the wand over it to light it.

Meredith took Regina's hand in hers and to both girls shock their joined hands started to glow, extinguishing the torch.

"Nothing can hurt us if we stay together," Meredith murmured.

Their Ozian magic is unlocking, Loki heard Rumple Strogoff's voice say.

In his prison MacNamara could see a faint beam of light in the distance, sensing the presence of not one but two light mages. "Stay back," he cautioned. "I repel magic and could drain you!"

"That sounds like Unca Rumple!' Regina cried. "It's okay Unca Rumple. It's me. I'm gonna get you out!"

The children? The light magic was coming from the children!

"No please. I beg you. Keep back!"

He heard a tearing sound and the curtain concealing his prison fell to the floor at the feet of two little girls no older than five, their joined hands glowing in the darkness.

"It is Rumple!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Uh-huh and I'm bustin him outta there!" Regina pointed the wand at the mirror.

The little girl closed her eyes and began to chant in an odd language. MacNamara understood a few of the words, he'd seen them in the book he carried.

Please by the gods, don't let me drain her, he prayed.

The wand sparkled with purple light and the glass shimmered.

"Gina it's working! It's working!" Meredith cheered.

"Let him OUT!" Regina screamed. The mirror shattered.

"You did it!" Meredith cried and threw her arms around the younger girl.

MacNamara scratched his head, puzzled. "How...how didn't I drain you?"

"You're free Unca Rumple! Free!" Regina hugged his legs.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but my name is MacNamara," he said to her. Her face fell.

"You don't 'member me! She cursed you!" Regina wailed. "Okay...now I got it. I gotta give ya true love's kiss to wake you up!"

"Umm...Gina...I really don't think he's Mister Gold," Meredith protested.

"Yes he is. He's just cursed that's all."

"No, honey. My name is Robert MacNamara. I'm a US Marine Colonel, Ret." He wondered how much he dared tell the little girls. It was obvious they didn't know the real reason why he looked identical to Regina's Uncle Rumple.

"You're a soldier?" Meredith asked him.

"Yes, I am. Well, I'm retired now, but I worked Special Ops for twenty-five years. Now I just do defense contracts for the government."

"So how come you look like my Unca Rumple?" Regina demanded. "They make ya look like him so you can come to Storybrooke and do crazy experiments on us?"

"What?" Robert stared at her. "No. I wouldn't do that. What do you mean?"

"Like zap us and stuff like that. Cut us open..." She shivered.

"I have a question of my own," Pallux spoke up. "Commander Ozopov released you eighteen years ago. How in the world did you end up here?"

MacNamara looked horrified. "You mean scientific experiments? No Marine would ever do that." He looked at Pallux.

Pallux scowled at him. "Your mission was to deliver the Book of the Ancients to the chief Guardian of this realm and we both know you had another, more personal reason for finding him, don't we?"

"Yes. But I won't discuss that now. It's classified," Robert snapped. "As to how I ended up here, the green witch nabbed me as I was on the way through the forest to use the portal the Commander showed me. And I've been her prisoner for all this time-only time isn't the same here as elsewhere now is it? Because I haven't aged."

"No but you still look like Unca Rumple," Regina reminded him. "And now that we got you out, you wanna help us get back at her?"

Pallux laughed. "You're going to enjoy this, MacNamara. These girls can cook up some pretty hefty mischief."

"All right girls, I'm in."

"Yay! Let's go witch hunting!" Regina cheered.

McNamara grabbed one of the torches and lit it with the lighter he had in his backpack. He had a few other useful items in it as well including his machete and gun. A good soldier was always prepared. He followed them down the hall whistling the Ballad of the Green Berets.

"Silver wings upon their chest

These are men, America's best ..." he sang.

Moments later a flock of flying monkeys and two little girls began to sing along.

They could hear Zelena screaming in terror as they entered the Haunted Forest and the maniacal laughter of the Cannibal and Witch Hunting Barbies in pursuit.

"I gotta get outta here! I gotta get outta here!" Zelena chanted through her sobs.

MacNamara chuckled, her antics reminding him of the hysterical passenger in the classic comedy Airplane.

He would be the first in line to slap her green face and knock her rotten teeth down her throat.

"Oh we loathe the green one!" the monkeys chanted

"THERE SHE IS!" Meredith shouted.

A Cannibal Barbie waved Zelena's burned broomstick in her hand. "I got the broom!"

Zelena froze when she spotted MacNamara. "YOU!"

Robert grinned wickedly. "That's right, my pretty. I'm your worst nightmare!"

"An I TOLD you I was gonna kick your butt again so here I am!" boasted the former Evil Queen.

"You think so, you little bitch?" Zelena snarled. "We'll see about that!" She went to pull Regina's life force from her body, only to run smack into Loki's protective wards.

The wards flared green and slammed her across the clearing into an oak tree with terrific force.

"Yes! It's Squashed Witch Round Two!" Meredith cheered.

The Barbies held up some ropes. "Let's tie her up and roast her!"

Regina conjured a sandwich and thrust it at Zelena. "Wanna bite?"

Meredith turned her back and snickered.

"No..." Zelena protested.

"Eat It!" MacNamara shoved the sandwich into the witch's mouth.

Zelena's eyes widened with horror when she saw tiny white creatures crawling out of the ham and cheese sandwich she'd been forced to swallow.

"You made me eat MAGGOTS!" she shrieked, gagging.

"Tastes like chicken!" Robert taunted.

"I'm hungry! Can we eat her now?" demanded the Barbies.

"Oh we loathe the green one," the monkeys continued to chant.

"Shut them up, shut them up for the love of the gods shut them up!" Zelena whined.

Regina could feel the pressure on her bladder mounting and stepped forward, giving the witch her Royal Awful look. "Hey Zelena...have ya ever heard the saying when you gotta go, you gotta go?"

MacNamara cracked up. "Give her a golden shower!"

"So leave...oh you filthy disgusting MUNCHKIN!"

Urine dripped from Zelena's shoes and stockings.

"Oops!"

Meredith leaned against one of the oak trees holding her belly as she laughed.

"Oh I am going to incinerate you, you miserable little brat!' Zelena yelled and attempted to conjure a fireball but nothing appeared, not even a spark.

"Looks like you're out of juice, Mean Green Whiny Machine," MacNamara smirked.

"Not yet!" She tried again and nothing.

"I think your car's outta gas, you horrible hag from hell," Robert jeered.

"Nooo..."

And now he was ready to deliver his own special brand of justice not fit for young eyes and ears.

He turned to the girls. "I need you to go with Pallux, girls. Don't want you to have nightmares. Take 'em outta here."

"Come along girls," Pallux said led them away.

"Wonder what he's gonna do?" Regina asked.

"I dunno but it's not gonna be pretty," Meredith murmured.

They followed Pallux back to where Skytreader was standing.

"We did it! We freed him...but now we really wanna go home," Regina confessed. "Not that we don't like you, we do but we really miss our family."

"Of course you do. And I can send you home, darlings. But first I need to reverse my enchantment. Trees can't open portals." Loki chuckled. Then he shifted his shape from the giant oak into a tall handsome ebony-haired man with eyes like the rarest emeralds.

"Whoa! You're...you're really cute..." Meredith said and blushed.

"I would say you are too but Robin might get jealous," Regina added.

Loki chuckled. "And we wouldn't want that, would we? Okay, I'm going to open this portal and send you right to your Uncle Rumple's house. Farewell, little tricksters. It was fun plotting mischief with you." He knelt down and opened his arms.

The girls went into them willingly and hugged him hard. "Thank you Skytreader. Come and see us again. Please," Regina pleaded.

"Oh you'll see me again, darlings. By the Nine, I swear it," Loki murmured.

"Goodbye and thanks again," Meredith said softly and took Regina's hand in hers. Their hands began to glow again.

 _They are like my cousins Azkadellia and Dorothia now. Nothing can hurt them as long as they're together. The bond is forged_ , Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold's voice echoed.

With his mage's sight Loki watched as the image of a cricket appeared on Meredith's upper left arm, the image of a chalice appeared on Regina's upper right arm.

Loki pointed his hand and a swirling green portal appeared and opened, showing Rumple's backyard with Alina's treehouse. "There you go, little mischief makers. I will see you again soon."

"Okay! Come on, Merri! Let's go!"

They raced through the portal and into the backyard. "Auntie Belle! Auntie Belle! We're back! We're back!" Regina yelled.

When no one answered them they ran up to the back door and started pounding on it with their fists. "Unca Rumple, Auntie Belle, let us in before that mean lady catches us again!" Regina pleaded.

The door opened slowly and Alina poked her head out. "Regina? Meredith? Mama, come quick! It's Regina and Meredith! They're okay!"

She ushered the girls inside and slammed the door shut.

Meanwhile in Oz, MacNamara prepared to make good on his words that he would be a certain wicked witch's worst nightmare.

He directed the Cannibal Barbies to start digging a pit. They were going to have a witch roasting. He drew out his machete.

"You ever see Alice in Wonderland, Greenie? I heard your mother is the Queen of Hearts. So then you'll know what I mean when I say, "Off with her head!"

Zelena spat in his face. "Go to hell, MacNamara!"

"You first," he said coldly, and raised the machete, bringing it down in one swift stroke. "Stick an apple in her mouth, girls and spit her."

"With pleasure!"

One of the monkeys held up a shaker of pepper.

Another started spreading mayonnaise on two slices of bread.

"Will you be joining us?" one of the Barbies asked him.

"Ummm...no. You're welcome to her." He would get more enjoyment watching her burn.

"Ding dong with witch this dead," one of the Cannibal Barbies sang while she turned the spit.

"Which old witch?"

"The wicked witch."

"Ding dong the wicked witch is dead..."

"You forgot the barbecue sauce and the salt," Loki announced as he walked into the clearing holding a salt shaker and a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's.

"Toss me some in garlic and parmesan!" cried one of the very hungry monkeys.

Loki summoned them and added them to fixings bar. Robert gaped at him.

"You can use magic around me? How? No one can do that for long."

"Not so, Colonel MacNamara. Or should I say, my great-grandson," Loki smiled welcomingly at him. "Your null magic field will not affect your own blood kin."

Him? The great-grandson of a god? It had to be a joke...and a bad one at that.

Robert laughed. "Good one! You nearly had me going there . . . God of Mischief. If that's who you truly are."

"It is. If I wasn't, my magic would be drained to nothing and it's not."

"Who's to say it won't later?"

"I do." Loki reached out and took his hand. Robert's eyes widened in shock. Normally skin to skin contact with him after more than a few moments caused a mage to pass out.

"So that's why the Commander asked me if I had something of yours in my arsenal...he knew!"

But what he didn't understand was how a god could have allowed his family to be torn apart.

"Where were you when we needed you all those years ago!" he raged. "Do you know how long and how far I've searched for my brother and sister?"

"Yes, he knew. That book you carry tells the lineage of all the descendants of the gods of every realm and pantheon. Read it and you will find your name under mine. But I never knew of your existence until recently. When I spoke with your mother's shade in the astral plane. She informed me that she was my granddaughter, the granddaughter we all believed dead. Daria was my son Narvi's child, and she was stolen away by the Queen of the Fae and raised as one of them-the Gold Fairy. They left a changeling in her place, a construct so lifelike it fooled my son and his wife.

They went insane with grief and they burned the body before I could see it, and so we mourned her as dead.

"Daria grew up believing she was Fae and she gave up her magic when she married that bastard Malcolm. But her children bore the magic she renounced . . . and the bloodline she never knew she possessed. MY bloodline, the blood of Jotunheim and Asgard."

"So my brother and sister...they don't know I exist? Or that we're...your kin?"

Loki shook his head. "No. You see, Malcolm sold you to a slaver that could cross realms when you were born and told your mother you had died and only Rumple had survived. She was so grief stricken she never questioned it . . . or told Rumple about his identical twin that had died. And Rhea was a Seer and he made a bargain with Baba Yaga to take her in exchange for her hiding him from deserting from the army during the ogre wars. And he played the same trick and put a changeling in Rhea's place that later sickened and died."

Robert snorted with disgust. "Some father."

"I am sorry I never knew what he did. I would have torn apart the Nine to reunite you all with my family. Daria's loss broke my poor son. His wife divorced him. He blamed himself and later died fighting the fire giants of Muspelheim. The lying Queen of the Fae owes me a debt. And if your rotten father were not in Hel already, I would be taking payment out of his hide as well." Loki declared heatedly.

"And so would I but right now all I want to do is find Rumple and Rhea. I don't know if they'll accept me but I have to try. They have a right to know what was done to me, to all of us."

Loki nodded. "They do. They will be together in Storybrooke to fight Cora-as she is known to them. But in reality she is Zorinda Strogoff, from another Ozian reality. And you three demigods plus Jiminy will need my assistance to defeat her."

"Those damned Ozians need to keep their inmates locked up! But I'll drain all of them when I get there!"

"Not if I give you a quick tutorial in how to control your Gift," Loki refuted. "You wouldn't drain your kin, but you will Jiminy. Come walk over here with me, grandson."

Robert slanted him a glance. "You don't look old enough to be anybody's grandfather. I look old enough to be _your_ father."

Loki arched a raven brow. "Don't get sassy with me, boy." He waved a chiding finger at the Marine officer. "Now come with me, and I shall show you a few tricks to managing that power of yours, Robert MacNamara Laufeyson."


	8. Worlds Collide

8\. Worlds Collide

The Jolly Roger

In Hook's quarters the terrified Urusula struggled to free herself from the ropes that bound her legs and arms to the bedposts as her captor poured himself a glass of rum. He leaned over and stroked her thigh, his touch making her cringe. "You were the finest woman I've had in all the realms. Not every man can say he's had a goddess."

"This will be your LAST time," she snarled. "When I am freed I shall relish tearing the skin from your bones."

"Ahh but the Court has no intentions on freeing you, does it? We control the seas as long as you remain bound in human form love."

"If you are so beloved by the Brethren, tell me: why were you not elected to the Court? Because they are pirates with honor and YOU Killian Jones, have no honor!"

"It was that bastard Sparrow and the bitch Elizabeth that kept me from taking my rightful place as the Pirate Lord. Well when we sink the Pearl and the Dutchman in the locker, I WILL be the Pirate Lord."

Ursula laughed harshly. "You delude yourself. The other members of the Court would not accept you."

"They will as long as I have you at my disposal!" He began tearing at her skirts. The sea goddess screamed in terror and rage praying that her cries would reach the ears of her beloved father and he would send the Jolly Roger and its captain to the Locker where they belonged.

Seconds later the cabin door burst into flame and Rumple entered the room, a sword in his hands, a sword that closely resembled the dagger that had once been the bane of his existence yet instead of having his name carved into the blade, the only symbols that were present were a spinning wheel in flames.

"Crocodile," Hook sneered. "I've been waiting a long time for this." He reached for his own sword. "And I'm going to take your head, your hand and your heart as my trophies!"

Rumple threw back his head and laughed. "You've always been more talk than action dearie! Get your affairs in order...we duel. NOW!"

"No magic?" Hook arched an eyebrow. "That's unusual for you. You can't win a battle without using it."

"Oh can't I?" He raised the sword. "On the deck, pirate!" He gestured and the ropes binding Ursula vanished. "That is the only time I will be using magic." He glanced over at the goddess. "I am sorry I could not get here."

"You came just in time, old friend. And now it is time for me to repay my debt to you." She gave Rumple a kiss on his cheek. "Kick his pox ridden arse!"

The two men went out onto the deck, their eyes meeting over their crossed blades. In his mind's eye Hook could see the man he'd faced years ago, the terrified, crippled spinner who nearly wet himself in the face of the man who had taken his wife, not the powerful sorcerer that nearly put an end to him sometime later.

Juno Beach, Florida

"...And he will become the blade forged from the fires of his past conquered," Rumplestiltskin Strogoff murmured. "This seems to be a mistake we Rumples tend to make in all the realms. Not ridding ourselves of that menace sooner. But this is the first test he will endure to prove he is worthy to carry the burden of the Guardian; to defeat Hook without magic in a duel and then he will go on to the final test and face my aunt."

"Will he have to face her as a mortal, as you did with your father...with Pan?" Belle inquired softly.

"No sweetheart. He is no longer the Dark One. I was and that is why I had to face my father as mortal. He will need to face Zorinda as his true self, the great-grandson of Loki."

"Oh! Is Loki as handsome as they say?"

"Yes," Rumple grumbled. "Now ye'll be telling me ye wanna meet him."

"I do but not to worry. I don't plan on running away with him or stripping him naked. I only do that with you."

"Well ye willna be able to do that until I get out of this bloody hospital."

"Then you need to get better Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold because I hate sleeping in a cold bed!" She glanced up at the wall and conjured a box of popcorn. "Forgive me if I enjoy seeing Mr. Gold wipe the deck with that piece of scum."

He laughed. "This is the most magic you've used in months."

"True but I'm too lazy to go buy some." She conjured a bowl of applesauce.

"Belle!" he whined.

"You are sticking to your diet, Rumfather!"

"Yes Don Belle!" he giggled.

They lay back against the pillows and watched the scene unfold as if they were in the theater.

The Haunted Forest - Oz

He would not be able to take back the years of loneliness his great-grandson had endured but Loki was determined to make up for as much of that time as he could with ALL his great-grandchildren once that pest Zorinda was disposed of. Robert's null mage field was one of the strongest he'd ever encountered but it had proven to be a disadvantage to their allies. Now he could travel through the realms without fear of harming those that were his allies for Loki had given him the ability to determine whether a mage served the darkness or the light simply by seeing into their souls. He also entertained the young man with stories of his mischief that were now the stuff of legends. Robert surprised him by telling him that he'd heard of some of them.

"Oh I heard about the near riot you caused when you showed up in the States. Reminded me of how crazy women used to go over Elvis, the Beatles and Ol Blue Eyes."

Loki grinned. "Well, some did mistake me for a rock star. I have no idea which one but it didn't really matter. All they wanted to do was grab a piece of me. Sigyn would have cursed their hands off so I had to act pretty quickly to avoid that."

"Did you ever glamour yourself as Elvis?"

"Oh once or twice. Just for laughs. That's why they claim they've seen him all over."

"I figured that was you! Go to Vegas...you can blend in easier. They're everywhere!"

Loki giggled. "Maybe I will. Of course, Sigyn will have to come with me. I guess I can leave our daughter Astra with my parents. Though Sig doesn't like to since she's only two."

"That's going to take some getting used to...having a great-aunt that's barely out of diapers."

Part of him longed to have a wife and children of his own but he was uncertain that he would find anyone at his age. And it would take a strong woman to be willing to love a man with enough baggage to fill two Pentagons.

"Umm . . . yes. She was a surprise. To us, that is. Not the Norns. I'm sure those three are now laughing their collective asses off at us."

"Yep the big bad God of Mischief with a mini me that will probably give you a run for the money."

"You should have heard my son Vali. He wanted to know how the Hel the two of us couldn't figure out how to prevent pregnancy at our age. His mother hit him over the head with her staff for that little comment." Loki laughed. "And yes, she already knows how to talk her way out of trouble."

Robert chuckled. "I see a gray hair sprouting!"

"Liar! I'm a god. My hair only turns gray when I want it to. So, how do you feel about meeting the rest of your immortal family?"

"I'm nervous...but I'm ready. The girls and the monkeys have probably finished the witch off by now and are picking their teeth with her bones."

Sure enough that is what some of them were doing but two unexpected guests had suddenly appeared at their banquet.

Lilly clenched her right hand into a fist and pressed it against her left shoulder, kneeling before the man who had been one of her dearest friends in her former life. "Hello Loki. It has been a long time."

Archie stood at her side, his mind still trying to process all that occured in the last twenty-four hours. Everything seemed normal when they got on the plane and flew to Pennsylvania for their honeymoon but a frantic phone call from Victor shortly after they were checked in changed everything.

"We'll catch the first flight out Victor," Archie was saying while Lilly sat on the edge of the bed, frozen in fear. After he hung up, he took her in his arms, terrified when her limbs felt like ice to his touch. "Lilly! Lilly, it's all right darling. We'll find her..."

"We will," she said fiercely as she detached herself from his embrace and rose to her feet. "But first...there are some things I need to tell you." Her lips trembled. "Please don't think that I kept them from you deliberately. I just didn't remember. That was the price I had to pay for being reborn. My memories were cloaked until the terror of Meredith's abduction unlocked them."

"Reborn!"

"My true name is Lilliana Strogoff and I died four hundred years ago in another realm..." she began...

Loki smiled. "Too long, darling. But the Fates wheel comes full circle as always. And the Light is reborn." He walked over and hugged her.

"I couldn't rest...not until I was certain my son was safe...and I longed for a different life.."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Lilly. Blood is the tie that binds the most." Loki said softly, releasing her.

"I'm still trying to process it all...my wife a four hundred year old reincarnated demigoddess..." Archie murmured.

"It's a bit of a leap of faith," Loki admitted. "You should talk to my great-grandson over there. He has just as much adjusting to do considering he has my immortal family and his own to deal with. And his sister and brother don't even know he exists yet."

"I love Lilly no matter what she is...or was...but then...I now have a stepson three years older than me!"

Loki laughed. "You'll get used to it. We immortals sort of quit counting years after awhile. And Bobby there has a great-aunt who is only two. That's my youngest, Astra."

"Where is my granddaughter, Loki? Is she safe?"

"I sent her home to Rumple's house with Regina in Storybrooke."

"Oh thank the gods!" Archie breathed a sigh of relief. "Lilly and I thought Zorinda might have taken her to Oz but when we tried to access Lilly's world through a portal we were sent to thins one."

"It's almost as if my world, as if Nonestica no longer exists!" Lilly exclaimed.

"I'm afraid it doesn't darling," Loki said sadly. "It was destroyed eight years ago. The horror of its destruction was felt across the worlds...all the gods wept."

"A whole world was destroyed? How did that happen?" Robert demanded. "Why?"

Archie gasped. "You couldn't prevent it? With all your powers?"

"Only the Nonestican Guardians could have prevented it," Loki replied.

"There was a prophecy spoken by our god Aramon after Nonestica's creation that if the balance between darkness and light was not restored before the second double eclipse, my world and all in it would die." A tear slid down Lilly's cheek. "Lurline was so angered by Aramon's words that she stripped him of his powers and locked him in the Ozian Hell realm. There would be two double eclipses within thirty days of each other excatly five hundred years to the day the prophecy was spoken."

"So how did it happen? Was it like a nuclear war?" Robert queried.

"Imagine every disaster movie ever made," Loki said.

"My God!" Robert choked.

"Your son, dear Lilly and his fellow Gurardians were able to save people from all the realms...except a great number of the adult population of Oz. His cousin sealed all the portals to Oz off once the children and those who wished to leave were evacuated."

"Then Aramon's words were true...the emerald that stored Lurline's life force was found and destroyed, triggering the destruction."

"How was my stepson able to save everyone they could?" Archie inquired.

"His cousin Lavinia sent a message to him when her daughter left Oz fifteen days before the final eclipse. The Guardians combined their powers and opened portals to all the realms to start the evacuations. Regina was sent through to evacuate the Enchanted Forest and barely escaped as she was still there when the destruction began. The Forest was the last realm to fall. We still hear the screams of those left behind to this day."

"How is it that all of you aren't crazy from feeling that?" Archie wanted know.

Lilly leaned against the trunk of one of the trees, weeping brokenly. "She divided them...it was the only way the prophecy came to pass."

"It is not easy, believe me, Doctor. But in death there is life and those who survived have given birth to new generations who honor those they lost."

Loki glanced over at Lilly. "And you are correct. Hades's bitch of a daughter Alemedia split her essence between the South Guardian and her bondmate to stir up discontent against Lurline's bloodline in Oz."

"Two Dark Ones..." Lilly murmured.

He went a put an arm around Lilly, letting her lean against him. Then he handed her a green handkerchief with a stylized L on it.

"Thank you, " she sniffled.

"He was the Savior as Aramon said he would be." She smiled at Loki. "And now the mantle passes to your great-grandchildren, my friend. Those of your blood are now the Guardians of this realm."

Yes, but first they have to pass the tests," the god sighed. "And defeat Zorinda."

"And they will."

"There's plenty left if any of you care for a bite," one of the Cannibal Barbies said while she picked her teeth with a small bone.

"No, thank you. That one would make me sick," Loki declined. "Too much bile."

Archie held up his hand. "We ahhh...had a big lunch on the plane."

Lilly covered her mouth with her hand and giggled.

"I know I shouldn't be laughing but I couldn't help it!"

One of the monkeys tossed some meat in a bowl and poured in garlic and parmesan cheese.

"To each their own," Robert shrugged.

"It's nice to hear you laugh again, darling," Loki remarked, his emerald eyes twinkling.

"I have reasons to now. I have finally met a man I could love and who loves me. Our granddaughter...well...she's had some issues but we'll work through them and I will finally get to see my son!"

"You will. And your granddaughter . . . is the new Guardian of the North, Lilly." Loki informed her.

"What..what? Meri? But how?"

"She has proven herself worthy of the burden, Lilly. She stands at the North as Zorinda's daughter stands at the South. One born in light, one born in darkness."

"Regina is the other guardian?" Archie asked.

"Merri's symbol would be earth themed and Regina's the chalice for water," Lilly clarified.

"She bears the cricket," Loki told her, smiling.

"Oh how wonderful! In your honor Archie!" she cried. "She could have chosen any earth symbol she wished but she chose the cricket!"

"Then let's go home. That granddaughter of mine is getting the biggest hug from her cricket grandpa."

Lilly reached into the pocket of her slacks and took out a silver coin with the symbol of a funnel cloud on it. "You might want to stand back...these travel storms can be fierce at times."

She started to hand Loki back his handkerchief but the god shook his head. "Keep it. A token to remember the handkerchief trick I played with you as a child."

She chuckled. "That smeared green ink all over my face that it took two days to wash off!"

"Ah, but I made you laugh. So it was worth it," the God of Mischief smirked.

"May Loki bring you laughter wherever you go," Lilly quoted softly.

"Thank the gods you two are old friends otherwise I'd be thinking you're flirting with my wife," Archie laughed.

"He was more of an uncle to me but...the ladies in my father's court swooned over him."

"You get that a lot, don"t you?" Robert remarked.

"I do," the god nodded. "And you have inherited your share of it, grandson."

"My father prided himself on being the king of tricks but you unseated the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz! "Lilly laughed.

"Now that was one of my best tricks," the mischievous god agreed. "I enjoyed that immensely."

"You had to prove he was worthy of your Glinda." Lilly smirked. "Mama had a bit of a crush..."

"On Loki?' Archie queried.

"Yes. He was a friend of the family but Mama flirted with him constantly when she was a teenager. He called her Glinda the Naughty."

"You were flirting with girls when you were married?" Robert frowned.

"No. I was between marriages then," Loki answered. "Sigyn's only been my wife for the past nine hundred years."

"And Loki tried, tried to keep Mama honest but she chased him!"

"And how!" Loki chuckled. "I went for a swim in one of the natural forest pools and she stole my clothes! Then she jumped in the water after me. And a procession was coming by so I couldn't get out. I ended up transforming into an otter. Then I tried to slip out of the pool, but Glinda started shouting that her pet otter had escaped her and one of the lords chased me with his dog until I dived back into the pool to get away from the stinking drooling animal . . . and right into Glinda's arms."

"Then my grandfather caught you!"

Robert started laughing. "I'll bet you had a hard time explaining that one away!"

"Not as hard as Mama!"

Her grandfather Ozarian had been less than pleased seeing his daughter behaving like a wanton.

"Ozarian was furious, he had seen everything that went on through his Seeing Globe," Loki explained. "He wanted to tie her to a post and whip her, but I refused to let him do that. I don't believe in beating children who misbehave. So I told him I would deal with her myself."

"My grandfather was vicious like Zorinda."

"What did you do?" Archie wanted to know.

"He was a nasty piece of work, wanting to whip a fourteen year old for being spirited and having a crush," Loki frowned. "So I pretended to be angry and Glinda and I tricked him. I pretended to paddle her in front of him, it was all an illusion, and then I told him she was going to be my servant for a month. That was true. But she served as my apprentice and I taught her magic."

"And she called herself Glinda the Good," Lilly added.

"Because I was always telling her to be good," Loki said.

"And she was from that time on." Lilly tossed the coin into the clearing and a large funnel cloud formed. She took Archie's hand in hers.

"You never heard of the slippers?" Robert joked.

"Zelena had them," Loki murmured. "Let's see if they survived the bonfire."

Lilly gestured and the coin returned to her hand. "If they create portals it will be easier to use them."

Loki strolled over to where the girls and the monkeys were eating. "Ladies, would you happen to know if you removed a pair of silver slippers from this bitch before you cooked her?"

"We did." Witch Hunter Barbie set a pair of silver shoes on the table.

"Thank you, darlings." Loki drawled. He picked up the shoes. "Lilly, these belong to you."

"Me? Why?"

"Better check for fungus!" Robert joked.

"I'm going to disinfect them first, Lilly," Loki said and did so with a quick scouring spell. "There! As to why, do you wish me to give them to someone else to use after you finish with them? They are an Ozian relic."

She smiled wistfully. "I miss laying by the lake at Finaqua."

She took off her boots and put on the slippers, tapping the heels three times. Archie clasped his hand in hers and the couple vanished in a puff of green smoke.

"Did they go back to Storybrooke?" Robert queried.

"They did. And now that's where we are going too. It's time we had a family reunion, grandson." Loki stated. He gestured and a green swirling portal appeared and opened showing the Golds' salmon Victorian. "Go through it first, lad. The portal maker always travels last to close the Gate."

Robert exhaled nervously. Oh buck up man, he scolded himself. You are a United States Marine. This is not like facing down a firing squad.

Loki patted his shoulder comfortingly. "They will want you. You are Rumple's twin, his missing half. And Rhea will love having yet another brother to tease."

"Unless I tease first!" He laughed and stepped through the portal.

Loki followed a moment later and the portal shut with a snap behind him. Together the two men ambled up the walk to the front door, laughing at the sign next to it. A Spoiled Rotten Cat and Her Pedigreed Human Family Live Here.

"Now I know this is one of my descendants," Loki giggled. "All of my line love cats . . . even when they claim otherwise."

"I don't," Robert lied.

Loki shook a finger at him. "Not true. Never try and lie to me, boy. I always know." He rang the doorbell.

"I wonder who that is?" Belle mused.

I hope it's Skytreader!" Regina exclaimed from her father's lap. The girls were in the kitchen with the Charmings and Hoppers enjoying plates of macaroni and cheese with hot dogs.

Archie and Lilly winked at their granddaughter. They wanted his visit to be a surprise for the child.

"Hello may I...Rumple!" Belle cried, throwing her arms around a stunned Robert.

Emma whistled. "Hey Rumple who's the stud?"

"Excuse me?" Bae glowered at his wife. "Roll the tongue in Emma."

"Sorry but...wow..."

"I . . . umm have that effect on a lot of women," Loki said apologetically.

Alice dropped the plate of cookies she was holding.

"I'll say! Sweetie if I wasn't married I'd be wanting your phone number!"

"If I wasn't married, darling, I just might give you it," Loki joked.

"Oh quit it, you're acting like you're in heat!" Jeff grouched.

"Shut it Carstairs or you'll be sleeping outside tonight," Alice threatened with a smirk.

Just then Daria began cooing and holding her arms out for Loki from her infant seat.

"Jesus H Christ, even the babies!" Bae exclaimed. "Who the heck are you anyway? Cupid or Eros?"

"Well, hello, angel face!" Loki grinned. "Aren't you just sweet as honey!" The god turned and smiled."Neither. I'm Loki of Asgard, God of Mischief and Fire."

"Rumple, how did you find him?" Belle asked Robert.

"Awesome!" Henry cried.

"He didn't. I found him." Loki corrected. "And Belle, sweetie, you may want to sit down. Because the man you were just hugging . . . isn't your husband."

"What?"

"You should sit down," Lilly said. "It's a quite a story we all have to tell."

Belle picked up Daria ad Dylan and returned to the sofa.

Suddenly Regina and Meredith come running into the living room. "Skytreader!" they yelled and ran to hug Loki about the knees.

"I told you I'd come and see you soon," Loki laughed, kneeling down to hug them. "Now why don't you two sit here with me and we'll tell your Aunt Belle just what by the Nine is going on here."

"Okay!"

Loki went over to the loveseat and sat down, and Regina and Meredith climbed on his lap. "Now, darling, let's start with the fact that this man who looks like your husband Rumplestiltskin Gold isn't really your husband. Tell them who you are, Colonel."

"I'm Colonel Robert Alexander MacNamara. That's the name my adopted parents gave me. I'm a US Marine, retired. I am also Rumple's identical twin brother."

"Papa's twin? That's crazy! Papa doesn't have a twin. Is this one of your tricks?" Bae glared at Loki. The god shook his head.

"I would never do anything so cruel. This man is your Uncle, Baelfire. Please give him a chance to explain."

"You got five minutes!"

"Bae!"

"Come on, Em. The guy is lying through his teeth."

"No, he isn't."

She stared hard at the Colonel, searching for any signs that the man was deceiving them but there were none. She also sensed that his upbringing was rough like her own.

"Bae, listen to him. Please," Alina pleaded.

"Trust your heart, Baelfire. It never lies." Loki said. "She knows the truth." He indicated Emma.

"A man after my own heart, too bad I gave it to that lug over there," Emma giggled pointing at her husband.

"He is stubborn. Like my brothers. Sometimes they make you want to hit them over the head but you love them anyway," Loki grinned. He glanced over at Ilyssa and said softly, "You have a baby Valkyrie there, darling. Best send her to me so I can teach her how to use her gifts when she is older. Or I can come to you."

"Either is fine with me!" Emma smiled.

"Loki, maybe you better explain about Daria first so they understand the connections," Robert suggested.

"Yes, that would be best. I have a vested interest in the Gold family because you also happen to be my family. I am Rumple's great grandfather. My son Narvi was a twin and he was your great grandfather. Your grandmother Daria was his daughter, a beautiful baby gifted with strong magic, and she caught the attention of the Queen of the Fae when Narvi and Kyla travelled through the Enchanted Forest to visit some friends . . ."

"This is awesome, isn't it Alina?" Henry asked her.

"Does this mean we're immortal too?" she asked Loki.

"Not quite. Your immortal blood is diluted slightly. But you are demigods and goddesses. And my Asgardian family recognizes you as ours."

"Just as my Ozian Strogoff family recognizes you as ours, Meri," Lilly said softly.

"And Gina too," Meridith clarified.

"Yes. We are all linked by blood and magic." Loki agreed. "And when Titania stole Daria she caused a great rift in the Balance between Light and Dark. And the Dark grew ascendant for a very long time. But now with the reuniting of families the Light shall rise. So long as truth and belief remain supreme. Now here is the rest of my tale."

They listened raptly as the God of Mischief told how Daria grew up believing she was the Gold Fairy, and fell in love with an unworthy con artist named Malcolm. How she gave up her magic to live a mortal life but the magic always remains in the blood and manifested in her children. Then he told how Malcolm needed money to pay gambling debts and after being beaten by his creditors determined to sell his unborn child to pay them off.

"The pattern repeats. But instead of one child, Daria had twin boys, identical as mirror reflections. Like my twins Narvi and Vali. And Malcom rejoiced for now he could get rid of one brat and keep a son. So he took your Uncle Robert and after drugging his mother, gave him to a slaver, who happened to be a minor magician skilled in portals. He took the baby and brought him here so no one could trace them because the Realms Gates to Earth from the Forest were eroding. And then Malcolm told Daria her son had died and showed her a fake grave and she was so grief stricken she believed him and she never spoke of the son she lost again."

"Rumple will be so upset. It was painful enough when he thought Rhea was dead," Belle said sadly.

Loki nodded sadly. "My family was torn apart by selfishness and deceit. Imagine my shock when my granddaughter came to me in the Astral and told me this. If I had a corporeal body I would have fallen on the floor. All that time I and mine grieved our lost ones were alive and unknowing. But the Norns weave in mysterious ways and even gods must follow the pattern. Only in our case the pattern was broken and only now can we reweave it anew. I am here to bring my family together and right a great wrong."

"So what happened to you here?" Henry asked his grand-uncle.

"I grew up in a state run facility in New York City. Until I was eight. You probably all know the movie Annie, and how those orphans lived in that hole with Miss Hannigan? Well, that was no exaggeration. I lived in a similar place called Morton's Reformatory Home for Boys. If you think that sounds like juvie, you're right. It was no better. And I ran away two times but they always found me."

"Just like me running from my foster homes," said Emma.

"You and I come from the same side of the street. But my luck changed when I ran off for the third time. I hid in the back of a car parked by the orphanage and it belonged to a young couple named Josie and Alex MacNamara. They had been married for some time but Josie was told she was barren and they were discussing adopting a child. And there I was in the back seat listening. And I realized that this might be my only chance to have a family because people usually don't adopt kids after age ten. So I sat up and introduced myself. And Alex and Josie saw I was desperate. And mistreated. Josie was a school social worker and Alex was a criminal attorney who was a former Marine. And they not only adopted me, they pressed charges against the orphanage and got it shut down and the managers and staff put in jail. They also loved me like their own son."

"How did you get in the Marines," Bae wanted to know

"My dad helped me get into the officer candidate school by writing me a recommendation. But I still went thru basic on Parrish and after that I graduated school and went on to be one of the Special Ops team called the Black Daggers. I've fought in Iraq and Afghanistan."

"How did you find out you were from our world?"

Bae knew these were the very questions his father would have, curious to hear his uncle's response.

Belle had her own questions for her new brother-in-law but she was hoping he would answer them for her.

"Did you help catch Bin Laden and Saddam?" Alina asked.

"Guys, slow down okay!" Emma pleaded. "Gonna make him feel like he's being court martialed or something!"

"Yes, I orchestrated the capture of both of those men. I was on the team which found Saddam and brought him in. I can tell you that now because it's no longer classified. Before I wouldn't have been able to." Robert replied.

"How did I find out about magic and the fact that I was not originally from here? When I was on vacation after I retired from the Black Daggers I found an old temple in the Andes mountains. I thought it was some ruins of the old Inca society but what I didn't realize was that it also contained an active portal to an alternate reality of the Outer Zone, also known as OZ, but not the Oz of the Enchanted Forest. It took me there when it was under the rule of the Commander and the Sorceress and they captured me believing I was their world's Rumplestiltskin, only to find out that not only was I not him, I possessed the ability to emit a null magic field as defense against mages. No magic will work on me or around me-except magic from those of my bloodline. And I drain mages of their magic and energy. That would have happened to some of you but Loki taught me to choose which mages I drain, and now I do so only to the dark ones."

"How did you get caught by them if you have a null magic field?" Alina asked.

"I think you need Jiminy to tell them that answer, Robert." Loki interjected. "Call him."

"I think you're right, Loki. Robert MacNamara summons thee: Jiminy Ozopov appear now before me." Robert recited quietly.

A puff of green smoke appeared beside Robert revealing a grinning Jiminy Ozopov. "You know you could've warned them your brother's not the only one with a double first," he joked.

"Whoa! Archie, he looks just like you except he has a beard and mustache!" Henry exclaimed.

"And magic..." Archie mumbled.

"Well now that you're here, Commander, would you like to explain to my family how you abducted me?" Robert asked, smiling devilishly.

The others stared at him, mouths agape.

"It's complicated so it's better that I tell you a bit about myself so you can see why things happened as they did." Jiminy began and glanced over at Archie. "Our lives were pretty much the same until just before the Dark Curse was cast. In my version, Geppetto and I were trying to get here so that he could be reunited with his son and we were given one. This." Jiminy held up a coin showing the image of a funnel cloud. "These tokens open a travel storm that can cross worlds and times. I used this the day the curse was cast thinking it would take both of us...but it was only meant to take me. I was sent to the Outer Zone as our Oz is known. After a few weeks I was told I was one of the Guardians of the Balance, the most powerful magical users from all the worlds, charged to maintain the balance between darkness and light. I was also the bondmate of the heir to the Ozian throne, Azkadellia Ozopov."

"Is she the Sorceress Robert spoke of?" Belle inquired.

"That was what the Ozians called the bitch that took possession of her when she was still a child. Her sister Dorothia...or DG heard a summoning from a cave much like the one you encountered Robert. Your cave was one of the Gateways Hades and Persephone created to come back to this world whenever they wished."

"So all the gods that are myths here are real?" Bae queried.

"Very real. Azkadellia is a direct descendant of Hades and Persephone."

"We have always been real, Bae," Loki explained. "But over the centuries humans here were conditioned to forget that fact and so we not only ceased to be real here, but you made up false stories about us."

"And the loss of belief weakened many of them...the Greeks the hardest hit."

The god sighed. "For instance you painted me as god of evil-which I never was. I am the God of Mischief and Fire and incidentally the God of Free Thought and I keep the Balance between Dark and Light as the Trickster."

"And Hades and Persephone's story fared no better I'm afraid," Jiminy added.

"How?" Belle asked.

"Well, The part about Persephone being abducted, for one. She chose to go with Hades because she'd grown tired of her parents games. They created the Oz and the realms surrounding it that became known as Nonestica as their safe haven. But Demeter had a nasty little surprise in store for them. A curse."

Emma snorted. "More curses!"

"She cursed their descendants to fight each other until their line died out."

Loki shook his head. "What a vengeful bitch. All because her daughter chose a man she didn't like to marry. Seriously some of my immortal cousins have more than a little crazy in them. Crazy and nasty."

"And the madness was born with Hades and Persephone's daughters, Lurline and Alemedia. Lurline was a child of light, Alemedia of darkness. When Alemedia was at full strength she killed Persephone, stripped Hades of his powers and locked him in the Ozian Hell realm Ephesis. Lurline and her consort Aramon created the Guardians to keep Alemedia in check. As our Rumple is fond of saying: always find a loophole. Hades allowed his daughters to rule over Paradise and Ephesis but neither could walk the mortal realm. Alemedia discovered she could if she created a talisman that transferred part of her essence to a vessel."

Jiminy summoned Rumplestiltskin Strogoff's sword. "This might look familiar."

Belle gasped. "That...that looks like the Dark One dagger!"

"It was but it was neutralized eight years ago by our Rumplestiltskin..but there were two more like it."

"One Dark One is bad enough. Are you saying there could be more than one at one time?"

"I'll get into that in a minute."

"So you were saying about Azkadellia..."

"Right. Her sister heard a summoning from one of the Gateways to Ephesis. It sounded like a crying child. Dorothia decided to find out what it was against Azkadellia's warnings that they shouldn't be wandering off. Their mother was...occupied," Jiminy said coldly.

"What happened?" Alina asked him.

"They went into the cave and opened the lock to the prison of one of our worst inmates. The Wicked Witch of the West. Bastinda. The girls could've fought her off if they stayed together but Dorothia was terrified and broke their shield."

"They weren't trained to face a full Mistress of the Dark. They were children." Loki murmured. "And not taught the way we of Asgard teach our young ones, how to fight and how to run away to fight another day. All of my children know two spells for emergencies-one to teleport away and one to summon any of their relatives."

"Bastinda had already taken possession of Dellia before Dorothia could get their mother to help them and had I not been trying to broker peace with protestors in Central City, I could've been there to do something!"

"I am not lecturing you, Commander, merely stating a fact," Loki soothed. "You can break your heart on what if, Ozopov."

"I have...for years," Jiminy sighed. "And a few weeks later Bastinda killed Dorothia."

"But everyone thought Azkadellia did it?" Henry clarified.

"Yes. Even though she bore the markings of a possession, the tattoos of Ephesian Mobat demons on her back that she could summon to take physical form at will. Dellia was able to break through sometimes but not enough."

"That poor queen lost her child..." Belle murmured.

"No she didn't. Lavinia resurrected Dorothia minutes after her death. She used part of her life force to do it and had her sent here. A construct was buried in her place."

Jiminy's eyes filled with tears. "Dellia didn't know she had that ability. Nor did she know she could also take one's life force." He cleared his throat. "They exiled Dellia to the Northern Island...the coldest part of the realm. But I refused to let her stay there alone. She and I...we only had each other."

He blushed.

"It was freezing outside, but by the Nine, I bet it was warm inside, huh Commander? All nice and cozy by the fire with a cricket on the hearth." the god teased, grinning his irrepressible grin.

"You had to go there, didn't you? There's kids around, you know!"

"Sorry. I really couldn't pass that up." Loki said, looking only slightly repentant.

"I was hoping that us being together would be enough to free her from Bastinda but we were wrong. It did weaken her hold though the damage had already been done. Bastinda spread discontent with the queen's rule throughout the realm and many of the Ozian Army forces were already on her side. She just needed one more division. Mine."

"So you turned on the queen?" Bae accused.

"No, I think...he played both sides," Archie spoke up.

"Bastinda's army and the queen's met in Central City. General Lannot and I were the last two commanders of the royal army still loyal but I didn't know Lannot had already defected and was leading me into a trap. Her mobat demons killed my men and captured me."

He scowled. "Their claws were laced with squid ink."

"I really need to give you a recipe that counters that," Loki said.

"So I made my choice. I would free my wife and my people by fighting on the inside while they organized outside."

"You got inside Bastinda's head," Archie said.

"Now you see why a psychologist is my cursed profession. I had years of experience dealing with a criminal mind. Regina was a cakewalk compared to Bastinda."

"So there's another Regina?" Emma sighed. "And was she..?"

"Henry's mother. Yes. But you two worked it all out and now you're both mother to him. When Robert arrived in the OZ eighteen years ago Bastinda intended to use him as a weapon against the Guardians. She knew he couldn't drain her so quickly because she was in the body of a demigoddess. But she wasn't taking any chances. She locked him our world's version of an Iron Maiden and kept him hidden from me."

"Bastinda was creative with her torture," Robert said angrily. "The tin suit as she called it was more like a stasis capsule. You were given your nutrients intravenously, your waste filtered out through another set of tubes but you were stuck wearing the same clothing the whole time you were in there. Bastinda planned to use my null magic field to defeat her enemies, namely the surviving members of the Strogoff and Ozopov houses. She just didn't know how to do it."

"Dellia was able to break her hold on her long enough to tell me where Robert was hidden and begged me to release him because she'd seen his name under the list of Loki's descendants in the Book of the Ancients. It contains the complete genealogies of all the pantheons in all the worlds as well as spells on how to defeat their darkest evils. Only a Nonesntican Ozian can translate it. Your Rumple will need it to help him defeat Zorinda."

"I was captured by Zelena not long after that. Time moves differently in her Oz. It's been eighteen years for all of you but not for me. I haven't aged since I've been trapped in her prison. I'm assuming she based its properties on Bastinda's tin suits."

"She did," Jiminy confirmed.

"An I bet the Barbies roasted her good!" Regina piped up.

"Ummm...well...ahhh...she's gone where the goblins go and let's leave it that darling," Loki said.

"How many kids do you have, Loki?" Alina asked curiously.

"I have quite a few, Alina darling. I have Sleipner, Jormungandr, and Fenris. Those are from my first wife. They are all shifters as well as warrior mages. Then I have my twin boys Vali and Narvi, but Narvi passed away in battle several centuries ago. I have two adopted daughters, Hela and Miriamele, Hela is ruler of Helheim. Miri is still home with me, she is around fifteen in Asgard years. And then there's my baby, Astra, who is two."

Jiminy started laughing.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Just what is so funny, Commander Cricket?"

"Oh I remember when my Ambrosia and Andy were two. Holy terrors the both of them. Amber was worse at it."

"Norns help me, but Astra will probably make me need a bottle of hair dye," Loki sighed. "Last week Frigga found her playing with her make-up. She had painted all her murals with it and Odin was taking a nap and she gave him an Egyptian make-over with mascara and eyeshadow and dyed his beard like a rainbow! My mother was not amused, but Father, Sigyn, and I just about died laughing."

"My kids have done some pretty crazy things but I think my favorite jaw dropper was when they decided they were gonna join in on one of my protests. I'm an environmentalist. Anyway. I though Dellia was gonna keep the kids at home while Daddy was out staging a protest but she drives up in our bus and my kids get out dressed in full hippie regalia and start yelling 'Hell No We Won't Go," to the police!" He laughed again. "I got arrested and my kids got candy but I wasn't even doing anything bad, just standing outside a plant that was cited quite a few times for EPA violations!"

Loki giggled. "Astra got her uncles to play with her one day. They played Prisoner. She tied them to chairs with my magic rope that you can't get out of unless you know the password, shaved off their hair and stuck them in Orange dresses, with signs on them like Ate Everyone's Pudding, Has a Potty Mouth, and Was Mean to Daddy, then got all the kids in the palace to come see it and pay her a copper. They Still have not lived that one down!

Henry started laughing. "How did she do all that?"

"She has magic like me." Loki chuckled.

Lilly grinned. "One of my most notorious pranks was was turning the yellow brick road maroon to match the other two roads and everyone started getting lost on the way to the Emerald City. My papa was so angry they bound my magic for a month!"

"Henry tried to decorate with Christmas lights using magic and lit the dojo on fire," Alina recalled. "Papa and Bae came home to the fire department trying to put it out!"

"Yeah, yeah bring up the pyro," Henry said wryly.

"I put spidey spots on Pongo an Princess," Regina declared.

"I made Gramma's cat look like a Barbie on crack," added Meredith.

"When I was little I wrote Alina was here all over Papa's study with permanent marker and he had to repaint it."

Belle grinned. "Alice can tell you some of the chaos we caused."

"Remember the time we put burping powder in the soup for the ladies tea?" Alice grinned. "All those high falutin nobles were belching like they were drunk!"

"And I enjoyed every minute of it!' Belle laughed wickedly. "They were all snobs."

"Henry wasn't the only one who played with fire," Bae admitted. "My friend and I found a magic lamp in the forest and I lit a fire with coals and nearly burned down our village. Papa tanned my butt for that one."

"It must run in the family," Emma teased.

"I played a trick on the orphanage manager once. I lit a string of firecrackers under his bed. He thought someone was shooting at him from the window and ran outside in his underwear in the middle of the street!" Robert told them.

"Dellia and I used to play pranks on each other during our exile in the Northern Island. She took one of my books and wrote some things in it in Russian because she knew I couldn't translate it. It turned out to be a spell that made me snore in my sleep!" Jiminy smiled at the memory. "Then she had me listen to the recording she made of it."

"I can tell you are my descendants from the variety of pranks you pull," Loki grinned. "You have inherited my penchant for humor and mischief. I'm sure you have stories about Rumple and Rhea that are hilarious."

"The snow war!" Regina cried.

"A snow war?" Loki's eyes sparkled. "That sounds like glorious fun. I'm half-frost giant so I love pranks using frost magic."

"Oh you would've loved these. They even kept score," Alina giggled.

"How marvelous! I should come down during the winter and play with you. Actually, I could make it snow whenever I want, enough to have a snow war in any season. Perhaps I will bring Astra and Sigyn too. Sigyn is a goddess of the forest and she enjoys snow as much as I do. And Astra has my immunity to cold and plays in it until I go and fetch her inside."

"That would be lovely. Christmas is our favorite time of the year," Belle said softly.

"I will ask Sigyn if she would like to come with my daughters. There are twelve days of Yule in Asgard. And there are parties each night. We can spend a few days with our Gold descendants without offending anyone. Though I'm sure Odin and Frigga will want you all to come to Asgard too."

"That would be awesome! How about it Mom?"

"It sure would Henry," Emma agreed.

Belle glanced up at the clock. "I wish Rumple would come home..."

The Jolly Roger:

Rumple faced his nemesis, his sword glittering in the noonday sun. How fitting, the sorcerer thought. High noon, the time all the gunfights were fought in the Old West. "Get ready to meet Hades, dearie!"

"You first, crocodile!"

Rumple eyed the pirate condescendingly, waiting for the hothead fool to make the first move. If he recalled correctly, Hook was all boast and less skill.

"Your head will look fantastic mounted on the wall of my quarters!" Hook snarled and swung his sword.

Rumple blocked his stroke and then riposted, beating Hook's cutlass to the side. "Getting slow aren't you, pirate? Too much ale and not enough exercise."

"Shut up, crocodile! I'm going to skin you and use you as a rug!" He attacked again, stabbing at Rumple's knees.

Rumple ducked and spun away, he blocked Hook's strike, forcing the pirate's arm out wide. Then he lunged and stabbed Hook in the thigh. "First blood!" He smirked tauntingly.

Hook swore angrily, then lunged at Rumple, trying to pin him against the mast. They exchanged a flurry of blows, the wound on Hook slowing him down.

Rumple noticed the spots of blood on the deck and gave Hook a warning smirk. "You're bleeding rather heavily, pirate. Looks like I nicked you good."

Hook spat at him. "I will kill you yet, crocodile!" He thrust hard at Rumple's chest.

The sorcerer flicked his sword and the cutlass rebounded. "Slow and clumsy, Hook. Your dueling teacher should have beaten the arrogance out of you long ago. Then you wouldn't make mistakes like this." He twirled his blade and performed quick one, two combination that had Hook retreating across the deck.

Then the pirate slipped in a patch of his own blood and went to one knee.

Rumple saw his chance and struck, his sword piercing a lung.

Hook staggered and gasped.

"Bastard!"

"My parents were married but who knows if yours were!" Rumple taunted. Then he knocked the sword from the pirate's hand and delivered the final thrust. "Give my regards to the Lord of the Dead, Jones! And may you dwell long in Tarterus for your crimes, you raping bastard!"

Justice had been done.

Rumple stood there for several minutes watching as the body of the man that had been his worst enemy begin its descent into the deepest pit in Hell, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.

One threat to his family had been eliminated yet another still remained.

"Well done dearie. Well done," he heard a voice so much like his own whisper on the wind.

"Who...? Who is that? Show yourself!" he commanded.

He heard a giggle. "Oh you'll see me soon. There's more to be done and more you need to learn about yourself but this will suffice...for now."

Rumple hissed in pain as something burned itself into the tender flesh of his upper left arm. He stripped off his shirt and went into the captain's quarters to see a tattoo of a spinning wheel in flames there along with a sword in the same shape as his former Dark One dagger underneath.

"You are the West Gate, the Keeper of the Blade forged from the fires of your past conquered."

"Wh...What...?"

"Go home Rumplestiltskin. Your family awaits."

He put his shirt back on and walked back to the car. When he turned on the engine he was startled when the radio suddenly turned on and The Rolling Stones Sympathy For the Devil blared out of the speakers.

"Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my game..."

"I dinna ken who ye are dearie but makin' me deaf won't score ye any points!"

Yet he found himself singing along as he drove back to the Victorian.

All he wanted to do when he got home was hug his family and spend the rest of the evening relaxing on the sofa with a good book or movie. He opened the door expecting Nala to come darting out of her hiding place and brush against his leg, her usual greeting or have his hands full with his beloved wife. But nothing.

"Belle!" he called out and headed for the living room, his heart racing with dread.

"Rumple!" she cried and threw herself into his awaiting arms.

"You scared the living daylights out of me, sweetheart. Why didn't you answer?" he asked and kissed her.

"I wanted to surprise you."

He grinned. "Well I do love your surprises. Is everyone all right?"

"We're fine. Come..." She took his hand and led him into the living room where another surprise awaited.

"Who the hell are YOU?" he demanded from the stranger sitting on HIS sofa and looking at him was like looking into a mirror!


	9. Rumples, Rumples, Rumples, Oh My!

Robert rose from the sofa and approached his brother slowly. "My name is Colonel Robert MacNamara. Rumple, I know this is not going to be easy for you to hear...or to accept but I...I am your brother. Your twin brother."

"That's impossible!" Rumple's fingertips sparkled with magic. "You're someone glamored to look like me!"

"It's the truth!" Robert insisted. "Our mother's name was Daria, our father's name was Malcolm. Our father sold me to a slaver to pay off some of his gambling debts and told our mother that I was dead. She believed him because he showed her a grave she believed I was buried in. Our mother was so devastated that she couldn't even bear to mention me."

"Just...just like he gave Rhea away to Baba Yaga because she protected him when he deserted during the Ogre Wars ..." Rumple whispered.

"The man who bought me was a portal jumper. He brought me to this world but he was killed shortly after we arrived and I ended up in an orphange that put the Hudson Street one to shame. I ran away a few times but the last time I was finally adopted by Alex and Josie MacNamara. They took me in and raised me as their own. I'm not lying Rumple."

Their eyes met.

"If what you say is true, how did you find out who you were?"

"From me."

Rumple's eyes widened when glanced over at the loveseat to see Archie sitting there with Lilly while a lookalike of him stood beside them, this one with a mustache and beard. "And WHO are you? Archie's twin?" he demanded suspiciously.

"No. I am him...from another realm. My name is Archie Ozopov Hopper but I've been using my original name of Jiminy so that we don't confuse anyone. I met Robert eighteen years ago when he discovered a portal in the Andes that opened to my world's version of Oz. We called it the OZ...the Outer Zone. My wife Azkadellia was possessed by the wicked witch Bastinda and abducted Robert to try to use him as a weapon against the light mages in all the realms."

"Why would you be a weapon against mages?" Rumple inquired of his brother.

"I wasn't aware of it at the time I was taken but I have the ability to create a null magic field. Any time I came into contact with a mage, they couldn't use their powers against me and I could drain them of them. Demigods and gods are much harder to drain but I can still drain them. Now my null magic field only works against dark mages thanks to Loki." Robert glanced over at the god who sat on the sofa with Regina and Meredith.

"Loki of Asgard..."

"Now, now, no need for that," Loki said as his great-grandson was about to kneel before him.

"Why are you here?"

"He saved us from the wicked witch!" Regina spoke up.

"Actually you saved yourselves darlings. I just helped a bit. And you rescued Robert."

"I thought he was you Unca Rumple."

"I can see why you would dearie," Rumple said with a smile. "Thank you my lord."

"No thanks is needed. I would have done the same if it were you, Robert and Rhea."

"Why?"

"Because you are my great-grandchildren."

"Wh...What?!"

"Your mother, Daria, was the daughter of one of my twin sons, Narvi."

Loki then went on to explain Daria's abduction by the Queen of the Fae, her belief that she was the Gold Fairy and her choice to give her magic to raise a family with a man unworthy of her. Rumple shook his head.

"The faries have been having a go at me my whole life and now you tell me they wrecked my mother's life too!"

"I wasn't even aware Daria was my grandchild until she came to me in the astral plane. Once I learned the truth I vowed that I would find a way to reunite my great-grandchildren and now I have...through these very special little girls." Loki smiled at Regina and Meredith. "And Titania owes me a debt for what she's done to my family. She WILL pay it!"

"So does my father." Rumple muttered.

"His hide would be mounted on my wall if he weren't in Hel already."

"You believe me, Rumple?" Robert asked hopefully.

"Yes...I do."

Robert felt as if a mountain had been lifted off his shoulders. Before he could say anything more, his brother's arms went around him and held him fast. The retired Marine colonel that seldom cried found himself weeping tears of joy.

"Eighteen years...that's how long I've been trying to find you," he sobbed. "Eighteen years..."

"You've found me now...and we're never going to be lost again!" his twin vowed.

Loki fought back his own tears, hoping his beloved granddaughter was able to witness this joyful moment only it would not be complete until Rhea joined them but it would not be much longer. He could sense she was close by.

"Does Rhea know?"

"Not yet Rumple but she will...unless she's Seen it," Loki replied. "And if she had Seen it before, she would've told you."

Robert shook his head. "The prison I was locked in would have prevented her from Seeing me."

"Aunt Rhea!" Alina exclaimed.

Rhea stood in the doorway, her arms held out for her brothers.

Rumple smirked. "And just how long have you been standing there, dearie?"

"Long enough to hear that the things I've been Seeing in the last few hours are true old dragon," she said softly. "A brother Rumple! We have a brother! Now I'm going to have two of you teasing me!"

"You can count on it!" Robert embraced her. "Just don't be calling me old dragon, okay?"

"Oh I'll think of something to call you!" she laughed.

The visions began the moment the Black Pearl vanished into the portal that would take it to Storybrooke. At first Rhea assumed the man she'd been seeing trapped in Oz had been her brother until her vision took her back to the Outer Zone.

Oz (The Outer Zone) Nonestica  
Eighteen years earlier

I should've known there would be no escape, even in another world, Robert thought bitterly from inside the iron suit that was a worse prison than any other he'd been in before. This Ozian sorceress was creative with her torture, he had to give her that. The suit was designed to keep him alive but it was sealed with magic meaning only she could open it. She only released him long enough to have him "viewed" by Seers that were half animal and half human with the ability to see the truths one's mind concealed by looking into their hearts and it was through these sessions that he learned the truth of his family, painful as it was. Rumor had it that the Viewer population was becoming extinct because many of them died attempting to read another one of prisoners, a man named Wyatt Cain. Robert didn't want anyone or anything dying for him.

It was after midnight when he heard the door to his cell unlock and a tall, bearded ginger haired man entered the room wearing the gold armor and black leather of the Sorceress's army. The man placed his hand on the front of the iron suit and it opened. Robert sighed. Another mage...and with powers second to those of his mistress. This man had to be the Commander Jiminy Ozopov one of his guards complained about, the sorceress's second in command and lover yet none of them dared cross him in fear that he would kill them without even breaking a sweat. His counterpart in his own world was Jiminy Cricket, a former thief transformed into a cricket by the Blue Fairy to make amends for turning a child's parent into puppets. The cricket would later serve as an advisor to Snow White and this version of him lived a similar life until a travel storm brought him to the OZ the day the Dark Curse was cast. Life in the OZ had hardened the former cricket and being trained in magic made him more terrifying and the null magic field he had seemed to be failing him at the moment.

"What do you want?" Robert demanded angrily. "Going to have me viewed again?"

"I don't need to. All the answers I need are right there," Jiminy said, pointing to Robert's chest. "And I could take it out and look at them, if I'm inclined to."

"So do it!" he challenged. "I know all about you. The cricket who lost his conscience the moment he climbed into the sorceress's bed!"

"You know nothing about me!" Jiminy growled. He waved his hand and cast a silencing spell over the cell. "But I know everything about you Colonel Robert MacNamara. You don't belong here."

"That's obvious, dearie but your sorceress seems to like keeping me around. She's wasting her time. I don't have magic. I repel it. She should just let me go and find the version of my brother she wants."

"She already knows where he is."

Robert laughed. "So...you have no idea why she's keeping me here either. Afraid she's gonna replace you with me."

"That will never happen. You're not one of the Guardians of the Balance. I am, at least in this world. But, there is a chance you may be in your own and that is why I have to send you back."

"You're releasing me? This has to be a trick."

"It's no trick." Jiminy gestured and he tumbled out of the tin suit. "Sorry about that." He reached into his pocket and took out a gold coin. "Take my hand. We don't have much time."

He hesitated.

"Oh for Lurline's sake!" Jiminy grabbed his hand and teleported them into the forest. He pressed the coin into the other man's palm. "Over that hill is a village. Look for the blue smoke coming out the chimney and tell the woman inside Cricket sent you and to give you safe passage out of the OZ."

"You're playing both sides, aren't you?"

"I have to. It's the only chance I have of saving my wife."

"The princess Azkadellia is your wife, isn't she?"

Jiminy nodded sadly. "I can't free her from Bastinda alone. My magic isn't strong enough yet. Nor can I free our Rumplestiltskin from his curse. The Guardians have to be united for that to happen. And it will," he added determinedly.

"I wish you luck. You're gonna need it...Cricket. Maybe I'll see you again when all this is over."

"We can only hope." Jiminy smiled and vanished in a puff of green smoke.

Bobby arrived at his destination an hour later, a small cottage at the bottom of the hill. He rapped several times before a woman with silvery blond hair opened the door, an angry teenage boy at her side holding a gun.

"I mean you no harm…."

"I know you don't, Robert McNamara," the woman said softly. "Come inside, quickly. Jeb, lock the door!"

"Who is he, Mother?"

"A lost soul," Adora Kantrine Cain murmured.

"I was told to tell you that Cricket sent me and to give you this for safe passage out of the OZ." He placed the coin in the woman's palm. "But...how do you know my name?"

"Come outside with me and we'll talk."

Robert shook his head. This place and these people were stranger by the minute. He followed her outside hoping she would make sense of the strangeness he'd encountered from the moment he arrived in this world.

"Okay, we're outside now how do you know my name? I wasn't even in this realm long before I was captured by the Sorceress."

"Because I am more than just a Resistance leader. My true name is Ozmalita Diosa."

He'd heard that name mentioned a few times during his confinement. Ozmalita Diosa was the servant angel to their goddess Lurline, punished to live as a mortal for marrying the Guardian Wyatt Cain and having his child though he was meant to marry to the deceased Princess Dorothia, Azkadellia's younger sister. She was now the leader of the Resistance movement against the Sorceress's reign.

"That clears up a few things. But how can you get me out of here without your powers?"

"This coin Jiminy gave you will summon a storm that can take you back to your own world." She tossed it into the ground, a large funnel cloud forming in front of them. "Once you're inside think of the place you want to be and you will go there. Quickly...before it fades!" she ordered over the howling winds.

He had no way of knowing that his portal was about to be hijacked and he would exchange one prison for another.

Jimmy seized the opportunity and snapped a picture with his camera of the siblings embracing each other and would have copies of it made to put in frames for each of them as his Christmas gift.

Rhea drew away first and went to hug Loki. "You are our family too . . . Grandpa."

Loki hugged her back. "Well, darling, I finally have all my missing great-grandchildren together again. And I am so very happy." His smile lit up the room.

Jimmy took another picture to add to his growing collection.

Rhea blinked. "Holy Starseekers! You could stop traffic with that smile! Or make a woman pass out."  
Lilly giggled. "And young princesses have a crush that lasts for years."

"He should change his name to Studmuffin!" Emma joked.

Loki groaned. "Don't give my fangirls any ideas! They chase me enough already."

"Now we know where you get your looks from honey," Belle said to her husband.

"Guilty, I'm afraid," Loki laughed. "All my descendants seem to have inherited some of that."

Emma patted Bae's shoulder. "Even you, you lug!"

"So...do you have a girlfriend Robert?" Rhea asked him.

"No, I haven't," he confessed.

"Being locked up for eighteen years with the repulsive green witch would've made me want to avoid women for a while," Jiminy said.

Part of him did want to start a family of his own once he finally got settled.

"You have time to find the one who is your heart's desire," Loki told him.

"But first Zorinda must be dealt with," Jiminy reminded them.

"Who is Zorinda?" Rumple asked him.

"You know her as Cora Miller but her real name is Zorinda Strogoff. She is from my world and the original Dark One vessel until she was killed and sent to the Ozian Hell Realm. She transferred her soul into Cora's body years ago so that she could be reborn."

"And when she willed herself back into existence, she wasn't aware she resurrected me as well. I am her twin," Lilly added.

"You are her twin? From another realm?" Rumple sputtered.

She gestured and a book appeared in her hand. Henry leaned over and could see the words ONCE UPON A TIME: VOLUME IV: NONESTICA written on it.

"And your counterpart's mother," she added proudly.

"Really? Then that means that Archie is . . . Oh my God!" He starts giggling.

"I'm still coming to grips with that one. I'm his stepfather. His father was Peter Pan...or Malcolm McDermott," Archie spoke up.

"May he rot in Ephesis for eternity," they heard a voice snarl.

"Must be Grand Central Station here," Bae muttered.

"Okay Rumfather, cut the crap and show yourself!" Jiminy laughed.

"I would if I could dearie but I'm still laid up from these damn gallstones as you know!" Rum Strogoff snapped.

"Are you astral projecting again, Strogoff?" Loki demanded. "You know that's exhausting in your condition."

"Yes I know and Belle is sitting here with a book ready to throw at me but I wanted to see everyone there."

Loki sighed. "You as stubborn as any of my grandsons. I could have sent you pictures."

"I get it from my mother."

"Can you appear if I anchor you darling?" Lilly inquired softly.

"I don't know Mama. You gave most of your magic to me before you died."

"I can lend you some of mine. But be warned, my magic will feel like the best thing you ever felt in your life, but once I remove the link it's going to knock you on your back for a few hours." Loki informed him.

"That will make Belle happy. I would ask my great-grandfather or whatever the hell Hades is but I'm pissed at him at the moment because he should've made sure Zorinda was locked up!"

"All right, you can throw fireballs at Hades later," Loki chuckled. "Ready?"

"I'm ready."

Loki's eyes glow molten silver for a brief instant as he transfers some of his divine magic into Rumple Strogoff-Gold. A puff of magenta smoke appeared in the living room revealing him dressed in a long grey dragonscale coat, leather pants, a grey satin shirt and boots. Jiminy laughed.

"How did I know you were showing up looking like that? Let me guess. You did it so Belle can ogle you from the mirror she's scrying from!"

"Of course!" Rum Strogoff giggled. "It's been her favorite outfit since she first saw it Neverland."

Belle looks at him speculatively. "Rumple, you need to put yours on."

Rhea starts laughing. "Oh Great Stars and Stones! Do all the men in this family wear leather?"

"I think it's a family tradition. See?" Loki transforms his ordinary jeans and shirt into a set of blue leather pants and midnight blue armor with a golden cloak.

"Robert doesn't have any," Meredith pointed out.

"Hmm. You want a pair?" Rumple asked his twin.

"Yes! You do!' Emma answered for him and dressed her husband in his own set.

"Roll in the tongue Mom!" Henry cracked up.

Loki wriggled his fingers and gave his great-grandson a matching set of leathers. "There! Now we all match!"

"Suddenly the temperature in here just went over a hundred degrees, sugar!" Alice gasped, fanning herself.

Rum Strogoff walked over to where his mother was sitting and threw his arms around her. "Mama...I've waited so long for this...to see you!"

"I know darling," she wept. "Thank you Loki! Thank you so much for letting him come to me!"

"You're welcome, Lilly. You know me. I'm a sucker for family reunions." The god of mischief grinned.

If only we could see our mother, Rhea thought mournfully.

Loki cleared his throat. "Is that request, darling? Because I can grant it if you ask me directly."

"Loki, may we see our mother?"

"It is my pleasure, Rhea Gold." He lowers his head and Calls Daria's spirt from the Astral. "Daria Laufeyson, I summon thee."

Rhea joined hands with her brothers, her eyes filled with tears.

"Together again...as I've dreamed you would be after all these years..."

"You can hug them, Daria." Loki smiled. "That much I can grant to you."

"It's more than I could've hoped for."

The small woman with golden hair in the beautiful green dress approached her children and opened her arms. "All my children . . .reunited at last."

She was still as beautiful as Rumple and Rhea remembered her to be but she was still a stranger to the second son she'd given life to. Yet he went to her as willingly as his siblings did, longing to feel her warm embrace.

Daria hugged them close murmuring softly, "I love you, my dearies." She projects her love to each of them.

"But...but I never knew you," Robert confessed sadly. "HE took me away from you."

"Aye, my worthless husband stole ye from my arms. But ye are MY bairn, dearie," Daria told him, her voice taking on the cadence of the mortal villagers she lived among for so long. "And a mother always loves her own child, no matter how long they are apart."

"Yes she does," Lilly agreed, holding her own son close. "I gave my life to save my son and every day I longed to be given a chance to be reunited with him."

"All the lost ones have come home," Loki declared, dabbing his eyes with one of his handkerchiefs. "And you've turned me into a damn waterfall!"

"Us too," Belle sniffled.

"The queen's not gonna steal Christmas now!" Regina declared.

"No, she isn't darling!" Loki affirmed. "Because I'm going to kick her backside to Hel."

"Actually that will be your great-grandchildrens' job...with a little help from us," Rum Strogoff said. "After all, Rumple has earned his place at the West Gate now that he's taken care of his pirate problem."

"You are going to need me," Loki argued. "She has gotten stronger since her rebirth."

"True, she has and I woudn't count on Hades to be of any help."

"No, he wouldn't be since we made him give back Baelfire and Robin in Storybrooke Two," Jiminy pointed out.

"He tends to sulk when his pride is hurt.," Loki remarked. "Unfortunately, we don't have time to indulge him."

"The Book of the Ancients Robert. Do you still have it?" Jiminy asked.

"Yes," Robert said, and took the book from his jacket pocket.

Rum Strogoff took and turned to a page with a drawing of a tear shaped pendant. "That is what we need to help you defeat Zorinda. It's called Aramon's talisman."

"Where do you find it?" Rumple wanted to know. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Nor would you," Lilly said. "It was created in Russia during the reign of Ivan the Terrible by our ancestor Ivan Strogoff who later became the Ozian god Aramon when he married my ancestor Lurline."

"What does it do?" Henry asked.

"It can render any magical being, even a god powerless for a short amount of time but if you press it against their hearts it takes them away permanently."

"Only those of the Strogoff bloodline can use it," Rum Strogoff added. "But what you're seeing here is Aramon's writings on how to replicate it."

Rhea peers at the book. "This is in an ancient Russian dialect."

"This was the other reason why Zorinda and Zelena were after the book, Robert," Jiminy said. "That talisman is the most powerful magical item in ALL the worlds and every dark mage would sell their souls to get their hands on the instructions to replicate it!"

"That's correct Rhea...a dialect that only the members of my family can translate." Lilly indicated herself and her son. "Unfortunately that list includes Zorinda. She used the talisman to strip me of my powers and killed me."

Rhea frowned. "Is there anything to counter this? I mean what if we recreate it and it falls into the wrong hands?"

Rum Strogoff turned to another page showing a square shaped pendant. "The counter is the Strogoff Emerald. It can restore your powers the same way the talisman removes them. To activate them you speak the true name of the mage you are using them on."

Rum Strogoff walked over to the mirror on the wall and reached through it, a small wooden box in his hand.

"Thank you Henry," he said.

He held out the box for the others to see. Inside were two pendants based on the illustrations in the book, a tear shaped ruby and a square emerald pendant.

Rumple eyed them. "How long do we have to make these, dearie?"

"There are enough of us here powerful enough to reproduce them in forty-eight hours. It took Aramon two years by himself."

"Twenty-four if I add my magic to yours," Loki corrected.

"Still too long...Rumple, we can cut it down to even less if all four Nonestican guardians help," Lilly suggested.

"I'm on borrowed magic Mama and It will drain me hard but I'll try. Az, DG and Henry, would they need to be here?"

"No. They can channel their energy through someone. I can channel Henry's magic since he is my great-grandson. Jiminy can channel Az's magic and possibly DG's."

"A circle of nine. The number of Power," Loki said approvingly.

"I may not be able to channel both Az and DG's magic but I have someone who might be able to help me. Pallux!" Jiminy called out.

The mobat demon tattoo on his arm began to glow. Emma shrieked and dove behind the sofa when he flew off his master's arm and into the center of the living room.

"Turn back into Pongo please before you scare the daylights out of the babies!"

"Well you didn't say what form I was supposed to take," the Dalmatian huffed. "Next time specify!"

"Scared of a flying monkey? Really Emma!" Bae teased.

"So they scared me the first time I saw the Wizard of Oz. Sue me!"

Henry held up his phone smirking, Jimmy was laughing behind the lens of his camera.

"You didn't..." Emma groaned.

"Oh yes we did," Henry taunted. "Blame it on being Loki's great-great-great grandson!"

"Mischief runs in the family!" the god chuckled.

"Delete it! Delete it!"

"Oh heck no. Lemme see Henry!" Bae took the phone and played back the video, howling with laughter.

Daria was also laughing. "I need to visit more often!"

"Yes you do Mama," Rumple said gently.

"I'd like that very much. I've missed all of you so much and I want to get to know my grandchildren...and great grandchildren!"

"We're a pretty crazy bunch," Alina said with a laugh.

Daria smiled wistfully, recalling the games Rhea and Rumple used to play as children. "I can handle it dearie."

One of her most precious moments was being able to hold the littlest members of her grandson's family. Dylan and little Daria took to her right away and she could sense the strong fae magic within them, fae magic that Titania would be desperate to get her greedy little hands on if she managed to escape Loki's wrath.

"Thank you for being a good wife to my son, Belle."

"No thanks is necessary. I've always wanted to be a better wife to him than Milah ever was."

She glanced over to where her husband stood with his brother and sister. It was wonderful to see the three of them together and though others may not have been able to tell her husband and his twin apart, she knew she would have no trouble at all. She smiled, a plan forming in her mind.

"Matchmaking, dearie?" her mother-in-law teased.

"You read my mind!" Belle accused, laughing.

"It can't be helped. Now then, what lady do ye have in mind for my lad?"

"No one at the moment but there are a few bachelorettes in town that still make google eyes at my husband. Well they can admire Robert instead and if they can't be ladies with him I'll take the book to them like I did to a certain evil queen!"

"Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match," Alice and Loki sang in tandem.

Jeff stared. "You two are Looney Tunes."

"What-you never saw Fiddler on the Roof?" Loki giggled.

"Culture escapes him, sugar," Alice snickered.

"Crazy," Jeff rolled his eyes.

"Stop it, Carstairs," Alice cried. "Before you tick him off and he turns you into a pumpkin."

"Oh, don't worry. I have a thick skin," Loki reassured her. "I've been called every name there is in the book . . . and some that aren't even in there."

"I'm gonna call you Studmuffin!" Emma joked.

Henry rolled his eyes and shook his head. "My mom is such a fangirl. At least your mom is behaving," he said to Alina.

"Only cause Papa's right here," Alina giggled.

"You call me that, Emma, and I'll have to sing the Muffin Man song," Loki smirked. "Right, angel face?" He tickled Ilyssa and the baby squealed with joy, her tiny wings emerging. Loki picked her up, her wings fluttering, and tossed her gently into the air. She hovered before gliding back down to his waiting hands.

"Oh wow! I didn't know she could do that!" Bae exclaimed.

"Now we do...oh boy...she's gonna be flyin off everywhere!" Emma moaned.

"Mama, I think you, Archie, Merri and Regina should go back to Juno with me," they heard Rum Strogoff say to Lilly.

"Why?"

"We have stronger wards there. Zorinda's going to try to come after you again now that you have your memories back and she's not finished with Regina yet. She will try to reverse her deaging. And Snow, you and David should come as well."

"I can stay here and keep an eye on them Rum," Jiminty spoke up.

"I may need you to check the other Storybrookes. Alemedia is not a fool. She's created more Dark One daggers and I have no doubt she's hidden them there. They all have to be neutralized and if Zorinda gets hold of one of them she becomes the Dark One again."

"We have to tell the others where the other Storybrookes are. We might need their help monitoring them. And they need to be told about the Home Office."

"I haven't forgotten that. Has Archie seen them in Storybrooke Two?"

"No. Not since Pan was killed there. Doesn't mean they won't try to go back."

"All right you two. What is going on?" Lilly demanded. "Are we under another threat besides my sister?"

Rum sighed deeply. "Yes, Mama."

"Out with it. Now!"

"Everyone is having such a wonderful time."

"Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold, if you know there is other danger, you will speak up or by the goddess I will summon a seeing globe and find out myself! Now what is this Home Office you're talking about?"

"They're based in England, Mama and they're...they're killing people from all the realms. Mages are their primary targets. We thought it was just some cult Pan made up until I got a call from one of the other Jiminys from what's called 'The Wish Realm'. He worked at the NSA here and was using his job as cover to track them."

"Storybrooke Two's Archie had a twin named Silas. Silas was a Dark One working for them, killing fairy tale creatures and mages across the country," Jiminy added. "My brother David almost caught him in San Francisco but he got away. Silas is dead now but there are still a lot of members in that organization."

"Do you think my sister might be working with them?"

"It's possible."

"Birds of a feather," Rumple muttered.

"You heard all that?" Rum Strogoff asked him.

"I'm not deaf yet, dearie," Rumple quipped.

"You can thank the bastard that spawned me for it. The Home Office started when he tried to abduct the Darling boys and took their sister instead. It made them want to destroy all magic but they changed their minds after they helped us defeat Pan. I cannot say the same for their followers. They left the order and formed their own branch that destroys all magical creatures and the safe havens we create."

"That's another reason why we're here. We're trying to warn everyone about them so they can be ready," Jiminy said.

"Then we should start work on the talisman and the emerald soon," Lilly suggested.

"Is it always like this where you're from? Not a moment's peace?" Emma inquired of Jiminy and Rum.

"Not always dearie. We had seven years of peace and quiet but that was because we didn't know what was going on in the other Storybrookes."

"The Balance is shifting...the darkness has grown more powerful in those seven years because the other realms were not closely monitored," Loki added.

"Not to mention the pirate menace in our seas," Rhea snarled.

"We're all gonna need a LONG vacation after this!" Bae joked.

"Cool! I wanna go to New York again!" Regina squealed.

Rumple groaned. One adventure in New York with her had been enough!

"Something wrong Rumple. You're looking a bit pale," Robert observed. "Why does the idea of going to New York again make you look like you want to crawl in a hole?"

"Oh brother dearie if you only knew!"

"And beware on Thanksgiving. You eat turkey expect the Queen here to be outside your house staging a protest," Jeff added.

"W...What? But you're supposed to eat turkey on Thanksgiving!" Robert gaped at the child.

"Nuh-uh! You better eat pizza Unca Bobby or m'gonna find out where you live an protest till you do!"

"If I wanna eat turkey, I'm gonna eat turkey," Robert said defiantly. "Just try and stop me."

Regina jumped off the sofa and ran over to him, her chin puffed out. "You're on, Unca Bobby!"

"Uh-oh, Regina's layin the smackdown!" Henry laughed.

"My poor uncle has NO idea what he's getting himself into!" Alina giggled.

"This I have to see!" Loki snickered.

"Well take a seat an bring some popcorn 'cause I'm gonna do it!"

"We don't eat turkey at our house. Grampa doesn't want to," Meredith spoke up.

"Yeah 'cause he was on MY side!"

Jiminy Ozopov doubled over laughing. "This...this reminds me of us that night we got arrested...right, Rumfather?"

"Dearie, I was not the one who decided to stage a sit-in in the lobby of the police station. That was Belle's idea and you and Az encouraged it."

"What's a sit in?" Regina wanted to know.

"Never you mind Regina Nolan!"

"But Daddy I wanna know."

"No you don't."

"I'll find out," the former queen said determinedly.

"Might as well tell her Dad. She's gonna keep at it til you do anyway," Emma advised.

"Later."

"But Daddy..."

"Later, Regina," Snow said firmly.

"Okay Mommy."

"I suppose we'd best get started making the talismans," Rumple said.

"I'll go get dinner ready. I have a feeling you mages are gonna be working up quite the appetite," Alice put on her apron. Belle and Alina followed her into the kitchen and donned their own aprons. As they were getting everything ready Lilly poked her head in.

"Ah, make my son a light meal please. He just had gallstones removed and is on a strict diet."

"Mama!" they heard her son protest, followed by laughter.

"Laugh it up Gold and we'll be seeing how funny it is when YE are havin gallstones removed, dearie!"

Belle and Alice opened the kitchen door to see the two Rumples facing each other.

"I eat healthier than you obviously, dearie!"

"It's like having a triplet isn't it dearie?" Robert asked, chuckling.

"Rumples, Rumples, Rumples, oh my!" Belle laughed, putting her own spin on Dorothy's famous quote from The Wizard of Oz.


	10. Talismans and a Little Bait and Switch

While Belle and Alice took care of dinner, Rumple took his siblings and guests down to his basement lab. Henry, Alina and Emma insisted on going to watch the more experienced mages work their wonders. Once they were in the lab, Rumple conjured a mirror that Rum Strogoff and Jiminy could use to communicate with their Juno friends if needed, all of the Storybrooke crew in for quite a shock when Regina's counterpart appeared on the mirror.

"Jiminy, I can channel DG's magic for her," Regina Mills-Hood suggested. "Pallux can only channel so much of it. What you need for this spell is a full blown mage and we can cut the time to make the stones down even further." She smiled at Rumple. "And it's always a pleasure to meet another version of the man who was a second father to me."

"Not in this world, dearie."

"Oh? Then why does Mini Me call you 'Unca Rumple'?" she asked with a laugh.

He shrugged.

"Like I said...second father."

"She has you there, grandson," Loki chuckled. "Half of my nieces and nephews treat me more like a father than an uncle because I'm the one who basically raised them since I was the one who was with them when they were small. Half the time their parents are off wandering the other realms and saving other people. But I tend to stay home more often than not with my children, so guess who was there for them when they were hurt or got in trouble? Me. So now they come to me with problems or for advice."

"Rumple...I have an idea..." Rhea murmured.

"What are you Seeing, Rhea?" Rumple demanded, knowing that when his younger sister spoke in 'that' kind of voice, she'd just emerged from a Seer's trance and had some sort of warning to give them or a solution to a difficult problem.

"Cora's ultimate goal is to attempt to reverse Regina's deaging and try to force her to join her..."

"Ah-hah!" Rum Strogoff exclaimed. "You've had the same Vision I have dearie. Follow the Lady!"

"I don't think you understand what..."

"Oh but I do...Regina, do you understand?"

"Yes...and count me in."

"Alright, can someone please explain to me?"

"It's simple Rumple. You swap your Regina out for me."

"Shape change, darling?" Loki queried. "That's my stock in trade."

"Oooh and WHO might you be gorgeous," the former Evil Queen crooned.

Henry slapped his forehead. "Oh my God now THAT version of Regina is fangirling! Where's my mini me when I need him!"

Loki smiled, showing his perfect white teeth, his mouth crinkling into an irresistible grin. "Name's Loki Laufeyson of Asgard, honey."

"Regina Mills-Hood, former Evil Queen, damn glad to mee'cha!"

Emma and Bae snickered. "Holy crap she did an Animal House reference!" Bae laughed.

"I always liked that movie," Loki laughed. "So is that what you have in mind, darling?"

"Yes. I can change into little Regina and come over there while she is safe here. I know the risks but enough mages have my back that I won't be too worried."

She smiled. "And don't be surprised if a few of us come over to help you deal with your pirate problem for the townspeople. We Enchanted Forest clans have to stick together."

"Family helps family," Loki agreed. "And when it comes down to it, we're all family in one way or another."

The queen stepped through the mirror and into the room. "I've already given the green light and the troops are ready to roll. But first..." She took off her jacket and rolled up her sleeves. "I'm ready to make some talismans."

Rum Strogoff took the ruby and emerald pendants out of their boxes and set them on the table. "Rumple, because these new ones will be tied to your bloodline, you have the option of changing what stones go in them."

Lilly opened the Book of Ancients and began to read. "Once you choose the stones we of the Strogoff and Ozopov bloodlines have to extract some of the magic from ours to transfer to yours."

"Magic from all five elements...earth, air, fire, water and spirit," Jiminy added.

"Now all we need are the stones and those have to come from you, Rumple," Rum Strogoff said.

Rumple went to a chest made of teakwood. "Here I have an emerald of fine quality. And an amber stone." He takes out an emerald the size of a robin's egg and a chunk of polished amber the size of a fist.

"Perfect dearie. Now you just need to decide which one will be the talisman and which will be the counter." Were it his decision he would make them the complete opposites of his own set to further confuse the madwoman that was his aunt.

"I would like the amber to be the talisman and the emerald its counter."

"All right. Now use your magic and give them their shape," Lilly instructed. "You can make them the same as ours or choose your own."

The Nonestican mages formed a circle and placed their own emerald and talisman on the floor inside it.

"I, Jiminy Ozopov Hopper, Heart of the North Guardian give the power of Earth!" Jiminy chanted. The ruby and emerald floated off the floor and hovered in the circle, their stones glowing.

"I Regina Mills-Hood, Representative of the South and East Guardians give the powers of Air and Water!"

"I Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold, Guardian of the West, give the power of fire!"

"I Lilliana Strogoff Hopper, give the power of Spirit!"

A beam of white light emitted from the glowing stones.

"We're ready when you are," Rum said to his couterpart.

Rumple, with Loki and Rhea's assistance began to transform the amber stone into an oval shape and the emerald into a diamond. He then summoned two bezels from his shop that he'd been given as part of a deal back when he was the Dark One. The stones for each had fallen out years ago and he'd never bothered to look for them.

"Hold the stones under our light and all of you will need to recite the incantations to give them their power."

Lilly handed Rumple the book with the incantation translated from Old Russian and Nonestican Ozian to English.

"Earth, air, fire, water and spirit combine...give them your power to defend our bloodline!" they chanted.

They held the stones in the light for several minutes until it vanished, their Strogoff counterparts returning to their protective box.

"Now these can only be used by those of your bloodline or those you give permission to," Rum Strogoff informed them.

Loki took the stones and used his own magic to set them in the bezels and conjured two suede chains to hang them from.

"So we can make protective devices like that anytime?" Emma asked.

"You can but it's rough on the system after you do it," Jiminy yawned.

Rum Strogoff leaned against the table. "Mama...my cane..."

Lilly summoned it and handed it to her son. "You need to lie down darling. Loki's magic is wearing off and I am not going to have my daughter-in-law beating me with a book for not letting you rest."

"Sorry, borrowed magic only lasts so long," the god apologized.

"S'okay...I drain anyway after I use a lot of magic...price I paid for breaking the Dark One curse...along with this." He unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a scar on his chest, over his heart. "And...my limp came back...to remind me of what I was before I became the Dark One..."

"Magic extracts its own price," Loki murmured.

Rum smiled wanly at his counterpart. "You were fortunate dearie that you had a powerful cursebreaker in your sister. I was not so lucky."

Rumple smiled. "It knocked her on her back for a week. And I still had my limp until Alina healed me in New York when I fought the T-Rex."

"I died," Rum said sadly. "And could only be brought back by those I loved gifting me with a piece of their own life force."

"Occasionally, a life price is what's required." Loki said wisely. "I died and was reborn also. After I sacrificed my life to save my brother and my home. And when I was reborn I came back stronger than before."

"So did my cousin DG and her husband Wyatt. They had to turn their Dark One daggers on each other to neutralize them."

Lilly draped her son's arm over her shoulders to support him. "Come...Archie and I will take you back to our house to sleep and I'll set the wards."

"And it's time for me to change," Regina Hood said. "Loki, gorgeous, would you be willing to do the honors?"

Jiminy laughed. "Robin is gonna go nuts."

"He'll get over it."

"Regina is gonna flip out when she sees you."

"She's me. She'll be fine. We would've swapped Zelena out with ours but since she's monkey chow that's out of the question."

Bae spit out his drink laughing.

"Bealfire! Look what you did to my wall!" Rumple exclaimed, pointing to the blue mess. "Now you march yourself up to the kitchen and get a bucket and a scrub brush!"

"Papa, I'm not ten years old anymore!" Bae protested.

"Git! Or I'll make you scrub the whole basement!"

"Y'know you could make him clean the toilets with a toothbrush," Robert said with a smirk. "That's how my CO used to punish the lazy asses in my unit...and your bed had to be made neat enough that you could bounce a quarter off it."

Rumple gave his son the Look. "I'm waiting Baelfire."

"Okay, okay I'm goin!"

"Damn kids," Rumple muttered.

"Try having a wife that goes full Godfather on you if she sees dust bunnies," Rum muttered. "Now I've always been a wee bit OCD but I also have a bit of a...errr...hoarding issue and when Belle came to my castle she was always grousing when she found dust bunnies in the places I asked her to clean."

He giggled. "So I put her in a dust bunny trap that she had to sweep herself out of and got a swat on my backside with the broom for it."

Bae returned with the bucket and a brush a few minutes later, his father standing over him while he scrubbed the wall with Henry recording the event on his phone and even Jimmy had taken a few photographs as blackmail material against his older brother.

"No, no no. You're smearing it! Dump the bucket out, clean the brush and get fresh water!"

Bae groaned. "Pain in the ass.."

"What was that you just said Baelfire Gold?"

"Nothing..."

"Better have been nothing or ye'll be tasting soap and cleaning the whole house."

Loki was quietly laughing in the corner. 'Oh, but you sound like me when I get on my kids asses for something. I once made Fen and Jorgy muck out the entire stables and kennels because they were smart asses to their stepmom and grandmother. And I made Miri wash all the clothes for the maids one day after she put bluing in the wash water and dyed everyone's underwear blue."

"My Ambrosia bleached all our clothes when she was learning to do laundry," Jiminy said.

"I wouldn't have minded if it was an accident, only it wasn't. It was deliberate." Loki said. "My children are allowed to play harmless pranks, but not things which cost people time and effort to redo or that hurt them. Thor's son Modi once made my daughter cry teasing her over her hair. Miri has white silvery hair and he was always saying she looked like an old woman. So I told him to stop, and he said "Make me, Uncle Loki. I'm not seven anymore."

"What did you do?" Henry asked curiously.

"I took him by the ear, yes I am still big enough to do that, and marched him over to the corner and I stuck him there with magic for an hour. He was around three hundred when I did that. And I made him wear a sign that said I will not tease my cousin."

Bae returned with fresh water and started scrubbing again. "You want me to scrub so you can see your face in it?"

"Very funny. No. Just get that crap off my wall!"

"The Merry Men moved into my house after Nonestica was destroyed and made pigs of themselves so I let the Evil Queen out to play. I made them scrub my house from top to bottom, muck out my horse stalls and anything else I felt like doing." Gina laughed evilly.

"Ye wanna tell them what you did to MY house at Bae's wedding dearie?" Rum Strogoff demanded.

"I wasn't there...but I heard about it!" Jiminy chuckled.

"I would show them but I'm too tired."

"I wanna hear this story!" Henry exclaimed.

"You have to see it." Jiminy waved his hand and the mirror on the wall showed an image of a living room mansion where a large group of people dressed in formal clothes lay on the floor in various places passed out drunk or asleep. Food was splattered all over the walls and furniture and some undergarments were hanging on the lamps.

"Belle and Rumple were at the hospital where she gave birth to their son Nathan and THIS is what they came home to."

Emma couldn't help laughing seeing her counterpart passed out drunk on the living floor in her wedding dress, Bae asleep beside her. Regina and Robin Hood lay a few feet away.

 _"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PEOPLE DO TO MY HOUSE?!" Rumple roared at the group of people passed out in various places in his living room and the living room itself in disarray. Robin was the first to awaken and lowered his head sheepishly as he addressed the sorcerer who'd once tried to wipe the floor with him for stealing a wand._

 _"Ummm..we made a bit of a mess none of us were...ahhh...in any condition to clean up."_

 _"My living room looks like a goddam frat house during rush week! I want all you sons of bitches up off your asses and putting this room back the way it was or so help me God I'll turn you into the pigs you've made of yourselves!"_

"Oh I was livid," Rum muttered. "More with my son than anyone else."

"So who did the underwear and bras belong to?" Robert inquired.

"Me...and Emma..." Gina admitted, blushing.

"What the heck?"

"Oh be quiet Miss Swan...I'm sure you've done a strip tease or two in your life!"

Rumple couldn't help laughing when he saw two elderly women working their way through the guests smacking them with a wooden paddle.

"Those are my cousins Cattie and Fiona and the Bruiser. They walloped the daylights out of everyone to get them to clean my house while I took a nice long nap."

And at that moment a nap was what he desperately needed.

"We'll come by in the morning," Lilly said and teleported out with her exhausted son.

"And now darling, it's time to make you young again," Loki said to Regina Hood.

Seconds later a little girl stood in the room wearing the same clothing as her counterpart, grinning mischievously. "Okay Baby Regal ready or not here comes Evil Regal!" she sang

"Oh dear God...two Reginas!" Emma moaned. "I don't even wanna think about what they could get up to!"

"Ya better call me Gina, kay? Cause we don't wanna confuse the real one."

"Oh I am gonna need a vacation after this!" Rumple sighed and followed the little girl upstairs.

To say that Regina was shocked to see that SHE now had a double was an understatement.

"So, you're gonna be me so the bad lady can't get me?" she asked Gina.

"Uh-huh an you're gonna go to the beach where I live with Merri an your mommy an daddy. It's really cool there."

"You're not scared of the bad lady?"

"A little," Gina confessed.

"Cora will see through her," Jimmy warned.

"Nuh-uh cause I'm gonna have all Regina's memories an I'm gonna act just like her. I had to pull out the bad ones too Rumple so's I knew what I was gonna be facing."

"You should get going Snow," Rumple advised. "We're going to put the story out that Regina is staying with me for a week or two while you two go off on some second honeymoon trip."

"Gina, thank you for doing this for us. I know it's as dangerous for you as it is for my daughter."

"Yeah but I've been through worse. Cora's kinda easy compared to Neverhell."

Regina shook her counterpart's hand. "Kick her butt an be naughty! Oh..an try not to get on Unca Rumple's nerves a lot, kay?"

"Aww c'mon! I gotta do it just a little!"

"Maybe a little but not too much or you'll have a sore butt!"

Gina laughed. "Ah, m'too old to get my butt smacked."

"Don't count on it dearie," Rumple cautioned. "I don't care how old you are. I can still turn you over my knee."

"Bring it," Gina challenged.

Just then they heard a knock on the door. Belle opened it to find a group of hysterical dwarves on the other side.

"We've got pirates comin!" Leroy shouted.

"I have to get back to the Pearl. Jack and the children need me," Rhea said to her brothers and grandfather.

"Be careful sister," Robert pleaded.

"I will. We've fought some of these bottom feeders before and kicked their backsides. They just need a few reminders of whom they're dealing with." Rhea teleported out.

"Some of 'em are headed into town. We've been roundin up everyone we can."

"Em, we need to go back to the dojo," Bae said to his wife.

"For what?" Jiminy asked.

"A few things, my bo staff for one and my sword."

JIminy stood up and waved his hand over the umbrella he carried, transforming it into a katana sword then summoned two more that he handed to Emma and Bae along with a bo staff. "Along with being a guardian, I'm also part of an ancient Ozian order known as the Talons of the Dragon. Our training is similar to that of a samurai."

"Thanks."

"Rumple, what do you need me to do?" Belle asked him.

He thought for a moment. Part of him wanted her to stay in Storybrooke but the other part wanted to send her somewhere far away from Cora and the cutthroat band of pirates that wouldn't think twice about harming her and their children.

"You should go with Snow and David," Rumple finally said.

"Papa, I want to stay and help!" Alina cried.

"So do I!" Henry spoke up.

"Out of the question," Rumple said firmly to his daughter and grandson. '"This is demigoddess and a ruthless band of pirates we're dealing with and I am not risking your safety. You're going to Florida and you're staying there until it's safe."

Alice armed herself with some of her sharpest knives from the kitchen and the meat cleaver and Jeff went back to his house for swords for him and Jimmy and they would also carry daggers. As word of the pirate invasion spread across the town, all of the residents armed themselves with anything they could find and emerged from their homes ready for battle.

"Mom! Dad!" Henry pleaded.

"You heard your grandfather. You're going to Florida." Emma said, leaving no room for argument.

"Okay," he sighed.

"You came back from every other battle you've faced and you WILL come back from this one," Belle said softly and kissed her husband. "And then my darling husband we are taking another vacation!"

He chuckled. "I'll be ready for one after this."

Daria and Dylan began to wail when he picked them up and held them, the babies sensing that their father was about to go off on a dnagerous mission. Ilyssa was also crying in Emma's arms. It was agonizing for the parents to be parted from their children but they had no choice when their enemies preyed on innocents.

 **Seaview Estates**

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

A large group of women were gathered on Azkadellia and Archie Ozopov Hopper's back patio.

"Seaview is now a sanctuary," Az informed them. "Storybrooke Five is under attack and they are sending some of their residents here, mostly children. They'll be terrified and missing their loved ones but our duty is to make them as comfortable as possible until it's safe to go home."

"When should we expect them?" inquired her sister-in-law. "This...this is like when Nonestica was destroyed!"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is. The portal is opening in a few minutes and it will stay open until everyone comes through. Then Henry will close it. It stays closed until we get word it's safe. Everyone, go back to your houses and get ready."

 **The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille**

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

"Everybody listen up!" Belle Strogoff-Gold and snapped her fingers, turning off all the television sets in the barroom and the game rooms. "Storybrooke Five is under attack and they might need our help!"

"Under attack from what?" asked their bartender Will Scarlet.

"Zorinda and pirates of the Captain Hook variety. We're going to the mattresses, gentlemen. I want everyone back here in one hour ready to move."

"Okay Belle Corleone," Will joked.

The bar was deserted five minutes later, no one daring to refuse an order from the Rumfather's wife.

 **Storybrooke**

"Leroy, I want you and your brothers to go back into town and let everyone know that a portal is being opened to a sanctuary made available by the residents of a parallel Storybrooke and those who cannot fight and don't wish to must go there," Rumple instructed. "The portal is only going to be open for a short time so we need to move fast."

"We're on it Mr. Gold! Come on boys!"

"Rumple, our Henry is opening the portal in front of Granny's Diner," Jiminy informed him.

"All right. Bae, let's go," he said to his son and they teleported over to the diner where a large crowd was already gathered, the cries of those being seperated and those staying behind to fight angering the sorcerer. Damn Cora!

Moments later a large door appeared on the street and opened. Belle went through first with the twins followed by Alina, Henry and Ilyssa. Soon others began to follow them, terrified yet staying behind offered a much more frightening alternative. Once everyone had gone through the door closed and vanished.

"Now let's go find that witch...Unca Rumple!"

Rumple smiled down at the toddler by his side.

"You want your daughter, Cora? Come and get her!" Rumple shouted.

The gauntlet had been thrown down.

 **We ask for your patience and prayers at this time while Kat cares for her father. We will post the remaining chapters as we finish them. Thank you dearies! ~ CJ**


	11. Malestrom of Malice

**Author Notes: This chapter contains minor spoilers for CJ's The Heart of Everything.**

 **The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille**

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

"….You want your daughter, Cora. Come and get her!"

Rum Strogoff waved his hand over the seeing globe and the image of Rumple and the daughter of his heart vanished. A large crowd had gathered on the back lawn of the club, all of them armed; some with swords, some with pickaxes and others with guns. Jiminy moved to the front of the crowd with Azkadellia.

"Pongo! Demon form!" he commanded.

"Perdy! Demon form!" Az ordered.

The two Dalmatians ran out of their kennel and transformed into mobat demons flying above them. The crowd parted again, and another couple stepped forward and a cloud of blue smoke surrounded the man, a blue scaled dragon in his place when the smoke cleared. The woman hopped onto his back and he took flight.

"Okay, Tin Man, let's roast some pirates!" DG Ozopov Cain cried.

Another puff of grey smoke appeared revealing Henry Strogoff Gold, a silver dragon's head staff in his hand. He slammed the tip of the staff into the ground and a swirling blue portal appeared before them. Wyatt Cain let out a roar in his dragon form and flew through the portal with his wife still riding on his back, the mobat demons flying behind him. Jiminy turned to his wife and kissed her passionately.

"I love you Dellia. Wait up for me and sculpt us like one of those French girls."

"Always," she whispered and kissed him back. A few feet away his twin was bidding his wife farewell.

"This isn't a bunch of crazy teenagers shooting up a bus David. These are pirates," Beth Molk reminded her husband.

"Remind me to ask your father to tell you about the time he and I sent a crew of them screaming back to the ocean the day they tried to break into your grandfather Hubert's castle. And I was a cricket then. Besides, you know who always has my back." He glanced over to where his fellow former police officers waited, all of them wearing bulletproof vests they'd kept from their years with the SFPD. "This Storybrooke may not be our home but these people are our family too and we need to protect them. They'd do the same for us." He kissed her. "Wait up for me Sleeping Beauty…and wear something nice."

She grinned. "Hmmm…a visit from your favorite cheerleader may be in order."

"Oh boy!"

"It's time to go David," said his father-in-law Prince Phillip, his wife Aurora and friend Mulan at his side, both carrying swords.

"You're going in Mama?"

"I do know how to fight Elizabeth," Aurora said testily. "And you can thank Philip, Mulan and Snow for that."

Snow Nolan laughed. "Just like old times, isn't Emma."

"Yeah but thank God we don't have Captain Guyliner to deal with," Emma Strogoff Gold muttered. "Remind me if I ever go to Storybrooke Two to beat some sense into my counterpart there. Marrying that dick. Hey Bae. I thought you were staying behind with your dad."

Bae shook his head. "I go where you go Swan. Papa understands."

"You bring my son back in one piece dearie!" Rum ordered.

"Don't I always. I…oh my God!" She doubled over with laughter as Rum's cousin Zelena flew past them on a broom. "Zee's going in?"

"She's part of our air support," Snow explained and pointed to Blue and her coven of fairies shrinking themselves before they followed Zelena through the portal. "Let's go!"

Archie stood on the sidewalk, his arm around Lilly and a hand on his granddaughter's shoulder while they watched the survivors of Nonestica marching into battle for people most of them had never met but felt a kinship with. Little Regina stood beside them holding Princess's leash with one hand and her mother's hand in the other. They were terrified for the safety of those who stayed behind in Storybrooke yet grateful that so many people were willing to help, heroes and former villains yet that day they would all be heroes.

 **Storybrooke Five**

"Well where the hell is the bitch! I wanna get this done already!" Gina Hood grouched. Rumple scowled at her. "What?"

"You want to taste Ivory, dearie?"

"Hey, I'm a grown woman an you can't wash my mouth out with soap."

"You're not one right now and yes I can."

She snorted. "Bring it."

In Storybrooke's cemetery Cora stood in the center of a row of graves holding a medallion. She dropped it onto the ground and a swirl of black smoke billowed out of it revealing a creature screeching as it floated before her.

"Zorinda Strogoff summons thee…bring me the soul of Rumplestiltskin!" she commanded.

It will be done, the creature sent and flew off.

Loki was having difficulty controlling his laughter watching the heated exchange between his great-grandson and Regina's deaged counterpart, but his laughter turned to dread when he sensed the presence of a dark and deadly force summoned from the boughs of Hel itself.

"Cora, you bitch!" he sneered.

Jiminy and his brother had just stepped out of the portal when a screech made him freeze in horror.

"Ephesian Wraith!" he shouted.

"Not that damn thing again!" Phillip groaned.

"But who summoned it?" Mulan asked.

"Someone on this side and I'd be willing to bet its after Rumple. Everyone, whatever you do…DO NOT go anywhere near that medallion it wears. If you get the mark you're its next target!"

"Can it target a god?" Loki queried.

"Yes!" Jiminy shouted. "It was created by Hades himself, his little secret weapon against all the pantheons."

It was also how his daughter had killed Persephone.

Loki swore in Old Norse. "Fool! I need to have a talk with him about creating weapons like that."

"We gotta get a portal an throw it in it. That's how we got rid of it last time," Gina spoke up.

'And it killed me in case you've forgotten!" Phillip snapped.

"Yeah well you're not dead now are ya?"

"That's because I got my soul back from the Keeper of Souls, Queenie. And Ozmalita's not here."

"Will you stop bloody fighting and let us do something here!" Robert yelled.

"Portals are my specialty, darling." Loki drawled.

The wraith flew over to where Rumple and Loki stood with Pongo and Perdy in their demon forms behind him.

As it approached Wyatt appeared in his dragon form and blew a blast of fire at it.

"Let's hope the damn thing hates fire..." Bobby muttered.

"The medallion is what gives him his power. We need to get the medallion off him without getting the mark," Wyatt said.

A swirling green and gold vortex formed behind it. "Hasta la vista, asshole!" Loki spat and slammed it hard with a magical bolt. At the same time, he portaled the medallion away. The wraith vanished shrieking into the portal.

"Oh cool! You did Terminator!" DG cried excitedly from her position on her husband's back! "Tin Man fly me over there, so I can hi-five that hunk!"

"Very funny Dottie," he snorted.

"You love me, and you know it."

"I put up with you."

Rumple giggled. "Oh, Cora dearie, afraid to face me? Is that why you send pets to do your dirty work?"

"I've just gotten started," she sneered. "Let the gates of Shadowlands open and your wings take flight! Destroy them all!" she yelled.

"Now what the Hel is that bitch summoning?" Loki demanded angrily.

Another portal opened and a flock of mobat demons flew out, swooping down on the group on the ground. Pongo flew at one of them and sliced its wing while Perdy attacked another.

"Time for me to get scaly," DG said and hopped off her husband's back. A cloud of red smoke surrounded her as she took her dragon form.

The two dragons flew at the demons and began blasting them with fire.

"Dammit! She's made them immune to it. Hey Sexy God...a little help here!" DG cooed.

"You wait till we get home, darlin' You're on the couch tonight!" Wyatt threatened.

Loki sighed. "Two can play this game, pretty poison." He lifted a hand. "By the Power of Asgard, the Keeper summons thee!"

A portal opened and glowing winged white cats emerged that shot light from their eyes.

"Kitties!" Gina cried excitedly.

"Lokitties, time to kick some ass! Attack pattern Alpha!" Loki ordered.

"Nala would love these beasties," Rumple giggled.

The cats all wore Loki's signature helmet and they flew at the demons hissing and screeching. Their screech blew some into shards.

One lokitty slashed at a demon with its razor-sharp claws and the demon screamed as its immortal flesh began to burn.

"I want a Lokikitty!" Gina declared.

"That hurts, doesn't it? That's Asgard's Eternal Flame." Loki sneered and hit one with the same fire.

Jiminy shifted into his cricket form and hopped onto Zelena's shoulder when she flew past him. "Head for the center of town Zee. There's something else down there and they're not pirates!"

"Of course not," Cora laughed evilly while her zombie army began to rise from the graves to join the pirates in their attack.

"Holy shit, Em! It's the Walking Dead!" Bae exclaimed, gripping his bo staff.

"Oh great...the zombie apocalypse is here, and we're NOT prepared," Emma groaned.

Nonestica's August Booth rode up in a motorcycle holding a chainsaw. "Thought this might come in handy."

"Well let me boost the power a bit," Emma waved her hand over the saw and magicked its battery to have unlimited usage time.

Bae snapped the release on the hidden blades in his bo staff. "I have some choppers now, Em. Anybody got a machete?"

"That would be me," Bobby said, holding his up.

"That's a Marine for ya. They're always prepared," Bae smirked.

"We are men...America's best," Bobby sang.

Suddenly Emma's yellow bug sped past them with her Nonestica counterpart at the wheel with Bae's counterpart in the passenger seat.

"What...bitch stole my car!" Emma screeched.

"Take it easy, hon. We can get it back." Bae laughed.

"Yeah well what the hell's she doin with it...oh my God!"

"Ram em! Ram em!" Bae Strogoff cheered while she sped up and slammed into a group of zombies.

"That's one hell of a joyride," Bobby muttered.

"Bae, take the wheel!"

"What the hell are you doin, Swan?" he cried. She crawled over him and into the passenger seat, leaning out the window with her gun drawn.

"Just shut up and drive!" she yelled and opened fire.

"We gotta chop 'em up not shoot em!"

"This gun's got special bullets in it, hon."

Jimmy was cutting through a small pack of zombies with his sword. "Freakin things are everywhere!"

Robert sliced a zombie's head off. "Slice and dice time, Lieutenant Gold!"

Jiminy flew over another group of zombies sprinkling psychedelic magical dust on them. "Eat Cricket dust Deadheads!" The zombies burst into flame.

"Eat this, you mother!" Bae shoved his modified bladed staff into a zombie's chest and threw it into the air. Then he spun on another one, kicking its head in and then cutting it off.

Zelena hummed Elmira Gulch's bike riding theme from the Wizard of Oz while she dispatched a zombie with an arrow filled with holy water.

"I'll get you my pretties...and your dead brains too!" she cackled.

A lokitty flew down and tore a zombie to shreds. "Eat my claws, you shambling pile of rotten meat!" She had lavender eyes and a green jewel in her helmet.

"Whoa! It's attack of the flying talking cats!" Bae gasped.

"Lokitty Commander Astarte here," the lokitty meowed. "Our glorious father Loki said we may assist you and cause mayhem among the wicked."

"He's your FATHER?" Emma goggled.

"Technically no. Magically, yes." Astarte answered.

"You mean he created you?" Bae clarified.

"Yes. He took a mortal housecat, mated with an Asgardian one, and infused them with his immortal power. The result was us. " Astarte explained while ripping another zombie's legs off.

A tiger jumped out of the passenger seat of a Storybrooke sheriff's department squad car and shredded another zombie while David Molk opened fire on another from his position behind the driver's side door.

"Watch it Molky! That one almost had my name on it," hissed the tiger.

"Yeah well move outta the way. Puss In Boots!"

"The name's Navarro and just for that YOU can buy the next round of drinks at the Grille!"

Ruby shifted into her wolf form and attacked a zombie menacing a terrified Grace Hatter.

"Why didn't you go with the other children?" she demanded.

"I wanted to help."

Another wolf zeroed in on a pair of zombies attempting to break into the music store to frighten the owner.

"I'm on the hunt I'm after you!" she sang.

Ruby laughed at her counterpart's well-timed sense of humor. "I'm hungry like the wolffff!" she howled.

Jimmy was exhausted. Every time he cut a group of zombies down another came in its place.

"I really don't wanna be zombie food!" he complained.

Three zombies advanced toward him, leading him down an alley. He held up his sword and found himself pinned against the side of an apartment building.

"Thiissss one is perrrrfect..." one hissed.

"Ugh...your breath could kill a whale," Jimmy moaned.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and a glowing dagger impaled a zombie through the head. "Need a little help, handsome?"

"Whoa! Umm...yeah!"

Jimmy was gobsmacked. Where had this gorgeous goddess come from?

The hottest girl he had ever seen stood there with another glowing dagger in her hand, which she stabbed a zombie in the neck with. She had platinum hair in a braid around her head and wore green leathers and a gold half-cloak.

And she could fight like an army.

"So...uh...you come around here often?" he flirted and snatched his sword out of a dead zombie's hand.

"No . . . I snuck out of the house to help you. But I couldn't resist." She held out her hand and her daggers returned to her. Then she used them on a new opponent.

 _Gold, you idiot. That is the oldest and lamest line in the book!_ he thought.

"Wow...I'm flattered...really..."

She grinned at him. "I'm Miri."

A goddess disobeyed her parents for him? Him?

"Jimmy. Jimmy Gold."

She did some weird double flip and nailed two zombies in the head with her daggers.

"Holy crap...don't kill me but I am seriously getting turned on here!"

"I've been watching you in my papa's Seeing globe. And when I saw that miserable excuse for a-" she swore in Norse. "-summon them I knew you would need me."

Jimmy smirked. "Oh, and how long have you been watching me gorgeous?"

He beheaded a zombie with one stroke.

 _Play it cool Gold because if you come on too strong she's gonna blast you. Remember what Rumple taught you. A man has to be a gentleman to a lady_.

Miri shrugged. "A while. I like watching mortals. You lead such interesting lives down here. Where I come from it's almost always the same. Perfect weather, perfect society, well not really, but perfectly boring."

"Try being raised by a bloodthristy pirate. Believe me, I'll take boring over that any day now."

"I don't do well on water. But I can climb trees and my papa taught me to dance the daggers in the arena. And do magic. My mama taught me manners and how to plant a garden and speak nicely at diplomatic dinners. My grandma tried to teach me how to be a lady, but it didn't take too well." She twirled her blades and threw one.

"Oh well, I can deal with that!" Jimmy laughed and threw his sword, pinning a zombie to a telephone pole.

"Nice shot!" she complimented, and tossed her dagger into a zombie's face, making it crumple to the ground. She held her hands out and the daggers returned to her.

She looked up. "I see something on that roof there. Is it something like an oil container? If so I can light it on fire and we can throw it on these skraelings."

"Yeah, looks like it. Come on gorgeous, let's torch 'em!"

Jimmy opened his backpack and took out his grappling hook and a length of rope.

She grinned at him again and they climbed up the side of the building as easily as squirrels. Once on the roof, Miri studied the oil vat and then said, "I'm going to cast a spell that will make this light enough for us to shove over the side after I light it up."

"Got it. Better hurry up 'cause they're comin and they look hungry!"

"They can eat fire," she snorted and waved a hand. The oil inside the vat caught on fire instantly and then she cast the second spell. "Come on, handsome, push it off!"

They put their shoulders to the vat and heaved.

It slid off the roof and slammed into the zombies, rolling over some and then it blew up. Fire cascaded everywhere and the stench of burning zombies filled the air.

"Oh, those things stink worse when they're fried! Cover your nose, gorgeous before we both lose our lunch!"

Miri pulled a green scarf out of her tunic and wrapped it around her face. "By the Nine! I thought they smelled bad walking!" She tossed him another scarf. "Shall we climb down the other side?"

"After you," he said and bowed.

She felt for a foothold and then swung down, descending quickly.

He swung down behind her, fighting the urge to kiss her. "We make a pretty good team, don't we?"

"The best," she agreed, eyeing him interestedly. She nearly missed a handhold and scolded herself silently. _Concentrate, Miriamele! Before you end up falling!_

"Don't wanna see you slip, goddess. We're almost down."

"Two more feet," she agreed and then took two steps and was on the ground, balancing easily on the balls of her feet. "That was fun!" she laughed.

"Let's do it again sometime," he said with a smile.

Suddenly a zombie appeared from under some trash and lunged at her.

"Miri! Look out!" Jimmy yelled, then threw his sword, impaling the creature through the chest.

"You saved my life, Jimmy," she murmured, her violet eyes shining. "Now I owe you a kiss."

"Well if you insist..."

Their mouths met, and it was like fireworks exploding in her head. _Holy Valhalla on a ski sled!_ she thought.

Jimmy had kissed a few girls in his lifetime, but none ever made him feel like he could fly among the stars the way she did.

"Is . . . it always like that?" she asked when she could speak again.

"Uhhhh...this is a first for me..."

"Me as well. I'm not . . .no boy has ever kissed me that way."

"Umm...ahhhh...I never kissed a girl that way before," he confessed.

"We should see if others need our help," Miri said softly.

"Yeah we better. This town's gonna get overrun!"

"There's too many of them...Terry, Hildy, Koto, take a shot when you have it!" David Molk yelled up to his fellow former police officers positioned on the roof above the ice cream parlor.

"Blue, we could use some nasty fae magic about now!" Jiminy called out to the Blue Fairy.

"Nothing we're doing is working! Where is my counterpart? Sitting on her wings?"

"She better not be! Charming get down! Incoming!"

"Oh dammit Snow, warn me before you shoot off fire arrows! I almost had my ass singed!"

"Well I can't have that."

"Fire in the hole!" Bobby yelled, throwing a grenade.

"Ewwww gross, MacNamara! Now I got zombie parts all over my Versace heels!" Zelena whined. '

Miri and Jimmy turned to run from the alley when there came another flash of rainbowed light and a tall youth dressed in a silver baldric that showed off his well defined muscles, his red-gold hair bound back by a red headband with a medallion on it of a mountain and a hammer. He held a large bastard sword in his hands.

"Miriamele! So this is where you ran off to!"

"Uh, who is that? Your brother?" Jimmy asked nervously.

"Cousin. Modi, what are you doing here?" she groaned.

"What am I doing? What are YOU doing here, Miri Laufeyson?!"

"Modi, quit trying to be Papa. You suck at it," Miri retorted.

"Watch your language!" the god snapped.

Miri rolled her eyes. "That's the f-word, you oaf! Come on, get your ass in gear and help fight. Let's see you put your sword where your bragging mouth is."

"if he can," Jimmy laughed.

"Watch it, mortal," Modi growled.

"Oh quit acting like a girl, Modi. Your brother has insulted you worse than that," Miri smirked.

"He's my brother!"

"Yes, I noticed," Miri coughed.

"Zombies eleven o'clock! Hey Modi, you wanna get busy!"

"Uncle Loki is going to kill you," Modi predicted.

"I'd worry more about the zombies right now, Thorsson!" Miri pointed out and blasted one with her dagger.

Modi whirled and cut a zombie in half with his sword.

"These things need to go away!" Jimmy grouched and sliced off one's legs. "Not gonna dance now, are you?"

Another zombie was creeping up behind Miri until it pitched forward with a large bullethole in its head.

"You need a bath," Modi snarled. "In a vat of acid!" He dispatched another one with a lightning like maneuver.

"Zombies, mobat demons, what the hell else is that bitch gonna throw at us?" Bobby asked Jiminy.

"The kitchen sink?" Miri joked.

Cora teleported to where Rumple stood with Gina. "Everything I can!"

Several pirate ships docked and the occupants raced into the town ready to rape, pillage and kill.

Modi looked up, his blue eyes glittering. "Pirates! Time to kick some booty!" He suddenly glowed and grew two feet, his boots becoming hobnails and then he jumped at them and began literally kicking the crap out of them.

"Tiny, ready to get large?"

"Ready when you are Cricket!"

"Holy hell, Miri!" Jimmy gaped. "What do you call that?"

"That's Modi with his berserker on," Miri replied.

Jiminy sprinkled some dust over his former giant friend and returned him to his normal size.

"Fie fi fo fum! Look out pirates here I come!"

He stomped down the street beside Modi.

Rumple pushed Gina behind him.

"Give me my daughter!" Cora hissed.

"Come and get her bitch," Rumple challenged.

Cora cast a come-hither spell, summoning Gina to her. Playing her part to perfect, Gina began to scream in terror. "Unca Rumple it's the bad lady! Don't let her kill meeeee!"

Suddenly Cora teleported out with Gina.

"Dammit!" Rumple cursed.

"Ye better get my daughter back, dearie or I'll be getting out of this bed and making new boots with your hide!" he heard Rum Strogoff snarl.

"I can find her," Loki assured him. "I can track any portal ever made."

"Hurry Loki. I suspect she's going to try to deage he and once she does she'll try to kill her by taking her heart."

Suddenly they heard Rum Strogoff laugh.

The god concentrates then locates where Cora has taken Regina. "Found her!" He gestures and a glowing portal with his signature mage colors of bright emerald green and gold forms. "Let's go. I want to make a rug out of this ho's hide!"

"What are you laughing at, dearie?" Rumple demanded of his counterpart.

"Regina never takes her heart to a witch fight. The best and only useful lesson that bitch she called her mother ever taught her."

"That's good insurance. But I still want to nail that bitch's ass to a wall for a dartboard," Loki growled. His eyes burn with controlled magical fire. The silver serpent bracers on his wrists awake and hiss menacingly. "Pipe down! You'll get your chance to poison the prostitute. When I say and not before." The snakes hiss an apology and settle back down.

"Not before I slam this into her and suck the magic out of her!"

"Be my guest, grandson." the God of Mischief said. "Let's go, don't want her thinking she's outwitted us."

Cora and Gina reappeared on the deck of the Jolly Roger. Cora blasted Gina, shattering the deaging spell. She then tied the woman to the mast with a set of chains.

"You've forgotten who you are dear and now it's time for Mother to remind you."

"You...are…not my mother!" Gina hissed.

"I am and you will do as I say," Cora said coldly and plunged her hand into the younger woman's chest. "What...?"

Gina laughed evilly, and her magic flared up, blasting the chains. "My mother taught me never to bring my heart to a witch fight. Of course, you would know that...if YOU were my mother!"

"You..you're not my daughter...who are you?"

"Finish her Gold!"

Rumple and Loki pop out of the portal onto the Jolly Roger.

"Why Loki," Cora drawled. "Fancy seeing you here. "How many centuries has it been? Oh...I know...since before I killed my mother!"

She laughed "Glinda died sniveling like a babe."

"You bitch! For that I owe you an eternity in the Lake of Fire!" Loki spat.

"And now I'll take your great grandson!"

Cora stretched out her hand and forced Rumple's mouth open, a white mist emitting from it. "Ahhh...the life force of a Nose demigod..." She then began to chant in Ozian.

Loki snapped out a spell in Norse, stealing her voice away. "No enchantments for you."

Rumple reached into his pocket and brought out the talisman. He slammed it into her chest. "Zorinda Strogoff!" he shouted.

"Feeling a bit run down, dearie," he taunted and forced her to her knees.

Loki smirked. "Payback's a bitch, isn't it?" He released the silver serpents from his bracelets and they slithered over to her, their emerald eyes glittering.

"You deserve that and much more...for what you did to Bae!"

"And to your daughter! You aren't fit to be a mother to a cockroach!" Loki growled. "Sithra! Vilarsha! Attack!"

The silver serpents struck, quicker than the eye could follow, biting Zorinda once on the heel and the other on the breast.

You've won nothing. I've already summoned her, she mouthed.

Rumple felt a tightness in his chest. "The Balance has shifted. What have you summoned bitch! "

They heard a shrill scream from the depths of the ocean.

Aboard the Black Pearl Rhea pressed her hand to her heart. "Oh, gods preserve us...who summoned HER!"

Summoned who, love?" Jack asked.

"Scylla..."

"Bloody hell!"

There was nothing worse than being a sea when a six headed headed monster lurked beneath the depths.


	12. A Fury From The Deep

**A Fury From The Deep, A Zipperhead, a Psychic Lion and a Baby Cookie Monster**

 **Author Notes: For those of you reading CJ's The Heart of Everything there are more massive spoilers in these coming chapters.**

 **Storybrooke Five**

"A MONSTER!" Leroy bellowed from the docks.

"No shit Sherlock," grumbled his Nonestica counterpart as a creature with six enormous serpent heads with three rows of the fangs of a shark on each head rose from the depths. Rhea quickly cast protection spells on the Pearl and their allied vessels, praying they would hold against one of the most fearsome beasts created by the sea god Poseidon to destroy the enemies of the Greek gods.

"Rhea love, any ideas on how the hell we can beat that bloody thing?" Jack inquired of her.

"Poseidon's trident," she replied.

"Any idea where it could be?"

She smiled. "Possibly with the one person who still owes my brother a favor."

Loki cursed angrily in Norse. "As if today couldn't get any worse, we have this bitch polluting the waters. Great grandson darling, that favor a certain sea goddess owes you…might I suggest you ask her to repay it please?"

"You need Poseidon's Trident," they heard Rum Strogoff say as he monitored them through his seeing globe in Florida. "And Ursula, or as we know her, Calypso, is the only one who can talk her father into parting with it for a day. Just pray her other half doesn't show up or your day could get much worse dearies."

Rumple groaned. "You don't mean…?"

"Aye. Charybdis. You see a whirlpool in that sea, you know it's coming."

Suddenly a large whirlpool began to form in the sea and the captains of all the vessels took the helms to steer the ships away from it only to find themselves sailing directly into Scyllas's path.

Meanwhile in the town Zorinda's zombie was slowly being defeated as new arrivals began teleporting in from different realms including a Seattle Police department squad car with its lights flashing. The Emmas and Baes were shocked to see yet another version of Rumple dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and a brown leather jacket get out of the car with a Captain Hook at his side.

"Bloody hell, Weaver! Zombies! It's not Halloween yet!"

"Rogers, will you shut up and shoot dammit!"

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because I basically raised your ass and saved it more times than I can count," the Rumple known as Weaver retorted before he blew a hole in a zombie's forehead.

"What the hell is HE doin here?" Jimmy demanded when he approached them with Miri at his side. "That's Captain Hook!"

Rogers scowled. "Captain Hook was my sperm donor and that's all. My name is Killian Jones Junior, but I prefer my cursed name of Killian Rogers."

"Rogers is cool even if he is a pain in my ass," said Weaver.

"You're a pain in mine," Rogers said and shot two zombies sneaking up behind Miri and Jimmy. "Oh hell…I TOLD her to stay back in Seattle!"

Suddenly a yellow truck with the words Rollin Bayou sped past them and a group of women jumped out including another Zelena, Regina, one carrying a bow and quiver of arrows, two with swords, and one that blasted several zombies back with magic.

"Kelly and Roni Weaver! I told ye to stay out of this!" Weaver yelled at the Zelena and Regina counterparts, his twin daughters by his world's Cora. Zelena had changed her name to Kelly while Regina's new name was Roni.

Kelly was dressed in army gear carrying a gun and Roni held a baseball bat.

"Did you really think we'd let you fight alone Papa?" Roni asked him and started bashing a zombie. "Belle, Bae and Gid are on their way."

"Ye never listen to me, any of ye!"

"Whoa….I think the zombies are gonna explode from confusion," Bae joked. Emma glared at him and reloaded her gun.

"Just shut up and start bashing brains in Gold! Hey, Regina! Love the bat."

"Name's Roni!" Roni grunted and swung at another zombie sending it flying.

"Homerun Roni!" Bae crowed. Kelly was running down the street when she spotted a familiar face among the fighters, one she'd admired from afar for years…Robert MacNamara. His declassified missions were the stuff of legends even among the lowest ranked soldiers in the Armed Forces. She'd only risen as high as captain in the United States Army before her honorable discharge.

"Alice, why didn't you and Robin stay at home? You're on your honeymoon!" Rogers demanded of the newly arrived blond magician and the female archer at her side.

"We fight together, Papa!" Alice Rogers insisted and blasted another zombie. Her spouse Robin fired a volley of arrows and killed a few more.

He threw up his hands. "I should know better. You're as stubborn as I am. But…Alice, starfish, please do not blast anyone who gets upset when they see me. I'm probably the only 'good' Hook there is."

"You are. Because you didn't go down the path your father chose for you," Alice said. "They'll see it."

The Storybrooke residents were grateful for the assistance, even if it was difficult to keep track of everyone and Jimmy, distrustful at first of the man who was the mirror image of the man he didn't think of as a father any longer, soon came to realize that this Killian Jones was not like the others. He was curious to learn the man's backstory once they were done ridding the town of the zombie menace.

"Weaver! I'm commandeering the Jolly Roger! Looks like our friends at sea need help!" Rogers called out, pointing toward the sea where Scylla was attacking the allied ships with a vengeance.

"Hey, wait for me!" yelled Jimmy and ran after him.

"You're not going without me handsome," said Miri. "Modi! You might want to find your sea legs! We're going after Scylla!"

"Papa, wait!" Alice teleported onto the Jolly Roger with her wife and changed the ship's flag to the symbol of a tower. Moments later Weaver joined them on the ship along with his sons Bae and Gideon and his wife Belle. Emma Weaver, never comfortable at sea decided to join the fight on land.

"Loki is gonna kill us," Modi muttered.

"No but we ARE going to have a long talk about disrupting the balance," he scolded them when he appeared on the ship with Rumple. "Rogers, could you sail us closer to that whirlpool please?"

"Are you insane? We'll get ripped apart because that portal is a gateway to Charybdis's lair! And I don't know about you, but I'd prefer NOT to be a sea monster's lunch today."

"It's also the portal to Poseidon's castle dearies," Rumple said. "And I need to see Ursula. She has something we need to stop Scylla."

Loki grinned. "And Charybdis can't touch you as long as I'M on board. She pissed me off once and got her ass handed to her for her troubles." The Norse god gestured and began moving the other vessels away from the whirlpool.

Jack steered the Black Pearl toward a ship belonging to Hook's allies while Will and Elizabeth Turner steered their own vessel to the opposite side of them, their crews loading their guns to sink the ship into Davy Jones' locker.

"Stop blowing holes in my bloody ship!" Jack yelled when a cannon ball slammed into the starboard side of the Pearl.

Rhea shook her head. "Honey, do you really think they're going to listen?"

"They bloody well better! I just repaired it…oh hell…boarders! Look out Rhea!"

"I don't think so," she snarled and hit them with a blast that sent them flying right into the path of DG Cain her dragon form.

"Lunch!" she cried.

"They'd give us indigestion," chuckled Wyatt and blew a blast of fire at them, burning them to a crisp.

The Sparrows and their crew drew their swords and boarded the deck of the rival ship to fight the surviving crew members while DG and Wyatt flew over to two of the other ships that were sinking due to severe cannon damage.

"Hold on tight. We're gonna drop you off so you can help your friends kick ass!" DG called down to the crew and they cheered. "Okay, Tin Man….ready when you are?"

"I'm ready."

They flew one of the ships over to where the Black Pearl crew fought against a band of rival pirates and their friends jumped down, swords drawn to assist them.

"DG! Six headed bitch headed your way!" Wyatt yelled to his wife.

"I'll try and hold her off as long as I can…get those crews to the ships!"

Scylla advanced toward the dragon demigoddess and opened her six mouths to reveal their fangs.

"I've fought worse than you bitch and won," DG hissed and blew a blast of fire at her.

"Come closer little demigoddess and I'll show you why little girls wet themselves in fear of me."

The crew on the Jolly Roger heard an angry growl as Rogers steered the ship deep into the whirlpool.

"Oh, quit crying Biddy," Loki taunted.

"Norse scum!" they heard a voice snarl.

"Sticks and stones darling!"

"I may not be able to kill you, but I can kill them!" Waves splashed onto the deck of the Jolly Roger, sending all the occupants but Loki into the portal.

Loki summoned them back and strengthened his wards on the ship. "Nice try Biddy. Wanna try again?"

A second wave slammed against the ship but was unable to dislodge its occupants.

"Loki! Poseidon's castle! I can see it!" Rumple cried, pointing to a shimmering blue vortex at the bottom of the whirlpool.

"Go! I'll handle this worm! Yes, I mean all of you! Go!" the god ordered.

They jumped into the portal.

"Now Biddy, what do you say you and I have a rematch in your true form?"

"I am going to ENJOY sending you back to your papa in pieces!" the monster laughed, taking its true form.

"Couldn't do it then, can't do it now, you worm."

In its true form Charybdis resembled a giant parasitic worm with a mouth of a thousand fangs, eight large crablike claws and eight eyes.

"Maybe so but I did have sooo much fun eating your friends. They're still digesting."

"You bitch!" Loki hissed as the creature seized the Jolly Roger in one of its massive claws and raised it to its mouth. Loki began blasting at its fangs, laughing as they fell out of its mouth and into the sea.

"Well would you look at that, Biddy! Better get fitted for falsies, darling."

Seconds later the missing fangs grew back in.

"Learned my lesson the last time! Try again, loser!"

"I've got a whole new bag of tricks for you!"

"Aww you mean you're not gonna summon Thor to save your sorry ass this time? Damn shame. I was looking forward to seeing him."

Loki snorted. "As if he'd go for you! Face it, Biddy you look like this for a reason! And for your information, Foul Breath, the only god whose powers are greater than mine are Ovid's and he knows I can take care of myself. So, Biddy if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a walk."

"Oh, this is too easy!" she laughed, tasting leather as he walked across her tongue.

She rose up and he began to slide down into her stomach.

"Say hello to your friends for me...if they haven't digested yet."

Okay bitch, get ready for the worst case of acid reflux, the trickster god thought and chuckled.

He moved his hands along the lining of the beast's stomach, cringing and the flesh beneath it began to heat up.

"Wh...what are you...doing in there!" Biddy howled.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Loki yelled and teleported out of the beast's stomach. He hovered above her, laughing as smoke came out of her mouth.

"Try blowing a few rings with that."

"N...Norse SCUM!" she howled.

"Ah chill out!" he laughed and gestured.

Now a large ice creature stood in the center of the whirlpool.

"You look good frozen Biddy."

Then he shattered it to pieces.

He lowered himself down into the whirlpool and passed through the portal to Poseidon's Castle.

"...Like he said...he can take care of himself," Odin murmured, a seeing globe in his hands.

"YAY! He did it! He killed the drowning monster!" Loki's excited daughter, cried, bouncing on Odin's knees.

"Astra, please my knees!" Odin moaned. There was nothing worse than a hyperactive toddler jumping up and down on one's lap and even the gods got knee pains once in a while.

"But I wanna see him kill the monster again,"

"Not now, young lady. Now go to your mama."

"Okay..."

"Chip off the old block, isn't she," Frigga giggled.

"Please, don't remind me."

He was already dreading what mischief she would get into. But then again, he always enjoyed seeing their children have children to give them the same gray hairs.

All he had to do was spoil them rotten then send them home. And soon he would have more of them to spoil and send home once Scylla was dealt with.

The portal opened into the throne room of the sea god himself but unfortunately, the god was in a rage at the condition his daughter had been returned to him in and determined to unleash his wrath and unleash it he would on the people the Jolly Roger brought to him. He was getting ready to blast them as they struggled in his hunting nets when he was suddenly frozen.

"Stay out of this Loki! That man and his crew violated my daughter."

"That is not the Killian Jones that violated your daughter nor or any of those who came with him. Three of them are my kin and they are ALL under MY protection. Harm them and you deal not only with me but my entire pantheon."

"He speaks the truth, Papa," an exhausted Ursula said when she walked into the throne room. "Please…let them go."

"Why are you here?" Poseidon demanded of them.

"The Ozian demigoddess Zorinda has summoned Scylla to destroy my great grandson's town and all those in it. You know there is only one way to defeat her. With your trident," Loki replied.

"And this man saved my life," Ursula said and stood beside Rumple. "I owe him a debt Papa, and this must be how I repay it. Please….give them the trident."

"And in return I will secure your daughter's release from the Brethren Court," Rumple added.

"Dare I hope?" the god asked sadly. "For years I have been searching for a spell to break those bastards' hold over my child and failed."

"I will not fail," Rumple said firmly. "I am the former Dark One and I don't break deals, dearie."

"Free my daughter and then you will have my trident. Now you must go."

The god summoned another portal. The group jumped through it and landed back on the Black Pearl where Jack and Rhea were fighting another group of pirates. Rumple flicked his wrist and threw them overboard.

"Well it's about time old dragon!" Rhea teased.

"Rhea there's no time…we need to free Ursula or we'll have no chance of defeating Scylla! How do we do it?"

"I know," said Jack. "Bring the pirate lords to my ship."

Seconds later a group of men and women appeared on the deck of the Black Pearl.

"Ladies and gents, centuries ago a great wrong was done. We captured the sea goddess Calypso and bound her in her bones. We must release her, or we will all go to the locker today. Now hand over your Pieces of Eight!" Jack ordered. Rhea summoned a bowl and approached each pirate lord, all of them placing an object in the bowl. Jimmy was shocked when he was the last to be approached.

"I'm not a pirate lord!" he protested.

"But your grandfather was, and Hook hid his piece of eight with you. Your ring," Rhea explained. Jimmy pulled the ring off and dropped it in the bowl. His grandfather had been no better than his father.

Rhea and Rumple held the bowl between them and began chanting. Plumes of smoke rose as the pieces of eight caught fire and when the last object burned a glowing golden trident appeared on the deck.

"You must throw the trident at the heart of the beast," they heard Ursula say when she appeared on deck and handed the trident to Rumple. "Your heart is pure and true as will be your aim. Thank you, my friend. You have given me my freedom."

"Until next time dearie," Rumple said softly as she vanished. "Now get me close to that monster."

"Hold tight everyone!" Jack called out.

Wyatt and DG were trying to subdue the beast as best they could until Scylla bit into Wyatt's neck.

"D…Dreamshade…. Archie!" he yelled.

Jiminy flew over them in his cricket form and sprinkled an amber colored dust onto them and the wound on Wyatt's neck was healed. "Ambrosia. Never leave home without it," he mumbled. Scylla lunged toward him. "Oh, for the love of the goddess will someone KILL THIS DAMNED BEAST!"

"Who better to kill a beast than a former beast," Rumple giggled as the Back Pearl sailed toward them. "Closer, get us closer!"

Rhea activated her wards.

"Throw it old dragon!" she cried the moment Scylla was in range. Rumple drew back his arm and threw as hard as he could. The trident soared through the air, its forks impaling the creature in its torso. Scylla screamed in agony and fell backwards into the sea. Then it turned to dust and vanished.

"You did it, Papa! You did it!" Jimmy cried and threw his arms around his father.

"I never doubted he would darlings," Loki teased as he lounged in a hammock in just a pair of shorts and sunglasses on the deck. Rumple frowned at him.

"Can't you get your tan someplace else, and at a better time?"

Now he lay on the deck in a lounge chair. "And miss these rays?"

Rhea laughed. "That's something you'd do."

"And once I'm done you and Modi have some explaining to do, Miri." Loki said sternly.

"We were only helping," Miri protested.

"We'll discuss it later."

They lowered their heads upon seeing his You're In Serious Trouble Look while Jack steered the Pearl toward the harbor.

Back in town the others were cleaning up the mess left by their undead visitors and getting to know their counterparts from other lands, marveling in the similarities and differences between them. Rumple's mouth dropped open seeing a version of Archie in a black suit and sunglasses dancing to Will Smith's "Men In Black" with a woman wearing another black suit and sunglasses.

"Who the hell…?"

"Oh, that's our Jiminy Cricket but his name's Isaac Wallace," Weaver giggled. "Used to work for the NSA."

"Ain't no MIBs, can I please

Do what we say, that's the way we kick it

D'ya know what I mean

I see my noisy cricket get wicked on ya…" Isaac sang and lowered his sunglasses.

"Now I've seen everything," Rumple muttered.

"Well, now that you've taken care of that mess….get yer arses over here so we can celebrate!" Rum Strogoff's voice boomed and a door appeared on the street.

"Wooo hoo….party at the Grille amigos!" Edgar Navarro hooted.

"I'm not one to miss a party," Loki laughed and ran through the portal and soon the others began to follow him.

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

 **That same day**

The Nonestica residents that stayed behind in Juno were true to their world that they would make their Storybrooke Five counterparts as comfortable as possible by opening their homes to them. They had been taken to the beachfront community of Seaview, now owned by Rumple Strogoff and the first safe haven created for displaced people from the Realms of Story.

Belle had been invited to stay at Avonlea, the Strogoff estate. Alina, Henry and the twins were getting along fabulously with the Strogoffs' youngest children; Hope, Nathaniel, Ian and Fiona. Hope was only a few years younger than Alina and Ian and Fiona were only a year older than Daria and Dylan. Henry was also able to meet his counterpart. Henry Mills Strogoff was eighteen and studying to become a chef while working at Granny's Diner and a club in Miami called Casa Miranda.

"All the realms together. This has been a dream of Rumple's for so long," Belle Strogoff said. "He feels as I do that we're one big family and we should support each other. That's why he's been traveling to the other realms to check on them, especially his other selves. They seem to be doing well in all places except Storybrooke Two. He calls it Hellbrooke with good reason." She summoned a seeing globe and handed it to the other woman.

Belle was horrified by the images she was seeing; the constant separations of her other self and Rumple's, the loss of his first son, his captivity by another Zelena, the near loss of his second son and her other self's strange alliances with people who seemed to take advantage of her.

"That woman…that's not me. That's not…us," she murmured.

"Indeed, it isn't and one day I'd like to have a talk with her, with both of them actually. Their union is still on shaky ground."

Belle smiled. "I'd love to know your story."

The seeing globe glowed again.

"See it," Belle Strogoff coached.

Belle couldn't help feeling slightly envious of her counterpart, starting out as she had as Rumple's prisoner and going on to becoming his strongest defender but while she did so without magic, Belle Strogoff now had powers that were nearly equal to her husband's and something else…a piece of his heart merged with hers.

"Would we be able to do that?"

Belle Strogoff smiled. "Oh, I think my husband is going to suggest it. After all, we Belles did make a deal that we would go with our Rumples forever, didn't we?"

"Yes, we did. And forgive me for saying it but I…I envy you. You've had all these adventures…"

"Honey, I am much happier now running my bookshop and taking care of my family than fighting one battle after another. We had eight years of peace and we'd like to keep it that way but not at the risk of letting our friends elsewhere fight alone."

Belle looked down and smiled as she watched Alina reading one of her favorite stories to the twins and Ian and Fiona using voices as her husband often did.

"Yay!" Ian clapped his hands. "Can ya read another one, please?"

"I sure can." Alina answered happily.

"She's a bookworm like me," Belle said proudly.

"Hope's more like her father. Nathan is my bookworm," Belle Strogoff nodded to where her second son and Henry were having a discussion on the Harry Potter books and films. Hope created a hologram of the characters from Alina's story for the toddlers to watch while Alina read to them.

"They seem to have a lot of control over their magic."

"Sometimes but Hope scared the daylights out of us the first time she teleported. She was out shopping with Bae and had to use the potty and ahhh…she happened to overhear me talking to her father about how filthy public restrooms were so….so she teleported herself back to Rumple's shop to go!"

"Oh my God!" Belle exclaimed.

"We didn't even know she could do it until that day, but we had the whole Juno Beach PD looking for her until then."

"Is anyone still in your Storybrooke?"

"Oh yes but the family moved here…well except for the Molks. Jiminy's brother prefers living in Pennsylvania now since our hurricane seasons have gotten worse over the years. Beth grew up there during the Dark Curse. They stay here for a little while over the summer than come back up here and we always go back to Storybrooke to see everyone over the holidays."

"I hope Rumple is alright."

"He is dearie," Rum said as he limped into the room. "And he and the others will be coming through soon."

"Well then I guess we'd better get a welcoming feast ready," Alice said. "If you don't mind my invading your kitchen."

The Strogoffs burst into laughter.

"What?"

"You'll have to fight Mrs. Potts for it. Evangeline is OCD when it comes to her kitchen," Rum replied.

"Oh, so is Mr. Gold but I'll manage. He'll be famished after all that fighting, and so will his brother and I know just what to make."

"I've already sent an announcement that we're going to be having a get together on the back lawn. There's enough room and you'll all be staying here for a few days to rest up. I insist."

"But…the whole town?" Alice gasped. "Good Lord Mr. Strogoff!"

"We have the room dearie. I own this whole block!" He laughed.

"And he's working on owning half the town!" his wife exclaimed. "Come on Belle. Let's help make a feast!" The two Belles followed Alice into the kitchen.

Snow had been happy to accept Azkadellia's invitation to stay at her house while she waited for Charming to come back and kept Meredith with her while Archie and Lilly took a much needed rest after their long journey. Beth Molk brought along her six children for Regina and Meredith to play with since most of them were close to the girls' ages while Az's Ambrosia and Andrew went over to the Strogoff house to meet with Henry and Alina.

"That is lovely!" Snow exclaimed, pointing to a porcelain figurine of the Ozopov family on the dining room table. "Did you have that custom made?"

"I made it myself," Az said proudly. "My father was an artist who taught me and DG everything he knew. DG draws and paints when she's not catching cheating spouses and God knows what else at the PI office. She also does tattooing as a hobby. Some of my other works…they're geared toward adults but tasteful. I can make one for you and your family if you'd like."

"Oh, I'd love one!" She glanced into the living room where Ambrose, the former Ozian royal advisor was helping keep the younger children entertained along with Raw, a half man, half lion psychic and empath. "They seem to be getting along well."

"Ambrose loves children," Beth said. "We were hoping he'd find someone to have a family with, but it never worked out."

Az looked away, her eyes filled with tears. "He denies it, but I know he still mourns my mother. I was so angry when I found out about their affair…Jiminy and I both were because we didn't think it was anything more than a passing fancy. And now the more I look, the more I see him in DG. Mother gave her Daddy's artistic talent so that he wouldn't suspect the truth. And DG's youngest son likes to invent things like he does." She smiled. "Now Ambrose spoils all our children and sends them home."

"Why you have a big zipper in the middle of your head?" Regina was asking him.

"Ummm….well…do you know the story of the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz?"

"Yeah. He didn't have brains and hadta go to the wizard to get 'em."

"That's kinda what happened to me, doll. Someone stole my brains and put this big ole zipper in my head."

"Ewww! Gross! Didja get 'em back?"

"Yes."

"So, when your zipper goes down, do your brains fall out?"

"Regina!" Snow exclaimed. Ambrose started laughing.

"No, but you can see them and I'd rather you didn't, okay?"

"Yeah cause that's kinda gross," Meredith muttered.

"Little Regina smart but mean no harm," Raw said softly.

"And you're 'sposed to be the Cowardly Lion?"

"Raw needed courage. DG, Tin Man and Glitch help Raw get courage."

"Ya know you kinda talk like Yoda but not so backwards. That drives me nuts when he does that." Regina made a face.

"Regina, please!" Snow groaned.

"Regina just curious," Raw said softly. "Learning much in this life." He placed his hand on her head. "Old soul with much pain being healed with a good mother's love and a friend like a sister."

"I hope Unca Rumple kicked that mean lady's butt good! She scared me a lot!"

"Mean lady gone, Won't hurt little queen anymore." Raw confirmed.

"Did she go where the goblins go?" Meredith wanted to know.

"Bad Zorinda sent back to the bad world and trapped there."

"Good. Hope they scare her so bad she pees herself and hasta clean it up!" Regina laughed wickedly. "Kinda like when I peed on that green skinned witch!"

"Hey, you're not 'sposed to pee on people!" spoke up Cami Molk. "Mommy and Daddy say it's bad!"

"Yeah but she asked for it!"

"It's Sesame Street time," Beth announced and turned on the TV. The younger children gathered around the TV.

"We watch every morning, huh Elsa?" Aurora Molk asked her youngest sister.

"Uh-huh cause we gotta learn how to count n'stuff but DJ wants to see Cookie Monster."

"Oookie!" DJ Molk cried and waved his arms.

Beth brought in a tray of cookies and set them on the coffee table for the children to eat while they watched.

"Wait for it…" she said to Snow and Az.

"What am I waiting for?" Snow inquired.

Az grinned. "You'll see."

Regina grabbed a handful of Oreos and was about to eat one when she felt a tug on her sleeve. She looked down to see a baby Cookie Monster with blue eyes wearing DJ Molk's clothes staring up at her.

"Oookie?" it asked and pointed to its open mouth.

"Huh?"

"Oookie?"

"Hey, where'd the baby Cookie Monster come from?" Meredith asked.

"Oookie?"

"I dunno but here ya go Baby Cookie," Regina said and handed an Oreo to it. It shoved the cookie into is mouth.

"Om nom nom!" it cried happily while it munched.

"It's cute!" Meredith picked it up. "Ohh, Regina, feel its fur. It's real!"

"He's cute but where'd DJ go? I don't see him. What?" Regina asked the grinning Molk children.

"That is DJ," Cami Molk announced.

"No way!" Regina glanced down at the Baby Cookie Monster again.

"Way. DJ turns into a little Cookie," Devon Molk confirmed. "Been doin it for months now."

"Oookie?" the baby asked her again.

"Ummm…Miss Beth can he have one?"

"Just don't give him too many, honey."

"Your son is a real, live Cookie Monster? How did that happen?" Snow asked Beth.

"Well when you cross the daughter of Sleeping Beauty with the twin of Jiminy Cricket you get two earth mages in my sons Jasper and Devon, snow mages in Elsa and Cami and Aurora and a baby Cookie Monster with my DJ. I should have known something was up when I was a cookie addict while I was pregnant with him, but he didn't start shifting until recently."

"He could have a career on Sesame Street if he wanted it and no one would be able to tell the difference! Ohhh would you look at that!" Snow pointed to DJ sleeping with his furry head on Regina's shoulder, purring like a cat while she stroked his back. She snapped a picture.

"He sleeps like that with Daddy all the time," said Aurora.

"How come he purrs like a cat?"

"Guess he gets it from Dak. He's our cat. We named him after a Dallas Cowboy," spoke up Jasper.

"Daddy says the Cowboys suck," Regina laughed.

"Well you won't hear me arguing with that!" Beth laughed.

"Who's he follow; the New England Deflators?" Jasper countered. "And Mommy you signed the bandwagon form. Daddy still has it."

"I only signed it because I married a die-hard Cowboy fan, but my blood still bleeds Steeler black and gold on Sundays and Penn State blue and white on Saturdays." She sighed. "And after SIX of you I was hoping to have one Steeler fan but no…you're all like your father!"

"This is a running joke in their family," Az explained to Snow.

"Cause they suck Mommy."

"God help me!" Beth groaned and threw up her hands.

"Grampa doesn't watch football," Meredith said. "Neither does Gramma but my daddy does and yes he likes the Patriots."

"I don't watch football. It's boring. Me and Mommy do other stuff but Daddy scares Princess all the time when he starts yelling at the TV and Mommy goes in and yells at him for being stupid 'cause the players ain't gonna do what he's tellin em."

"That's because your father acts like he played football when I know he didn't. Oh, he drives me insane during football season!"

"And baseball season, basketball and hockey too Mommy," Regina reminded her. "But you get him back during that Christmas movie thing."

Snow smiled evilly. "I make him sit through some of my Hallmark Christmas movies every year."

"Dearies!" they heard Rum Strogoff call out and his image appeared on the mirror above Az's fireplace. "It's all over and everyone is to be at my house in an hour for a little get together."

"YAY!" the children cried.

"C'mon DJ," Regina said and stood up, still holding the sleeping Baby Cookie. "Our daddies are comin home."

"Well I'm banning Rumple from watching football because he broke the TV once," Belle said.

Loki laughed as he came through a portal in Az's living room.

"He sounds like my brother. Last season some of Thor's hardcore worshippers invited him for a Superbowl party. It was the worst mistake they ever made. When Thor gets mad he throws things-it's why Odin gave him a hammer. So, the Eagles were winning, and Thor was ticked and next thing you know he picks up the flatscreen and sends it into orbit. I think it's still floating around out there." Loki said and laughed.

"Loki!" Regina cried, waking DJ. "Ooops! M'sorry. You can go back to sleep DJ."

DJ closed his eyes and went back to sleep still in his monster form.

"Where'd the baby Cookie Monster come from?" Loki asked, ruffling the boy's furry head.

"He's Miss Beth's baby but he changes into a baby Cookie," Meredith replied. "Did you guys kick butt?"

"We certainly did."

"You shoulda seen it Regina," Jimmy said when he emerged with Miri and Modi. "We beat the scales off the two scariest beasts of the sea. Scylla and Old Biddy. I used to see them in my nightmares all the time. Papa beat Scylla and Loki beat Old Biddy. And the dragons were a really big help."

"Dragons?" Meredith's eyes widened. "Where did you see dragons! I love dragons!"

"My sister and brother in law can shift into dragons," Az said. "My niece Adora and her brother Junior can too. DG is a red dragon, Wyatt is blue, and their kids change their scale colors depending on their moods."

"The legend himself returns. It's been a long time Loki. You probably don't remember me because I look different in this life," said Ambrose.

"How could I forget…Scarecrow. The last time I saw you, you were serving as royal advisor to Queen Dorothy. I did check up on Glinda's protégé once in a while but in another form. And the Lion," he nodded at Raw.

"Raw still cowardly in this life until DG helped me find it again," he said.

"You had it in you, just needed a reason to bring it out. We'd better get going. Your husbands will be coming through soon and you need to be the first faces they see."

He gestured, and the group vanished in a puff of smoke.

 **Avonlea (Estate of Rumplestiltskin Strogoff)**

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

In less than twenty minutes Rum Strogoff's back lawn was decorated for a grand celebration. There were six buffet tables set up with food prepared by Alice Carstairs, Evangeline Potts, the Belles the staff at the Juno Beach branch of Granny's Diner and The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille. A large film screen was set up to watch movies later in the evening. Those left behind waited impatiently for their loved ones to emerge from the portal, women and children weeping tears of joy upon being reunited with them.

"There's my swan chick!" Emma cooed and picked up Ilyssa, covering her small face with kisses. "Hey Regina!" She hi-fived her little sister and kissed Cas in his mother's arms. "Hey Mom. You missed all the fun. Your other half was shooting zombies with fire arrows."

"Remind me to add that to my arsenal."

"It was scary for a while," Charming confessed. "We thought we were gonna get overrun by those zombies until more people started showing up."

Rumple kissed his wife softly and hugged Alina.

"Jimmy said you killed Scylla!" Alina exclaimed.

"It wasn't easy dearie. We had to escape Charybdis' whirlpool and steer the Jolly Roger close enough for me to throw Poseidon's Trident and Loki defeated Charybdis himself."

Miri remained at Jimmy's side while Modi stayed close to Loki, fearing the elder god's wrath.

"…Colonel Robert MacNamara, long time no see."

Bobby flinched and turned around to face Isaac Wallace.

"Never expected you to come out of the woodwork, Wallace. Heard you retired."

"I did but I kinda miss the good ole days. Where the hell have you been?"

"Trapped in Oz for eighteen years."

"I thought maybe you got captured during a mission."

"Came close a few times but got lucky. Who's the woman?"

"My wife. Jo."

"You? Settled down? What's this world comin to?"

"Maybe you should think about it."

"Maybe," Bobby muttered. "I want to get to know Rumple and Rhea a bit first and now I can since those two evil bitches are gone."

"Well you know where to find me when you're ready to go for a drink and talk about old times." Isaac walked away and rejoined his wife. Bobby walked over to the table where his family was sitting, listening to Bae and Emma recounting their experiences with the walking dead.

"And then SHE steals my Bug and starts blowing them all away in it!" Emma said pointing to Emma Strogoff.

"Yeah well mine's retired in my backyard and being used as a huge flowerpot!"

"If I ever see a zombie again it will be too soon," Bobby muttered.

"All right everyone, get your backsides out of those chairs and eat!" Belle Strogoff ordered and laughed.

"You know, I think we're all gonna get along just fine," Rumple murmured and followed his Belle to the buffet tables while in his mind a plan was forming to unite the realms as one family, but he would not need a curse to do it.


	13. Ohana

**Authors Notes: Over the years Kat and I have collaborated on two other series together and in these final chapters we would like to reintroduce you to some familiar faces from them. They are the Mishap Series and the Unexpected Series. You will find them on Kat's page here and on hers and mine on AO3.**

After dinner Rumple pulled all his counterparts aside for a private discussion in Rum Strogoff's study.

"I would like to unite the realms," he announced.

Rum Strogoff smiled.

"As would I dearie, and it has been a pet project of mine for years. That's part of the reason why I started checking in on them from time to time."

"Two us were brought to this world by a curse and I don't want a curse to be the way to bring us all together. And I think I have the solution."

He summoned Rum's copy of the Once Upon a Time book and it appeared on the desk. "With this. No matter what realm we come from, there is always a copy of this book. My sister made ours."

"And I made ours," said Rum.

"My grandson made ours," said Weaver.

"We can use the books to send a message to our other selves that we are looking for them and that they always have a safe haven in our territories should they need it. Do we have a deal, dearies?" Rum and Weaver shook his hands. "Strogoff, do you have copies of the books from the other realms?"

"I do and so does Weaver." Six more Once Upon a Time books appeared on the desk with volume numbers on their covers. "But mine is the original. Yours would be Volume Five, Weaver's Volume Three, Hellbrooke Volume Two and Four and Six belong to realms I haven't visited yet. However, David and Beth Molk have been in Storybrooke Four recently." Rum giggled. "Shocked the hell out of everyone but now everyone there knows there are other Storybrookes. We haven't encountered anyone from Storybrooke Six as far as I know but….if you ever want to relive your childhood, go there."

"Why?"

"Imagine how hilarious it would be having your son raise you under an age regression spell."

"What?" Rumple spit out his wine.

"Oh aye. You, Belle, Regina and Hook…but this Hook is like Rogers. Bae adopted the lad because he wanted to stay a child. Called themselves the Nevengers."

"I'm almost afraid to ask why."

"They've gotten into a few mishaps," Weaver chuckled. "Interesting reading, I might say."

"What about Storybrooke Four? What do we know about it?"

"Most of their problems during the Dark Curse were caused by street gangs…and Bae was in one." Rum frowned. "Cora was the chief architect behind that Dark Curse and targeted a specific group of people…us, Regina, Snow, Hatter and Archie because they all tried to stop the curse from being cast. She made them all suffer under that curse and a second one…a Curse of the Brokenhearted. That one was broken on their Archie's wedding day."

"…Because it had to be done by one pure of heart who found true love." Rumple added. "It seems that Cora is a bitch in every realm she's in."

"Indeed." Weaver grimaced. "The only good thing that came out of my lapse in judgement with her were my daughters. And my Zelena is no bunny boiling rabid stalker bitch!"

"Neither is my cousin," Strogoff added.

"What I am proposing is that we send copies of all six Once Upon a Time books to every household in all the realms. Let them learn about us and then we can decide on a day where we can all come together."

"And I know just the day…my mother's wedding!" Rum exclaimed.

"All of us together for Christmas! It's perfect, dearie! We can put an invitation in every book along with the means to travel here but would you be able to house everyone for the holidays?"

"Dearie, I am a demigod and so are you. We can manage it if we put our minds and our magic to it. And don't forget, we have all the mages from our realms to help."

"You're forgetting one thing dearies. Storybrooke Two has a Hook in it. How do you propose we handle _that_ little problem because you know damn well our Emmas are gonna wanna kick his arse to Hell and back? And I want to put in a few shots myself."

"Maybe he'll do the wise thing and stay at home," Rum mused.

"Oh, I doubt that," Rumple disagreed. "He wouldn't want to miss the chance to call attention to himself. You know how he craves it."

Weaver smirked. "Hmmm….and Storybrooke Four's Belle wields a mighty broom. The Bordreaux Broom, they call it. Forgive me if I am picturing her whacking his ass with it."

"Is there any way we can get out of inviting the bastard? I don't want any drama at my mother's wedding."

Rumple sighed. "There was a bit of it at her first one thanks to Meredith, but the lass has matured a bit since then. We'll have to think on this one, dearies. I really don't want to exclude the residents of Storybrooke Two because of that idiot."

"And Zelena," Rum added. "That Zelena is the original bunny boiler rabid stalker bitch and we're her favorite target."

The others groaned.

Uniting the realms would be harder than they thought.

 **Gold's Victorian – Mishap Series**

 **Storybrooke Six**

"Papa, Papa…book!" Rumple's daughter Miri squealed and pointed to the six books that appeared on his coffee table. He picked the first one up and saw the words ONCE UPON A TIME: VOLUME SIX written on the cover. He opened it and smiled as he reread the story of how he, Belle, Regina and Killian had first been turned into toddlers. Afterword he flipped through the pages and found the rest of their stories in there along with those of everyone else in the town. As he was about to set the book aside, two items fell out of it. The first one was a note.

 _ **You are not alone, and you will find the rest of us waiting within the pages of the other books. Read them and come to know us through them.**_

 _ **Your other selves, dearie!**_

The second item was a wedding invitation

 _ **Rumplestilskin Strogoff Gold cordially invites you to the wedding of his mother, Princess Lilliana Strogoff of Oz to Archibald Hopper. Please use the enclosed coin to create a portal if you wish to attend and lodgings over the holidays will be provided. We hope to see you there.**_

There was also a date and time for the wedding along with a location: a place called Avonlea in the town of Juno Beach, Florida.

"Rumple, what's Miri so….where did _those_ come from?" Belle asked, pointing to the stack of books. Her husband smiled.

"We've been sent a message, dearie."

"From whom?"

"Our other selves."

"What?!"

He handed her the note and the invitation. "Read for yourself."

"Is this for real?" she asked him.

He took out his phone and Googled the name written on the wedding invitation. "I can't believe it! I've been buying stock for my shop off him for years! And he's ME!" He handed Belle the phone.

"Rumple, this is wonderful! We should go and meet them! I'd love to know what their lives were like!"

Killian ran into the living room. "Where we goin', Grampa?"

"Well if your father agrees we're going to a wedding, lad."

"Huh? A wedding? But it's almost Christmas! Who gets married on Christmas?"

Rumple giggled. "An Ozian princess and a cricket."

"Archie's married to Selene and she's not a princess."

Rumple patted the empty space beside him on the sofa. "Have a seat, lad. I have a new story for you…five of them."

"Cool!"

 **Gold's Victorian - Unexpected Series**

 **Storybrooke Four**

It was Sunday and the Golds, Hoods, Charmings, Hatters and Hoppers were gathered at Rumple and Belle's mansion for their traditional family dinner but on this Sunday the main topic for discussion was the five new volumes of the Once Upon a Time book that had appeared unexpectedly in every household in town.

"I'm assuming you've all read the rest of the books?" Rumple asked his friends.

"And David and Beth Molk were telling the truth when they came here. Parallel worlds do exist and we're in at least five of them," Jeff replied.

"Yeah but me being married to Hook in one of them….gross!" Emma groaned. "Sorry but I'll stick to this crazy hat wearing lunatic I've got."

"Thanks babe," Jeff mumbled.

"I'm a polygamist!" Archie exclaimed. "Five different wives and one of them is the Blue Fairy!? Not a chance in hell that would happen here!"

"Honey David and Beth did warn you about that," Marie pointed out. "And they said she's nothing like ours."

"Thank God!"

"How do you think I feel? I was DEAD in one of them!" Bae exclaimed.

"So was I!" Robin reminded him.

"So, what do you think Rumple? Should we accept their invitation?" Regina asked him.

"Why not! It'll be a bit confusing at first…well…we'll know which Archie we're talking to through his harem," Rumple chuckled. His brother-in-law scowled at him. "What? You're the only one of us who has five different wives."

"Yeah well I have three different husbands," said Emma. "One I would rather bury six feet under and the other one I'm a Mrs. Robinson to."

"I hope Hook's the one you wanna bury!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Yeah…or I'll just send him through your hat somewhere really unpleasant."

"Then it's settled dearies. We have a wedding to attend."

 **Storybrooke Six**

 **Two days later**

"I call this meeting of the Nevengers to order!" Killian announced and banged his toy gavel on the table in his room. "Ummm…have you guys heard the grownups talkin about goin to some wedding in Florida over Christmas?"

"Yep," Roland replied. "Mommy says we're gonna meet our twins there, 'cept yours is grown up. They're not really twins more like clones or something but not those nasty alien ones."

"Are we gonna make 'em Nevengers?" Annie Carlyle inquired.

"Yep. We're gonna go global!" Killian rubbed his hands together gleefully. "A club of Nevengers in every port, mates and bad guys and girls better just retire to the old folks home 'cause we're gonna outnumber 'em."

"Ummm….we gotta warn 'em 'bout Sapphira though. She's out on parole," cautioned Devon Molk.

"Aww crap! Forgot about the Butthole."

"Why can't she just stay home?" Bobby whined.

"Ummm…'cause she and Melanie were invited too…and Mister Strogoff didn't wanna be rude, ya know? But we're gonna be watchin her and if she tries anything we're gonna lay the smackdown…right?"

"Right!"

Killian took out a piece of paper and his crayons and started to write a note he hoped his grandfather would somehow deliver to the children in the other realms prior to the wedding.

 _ **Kids of Storybrookes,**_

 _ **Wanna live a live of 'venture, kick butts and have lotsa friends? The Nevengers want YOU so sign up mates! No age limits! See ya at the beach!**_

 _ **Capt. Killian Gold**_

 **Avonlea Mansion**

 **Juno Beach, Florida**

Two days later hundreds of RSVP cards appeared on the desk in Strogoff's study while Killian Gold's Nevenger invitations appeared in the bedrooms of all the children in the realms. The decision had been made to seek the advice of Storybrooke Two's Rumple whether to invite their Zelena and Hook to the wedding. Rumple, Strogoff, and Weaver traveled to Storybrooke Two to meet with their counterpart at his shop. He was working on a new jewelry piece when a portal opened in his workroom.

"Hello dearies," he greeted warmly. "I've been expecting you." He gestured to the bench in front of his worktable. The three men sat and Rumple conjured cups of coffee for them to drink. Gold smiled faintly, reminiscing about the days when he was able to wield magic as easily as they could.

"I think about those days too dearie," said Weaver.

"How do you get through it?"

"Too much goin' on in Seattle to think about it."

"And you two still have your magic because you're descended from gods."

"There are a few reasons why we're here to have a little chat," Rumple began. "The first involves two people you have a history with."

"Oh? I have history with everyone in this town."

"I was referring to Hook and Zelena."

He snorted. "What about them?"

"I've invited everyone from the realms to my mother's wedding but I want to leave the decision up to you whether those two will attend or not," Strogoff spoke up.

"Why me? It's your mum's wedding, dearie."

"It is but I don't want one of us being uncomfortable. I dinna ken how you tolerate being around them now after what they've done."

"For Belle."

The others frowned.

"She wants you to make nice with the woman who tried to kill your son and tried to kill her how many times? Oh, four. Oh, and let's not forget how many times he tried to kill you," Weaver said bitterly. "My Belle never asked me to do such a thing to that bloody pirate. He was long dead before I met her. I didn't kill him sadly."

"Are you truly happy being this way, dearie?" Rumple asked him.

"Honestly? No, but I don't want to lose Belle or my sons again and I will if don't….walk the line as the song says."

"You shouldn't have to walk the bloody line!" Strogoff raged. "Those two idiots would have deserved every bloody thing they got had it been ME in your shoes!"

"Aye, they would have had it been me," Weaver agreed.

"What can I do?" Gold spread his hands helplessly. "She's left me before when I backslided. I love her. I'm sure you all understand that, so I made…compromises."

"There's a difference between compromising and losing yourself and you are losing yourself," Rumple said. "This is not who you are."

Loki's great-grandson shook his head. "When I was reunited with my Belle, I promised her to never use my magic for dark purposes again. However, I never promised to give it up. She understood that the magic is part of me, and I could no more renounce it than a bird could stop flying. But I could renounce the darkness, and that is what I did. The magic was never the problem. Being cursed was. But once my curse was broken by true love, I became what I was born to be-a Guardian."

"When I was reunited with my Belle she made a promise to me that we would fight the darkness within me together...and we did. She didn't fear my magic. In fact, she wanted to learn it for herself. She wasn't aware she was also born with it because she was chosen to be my Guardian," Strogoff added.

"My Belle and I broke my curse together but even though I no longer had magic, she encouraged me to be anything I wanted to be. I did own a shop for a few years but after some snot nosed punk tried to rob and kill me I decided I would spend the rest of my life trying to get scum like him off the streets. So, I became a cop," said Weaver.

"I can't go back."

"We're not suggesting you become the Dark One again. What we are suggesting is that you stop trying to be what everyone else thinks you should be and be yourself! And if they cannae accept it then are they really worth it?"

"My family is..."

"It has been my experience that family loves you for who you are, not what they wish you were," Rumple interjected. "You accept, you do not dictate."

"Exactly," Strogoff agreed. "They take the good with the bad. We all make mistakes in life, but we learn from them."

"And can those who judge you honestly say they're perfect. I think not dearie," added Weaver.

"They try to," Gold said bitterly. "Hook being the worst of the hypocrites. His 'good man' act is a farce and he proved that when he was the Dark One...and before. And Miss Swan, who prides herself on being able to tell when someone is lying, lies to herself the most about the man she's married."

Rumple grimaced. "Aye, 'tis the only way she could be able to stand that niding, as Loki would say."

The others laughed. "That what?" Gold asked.

"Niding. Tis Old Norse for someone who is less than nothing," Rumple explained. "He called Hook that. It's considered one of the worst insults."

"Oh I know a few in Gaelic, Russian, Italian and Ozian," Strogoff giggled.

"I can imagine," Rumple grinned.

"Then how do I explain this to Belle in a way she can understand?"

Rumple thought. "Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe our Belles should." He looked at Strogoff and Weaver.

The two men nodded in agreement.

"But will she listen to them?"

"Oh my Belle will do more than just tell her. She'll show her some things that will wise her up," Strogoff added.

In Ozian magic he learned that hearts revealed truths the mind concealed or distorted.

Rumple sighed. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And if she won't talk to them, Loki can. No woman can resist his silver tongue."

"Now then...the Hook and Zelena situation..."

Gold sighed. "You can invite them to keep the peace since Emma and Regina will most certainly object if they're not allowed to come."

Good Gods Rumple...what have they done to us in that hell? Strogoff sent to Rumple. He's a shell of his former self. Jiminy warned me but dammit, it's worse than I thought.

He's been manipulated into becoming what they think he ought to be, Rumple sent back. Blackmailed by the person who was supposed to fight for him.

It ends NOW!

Aye it does. Rumple agreed. But we need to be careful. Rogers and Jimmy will not be happy to see a version of Hook at the wedding. And Jimmy will behave, but only so long. I fear what may happen if Hook tries to cozen up to Miri. Not just from Jimmy. Loki will take him apart.

And Jiminy had his own history with our Hook. Tried to rape his wife. Our Hook was supposed to simply be beheaded in Oz but while Wyatt was the Dark One he enchanted the executioner's axe to chop him into pieces."

Rather gruesome way to die but you won't find me shedding any tears over it.

Me either. Rumple snorted. And you know what happened to Zelena from my realm. She was the feast for cannibal Barbies and the flying monkeys.

"Alright dearie, we'll try to keep the peace but your days of letting others dictate your life are over," Weaver said firmly.

And if his wife couldn't accept it they would find him one that would.

"And the operative word here is "try"," Rumple interjected. "We can't guarantee that if this Hook doesn't behave the others won't retaliate. I can keep Jimmy in line only so far and Loki does what he wants-especially if Hook tries anything with his daughter."

"Oh...that reminds me...I know at least one of you has a history with the Blue Fairy...well...my Archie is married to the one from Weaver's realm."

"Tracey and Strogoff's Blue aren't like the one you and Rumple have to deal with," Weaver pointed out to Gold.

"I figured that out the day Archie brought Tracey to Storybrooke. She lost her powers years ago and took a job as a wedding planner. They met when they started studying Christianity together."

Strogoff's eyes narrowed. "Storybrooke Six's Blue has been deaged to a child named Sapphira and she will become the next Dark One."

Gold rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I know I'm not," Rumple said. "And Loki is going to have a talk with my Blue. About what was done to his granddaughter and the fact that nothing was done by her to protect me from my father as a child. Basically, I think he's going to rip her a new one."

"He can have a talk with the Blue in my town while he's at it," Gold muttered. "That gnat couldn't keep my mother from trying to ruin my second son's life."

"I think he will love to," Rumple giggled. " The fae are on Loki's List of Pieces of Shit right now and he's not pulling his punches."

"Tracey and Strogoff's Blue are off the list though."

"Yes, they are." Rumple nodded.

"But first we need to get you back into shape," Weaver said to Gold. "No more of this obeying orders shite."

Gold knew from his reading that all the Rumples had Belles that had accepted him as he was...except for his.

He doubted their wives would be able to convince his Belle otherwise. She was stubborn as he knew well and still held onto her belief that all men should be like the hero in that damned book her mother had given her. Oh, the times he thought about tossing it into the flames!

Rumple made a mental note to have a talk with his own wife once they got back and the others felt the same.

"They should've left me stay dead," Gold muttered.

"I don't want to hear that come out of your mouth again," Rumple said angrily. "We are going to fix this."

"My Bae feels the same way since he was brought back...lost without Emma," Gold confessed sadly.

But it wasn't just losing Emma that had been devastating for Gold's son. He'd returned to find his own son was now a man with a family of his own...and considered HOOK to be more of a father to him.

"This realm is all kinds of screwed up," Weaver muttered.

"I'm afraid so," Strogoff agreed. "Gold's grandson went through a portal after his college graduation...to find himself as he put it and got himself into a bit of trouble in your realm. And you know time moves differently there. He was only gone six weeks here but ten years there. He came back with a daughter and a wife."

"Aye. Our Cinderella. Her stepmum dabbled in dark magic and so did her daughter."

Rumple made a face. "Nine Hells!"

Gold smiled faintly. "Lucy comes 'round to visit me. She's a good lass."

He took out his wallet and showed them a photograph of a little girl. "That's my great-granddaughter. She comes to see Bae too. I think she has a wee bit of the empath in her because she is always trying to look after Bae and me."

"All the more reason you need to stick around!" Weaver argued.

The three other Rumples looked at each other, deciding to recruit young Lucy Mills in their quest to heal their broken brother. And he was broken.

In the meantime, it would be up to their wives to talk some sense into their stubborn other half and God help her when they did.

Meanwhile, in Avonlea, Loki was giving his daughter and nephew a Very Disappointed Look. Loki could do more with a glance than half his pantheon could by shouting-a fact which his mischievous brood knew very VERY well.

Both Miri and Modi hung their heads, chastened, feeling worse than if the elder god had taken a switch and beaten them. "We're sorry, Papa."

"You ought to be," her father scolded. "Your mother is probably worried sick over the fact you just disappeared."

"I left her a note," Miri defended.

"That was when I decided to go find her," Modi put in. "So you ought to thank me, Uncle Loki."

Miri facepalmed herself. "Seriously, cousin? Are you really THAT dumb?"

"Why? I'm serious!" Modi objected.

"I should THANK you for disturbing the Balance?" Loki repeated softly.

"Umm . . .well . . ." Modi sputtered.

"If I were you, cousin, I'd shut my mouth," Miri interjected.

She knew well when to keep her own shut when Loki was angry.

She was dreading his reaction when he discovered she had a new love interest.

She was planning on waiting until he was calmer to break the news, but feared Modi would shoot off his mouth to take the heat off him.

"I didn't mean to!" the younger god whined. "I was trying to help rescue Miri, sir."

"What have I told you about interfering in Midgardian affairs?" Loki lectured, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Not to...but...she...she was..."

Miri wisely said nothing. She knew she was in enough trouble for sneaking off with only a brief note to explain her sudden absence and Sigyn would have been tearing Asgard and half of Midgard apart looking for her.

"The Balance has already been disturbed enough in the past few days without you two making it worse. I am very disappointed in both of you."

"I would've stayed home had SHE not decided to play Wonder Miri and go rescue that former pirate she's sweet on!" Modi blurted.

"Modi!" Miri hissed.

"It's true. You were spying on him in your seeing globe."

"Modi, shut up!" she cried.

"By the Nine! Miriamele, what is he talking about?" Loki demanded. "What haven't you told me?" His eyes seemed to see into her very soul.

"Ummm...well...ahhhh...I sometimes watch events in Midgard through my seeing globe as Modi said and I saw this boy was in trouble so I...so I came down and helped him."

"Hah! You did more than that!" Modi taunted. Miri glared at him, wishing she could put a zipper where his mouth was or just make it disappear entirely.

"Modi, I'm talking to Miriamele. That means you keep quiet." Loki interjected.

"But Uncle Loki-you wouldn't want her courting some scrawny mortal-"

"Jimmy is NOT scrawny!" Miri snapped.

"Jimmy? Jimmy Gold?" Loki asked, recalling Rumple's adopted son.

"Umm yes..."

"When did this . . . attraction start?" Loki began. He could not believe his little girl was now old enough to even notice boys, much less be getting involved in saving their lives. Jimmy's one saving grace was that he was Rumple's adopted son. Loki knew Rumple was a good judge of character and to not judge a person by who their father was.

"Ummm...from afar at first but once I met him..." She blushed.

Modi snorted.

"Girls! Always act like they're in the movies...oh Gawd he's sooo cute!"

He made little hearts appear over her head and laughed.

Miri rolled her eyes. "He's not just cute-he's smart and funny. And he's a gentleman."

"Yeah and I've got another hole in my butt!"

"Keep it up and you will!"

"Enough, the pair of you!" Loki snapped. "You are both in trouble when we get back home."

"You mean she's in trouble, right?" Modi said, trying to get out of his own punishment.

"Yeah you think!" Miri taunted.

"I said both of you and that's what I meant," Loki repeated. "You are both on restriction for two weeks. Which means extra chores to be determined by me and your aunt once we are home, you know the drill by now."

"Yes," Miri said softly.

"She should get more than me!" Modi protested.

"Do you want more chores added on Modi?" the god demanded.

"No, sir."

"And don't think you can get out of it by going to your father, young man," Loki warned. "You know Thor and my rule."

Knowing his father, Modi suspected he would have another long list of chores waiting to be done at his own house.

Miri would take her punishment willingly if Loki would give his blessing to Jimmy's courtship.

They heard a knock on the door and Modi opened it and found an impatient little girl on the other side.

"My Daddy says dinner's almost ready and you better get your butts in the dining room or you don't eat." She grinned.

"Who're you to tell us what to do?" Modi asked indignantly.

"I'm Hope Marie Strogoff that's who!" she retorted.

Loki smiled at the child. "Reminds me of you, Miri. We're finished here. Come, let's eat."

"Good cause we don't wait 'round here," Hope said and ran into the dining room.

Since there were so many guests, Belle Strogoff with help from her daughter-in-law and cousins used the magic to expand the room to accommodate everyone and there were several buffet tables set up for the guests to serve themselves.

Little DJ Molk shifted into his monster form the moment he saw the trays of cookies on the desert table.

"Mama...Dada...OOKIES!"

"Later," his mother said firmly.

"He is so cute," Meredith said to her father.

"Adorable! Papa, he's a baby shifter," Miri exclaimed.

Little Elsa Molk held up a plush Grinch. "Inch says hi," she said to Miri.

"Hi! He looks very huggable." Miri smiled.

"Uh huh an he and Daddy tell the monsters in my closet to hit the bricks."

"Hey, Elsa better get in line or you're gonna miss out on all the food," Regina cautioned. "Oooh you gots pizza...but why I gotta eat it with a fork?"

"That's how the Italians do it, darlin'" Loki drawled.

He got on line and so did Miri and Modi.

"You're going to love Zee's pizza," Bae Strogoff said.

"I'm sure I am. I spent quite awhile over in Rome and Florence," Loki told him. "Nobody cooks like an Italian."

"Hamburgers!" Belle exclaimed.

"Did you really expect me not to have them?" Belle Strogoff joked. "Rumple, don't you dare! You're on a diet!" she scolded her husband when he picked on up. He groaned and slapped it on Rumple's plate.

"Thank the gods I'M not on a diet," Rumple muttered. Strogoff was about to grab a plate of wings when he was stopped with a look from his wife. Those too ended up on Rumple's plate.

"Papa, can you fix it, so Mr. Strogoff can eat what he likes without it hurting him?" Miri whispered to Loki.

"Oh, I love eating rabbit food," Strogoff said sarcastically.

"You'll get nothing and like it!" his son joked and everyone at their table burst into laughter.

"Och Bae not that Caddyshack crap again!"

"Hey, it won us a country club, didn't it?"

"I can help you," Loki said. "It's just a matter of fooling your senses." He waved a hand and the salad Rum had on his plate morphed into a juicy burger with all the fixings, fries, and chocolate cake. "You'll taste and feel like you're eating what you want, but it's actually what is on your diet."

"And no more gallstones?"

"No. It's a divine illusion."

"Thank you, Loki. Now come, sit at my family's table. You too!" he ordered Rumple.

Loki made his way to the table, his plate filled with delicious food. His daughter gazed at him pleadingly and he gave a nod. She hurried over to sit at Jimmy's table. Loki noted the young man stood and held a chair for her, and his manners pleased Loki.

Rumple stood up, his wineglass in his hand. "I would like to thank our hosts for welcoming us into their homes and for coming to our aid during this recent crisis. When I think of all of us, the Hawaiian word 'ohana' comes to mind. In my eyes we're all family, even when we live in different realms and have made different choices with our lives. My fellow Rumples and I have decided that we are going to try to unite the realms and we can't think of a better time to do it than at Christmas and the second wedding of Archie and Lilly."

Strogoff stood up next. "And as our gift to the newest members of our family, we will be performing one of the most powerful acts of Ozian magic that will bind the life forces of true loves together in this life and beyond."

The two Rumples faced each other and clinked their glasses together. "To our family."

"We're family now Meri," Regina said and clinked her glass of grape juice against Meredith's.

"We always will be Gina," she said softly.

Regina stood up in her chair. "I wanna make a toast!" she announced.

Rumple giggled from his seat. "Always have to have the last word, don't you, dearie?"

Regina held up her glass of grape juice. "I wanna thank everybody for making that mean Queen of Hearts go where the goblins go!"

"I'll drink to that, little mischief maker," Loki grinned, and saluted her with his glass of Moscato.

Regina smiled over the rim of her own. "This is gonna be the best Christmas ever!"

She would soon find out how true that statement was.


	14. Damned and Divine

**Damned and Divine**

 **Storybrooke Library**

 **Storybrooke Two**

 **Two days prior to Christmas Eve**

Traffic on Main Street was brought to a screeching halt when a portal opened up in the middle of the street and five Belles emerged, Belle and Belle Strogoff leading the charge. The women marched down the street toward the library. Once they were inside Belle Strogoff waved her hand and froze everyone inside except for her counterpart behind the desk.

"It's time we had a little chat," she announced.

"I…I'm a little busy right now…"

"Not too busy for us," Belle said, snapping her fingers and pointing to the breakroom. "You…us…in there. NOW."

"Don't make me teleport you," warned Belle Strogoff.

"And if you're thinking of calling for Regina or anyone else, forget it. Mrs. Strogoff has this place warded," Belle Weaver informed her.

"I would go if I were you," spoke up Storybrooke Four's Belle, her famous broom ready to be summoned should she need it. Storybrooke Six's Belle also carried Mister Common Sense though she hadn't used him since her last Nevenger adventure. Seeing she had no choice, Belle Gold walked into the breakroom and closed the door once her counterparts were inside.

"Why are you here?"

"Because we need to talk to you about your husband," Belle informed her.

"That's our business."

"Not anymore," countered Belle Strogoff. "Our husbands have 'adopted him' so to speak and your business is now our business and there seems to be a serious problem here that we intend to fix."

"There is no problem."

"Really?" The Once Upon a Time book appeared on the table. Belle opened it to the chapter on the reunion after the curse. "You were locked away for twenty-eight years and immediately began making demands on the man you love. Not want justice for you being locked away? Do you think I made such a demand? NO!"

"That day Rumple and I began our quest to break his curse….TOGETHER!" said Belle Strogoff.

"We've ALL worked with our husbands, not against him. We accepted him for who he was, not who we wanted him to be," added Storybrooke Four's Belle.

"When you stand before your gods and your friends and family to love each other for better or worse, you mean it," said Storybrooke Six's Belle. "What the HELL kind of wedding vows were you speaking? They sounded more like insults to me!"

"You don't know anything!" Belle yelled.

"Oh, but we do," Belle Strogoff said, pressing her hand over Belle Gold's heart. "The heart reveals truths that the mind conceals and distorts." The couple's wedding day appeared on the television screen.

 _"Rumplestiltskin, this thing we have, it's never been easy. I've lost you so many times. I've lost you to darkness, to weakness, and finally, to death. But now I realize, I realize that I have not spent my life losing you. I've spent my life finding you."_

"You called him weak…on your damn wedding day!" Belle raged.

"You were so busy concentrating on his darkness that you didn't see the darkness in yourself," added Belle Strogoff. "Now you will." She reached into the other woman's chest and removed her heart. Belle Gold's eyes bulged in horror to see as much darkness on her own heart as she'd seen in her husband's and Regina's.

"This is a trick!"

"I'm afraid it's not," Belle said sadly.

"You took an emotionally damaged man and added more damage." Belle Weaver began to pace the floor as she spoke. "Every time you called him weak, every time you called him a beast…every time you made a demand on him. He was reaching out and you were pushing him away because you wanted him to be the man in your books. That's fiction. It's time to get your head out of the books and back into reality."

"You don't know what he did to me!"

"We do. We've read, and we've viewed so don't think you can pull the wool over our eyes." Storybrooke Six's Belle glared at her.

Belle Four's hands itched to be holding her broom.

"Our husbands were all cursed like yours," Belle refuted softly. "But we all understood that the curse was where the problem lay, not in the man himself. That man was born with magic, like an artist is gifted with the ability to paint and create. And we could no more ask him to give that up than you could ask a fish to stop swimming. You crippled him!"

"He was always making bad choices...like when he made Emma the Dark One...tried to kill Hook, switched daggers on me...sold our son to Hades!"

"Whoa, wait a damn minute...EMMA made HERSELF the Dark One!" Belle Strogoff snapped. "And ummm...how many times did that pirate try to kill you? oh...FOUR!"

"He never sold your son to Hades-he made a deal with that rotten sneak when he was married to Milah, who did not want anymore children, to save the only child he had!" Belle snapped, "He never thought he would remarry or have another child . . . plus the one who made the deal died so the contract was null and void! Only Hades lied and said it wasn't. Rumple would never risk his own child if he had a choice! And what about YOU? You allowed that bitch Fiona to get a hold of him!"

"Not to mention was careless as hell with the dagger when you DID have it," Storybrooke Four's Belle pointed out. "In your purse? Really? Why not put up a damned neon sign!"

Belle Six smacked Mister Common Sense against her palm. "Why even take it in the first place?" she asked. "I would never have even agreed to hold it for a small amount of time."

"It was the only way I could stop him from hurting everyone!"

"Most of them DESERVED it," yelled Belle Strogoff. "Were it me they would be sleeping with the fishes!"

"Who did he hurt? Zelena, the ho who raped him and murdered his son?" Belle demanded. "Regina-who lied to him for 28 years about you and then tried to kill everyone repeatedly when she didn't get her way? Hook-who deserved to be hung up on a yardarm? THOSE people? Ha! I walloped Regina's ass for her after she poisoned my daughter and grandson! Before she was deaged!"

"And I whupped Regina's ass myself with magic MY husband taught me because I ASKED him to never knowing I was already born with it." Belle Strogoff slammed Belle Gold's heart back into her chest.

"Regina wasn't as much of an enemy in our realms as Hook was," Belle Weaver said indicating herself and Six and Four's Belles.

"But I'm raising him as my grandson this time because he actually took responsibility for what he did," Belle Six pointed out.

"Ours was hacked to pieces with Nick Chopper's enchanted axe. He's lucky we weren't the ones holding it." Belle Strogoff's eyes narrowed to silts.

"They're heroes now..."

"That's it...I"m booking her!" snarled Belle Six.

The Bordreaux Broom appeared in Belle Four's hands.

Belle raised her hand. "Not just yet. Let's examine the motives of these so-called heroes, shall we? Starting with Hook. His only motivation was getting into Emma's panties. We all know that worked out well. Regina I will give her credit for trying but there are times she switches sides when it suits her. Zelena gets no credit whatsoever. She enjoys being wicked."

"So does Rumple enjoy being the Dark One. Every chance he had to break his curse, he took the power back."

"Look what happened when those powers fell into the hands of Emma and Hook. Hook wanted to drag everyone down to hell with him and Emma created the mess by making him a second Dark One. And because they dragged everyone down to Hell Robin's soul was taken so Pretty Boy could escape," Belle Strogoff wanted to scream.

"Hook should have stayed dead and Bae should have been returned to life," Belle stated. "Zelena should have never been allowed to come back and then harm Robin. That was a travesty. So was the fact that you rejected Gold again at the well after he had his curse removed. Why did you do that? He was pure then-like the so-called hero in your book! He had Excalibur and the one thing he had left to do was beat the pirate who had broken his pride so long ago. Now tell me why wasn't that good enough?"

"And had Archie not summoned Ozmalita, the keeper of souls, we never would've known Bae and Robin were still alive and trapped in Ephesis. He brought Bae back, he broke Rumple's curse because he was the only one who cared enough to help him!" Belle Strogoff said.

"He broke my heart so many times. I was protecting myself..."

"By leading him on!" Belle Four's patience was at its limits.

"Oh, cry me a river!" Belle Six snapped. "What did YOU do to him? Throwing him out of town with nothing but a thin Armani suit and no cane, over that bastard you call a "good man"-the one who would have cheerfully ripped your heart out twice. You don't think that broke his heart? Then you added insult to injury by having an affair with a married man who could barely write his name! What would you call that? That's the pot calling the kettle black!"

"I call it adultery," threw in Belle Four.

"STOP! Stop. I don't want to hear anymore!" Belle Gold covered her ears.

"GROW UP!" Belle Strogoff yelled back. "You are damned lucky I don't go Vito Corleone on your ass and slap you so hard your teeth rattle!"

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," Belle returned. "You're not perfect-so stop believing your husband has to be also. And for God's sake take off the blinders where Hook, Zelena, and Regina are concerned. Two of them play you for fools over and over and one plays you whenever she needs something! They aren't your friends! They never were."

"Come down off your pedestal," Belle Four commanded. "Or spare your husband a lifetime of misery with you and go to Hook or whoever else fits your book idea of a hero."

"And believe me we know quite a few women who would be happy to take your place."

Belle Weaver smiled, thinking of some of her unmarried friends from the Wish Realm.

Belle Six thought of Melanie, her realm's unmarried Maleficent. Matching her with a good man was a plan of hers for years.

"I am going to ask you one more question. Just one. And don't think you can lie because I will know. I've seen the truths in your heart. Do you love him?"

"I'm trying to," she said after a long silence. "But there have just been too many broken promises..."

"All right ladies. You heard her. Now we do this OUR way." Belle Strogoff glanced over at Belle Six. "Make the call."

Belle Six took her phone out of her purse, excused herself and walked out into the lobby. "Hello, Melanie? It's Belle. There's something I want to talk to you about..."

"You're making a mistake," Belle Four said. "You accuse Rumple of making bad choices, but this is the worst one you could've made. And now you'll pay the price. Good luck...dearie!" she added as parting shot and left the room.

"If you cannot make him happy, or yourself, then best you step aside for someone who can," Belle told her counterpart. "For nothing good came come of settling for only half of a man. If you will not fix what was broken, then we shall. Before it's too late."

"I watched my husband die too and I was willing to do anything to bring him back, even surrender a part of my life force." Belle Strogoff held out a long lock of grey hair on her head. "I keep this to remind me that my sacrifice was worth it."

"But we are not going to sit back and watch you drive yours back into his grave with your incessant diva demands." Belle Weaver poked Belle Gold in the chest. "Go home little girl. Come back when you're woman enough to handle marriage and what comes with it."

Suddenly there was a green flash and the God of Mischief appeared in the breakroom. "Hello, ladies. Thought I would pop in and see how things were going before I went and taught an arrogant fairy the meaning of guardianship."

Belle Strogoff put on her sunglasses. "We're done. Come on ladies. We have other calls to make. She's all yours and good luck. We have our own solution to this mess."

She waved her hand and unfroze the patrons in the library as she was walking out.

Belle Gold stared at the god in black and green and her mouth fell open. "Who-who are YOU?"

"Loki of Asgard. Perhaps you've heard of me?" he said softly.

"Surely you're not the REAL Loki? The Norse God of Mischief?" Belle Gold sputtered.

"Surely I am, darling," Loki smirked and sat on the table. "Why so shocked? You met Hades, one of my god cousins. Or should I say one of his aspects. But that's neither here nor there. I came here to talk some sense into you, you stubborn little fool. Because your sisters there seem to have failed. But only if you're willing to listen. Are you?"

"Do I have a choice?" Belle Gold demanded.

"Oh, there's ALWAYS a choice, little bookworm. You made a choice to go with Rumplestiltskin forever, do you remember?"

"I'm tired of everyone making him out to be the victim when I WAS the victim here. He is abusive, a liar, a manipulator and you're all insane to think otherwise."

Loki scowled. "Now don't get on your high horse with ME. I am far from insane. So, you believe you were the victim? You were-of your own arrogance, my dear. You think Rumple lied and manipulated you? Who saved you when Jefferson released you from the basement where you were kept enslaved and tortured for twenty-eight years? Rumplestiltskin. Who saved you when your father promised your hand in marriage to that arrogant prick Gaston? Rumplestiltskin. When you lost your memory and knew nothing and no one, who came to visit you every day and tried to help you? Rumplestiltskin. When Regina cursed you into Lacey and you went around town drunk and cozying up to that rapist Nottingham, who tried once before to have you, who saved you? Rumplestiltskin. And where was the thanks for all of that? Tell me, darling, did you ever once say thank you?" His green eyes burned with eldritch fire and the temperature in the room plummeted.

"Who tried to prevent our son from fulling his destiny? Rumple. Who consistently broke his promise to get rid of his magic. He did. Who brought the Queens of Darkness here? He did. Who stole the magic from Storybrooke to try to force me awaken when I didn't want him? He did."

"And what was your son's destiny? You have no idea because destiny is a pretty word a Seer uses to convince someone they know the future, when all they know are possibilities. Norns, child, don't lecture ME about destiny!" The god snorted. "As for getting rid of his magic-by the Nine, woman, a mage's magic IS his life. Remove it and you have a shell! Like you do now! It is like removing the eyes and hands of an artist and then telling him to be happy he still lives! As for the Queens of Darkness, they would have come regardless because Maleficent's daughter Lily was here and they all wanted revenge upon other people in this town. Rumple returned for YOU and for no other reason. And if you did not want him anymore, why did you keep going back to him, darling? You had choices too-and you chose to keep the man dangling when you should have made a clean break after he emerged from his coma. No one forced you to do those things." He crossed his arms over his chest. "If you were always afraid of magic, why marry a magician? You knew what you were getting long ago."

"Because I thought he would change. For our son! We nearly lost Gideon to darkness because of him!"

Loki shook his head. "No. You nearly lost him because of a stupid choice YOU made to trust an untrustworthy fae! Who then lost your son to one of her own dark people!" He snapped his fingers and a seeing globe appeared. "Look! See the truth you refuse to acknowledge!" He showed her how Blue lost Gideon to the Black Fairy-his evil grandmother. "Now, if all you want to do is cast blame, then you may as well cast it upon yourself too! For if you had allowed your husband to be there at the birth of his child, then the Black Fairy would not have been able to take him. But you didn't and so you bear the responsibility for your son's turning dark. But he is not dark now. And that is due to one person. Must I say his name again?" Loki scolded, sounding like a teacher with a backwards student. "As for changing, why would you expect him to change when you were not willing to also? Can you answer me that?"

"I did. I tried to accept the man behind the best but every time the beast came through, a man who craves power like an addict. He's a coward without his magic to hide behind!" She glared at him. "And I know he's trying to find a way to become the Dark One again. When he's not given magic, he takes it."

"I can see you only hear the sound of your own voice. That man was never a coward. That was something he thought he was, and it was fostered by bitches like his first wife, his apprentice, and you. Why should he live without the Gift he was born with? Is that fair? No. Nor is it fair you keep him bound to you like a puppet, only doling out scraps of affection when he behaves as you wish him to. That is no kind of life! And you call HIM dark?"

He glared at her and she shrank from him. "You are poison, my lady. The slow kind that withers one from within by inches. And so, I shall ask you this-if given the choice to remain married to Rumplestiltskin or to live a different life-what would you choose?"

"I would stay married to him if he wasn't so weak! I want to take my son and raise him to be the hero he can be...without magic."

She was tired of keeping up the facade that she was happy when she lived in fear all the time that he would find some way to bring magic back into their lives or some other villain would come out of the woodwork for him to make an alliance with.

She just wanted a life of peace among her friends and to see the world as she'd always dreamed of doing.

"Your son is a mage too-and to deny him his magic is just as cruel. You do not make a hero either. That is not something you choose for someone. From your answer I would say you wish a different life. Then I shall give you what you want. Do you accept my offer?"

"Yes."

He held up a finger. "Know this. You chose freely, without coercion. Thus, the consequences of this choice are your alone." He concentrated. "This is the life you chose."

His magic altered her memories and reality. She remembered nothing of Rumple Gold after emerging from the asylum. She returned to her father and lived as she chose, free of magic and free to travel the world. Yet there would always be an odd unnamed longing in her heart for something undefinable, something precious that she recalled having once and then lost. But the feeling always went away, and she did not think upon it too much.

His spell also altered the memories of everyone in Storybrooke Two, so they accepted only the reality Belle had chosen. She had never married Gold. Her child believed his mother dead long ago, and Rumple himself believed he was Milah's son along with Bae. Rumple only recalled that after restoring the magic to Storybrooke and breaking the curse, Belle and he parted ways. His magic was returned to him, uncursed.

"That needed to be done a long time ago," he heard Archie Two say when he walked into the lunchroom with his wife Tracey at his side.

"I wasn't able to until she agreed." Loki replied. "But now it is done. They are both free. That is why I always tell my apprentices to never marry a non-mage unless you know they will accept you for what you are."

"I was told you were in town, so we wanted to stop and say hello...and to remind you I'm not the Blue you're looking for," Tracey said.

"Oh, I know that, darling!" Loki grinned, and took her hand, bowing and kissed it lightly. "A pleasure to meet you, Tracey Hopper."

"Careful! My cricket might get jealous."

Loki laughed. "No need. I am happily married. Shall we eat lunch? I feel like Chinese." He gestured and an entire buffet of Chinese food appeared on the table. "Help yourselves."

"We just got back from our honeymoon and are famished," Archie chuckled.

"I can understand that," the god winked. "Arguing with idiots always makes me hungry." He filled a plate with fried rice, an egg roll, shrimp with broccoli, and moo goo gai pan.

He also took a glass of Coke.

"This reminds of our last dinner together before I lost my powers," Tracey said to Loki. "I was telling you how one of my fellow fae was contemplating marriage to a mortal and how resistant I was until you told me that maybe I envied her because I wanted a love of my own."

"And I was right, wasn't I?" Loki asked, sitting down with his food.

"I just had to cross realms to find him. The Jiminy from my realm and I were friends, nothing more. But then the Home Office invaded our realm and some of my sisters lost their lives...and I lost my magic trying to save as many as I could."

"But you gained your heart's desire," Loki began. "A good sacrifice."

Just then the door opened and small boy in ragged clothes stood there, drooling over the food. "Chinese food! Mr. Hopper, may I have some?"

Loki looked up. "Of course, lad. Come and get a plate. What's your name?"

"Oliver, sir." The boy hurried into the room and grabbed a plate.

"He's one of the Lost Boys," Archie explained. "Oliver, this is Loki."

"Pleased to meetcha," Oliver said, holding out a hand for Loki to shake.

Loki took it and as he did so, the boy's clothing was transformed into jeans and a green and red sweater with sheepskin lined boots and a green hat. "Likewise, Oliver."

Oliver gaped at him. "Thank you, sir! You can do magic!" He examined the clothes in astonishment.

"Yes, I can," Loki chuckled.

"Mr. Hopper used to do magic too. He made it rain when he cried and sunny and hot when he was happy. They said he had Mr. Gold's curse and took it to set Mr. Gold free."

Loki allowed everyone to keep that memory in honor of the noble sacrifice Archie made.

"Oliver, why don't you go pick out a few books and bring them to Mrs. Hopper and me when you're done," Archie said to the little boy.

"Okay, Mr. Hopper."

"I haven't told him yet, but Tracey and I are trying to adopt him," Archie informed Loki once the boy left the room. "We decided not to tell him until everything went through." He frowned. "I've been making regular food and clothing donations to the orphanage so he shouldn't be wearing those ragged clothes. Blue is the administrator, but a woman named Mrs. Burnett is supposed to be caring for them. I'll be having a talk with her."

"Archie and are going to try to have a child of our own but we wanted to adopt as well," Tracey added.

Loki smiled. "Oh, I think you'll have a houseful of children eventually. Your counterparts seem to...well except for the Man In Black. You won't mind if I make a small donation to this orphanage too?" Loki asked. "I usually do when I'm down here."

"Please do! I want all those boys to find homes or at least live in comfort."

Loki pulled out his checkbook and wrote a check. "How's that?" The check was for a million dollars.

Archie fainted.

"Cricket!" Tracey exclaimed.

"By the Nine!" Loki sighed. He waved a hand and Archie woke up. "Take it easy. I hope you didn't hit your head."

"No, just...astounded that's all."

"I have more money than God, literally," Loki chuckled. "So I use some of it to help children. Usually with anonymous donations here and there."

"And maybe you can talk Blue into cleaning the place up."

"Oh, I will, believe me." Loki said softly. "That blue mosquito is going to wish her father never knocked up her mother."

Oliver returned with a stack of books. Archie looked at the titles, smiling in approval. "Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Narnia. I may have to ask my portal jumping friends if they can take us to Narnia one of these days."

"That would be cool!" Oliver's eyes lit up.

"Well, we'd better get going. Tracey and I have a Star Wars themed wedding to get to and I am officiating as The Emperor. Soon I will have two new apprentices to teach the ways of the Dark Side of the Force," Archie said in the Emperor's voice.

"He is so hot when he does that," Tracey giggled.

"Do you think Belle will try to come back?"

"No. The spell I've done will put any thoughts of that out of her mind. Rumple's been through enough with her. Time she moved on. The other Belles are making a match for him with a reformed Maleficent. I think it will be a good match."

"Bye Mister Loki!"

"Goodbye Oliver. Happy reading. Archie, Tracey, I'll see you at the wedding."

And now it was time for him to have a not so friendly chat with certain sanctimonious fairies.

He sent the rest of the Chinese food with a note to the orphanage.

Then he teleported to the convent, where the so-called Mother Superior Blue was. He rolled his eyes. The Catholic church would have something to say about a fae posing as one of their nuns. Especially THIS one.

At the convent, Blue could barely concentrate on the class she was teaching for she sensed a presence in the town that she'd been trying to avoid for centuries. She'd made many enemies among the mages of the realms but had also made the mistake of crossing paths with the gods of both the Greek and Norse pantheons.

And there was no god she feared more than Loki of Asgard.

"Girls, continue your lessons," she ordered and walked down the hall to her office.

Loki morphed his clothing into a black Armani suit with a green and white scarf bearing his serpent symbols. He carried a black cane with a green jewel on the end of it, which was actually his mage staff.

Blue gulped, her hand trembling as she turned the knob and opened the door.

Loki sat in her chair with his spit shined Gucci loafers on her desk, his serpents from the bracers he wore under his suit coiled on top of it, one was devouring a mouse whole, the other was crunching a blue skink.

"M...My lord..." she gasped. "What...why have you come?"

Were it anyone other than her most feared rival she would have used her wand to blast them into oblivion along with the slimy creatures he brought with them, but she had no doubt Loki would take great pleasure in blasting her there.

"Hello, darling," Loki drawled, baring his teeth in a smile that froze the blood in her veins. "Long time no see." He twitched his fingers. "I see you've moved up in the world," he sneered.

"Well ahhh...this is my cursed profession and I enjoy it...but..."

His eyes narrowed. "But . . . you'd rather be off saving the realms from evil, right? Except when the evil is disguised as something pure. How magnanimous! I've come to ask you a few questions, Rhuel Gorm. And you better answer them promptly. My patience is wearing thin." He hissed at the serpents, who came and coiled in the middle of the desk.

"No! Keep them away!" she cried.

She tried to teleport out.

Dammit, she thought.

"Ah ah," Loki waved a finger at her. "You wouldn't try and leave before we've had our little conversation, would you? So rude!" He tisked at her. "And you know how I detest bad manners." He placed a shield over the office that prevented anyone from teleporting in or out-except himself.

"What do you want to know?"

"A few things. Starting with this-you knew Fiona's baby was destined to be a savior, why did you not watch over him like you were supposed to as a fae guardian? Your writ says all children are to be protected, yet you failed to do so with Rumple. You left him at the mercy of his wicked con artist father-to be abused and neglected! Why?" Loki's voice was a soft hiss, his eyes hard as jade.

"It was the path his mother chose for him when she severed him from his true destiny, not I."

"Wrong answer! He was a child, one who should have been protected. Instead you left him vulnerable and allowed him to be hurt, setting him up to become that desperate soul that Zoso took advantage of later on. When Bae was going to be dragged off to be sacrificed to the duke's war machine, where were YOU to stop it? Where were you and yours to protect all of the children you took an oath to guard? You were strangely unable to hear their cries for help. Why?"

"Because the Dark One cloaked them from us!" she cried.

"But not Rumple. Why did you not help him before he became the Dark One? Or did you wish for him to fall? As revenge upon your old friend Fiona, who dared to love a mortal?"

"He didn't summon me. "

It was a flimsy excuse but the only defense she convinced herself she had."And why does he concern you?" The Book of the Ancients appeared on the desk. "He is not of your line."

"So, someone needs to be related to me in order for me to be concerned?" the god snorted. "You forget about Oz and Nonestica, my darling. In any case how or why I choose to involve myself is my own affair.

As for not being summoned, you interfere readily enough when it suits you. Called or not. It is the way of the fae to meddle as I know VERY well!"

"I've never meddled in Asgardian affairs!" she protested.

Nor would she dare.

"You might not have, but you've crossed ME, and that is never a smart thing to do." He growled.

"HOW?" she cried. "This realm has nothing to do with you," she went on.

"You failed to protect the children under your care!" he snapped. "You forced me to get involved-and my intervention came too late to save most of them! Their souls cried out to me for justice. And justice they shall have!"

"What…what are you going to do to me...?"

"What you deserve." He gestured and pulled her magic from her. "For your irresponsibility and negligence, I take your magic from you and give it to one more worthy-Tracey Hopper." He sent the magic into Tracey with a telepathic message. "My compliments, darling! Use them wisely."

"Nooo..." Blue screamed.

Dressed in a Princess Leia gown, Tracey swayed on her feet and pressed her hand to her chest.

"Tracey? Honey? What's the matter?" Archie asked as he was changing into his Emperor costume.

"My...my magic! It's back!" she cried, a wand appearing in her hand and she felt her wings fluttering on her back once again.

"How?"

She smiled. "An old friend. Thank you, Loki. And now my cricket..." She waved her wand over him. "You can take your cricket form again any time you want to...as long as I get to fly with you!"

"You're always gonna fly with me," he murmured and kissed her.

"Now let's finish dressing before we have an angry bride and groom hunting us down!"

 _Back at the convent:_

"Oh and one more thing . . . I donated a substantial amount of money to the orphanage and it had better be used for the boys. Am I clear?"

"Yes...anything you want!" Blue sobbed.

"Good. My business here is done."

She crumpled to the floor weeping pitifully.

Loki tossed her a handkerchief. Then he teleported over to Storybrooke Five.

 **Storybrooke Five**

 **The Convent**

Rhuel Gorm had heard rumors that Asgard's God of Mischief was causing havoc throughout the realms again, but she ignored them. She considered Loki, like her people's Puck, an annoyance, and wished that Odin had seen fit to kill the wretched gnat the way Titania should have Puck long ago. Blue had no sense of humor and no tolerance for those who did.

She'd also sensed the presence of the descendants of the Greek gods Hades and Persephone, the cursed descendants. She hoped that Demeter's curse on their unholy offspring was still active and that they would fulfill Demeter's desire and kill each other until the line died out.

But now she'd been told Loki was coming to see her.

Loki appeared in the convent in his classic black suit and green and white scarf, his walking stick tapping out a little crescendo. The other nuns gasped and curtsied to him, and he smiled. "Hello, ladies. Can you direct me to your Mother Superior?"

Nova smiled. "I'll be happy to," she said. "Right this way."

It had been years, but she'd recognized the Norse god immediately and hoped God would forgive her for hoping his visit to Blue was not a social call. She knew of the hostility between the two and in a small way it would be her own revenge against her mentor for forbidding Grumpy's courtship of her.

Loki paused before they entered the office and whispered, "A bit of advice, my lady. Do what you want and follow your heart. Don't worry about what SHE tells you. There's nothing in the fae codes that forbid falling in love. I was there when they were first written."

"Then why did she lie to us?"

"Because she's a bitter jealous bitch," Loki hissed. "Long ago the one she thought she loved spurned her-my son's friend Puck. And ever since she swore that love was worthless and the fae under her jurisdiction should live life without it. And so, she rewrote the rules."

Nova frowned. "Then maybe a new Queen of the Fae must be appointed."

For that was the title Blue had given herself whether it was deserved or not.

"I would say so," Loki scowled. "She has given herself many titles and names over the centuries, but her posturing shall not prevent me from exacting justice for a wrong done to my family long ago." His emerald eyes glinted wrathfully.

"Tell me later," she said softly and rapped on Blue's office door.

"Yes?"

"Mother, you have a visitor."

"I am not seeing anyone today."

Loki pushed the door open. "What a shame, because I'm not waiting around here in this stone tomb to be summoned like a lackey, Rheul Gorm!" Loki growled. "Is that what you're going by these days, Titania?"

"It serves its purpose. Why are you here? What do you want?"

"I want to discuss something that was stolen from me long ago," Loki began, false pleasantry in his voice. He shut the door with his foot. "I believe you know what I'm talking about?"

His eyes glinted crimson and frost formed upon the windowpanes and the floor.

"Your decency?" she inquired smartly.

"Shall I refresh your memory, Your Majesty?" Loki sneered. "Centuries ago, my son Narvi and his wife visited a family friend in the Enchanted Forest. You know him as Puck. While they were there, they put their three-month-old baby down for a nap in a cradle made from oak and when they returned they found her sickly and dying. Only it wasn't her-it was a changeling. Because my granddaughter Daria had been stolen away-by YOU!"

"That was Puck's child!" she protested.

"Don't lie to me!" Loki snarled. "You knew exactly whose child it was! The magic in her veins was that of MY bloodline-Jotun and Aesir! A fact any mage would know upon examining her aura. But you wanted her for your own-because she possessed one of the strongest Gifts and your people were slowly losing their magic due to non-belief. So, you played the oldest trick in your arsenal-you stole Daria and put a changeling in her place. And then you raised her as your own-the Gold Fairy!

While my family mourned the loss of a child and was torn apart!" he raged.

She'd been hungry for revenge against the man that had spurned her and the friend she was convinced had been responsible for Puck's rejection of her. She knew of the close friendship between Narvi and Puck and of Loki's animosity toward her that his son had inherited. She could not move against Loki personally, but she had been able to strike back through those he loved. She would take his grandchild and steal the powers she had to strengthen her own.

But Daria had inherited the weakness of many fae of her generation, wanting to love mortals and bear children. It had been a minor setback for Titania but also provided an opportunity for her to continue her campaign of vengeance against Narvi and by extension his father by gladly taking the powers Daria had eagerly surrendered to live with that worthless despot Malcolm.

Fortune had smiled upon her yet again when the coward amassed a fortune in debts that he could not afford to pay and wanted to sell of one of his twin sons as payment. She'd sensed the strong null magical field in the child she now knew as Robert and the powers of the firstborn, Rumplestiltskin, destined to stand at the West Gate as one of the Guardians of the Balance.

It was her intention that the elder child be taken but Malcolm in his drunken foolishness had given away the wrong child.

Still her revenge was incomplete. She'd intended for ALL of Narvi's children to be ripped from their mother's arms and raised in separate realms. She was given one last chance when Malcolm had decided the next child to be given away was the daughter, a child born with the gift of Sight.

The Seer would have undone all her schemes had she not acted to prevent it, and given an old enemy of hers a tip-Baba Yaga, the Old Witch of the North, to find coward Malcolm and make a deal with him for his youngest child who bore a powerful Seer's Gift-and might one day See the truth of what had been done to her family.

She'd instructed Baba Yaga to cast a binding spell on the girl's sight, but it had proven a difficult task as Rhea's powers began to surpass those of her abductor. Baba Yaga had her own plans for the young sorceress to corrupt her and her magic to do her bidding.

But they had reckoned without the indomitable will that all Loki's descendants had seemed to inherit from their godly ancestor. Loki's willfulness was second to none and all of his children and grandchildren did what they wished-unless someone bound their will for a time.

Titania had hopes that it would be this lost child that would destroy the Laufeyson bloodline.

But Rhea had proven extremely difficult to corrupt, She possessed a strong spirit and the ability to distinguish truth from lies and the legendary compassion of her mother Daria. She bent, but she never broke.

Then she had hoped that Rhea would die from exhaustion and spell shock, that her brother would prove too callus to save her, but again she had been wrong. Rumple still had some vestiges of kindness despite the Dark One curse, and he could not leave a child to die.

All of these thoughts flashed in Blue's head as Loki confronted her, and for the first time in centuries the manipulative queen knew fear. It skittered down her backbone and chilled her to the marrow.

She'd been given one final chance at revenge by having a small bit of fairy dust find its way into Snow's hands during their New York vacation, in case of emergency knowing full well that if it were used around an expectant mother, the children within her would inherit fae magic. She couldn't believe her luck when she'd gotten the call asking how to use it.

Knowing Rumple's attitude toward the fae she was looking forward to seeing him abandon the children, children she would raise to complete her revenge.

But Rumple had not done as expected, and now he had children who were fae blooded demigods. Worse. they would grow up knowing of their Asgardian family and once again provide a link to the Summer Court with Asgard-a link she had wanted destroyed.

"That...son of yours destroyed my life," she hissed. "So yes...YES I took your granddaughter but now ONCE AGAIN, the Summer Court will be linked with your miserable line despite my efforts."

"MY son destroyed you? How so, Titania?" demanded Loki.

"HE was the one who turned Puck against ME," she screamed.

Loki shook his head. "You are delusional. Puck decided to break it off with you himself. Because you wished him to be something he could not be-your consort that obeyed your every whim. And you blamed Narvi? You selfish arrogant bitch! Ask Puck! He will tell you himself."

"I don't want to see him. He's dead to me."

"I'm sure he doesn't wish to see you either, but I need him to prove a point." Loki waved a hand and summoned the Fae Trickster who had been his son's best friend and Loki's student in pranks long ago.

Blue's hands clenched into fists at the sight of the man she'd once loved.

"What the bloody blazes?!" Puck sputtered upon seeing Loki. "Egads, give a fellow some warning next time, Loki! I could have been in the bath or with a lass!"

"Whoreson!" Blue spat.

Puck spun on her, his green eyes flashing. "Well, if it isn't Milady Queen of Sanctimonious Meddlers! What's she doing here, Loki? She renege on a deal?"

"She stole my granddaughter. And she claims she did so because Narvi convinced you to refuse her hand. So i summoned you here to ask you if that were true-or if there were some other reason. Forgive me for doing so on such short notice."

"He'll lie. He always does," Blue huffed.

Puck laughed. "That's the pot calling the kettle black, dearie! For we all know ho you bend the truth ere it suits you, Titania!" He scowled at his former lover. "How by the Great Oak did I ever have such a viper in my bed I know not! But to answer your question, my old mentor, Narvi told me to follow where my heart led . . . and upon pondering the matter closely I found that my heart will always be wild, and I can be bound to no lady forever, nor do I do well being forced to obey rules I find ridiculous-such as no congress with mortals or Asgardians. THAT is why I reject your suit, Titania and Narvi had nothing to do with it."

"You did have me in your bed," Blue sneered and then smirked. "And I bore you a child. A child you NEVER saw."

Oh, the centuries she'd waited to see the look on his face when she delivered the blow.

Puck paled. "WHAT? What do you mean? Is this another of your tricks?"

"Of course not. All you'd need to do is see her and know the truth. I'm shocked you didn't see the resemblance Loki. She was right under your nose."

Only her daughter turned out to be as weak as the man who sired her, wanting to surrender her heritage for the love of a dwarf. A dwarf!

"Nova!" Loki exclaimed. "I thought she looked familiar but . . . "

"I told her she was a foundling I took in. I had such high hopes for her but NO...she's as weak as you are!" she snarled at Puck.

"You bitch! Where is she? What the bloody hell have you done to my daughter, you manipulative spider?" the auburn-haired fae growled.

"As if you care," Blue retorted. "You made her, but you never stopped to think the nights in my bed would bear fruit did you?"

"You told me you had taken raspberry leaf tea!" Puck objected.

"This one has more webs than a black widow," Loki drawled. "But eventually all secrets come to light."

She glared at them defiantly. "Do to me what you will. But I will always have the satisfaction of knowing I've bested you for centuries."

"You took MY child and Narvi's!" Puck yelled. "You harmed everyone with your machinations and for what? Some twisted notion of revenge? Well, I hope you choke upon it! I may not be Oberon's equal, but I can call down the Justice of the Courts upon thee, Titania Sapphira Silverthorn!"

Loki had nearly forgotten that Puck, while a Trickster, was actually not allied with either the Summer or Winter Court but an Arbitor of both.

And the courts would show her no mercy.

Puck looked at Loki. "I swear, Prince of Asgard, that she acted alone in this and the Courts would never have sanctioned what she did to you and yours. We wish no trouble with Asgard." His eyes glinted silver. "As is custom among the fae, I Robin Goodfellow, also known as Puck, Arbiter of the Seelie and UnSeelie, do cast a Spell of Judgement upon thee, Titania Sapphira Silverthorn, Queen of Summer!"

His hands opened, and a glowing purple flower emerged and its tendrils wrapped about Blue.

"If she be guilty of the crimes we charged her with, the flower shall suck her life force from her. If not, it will release her." Puck declared coldly.

"It will also reveal the true extent of her machinations."

Wrinkles began to form on her face and limbs, her hair turning white as snow, falling to the floor in large clumps. She opened her mouth to scream but all that came out was a few gurgling sounds.

Images appeared on the petals, images of centuries of lies and manipulations, the many wrongs she'd done to countless families across the realms.

Loki was stunned at one of the final images; a meeting between her and the Ozian Hell goddess Alemedia in the goddess' palace of Shadowlands.

"So Persephone survived the wraith," Blue was saying.

Alemedia grinned. "Survived yes but with no memory of her past. She is now the Wicked Witch of the West in another version of Oz. She will restore my father's magic, he'll try to walk the mortal realm and then she will put him right back where he belongs in her new persona."

"I must congratulate you Alemedia."

"And yourself. Masterful work with the Norse. I for one cannot wait to see Loki weep when he learns the fate of his descendants."

"You fancied him a bit, didn't you?"

"What woman didn't? Ah I could've made him my consort but alas I had to content myself with my sister's leavings."

The petals closed around Blue as the flesh was burned from her bones.

And in death there was life for at that moment there was a flash of golden light and a dazed and confused Daria stood in the center of the room.

"Grandfather...what...what happened?" She held out her arms and touched one with her opposite hand, feeling flesh instead of air.

"The Balance has been restored," he whispered. "She took your magic and your immortality, but now that Titania is gone, you have been restored, darling! Death may claim us, but never hold us forever." He reached out and hugged her. "Welcome home Daria Laufeyson!"

"Oh now I want to hug my children!" she cried happily.

"I will take you to them soon enough," Loki promised, wiping his eyes with one of his green handkerchiefs. "Puck, why don't we call Nova in here and you can get acquainted. Since she is the daughter of the former queen, I believe that entitles her to be the new one."

Puck nodded. "According to our laws, yes." He looked nervous. "Do you want to ask Nova to come in here?"

Loki opened the door to find the young fae waiting on the other side, her eyes filled with tears. She hadn't meant to listen in on what was being said but something compelled her to. It was difficult to mourn the loss of the woman she now knew was her mother after hearing her admit all the wrongs she'd done.

The God of Mischief smiled brightly at her. "It's a bit of a shock, isn't it? To find out that what you thought was true was a lie? I know, been there and done that. But you have a father in there who really wants to meet you, and if you give him a chance, he will do more than that. Puck's a good man."

Nova stared up at him. "I . . .I never thought about who my father was because I always assumed he was dead or didn't want me. But now . . ."

"Come inside. And you'll see why the one who bore you hid the truth." Loki beckoned. "Like my family, yours was torn apart too by her web deceit. But now that's finished, and you can mend what was broken."

Nova followed him inside hesitantly.

He was not expecting their bond to develop in an hour or even a day, there were too many centuries of wounds to be healed first. He would leave them to it.

"Come Daria. Your children are waiting," Loki said to his granddaughter.

Back at Avonlea Regina and Meredith were having a wonderful time doing another round of rehearsals as flower girls. Regina enjoyed teaching her friend some of the lessons she learned in her own experience as one at Archie and Lilly's first wedding.

"One thing you gotta 'member is don't throw too many petals at one time or you're gonna run out 'fore the ceremony's over.

"You gonna ask Robin to dance again? He really likes you," Meredith asked her.

"Umm yeah...we 'changed rings kinda like a promise so he can't be with nobody but me. How 'bout you?"

"Maybe I'll find someone to dance with at the reception. Daddy was teaching me how to dance."

"Girls, time for your dress fittings," Snow called out. "Flora, Fauna and Merriweather are making them."

The girls laughed. "They can't sew or cook!" Regina giggled. "Sleepin Beauty hadta do all that."

Beth Molk laughed from her place on the sofa. "Everything you saw in that movie was true in my grandmother's case. Grandma Briar Rose did have to do most of the housework when she was old enough to learn because the fairies did try but were terrible at it."

"They did learn honey," her mother pointed out.

Regina and Meredith went upstairs to the sewing room where the former fairies waited.

"Now you two, stand on those while we get some measurements," Flora instructed.

"Just don't poke me with any needles or my daddy's gonna sue," Meredith threatened.

"Yeah an Unca Rumple can sue ya til you got nothin but your underwear," Regina added.

Flora waved her wand and bolts of material floated out of the closet along with needles and thread. Regina clapped her hands, enjoying seeing one of her favorite scenes from Sleeping Beauty come to life.

"Make a cake, make a cake!" Meredith urged Fauna.

"Have the mop and broom the room, please!" Regina pleaded to Merriweather.

"Eggs, flower, milk..." Fauna sang and waved her wand. The items appeared on her table from the kitchen and she began to make the girls the three-tiered cake they requested. Once Regina was finished with her fitting she danced around the room with Merriweather while she controlled the mop and broom. Meredith sat on a stool and watched while Flora made their dresses.

"Oh, not pink!" Merriweather groaned. "Blue!" She pointed her wand and the fabric being sewn onto Regina's dress turned blue and changed the rest of it pink.

"Pink!" Flora grumbled.

"Blue!" cried Beth Molk when she entered the room, eager to see her fairy godmothers at work.

The dresses were changed back to pink only for a second or two before Merriweather changed them back.

"Gina duck! Wand wars!" Meredith giggled.

The fae started turning their wands on each other, changing each other's dresses to the colors they wanted while sparkles emitted from the space between the door and the floor.

"Miss Beth, they got your hair!" Regina giggled and pointed at Mrs Molk's now blue hair.

"Oh, now look what you've done!" Flora complained.

The room was a mess with spots of pink and blue all over the walls, rugs and drapes. Flora changed Beth's hair back and was trying to clean up the room when Lilly walked in.

"What on earth happened in here!?"

"Fairy fight," giggle Regina.

Lilly tapped her foot. "Ladies you both lose. The dresses will be green."

"Well 'least the cake didn't get messed up!" Meredith laughed.

"Now you clean up this mess before my son comes up here and whacks your backsides with his cousin's paddle," Lilly threatened the fairies.

Loki reappeared with Daria in the living room of Avonlea.

"Where are we?" Daria asked.

"This is Avonlea, the Strogoff's home," Loki explained. "We were invited here after saving the realms from the witch better known as Cora."

Daria sat on the sofa, wondering where her children were. Loki summoned a cup of Darjeeling with honey and some milk and handed it to her. "It has some honey and milk in it, if you don't like it that way, tell me."

"It's fine, Grandfather," his granddaughter assured him. "That's how I like it."

Loki sent a telepathic message to the twins and Rhea to meet him in Avonlea's living room, that he had a surprise for them.

The Rumples were gathered in Strogoff's study, except for Gold who was stunned to discover that Storybrooke Six's version of Maleficent had come to invite him to dinner at the Olive Garden in nearby Vero Beach.

His son was also in for a shock when he'd been invited to have dinner at The Thirsty Turtle by Nonestica's Tinkerbell but he didn't dare refuse since he rarely got to see their own Tink. She'd returned to Neverland to care for the Lost Boys that stayed behind.

Bobby was having drinks with Isaac Wallace and his wife when he received Loki's summons.

"You buy next time," Isaac informed him and he hurried out of the bar before Loki's spell teleported him out.

Rhea and Jack were enjoying some much-needed time alone aboard the Black Pearl when she felt the summons.

"You just wait right here," she said to Jack while she was dressing. He lounged in the bed holding a bottle of rum in his hand.

"Don't take too long love or I'll pass out," he joked.

"Watch Netflix," she teased.

She was teleported out before she finished dressing. Jack threw back his head and started laughing.

"Very funny old dragon!" Rhea snapped at Rumple as she stood in the living room in a chemise and drawers.

Bobby was laughing behind his hand.

Rumple threw up his hands. "I didn't do it!"

"Oh for the love of frost!" Loki sighed. He gestured and she was wearing her normal mage outfit.

"And I'm not even gonna ask what you were doing," Bobby said with a smirk.

Loki cleared his throat. "All right, here's my surprise." He removes the illusion on Daria and she is revealed to them.

"Mama?" Rumple whispered.

Rhea stared at her mother. "You're alive!" she gasped.

"How?" Bobby asked.

"The one you knew as the Blue Fairy, was in fact Queen Titania of the Summer Court. She not only kidnapped me as a baby, but she stole a great deal of my magic for her own use. When Loki confronted her with her misdeeds, she revealed that and much more. I will tell you the rest, but first know that when the Arbitor of the Fae Courts judged her, she was found guilty of heinous crimes and a life price was exacted. Upon her death, my power was restored to me as well as my immortal life, and the Balance is now restored."

She stood and hugged all of her children, grinning with tears of joy in her eyes.

It was a fitting punishment for a woman who had ruined so many lives.

"Regina is right. This is going to be the best Christmas," Rumple murmured into her hair.

"...Rumple it looks like we're going to need more room," Belle Strogoff remarked to her husband.

He gestured and another story was added onto the mansion.

Rumple raised his head and gazed into his mother's eyes. "And Mama, like my Nonestican counterpart, I am going to make sure that your heart finds a home. Papa didn't deserve you but there is a man out there who does."

He knew Belle would start matchmaking once she discovered her mother-in-law was alive and well, but he was determined to beat her to it for a change.

"Once your grandmother learns you're alive I'm sure she will want you to meet a few acquaintances," Loki chuckled.

"I'd like to spend time with my children first," she said softly.

"Of course, darling. I will tell Sig and Mother to hold off with the welcoming ball for now," Loki said.

Rhea sent a telepathic message to her husband that their alone time would have to be postponed for now.

Modi and Jimmy entered, followed by Miri, arguing about who really won a spar. "It was three touches, and I got you on the arm that last round," Jimmy argued.

"It slid off my blade first," Modi countered.

"It still counts," Miri answered.

"Figures you'd take HIS side!"

Rumple cleared his throat.

The three teenagers looked at him.

"Daria's back," Jimmy observed.

Miri's mouth dropped open. "By the Nine! You were dead!"

"My powers and immortality were stolen from me by Titania, whom you all knew as the Blue Fairy. She was judged and executed for her crimes against our family and with her death, I was brought back to life."

"By you, Uncle Loki?" Modi asked.

"No. By her own Arbitor, Puck," Loki replied. "According to our laws she would have been guilty as well, but her own people judged and condemned her."

"And that will keep the Balance?"

"Yes, nephew. She not only harmed us, but her own daughter and the Olympians also. She was the hidden dagger for the Dark."

Rumple's jaw dropped. "Blue had a daughter?"

"Nova is her daughter," said Rhea, her sight having given her that knowledge.

"Whom she treated horribly," Rumple muttered. "Not that I'm surprised. Blue doesn't...didn't have an ounce of compassion in her and her hatred of our family knew no limits."

"True. She tried to play the wronged one and claimed that Narvi was the cause of her ill-fated relationship with Puck. Which was a lie, and I summoned Puck to refute it and that's when everything went to Hel-for her that is." Loki snorted. "Daria, this is Miri, my daughter, and Modi, Thor's son."

"I've very pleased to meet you," she said and hugged the teenagers.

Modi smiled. "My parents will be pleased too," he hoped they would be too distracted by Daria to recall they owed him a punishment.

"Nice try Thorsson," Loki tisked. "You're not getting out of any punishments."

"Aww, Uncle Loki!"

"My children never got out of their punishments," Daria said.

"I never got outta mine," Jimmy mumbled. "Still don't."

"Nobody ever does with Papa," Miri said. "And Modi knows it. Uncle Thor and Balder I can talk my way outta things. Sometimes."

They heard a knock on the door and Lilly poked her head in. "My son wants to know...oh my goodness...Daria!"

"Hello, Lilly! I'm back!" Daria went to hug her. She had met Lilly in the afterlife and had many pleasant conversations.

"Oh and you've been reunited with your children as I've been reunited with mine but like me, we must find you someone better than Malcolm to restore that missing piece in your heart. I would suggest an Archie but...they all seem to be taken now!"

The elder demigoddess smiled. "Daria, will you serve as my matron of honor?"

"I would be honored!" She replied. "But . . . I don't have a dress . . ."

Lilly waved her hand and a gown floated over to where Daria stood.

"You do now."

"Thank you, Lilly. This is gorgeous!" Daria examined the gown with a practiced eye.

"My son inherited my ancestor Aramon's weaving skill," Lilly said. "Loki, my son would like to know if you want the kids to do some chores here." She giggled. "Oh and beware of a petite elderly lady who answers to the name Fiona."

"They are at your disposal." Loki grinned.

"All right you heard the lad...get your arses out here! There's cleaning to do!"

Modi and Miri looked at each other. "Who was that?"

The door opened, and an elderly lady walked in, a paddle in her hands. She handed it to Lilly and approached Loki with a lascivious smile on her lips. "Well now this is a fine-looking lad." She walked behind him and delivered a hard slap to his leather clad backside. "Ohh now THAT is the finest backside I've slapped in years!"

Loki laughed. "You'd better believe it, darling. My wife would agree a hundred percent." He took her hand and kissed it. "Loki of Asgard, my lady."

"Fiona MacTavish McDermott. Oh, a Norse god eh? You'll be owing me a dance at the wedding later."

"Otherwise known as the Backside Bandit, at least that's what my son calls her and her daughter Cattie."

"Rumple is my ancestor," Fiona explained. "His da Malcolm was from a long line of Scots Irish warlocks. Most of em were burned at the stake for consorting with the devil but there are a few of us who are good witches and warlocks."

"Ah but there's a bit of the caileach in ye, dearie," Loki said in perfect Gaelic. "My magic tells me so."

"Aye but I'm getting too auld to use my magic, but my Cattie and her Channon aren't." She made a face. "My grandson Jamie is in Hell...he was a dark mage like Malcolm...tried to kill his wife...and controlled her."

"That's horrible!" Miri exclaimed. "The poor woman."

Loki grimaced. "I hate compulsive magic. I've outlawed it in Asgard. Because once I was a victim of it."

"Aye. But Beth is happy now...raising six children, one of them a Baby Cookie Monster or so I'm told."

"Beth Molk? David's Beth?" Loki clarified.

"Aye. She was married to my grandson first and he used magic to keep us from knowing what he was doing to the poor lass. And...trying to make a name for himself in Hollywood but he only wanted to be in movies if he could keep his knickers and everything else off."

"I know that sort. Sex magic warlock?" Loki snorted. "I'm glad she is free of that relationship."

"That's what Rumple called him yes...but he wasn't the one who killed him. A police officer had to because he was going to kill David and Beth."

She turned to Modi and Miri. "Now then...you two...I think I'll be having you clean the third floor. No skipping corners, no hiding things under rugs. I know all the tricks."

She took the paddle back from Lilly and showed it to them. "This is called The Bruiser. I dinna use it except when I have to wallop idiots."

Nor did she use it on children, even her own. Adults, however, were another story.

Modi stared. "That looks as bad as the one Tyr uses on his kids. I'll behave."

"Come along then," Fiona urged.

They followed meekly at her heels.

Rumple rubbed his hands together. "Lilly if your son doesn't mind, I'd like to cook tonight."

"I'm shocked you kept my brother out of the kitchen this long," Rhea laughed.

"He gets that from me," Loki grinned. "I love Sigyn but don't let her near a stove. Something will catch on fire."

"I can butter toast," Bobby joked. "The Corps fed me most of my life."

"I may join you, Rumple. I have a salmon dish I've been dying to try," Loki said.

"I'll go tell my son dinner is served."

"Well Mama that leaves us girls," Rhea laughed. "What do we do?"

Daria shrugged. "Watch?"

Rumple would try his hand at making one of his favorite meals as a child but no matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't get it to taste as good as Daria's and they would be eating dinner together as a family for the first time in centuries. It was one of the best Christmas gifts he could have ever received. He thought his family had been returned to him when Rhea and Bobby found their way home but it hadn't been the same without Daria but now, at last, their mother had come home to them.


	15. An Ozian Christmas Wedding

**I found a dream that I could speak to**

 **A dream that I can call my own**

 **I found a thrill to press my cheek to**

 **A thrill I've never known, oh yeah**

 **You smiled, you smiled oh and then the spell was cast**

 **And here we are in Heaven**

 **For you are mine at last**

 **Etta James – At Last**

(Archie Strogoff Hopper and Lilliana Strogoff Hopper's love theme)

Avonlea

Estate of Rumplestiltskin Strogoff-Gold

Juno Beach, Florida

Christmas Eve, 2018

"This must be one of those moments when you're grateful you have a rather large estate, dearie!" Rumple joked to Strogoff as they stood in Avonlea's grand ballroom in front of the fifteen-foot high Christmas tree it had taken their wives and Belle Weaver almost an entire day to decorate. "You've got everyone from six realms staying here over the holidays and we would be bumping into each other otherwise!"

"Indeed, I am dearie," Strogoff said with a smile. "But I do love the large extended family I have even if ye drive me crazy at times. Speaking of family, we need to get that brother of yours settled down. Been on his own too long and knowing our wives, they've probably got a few lasses lined up."

"I have a daughter who's single," Weaver reminded them when he joined them.

"Um no offense Rob but she looks like the witch he roasted!" laughed Loki.

"My Kelly's nothing like that wench I'm proud to say. She and my Roni take after me more than their mum."

"Thank the gods for that!" Rumple muttered. "I still can't believe YOU had children to her! At least Rum and I had enough common sense to get out while the getting was good!"

Weaver smirked. "Well she may have ripped out her heart, but she was still pregnant when we changed the contract. Loopholes dearies, and I got two wonderful daughters out of the deal. It took Roni a little time to straighten herself out, but Kelly's always been a good girl which is why she was named Glinda's successor as Good Witch of the North in our world. Same with my Bae. His mother was a bitch, but he's always been a good lad and Gideon is like my Belle in every way."

They heard a throat being cleared in the doorway and Bobby stood there in full dress uniform. His brother and his counterparts burst into laughter.

"You wanna tell me what's so funny dearies?" he demanded.

"Let me guess, wearing your uniform was Belle's idea?"

"Yes, but I dinna ken why. This is a wedding, not a military ball! I never cared for those things anyway."

"Oh, just humor her please," Rumple pleaded while winking at Weaver, Strogoff and Loki.

"You know, the way Belle plots and schemes, I'd start to think she's related to you, Loki!"

"Well she is through marriage!" Loki chuckled. "And I must say she does me proud!"

Bobby rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Alright. Fine. I'll wear this thing if it makes her happy but if she's planning on matching me with one of the ladies here, she's wasting her time! What are you guys wearing?"

"I've been ordered to wear my leathers by my wife and your brother's but in different colors," spoke up Weaver. "Been in jeans and t-shirts so long that I doubt I'll fit into the damn things anymore. I'm surprised they didn't ask me to wear MY uniform."

"I'm wearing my grey dragonscale leathers. I got married in them," replied Strogoff.

"I'm under orders to wear mine too," chuckled Loki. "I suppose we should get ready before Lilly starts getting impatient. Her mum was a powder keg when she had to wait for anything." He smiled wistfully. "Oh, I wish Glinda had lived to see this day. Her daughters' happiness was the only thing she ever wanted and that damned bitch Zorinda robbed her of the right to see the beautiful family Lilly's created."

"You brought our mum back for a while. Maybe your wedding gift to her can be to bring hers so she can," Bobby suggested.

"HEYYYY YOU GUYYYYS!" Regina shrilled from the ballroom doorway, tapping her little foot impatiently. "Auntie Belle says you need to stop flappin your gums and get dressed!"

Loki groaned. "The Queen has spoken. We need to dress to impress."

"Ye could wear a bedsheet and look like a knockout," Bobby snorted.

"He will be . . . later," said a voice that sounded like bells chiming.

Loki looked up and beheld his wife. "Hello, darling. Did you finally get Miss I Do What I Want to sleep?"

"She gets that from you," the goddess laughed. "And yes." Sigyn was a curly hair strawberry blond with eyes the color of violets, petite and curvy, wearing a meadow green gown with pink embroidered flowers that looked stunning upon her.

"Oooh you're really pretty and you sound like an angel!" Regina cried.

Sigyn laughed. "Why thank you, sweetheart! You give the loveliest compliments." She beamed at the child.

"I try," she said modestly. "Mommy always tells me you gotta be nice to people even if they're mean an nasty to you but yous not mean and nasty. You gonna beat off all the girls that stare at Loki like he's steak with a stick?"

"Oh honey, they better keep their distance." Sigyn chuckled. "Because I have an ugly stick right here begging to be used." She pulled out a gnarled twig and showed Regina. "Don't touch it, dear."

"It got volts in it that can zap me?"

"No but it will make you look hideous for a day," Sigyn explained.

"She used it on Fandral once. I thought he was going to drop dead right there!" Loki giggled.

"Served him right! He put his hands where no one but you are allowed to touch!" Sigyn sniffed.

"On your butt or boobs?" Regina wanted to know.

Strogoff threw back his head and laughed hysterically. "That reminds me of something Hope asked me once! That oldest daughter of mine is too curious for her own good."

"It's Fandral. honey. So yes." Sigyn sighed. "But he won't be making that mistake again."

"He better not. Or else he'll be missing his hands," Loki growled.

Weaver smirked. "Oh, try explaining to a five-year-old Gideon what Mama and Papa were doing when he walked in on them one night after a nightmare."

"Umm what were ya doin Mister Weaver?"

"Did you tell him you were jumping on the bed to scare the demons away?" Sigyn laughed. "That's what Loki told Miri when she came in crying that Modi broke her doll."

"Umm...well...I said I was lookin for prowlers."

"Oh, I get it. You was doin the dirty deed!" Regina exclaimed.

Rumple faced palmed himself. "I swear, my hair is going to be white before she ever gets outta preschool!"

"Haven't heard it called that in a while," Strogoff giggled. "Where'd you hear that, dearie?"

"Meredith calls it that."

"Remind me to have a little chat with my niece," Strogoff muttered.

"Rumplestiltskin Strogoff Gold, why aren't you dressed yet!"

"Oh, I've had that talk before," Loki commiserated. "Especially after the dinner with my parents and my brothers when Miri went and told them in the middle of our soup course than when she got big she wanted-"

"-roses on her panties like Mommy," Sigyn finished, laughing. "I wanted to crawl in a hole!"

Belle Strogoff walked into the ballroom and crossed her arms over her breasts, glaring at her husband.

"I'm waiting Rumfather!"

"Alright Belle Corleone, keep your knickers on! I'm working on it!"

"I got roses on my panties! See!" Regina lifted her skirt.

Bobby chuckled behind his hand.

"Norns help me!" Loki giggled. "Sigyn, maybe you'd better talk to her."

Rumple felt like he needed a drink...a truckload of them along with a silo of aspirin.

Sigyn knelt, her movements as graceful as an aspen swaying in a breeze, and she whispered something in Regina's ear.

"Okay I'll 'member next time!"

While they were talking, Strogoff gestured and changed into his grey leather dragonscale suit and his wife changed into her gold gown.

Loki ran a hand down himself and he was wearing his black leathers and his green and black matching coat with the gold embossments and his green tunic.

"Oh, and gentleman my mother-in-law would like to know if you each have a special song. She wants all the couples to be able to share a dance to their songs," Belle said.

Well that leaves me out, Bobby thought.

He wasn't planning on doing much dancing anyway.

Since Weaver no longer had his magic, Strogoff changed his outfit for him.

Rumple swapped his Armani for his dragonscale leathers and his red shirt with the gold embroidered vest.

"We're easy, dearie" Rumple replied. "Tale As Old As Time."

"What a group of handsome men," Belle Weaver murmured.

She smiled at her husband's outfit, a brown leather overcoat with a matching vest with a cream-colored shirt and grey breeches. It was the same outfit the wore on their wedding day while she wore her yellow gown that he'd restored so lovingly with the weaving skills he didn't need magic to keep.

"How can ya tell which guy's yours? They all look alike cept for Mister Weaver 'cause he's got short hair."

Loki looked at Sigyn. "It wasn't written when we got married but we've always liked to dance to "Almost Paradise". Right, hon?"

"Oh! That's Archie Two and Tracey's song too!" Belle Strogoff said with a smile. "And our hearts always know the ones we love," she replied to Regina.

Rum smiled. "Belle and I nearly drove ourselves crazy trying to find a song that fit us other than Beauty and the Beast and we finally decided on 'After All' by Cher and Peter Cetera."

He snickered. "But Jiminy and his brother have Michael Bolton songs for theirs. It drives everyone at the Grille insane when they sing anything by him."

Weaver groaned. "You mean they actually SING Bolton? Ummm...no. My Belle's and my song is I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner."

"I like that one too." Loki remarked.

"I really like that song off the Robin Hood movie. Maybe Robin'll dance with me to it," Regina mused.

"Which one dearie? There's been so many!" Bobby laughed.

"Ummm the one where the guy doesn't use the right accent and Unca Rumple complains 'bout it."

"Buuutttt Alan Rickman was HOT in it!" Belle Weaver exclaimed.

"Oh yes," Belle Strogoff murmured. Their husbands rolled their eyes.

"And here we go...pick your tongues off the floor dearies," Weaver grouched.

"Well they're right. He was jus' don't tell Robin I said so or he's gonna get jealous. Didn't think that Robin Hood was cute at all."

"The real one was no Errol Flynn," Loki told them.

"Don't tell Gina that or she'll try to roast a god!" Rum giggled.

"Yeah, her Robin's really cute an if that's what MY Robin's gonna look like when I get big, I'm gonna marry him and have lotsa babies!"

"I'm talking about the one that was born here in England," Loki clarified.

"Oh yeah him...nah wasn't he mean too?"

"I don't think so," Belle Weaver replied.

Rum glanced up at the clock on the wall, realizing how much time had passed and feared his mother would be ready to bring the wrath of an Ozian demigoddess down on them if they were all late to her wedding.

"No, but he looked nothing like the other versions of him."

"Well dearies, I'd love to chat more, but Mama is probably getting ready to send a twister through my lawn if we're late. Rumple, would you mind coming with me. There's something we need to discuss."

Strogoff gestured and he and Rumple were teleported outside.

"What I wish to discuss is your Christmas gift, dearie."

"My gift? But I don't need anything."

"Oh, but you do dearie. You may share a bond with Belle, but you will still outlive her because you are a mage and she is not. I have a simple solution to your problem but with all magic there is a price to be paid."

"Of course, there is. If it involves dark magic, I'd rather forget it."

"It doesn't. Allow me to show you." Rum reached into his chest and pulled out his heart. He waved his hand over the glowing red organ and to Rumple's shock it divided into pieces. There were so many that the sorcerer lost count of them. There was one small piece in his hand while the others hovered above it.

"How...how did you do that?" Rumple exclaimed.

"There are actually many uses for a heart, most of them that use dark magic but this...this is the strongest form of light magic that only the Ozian Guardians knew how to do."

"But what is it?"

"The piece I hold in my hand is mine, but the others belong to those I've bound myself to. If you take out their hearts and divide them, they will look like this too, maybe not with as many pieces."

"You've done a magical form of a heart transplant?"

Strogoff laughed at the quip.

"More than that dearie. More than that. Take the piece I hold in my hand and try to access its memories."

"How?" He felt like a novice mage again.

"Will it. Make it show you Neverland, eight years ago and you must cast the image onto something with a reflection."

Rumple glanced over at the fountain.

"That'll do," Rum encouraged. "Now concentrate."

 _Ephesis_

 _The Ozian Hell Realm_

 _The Realm of the Forgotten_

 _Eight years earlier_

 _He was in complete darkness. He buried his face in his hands and began to cry as he imagined what horrible fate awaited Bae and Henry. "I've failed you...again!"_

 _"There is still a chance you can save them," he heard a voice say in the distance. "If you are willing to do what it requires."_

 _"Who's there?" he asked, looking around and seeing no one. "Show yourself!"_

 _He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see a young woman with white blond hair, blue eyes and wearing a silver gown sitting beside him._

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"I am many things to you. I am Hope," she answered softly as she reached up and brushed a tear from his cheek. "You've kept this box all these centuries, surely you know its legends."_

 _"Right now it does contain one of the world's darkest evils...me," he said sadly. "And now the other...my own damned father...is going to kill my son...and my grandson...and it's all my fault! He'll keep me trapped in here just long enough to succeed...and then he may release me just so I can watch him enjoy his victory."_

 _"You have a way to escape, you just have to believe it is possible."_

 _"I don't know what to believe anymore."_

 _"You don't want to!" Hope said angrily as she hauled him to his feet, shook him and slapped his cheek. "Overcome your fear, Rumplestiltskin! Be the man I know you are! The man Belle loves, the father Baelfire remembers! Or do you truly wish to follow in your father's footsteps now and live for no one but yourself?" she went on shoving him away from her, her hands on her hips and giving him a glare that was as terrifying as his own when he was in one of his rages._

 _"No!" he cried. "I'm not like that anymore. I've changed."_

 _"Then prove it," she hissed. "Remove your heart!"_

 _Rumple scoffed. "And how is that supposed to help me, dearie? I have removed my heart...many times and it is as dark as my soul from this cursed power I traded my son for as my father was quick to remind me of. Nothing can remove this darkness from me except my death and being locked in here is a fate far worse than my death."_

 _"Yet did you not say in your message to Belle that you could defeat Pan and live?" Hope inquired softly._

 _"Only if she brought me this box from my shop. And my father switched this one with a fake. He was always good at that...trickery. Follow The Lady," Rumple added bitterly. "And like everyone else I fell for the ruse. He will take my grandson's heart and will kill him, my Bae and everyone else along with them to retain the youth he traded me for. I've failed Bae again and you need not be here to remind me of it! Go!"_

 _"Do you not believe that your son still has faith in you?"_

 _"Why should he? He knows now of the prophecy."_

 _"He gave you this box when you asked him to trust you enough to give it back. By admitting you removed your shadow in preparation to enter the barrier Pan placed around Skull Rock your son could have faith that you came to Neverland to save Henry, not kill him. If that is not faith, Rumplestiltskin, what do you assume it to be?"_

 _"Desperation."_

 _"And what of your grandson? He does not fear you now even when you were cruel to him. Do you doubt he believes you can save him?"_

 _"He doubts all of us because his life has been built around our lies! And that, dearie, works to Pan's advantage. He will use that to make Henry believe he is his only true friend. He toys with words, a skill I learned to use as well."_

 _"And Belle?"_

 _"What about her?"_

 _"Do you doubt her love for you is as strong as yours is for her even after she has sent you proof of it?"_

 _"Proof I'm now trapped in! She'll forget me eventually. It's for the best."_

 _"Is it?"_

 _"I'm done talking. Leave!" he snarled._

 _"Remove your heart," she ordered again, more firmly._

 _"If I do it, will you leave then?"_

 _"Perhaps."_

 _Rumple plunged his hand into his chest and grasped the organ, roughly pulling it out. He gazed down at it, frowning. "I don't understand...this…this is not how it looked before."_

 _"When was the last time you removed it?"_

 _"After I...after I threw Belle out of my castle and was told of her death," he confessed sadly. "It was almost completely dark then, with only a small portion still red."_

 _"Yet now, twenty-eight years later, there is only a small dark portion here." Hope indicated a small black spot._

 _"How is that possible? Once a heart turns dark, the darkness grows inside it until it consumes it."_

 _"It can...unless there is still something or someone that can bring light into its darkness and give it the strength to fight against it and banish the worst of it and in turn strengthen the will of its host. Now, divide its essence."_

 _"Divide its essence?"_

 _"You've tried it before, did you not?"_

 _"Twice. The first time after I let Bae go and after I lost Belle the first time to try to see if she was alive. And nothing happened. Just as nothing will happen now. You cannot divide the essence of a heart plagued by darkness."_

 _"We'll see. Divide it," she encouraged._

 _"Your name should be Persistence, not Hope," he grumbled._

 _"Divide it," she insisted._

 _Rumple closed his eyes, concentrated and waved his free hand over his beating heart, bracing himself for yet another failure._

 _"Open your eyes."_

 _He opened his eyes slowly, gasping in shock. The dark portion of his heart still lay in his palm while there were three larger pieces hovering in the air, all of them glowing with a bright white light._

 _"I don't understand...how...?"_

 _"You have three sources of light in your darkness, Rumplestiltskin. Summon them to you now. Make their strength your own and your strength theirs. A bond in love and blood is strong enough to cross time and space to defeat the darkest of evils."_

 _He reached out and took the first glowing piece in his free hand. "Baelfire," he murmured as he opened his palm and released it. It vanished. He then reached for the second piece, raising it to his lips. "Belle," he whispered and kissed it before he released it. He gazed at the third piece, unsure if he should keep it with him or take the risk that it would return to him if he sent it to his chosen recipient. Taking a deep breath, he reached for it and cupped it in his palm tenderly. "Henry," he said softly then slowly opened his palm to allow it to escape._

"...I was in Hell," Strogoff was saying. "There were only three days left before Nonestica was destined to be destroyed and I was still under the curse of the Dark One. To free myself I had to agree to surrender part of my heart to three of the people I loved most."

"Then what happened?"

"I tied Belle's lifeforce to mine. She already had magic but now she has my lifespan and when it's time for me to return to Paradise, I will not be making my journey alone. My Belle will be with me...in this life and the next."

"You mean…?"

"Yes, dearie. A love powerful enough that it lasts beyond death."

"And the price?"

Strogoff giggled. "I do hope your Belle isn't bothered by magic because it's possible she may inherit some of yours."

"She's not bothered by my magic."

"If you agree we'll be having a second heart division ceremony after my parents wedding."

"Oh, and uhhh did you tell him all the perks?" Storybrooke Two's Archie walked into the ballroom with the Book of the Ancients tucked under his arm.

"I may have left a few out."

"Namely the one where sharing a heart adds more fireworks in a marriage?"

Rumple's eyes go wide. "Seriously? Not that we don't already have that but . . ."

"Oh, but there will be more," Strogoff promised. "You learned that yourself on your wedding night, didn't you, dearie?"

Archie Two nodded. "It was a learning experience for Tracey and me. She spent so many centuries alone and so did I but that night…" He smiled at the memory. "And when we're not too exhausted from our wedding planning and crafting businesses and my practice."

"TMI, Archie. TMI!" Strogoff laughed. "You've been hanging around Jiminy and David too long."

"Well they did 'adopt' me."

Gold chuckled when he walked into the room in his own leathers. "And me. I did teach him a few things."

"Dressing for a certain shapeshifting fae, dearie?" Rumple Six teased as he joined them with Rumple Four at his side.

"We've only gone on two dates!" he protested.

"Melanie seems quite taken with you."

"Sapphira is not."

"There's a shock," Rumple Four muttered.

"Nevertheless, even if Melanie and I don't work out I will help her in any way I can to make certain Sapphira does not become the next Dark One."

Good luck with that," Rumple said. "That reminds me…there's something you all need to know. When Loki and Puck visited the Blue Fairy, they discovered something about Storybrooke Two's Zelena."

"That she's Persephone Diosa," Strogoff finished. "When Archie Two was the Dark One, he merged his soul with Jiminy's, giving them both access to Alemedia's memories. They suspected it, but they couldn't prove it. And now that we know, there's only one thing that can be done."

"What's that?" Gold wanted to know.

"Restore her memories. Persephone is the best chance we have of keeping Hades and Alemedia in check. It may also be the only way we have of preventing Sapphira from becoming her vessel."

"Are you certain that's a good idea? That witch would rather see me dead." Gold protested.

"Once we restore Persephone's memories, she'll revert back to the way she was before Alemedia had her murdered. But if you don't believe me, ask her daughter."

"Robin cannae speak yet."

"I'm not talking about Robin. I'm talking about Ozmalita Diosa. The Keeper of Souls.

The Guardian of the West Gate summons thee

Ozmalita Diosa, appear now before me!" Strogoff chanted.

A puff of silver smoke appeared in the room and a tall, ginger haired woman in her early thirties stepped out. She wore a white lab coat over her red silk shirt and black slacks. A National Institutes of Heath identification tag was clipped to the pocket of her coat with the name Dr. Natalie Durant written on it.

Strogoff frowned at the young woman. "You're not dressed for Mama's wedding yet, dearie!" he scolded.

"I just got back from investigating an e-coli outbreak in Texas," she explained. "But not to worry. I'll be ready on time. Oh, and I'm bringing a guest."

"Does this guest bear a striking resemblance to your ex-husband?" he queried. Adora grinned.

"He does and Weaver, I believe your daughter Kelly knows who he is since they served together." She handed him a photograph.

"Stephen Connor. He was a medic in the Army. Is he from our world?"

She shook her head. "No but he knows about it. It was little hard to take in at first, but he's accepted it. Now why have you summoned me?"

"Your mother."

Adora stiffened. "Alemedia had her killed by an Ephesian wraith centuries ago before I became the Keeper of Souls."

"Your mother's alive Adora," Archie Two spoke up. "She was reborn like you were…only now she's my Storybrooke's Zelena."

"Oh, I was afraid of that!" Adora moaned. "That's how Papa got his powers back. She restored them so that he could use Uncle Zeus's lightning staff, but she turned it on him instead and put him right back where he belongs."

"We have to reawaken her. Persephone can keep Hades and Alemedia contained. The only way to reawaken her is to give her the nectar of the gods." Adora sighed. "But it only existed in our world."

Strogoff grinned. "Not anymore. Some of it was smuggled out and being grown in a shop right here in Juno."

"By whom?"

"Who named their daughter after it, dearie?"

"Jiminy! Put the ambrosia in something she will eat or drink. It won't harm her, just awaken her. Oh, I hope it works. I want my mother back. I'll get the ambrosia from Jiminy and give it to her myself but before I do that, I need to get ready or Lilly will go Bridezilla on me." Adora laughed as she vanished.

An hour later everyone gathered in the ballroom as the ceremony began, Lilly's beloved granddaughter taking her rightful place at Regina's side, the girls laying a path of red and white roses for the former Ozian princess to walk on.

Moments later the bride entered the ballroom on her son's arm, both in tears. The groom was holding back his own, knowing the centuries of pain his demigoddess bride endured being parted from her only child, the child she'd given her life to protect.

Archie Two walked up to the podium and opened the Book of the Ancients, the language of a land lost years ago translating to English for those who didn't understand it. Nearly all of the women and some of the men were crying, so deeply moved by the ceremony and thinking back to their own weddings.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" Archie Two asked. Strogoff stepped forward.

"I, Rumplestiltskin, of the House of Strogoff, do give my mother Lilliana to this man in matrimony."

"And who gives this man to this woman?"

"I, Geppetto, representative of the House of Hopper do give my friend Archibald to this woman in matrimony."

"Mommy, I thought only the bride gets given away," Regina whispered.

"Not in an Ozian wedding ceremony," Az whispered back. "In our ceremonies both the bride and groom are given away."

"I think I like that."

"Archie, Lilliana, you may now speak your vows," Archie Two instructed when they faced each other with their hands joined.

"You came back to this world to be reunited with the son you gave your life for; a sacrifice I know you would make again willingly but you were also sent back to find the missing piece of your heart," Archie said softly. "You could've chosen any man in all the realms, but you chose me, a former thief and cricket. I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the realms. I didn't know you were a goddess when I met you and I didn't need to know you were to love you." He reached out and caressed her cheek. "I love you in this life Lilliana Strogoff Hopper, my goddess of light and every life beyond. I would say so much more but I would prefer to say it when we're alone."

"I was born a goddess and I died a goddess, but I was reborn a mortal woman and as a mortal woman I fell in love with a mortal man. I didn't care that he was former thief or a cricket. They were just little bricks on the road to you becoming the man you were meant to be, the man who held the missing piece of my heart without my knowing it. But when the day comes that I must return to Paradise again, my heart is filled with joy that I will not be making that journey alone and no matter how many more times I'm reborn, I know you'll be there waiting for me. I love you forever Archie Strogoff Hopper."

"Archibald Hopper, is it your intention to bind yourself heart body and soul to your bride?"

"It is my intention."

"Lilliana, is it your intention to bind yourself heart, body and soul to your groom."

"It is my intention."

"Ah, I am sorry we are late," spoke a familiar voice from the doorway. All eyes turned to see a man with jet black hair and long black robes standing there with a young woman on his arm. The Ozians, including the bride clenched their hands into fists, pressed them against their shoulders and knelt.

"Whoa! Alina are my eyes playing tricks on me or did someone invite Severus Snape to the party?" Henry asked.

"Holy Merlin! It IS him!" gasped Alina.

"Is HE a god too?" her nephew muttered.

"He's the Ozian god Aramon," explained Ambrosia Ozopov.

"But in his native land of Russia his name was Ivan Strogoff," added Zelena.

"Ah, Loki...how long has it been comrade?"

Aramon's cane tapped a rhythm on the tiled marble floor as he approached the Norse god that had been his closest friend in the days when he could walk the mortal realm freely.

"Too long by half, friend Aramon," the Norse god replied, flashing his famous smile, and speaking in flawless Russian. The Norse pantheon had developed spells that allowed them to comprehend and speak any language in the known universes.

"You can blame the witch I called my wife's sister for that. She stripped me of my powers and exiled me in Ephesis until my descendants freed me. I warned Lurline and Alemedia I would be the last one standing and I am."

"I am glad you are," Loki replied, switching to English and embracing his fellow deity. "You and I, we don't quietly into that good night."

"No, we do not but tell me...why are some of these ladies staring at me? Do I have a stain on my robes?"

Killian Gold nudged his grandfather. "He really does look like Sev Grampa!"

"He can take any form he wants to, but he's always looked like Alan Rickman to us," said Belle Strogoff.

"I admired the man's work greatly," said Aramon.

Loki chuckled. "As did I. Let me introduce you to my daughter, Miri Laufeyson, and my nephew, Modi Thorsson. They were born while you were in Ephesis."

"Ah! Hello," Aramon held out his hand to the youths. "You may call me Aramon or Ivan."

They shook them eagerly.

"And now, if you will allow me, I would like to complete the final ritual of the ceremony. Child, release your glamour spell."

The young woman that accompanied him waved her hand down her face. Lilly, Loki, DG, Wyatt, Ambrose and Raw gasped in shock.

"Mama!" Lilly sobbed.

"Glinda!" the others exclaimed for it was Glinda The Good herself.

Aramon tapped his cane three times and a puff of smoke appeared in the room revealing a man wearing a top hat and a long cloak.

"I am the Great and Terrible…"

"…Wizard of Oz…" Loki chuckled. "In your dreams maybe, Alexander or are you going by the Mystic Man now?"

"I'll use the name I was given in my first life. I am the father of the bride after all."

"Papa," Lilly sobbed and threw her arms around them.

"Lilliana…our light," Glinda whispered.

"I've missed you both so much!"

"As we've missed you, darling girl," said Alexander.

DG placed her hand on her husband's arm, tears streaming down his cheeks. The last time he'd seen his old mentor the Mystic Man he'd been detoxing from drugs and urging him to protect the young girl placed in his charge at all costs. The Mystic Man had died protecting a Guardian in his second life as he did in his first.

Archie Two stepped back and allowed the god to approach the kneeling couple. Aramon placed his hand on Lilly's head.

"Your journey to find your heart has been a long and painful one my dear but now we must make that bond complete. Rise, my children. Glinda and Alexander, you may begin."

Glinda reached into her daughter's chest and removed her heart, placing it in Lilly's palm as Alexander removed Archie's. They waved their hands over the glowing organs and the guests unfamiliar with the spell watched with awe as they split into two pieces, one glowing red in the couples' palms' the other hovering above them glowing white.

"That's not how it's done!" exclaimed Regina Two earning a kick to her foot by her Storybrooke One counterpart.

"Oh yes it is!" Gina retorted. "Watch and learn!"

"Lilliana, take the unclaimed piece of your heart in your hand and speak the name of the person it belongs to," her mother instructed. "But first you must recite the incantation if you remember it."

"See as I see

Feel as I feel

Let our two hearts become one

Not even in death shall this bond be undone!" she recited passionately. "Archie Strogoff Hopper!" she exclaimed and released it. It floated over to where the groom stood.

"Archie, if you wish to claim this heart, take it in your hand and hold it to your chest until it disappears. You will feel a bit of pain at first," Alexander informed his son-in-law. The groom did so without the slightest hesitation, the piece vanishing once he pressed it against his chest.

"Now I understand….you replace a part of your heart with part of theirs," Regina Two whispered. "My Snow…she crushed Charming's heart to cast a Dark Curse and gave him half of hers, but they are still missing the other half."

"Which you must use this ceremony to replace," Gina informed her. Regina Two nodded.

"Archie take the unclaimed piece of your heart in your hand and speak the name of the one it belongs to. You must recite the same incantation. Do you remember it?"

"See as I see

Feel as I feel

Let our two hearts become one

Not even in death shall this bond be undone!" he repeated. "Lilliana Strogoff Hopper," he murmured before he released his heart piece. She held it against her chest until it vanished, and Glinda and Alexander returned the other pieces to their bodies. They then stepped back.

"I am now yours, heart body and soul Archie Hopper and I will love you in this life and the next," Lilly said through her tears, her hand on his chest as his was on hers, covering their joined hearts.

"I am now yours heart, body and soul Lilliana Strogoff Hopper and I will love you in this life and the next."

Belle sniffled and dabbed at her eyes. "Oh, this is so beautiful…"

Rumple smiled. _Soon it will be our turn, sweetheart_ , he thought for at that moment he made his decision. He would gladly share a heart with the woman he loved most in the world and there were many other couples in the room who felt the same while others were smiling, recalling their own ceremonies.

"And by the will of the gods and the state of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Archie, you may…HEY! I didn't get to that part yet!" Archie Two protested when the groom swept his wife into his arms for a kiss.

"Do the short, short version!" Archie commanded as he briefly broke their kiss.

"Good. You're married. Kiss her! There! That satisfy you!"

"Oh my God! Awesome! They did Spaceballs!" Henry crowed.

"Finally!" Archie exclaimed and kissed his wife again.

"Oh, come on! You didn't have to wait that long!" Archie Tow grouched. "Now do us a favor and save the rest of it for later!"

"Come on Meri!" Regina and Meredith jumped out of their seats and began throwing rose petals on the couple. Archie scooped up his granddaughter and hugged her.

"You did a fabulous job, Meri!" He kissed her cheek. "Your gramma and I are so proud of you."

"I want a ceremony like that when I get married Grampa."

"Hopefully NOT until you're in your Fifties!"

"Like you?" she countered with a smirk.

"It may be later," he teased and set her back on her feet, a lump rising in his throat when Lilly's parents were waiting for him at the doorway. "You…your Highnesses…"

"You can relax Archie. We know you will be a good husband to our daughter. Our grandson will see to that," Glinda chuckled.

"My stepson," Archie laughed. "And he's older than me!"

Lilly hugged her parents again, not wanting to let them go but she knew their time in the mortal realm was limited and she knew they would want to talk to their old friend Loki. Everyone was asked to wait outside while the ballroom was being reset for the reception. Most of the food had been prepared by the staff at The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille and the Golden Cricket Country Club with desserts prepared by Avonlea's kitchen staff. The wedding party was served at their table while everyone else would pick and choose what they wanted to eat from the buffet. The Storybrooke Six crew was eager to introduce one of their very special traditions into the reception, but they would have to wait and see if it was welcome.

The toast had been made and everyone was eating when they heard a strange noise in the corner of the room.

"…Om nom nom nom!"

"Killy, Killy, lookie, COOKIE!" Aria Gold yelled, banging her spoon to get her brother's attention.

"Holy crap! It's a Cookie Monster!" he gasped.

"Cookie! Neal, Cookie," Pearl Nolan from Storybrooke Four nudged her brother.

"A Baby Cookie," he murmured.

"Cool! Who invited Cookie Monster?" Jasper Molk Two asked. His fellow Nevengers shrugged.

"You animate a Cookie Monster, Rumplette?" Young Bae asked his sister.

"Huh-uh. He's real one."

"Miss Beth! DJ's eatin all the cookies!" Regina yelled, pointing to the dessert table. Little DJ Molk sat on the table in his monster form shoving chocolate chip cookies into his mouth, having chewed his way through the straps of his chair.

"DJ! DJ! No, bad baby!" Beth scolded and tried to pick him up, but he started crawling across the table away from her, still shoving every cookie he could lay his hands on in his mouth.

David ran to the other side of the table and stood there with his hands on his hips giving his son a Disappointed Look. "David Andrew Molk Jr. you put that cookie down right now," he said firmly. The baby dropped the cookie he was holding. "Looks like someone needs a nap." He picked the baby up and he laid his head on his father's shoulder, purring like a cat.

Bae rubbed is eyes. "Em, is it me or am I seeing a baby Cookie Monster?"

"Ummm…you are Bae."

"Where the heck did it come from?"

"Oh, did we forget to tell you about that?" Bae Strogoff laughed. "David's youngest is a real live Cookie Monster. Not sure why but he is."

"Any of them turn into Elmo?" Jimmy joked. "Whoa sheesh if looks could kill!" he said, ducking from the glares of all the occupants of the table.

"Do yourself a favor handsome, quit now because I really don't wanna see you in pieces," Miri advised.

Rumple waved his hand and all the cookies at the table were replaced with fresh ones. He then conjured a tin and handed it to David. "Give these to the lad. It should keep him occupied."

"What are they?"

"My own special cookie recipe that won't have him bouncing off the walls and they're healthy too."

"Thank you Rumple. David and I have been trying to keep his cookie cravings under control and Rum's been helping us keep his shifting under control, but I think he's got a career on Sesame Street if he wants it because no one would be able to tell whether he's wearing a costume or not."

Beth Molk Two paused before she bit into the cookie she was holding and held her swollen belly. She'd become a cookie addict in her fifth pregnancy and no one was able to explain it.

"If their baby is like that, it means ours…."

"…Is gonna be a Cookie Monster too. Oh boy!" her husband shook his head.

"Great. Another abomination," Sapphira muttered.

"Awww shut it Butthole!" Killian Gold snapped. The other Nevengers glared at her.

"Sapphira you will apologize. Now." Melanie said firmly.

"She sounds like I did. A real brat," Meredith murmured.

"Yeah but you got straight," Regina reminded her.

"You call my baby an abomination one more time Sapphira and I'll spank the daylights out of you myself!" threatened David Molk Two.

"And you can put in a few swats for me," threw in his angry wife.

"This reminds me of home. Never a dull moment," Loki chuckled.

Suddenly Alina rushed over to them. "Uh, Grandpa Loki, we sort of have a situation here."

"What's the problem, darling? Your magic go a little haywire?" the god asked.

"Um no . . . you better come and see this!" She dragged him to the window. "Look at all the cats!"

Henry dropped his fork. "Holy Hitchcock! Where'd the cats come from?" They were perched on all the windows, looking in and meowing sadly.

The dogs ran over to the windows and started barking.

"Pongo, Perdy!" all the Archie counterparts called out. "Sit!"

Major Gold, Storybrooke Four's resident watchdog simply sat back and enjoyed the show.

Loki looked down to see Astra standing beside him waving at the cats. "Papa, lookit! They came!"

"Astra Frigga Laufeyson WHAT have you done?!"

"I'm the tat goddess so they come!" she giggled.

They heard laughter at the table where the former Scorpions were sitting.

"Oh my God, it's Pet Rescue Americana all over again, isn't it, Bae?" his girlfriend Andi asked him. His little sister was beaming from her own seat.

"Wipe that smirk off your face Rumplette." Young Bae advised his sister.

"Nope. Cause I woulda done it to," Adriana declared proudly. "Me and Jonny."

"Yup." Jonny Hopper agreed.

"So could I if I could call animals," spoke up Ellie Hood.

"Remember all the animals at our wedding?" Selene Hopper asked her husband. He spit out the wine he'd just taken a sip of.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. Their son was giggling and clapping his hands in approval.

Loki face palmed himself. "Oh, sweet Valhalla on a ski sled! Astra, what did I tell you about Calling animals?"

"But I LIKE kitties!"

"Yes, I KNOW that . . .but now the kitties are sad because they miss their families."

"They don't gots any," the little tot informed him.

"How do you know that?"

"They said!"

"Uh-huh," Johnny Hopper confirmed. "She's right. They don't have homes."

"John Wayne Hopper don't even think about it! We have a whole family of cats, dogs, crickets and snakes at home," Marie Hopper warned her son. "And if you even think about trying to talk me into it, Archibald Hopper you have…"

"…a date with the couch. Yes, I know but you've never made me sleep on it alone in the eight years we've been married, now have you my goddess?" her husband taunted.

"Well there's a first time for everything."

"Bring it on darling, bring it on," he challenged.

Their eldest daughter Gisella was laughing so hard she nearly fell off her chair. Her twin siblings AJ and Maureen simply smiled.

"Oh no!" Loki groaned. "Now what?" He thought quickly. You can't just send stray cats back on the street, Laufeyson. Think!

"I want a kitty Gramma," Meredith pleaded.

"But...honey...with Pongo..."

"Pongo likes cats. He told me so."

"We gotta get a mate for Dak!" Cami Molk said to her parents.

"Want kitty!" screamed Aurora Molk.

"We haven't even decided on a dog yet!" their father protested.

"CAT!" yelled Elsa Molk. Her mother and grandmother covered their ears.

"Daddy, we have room for cats," Ambrosia Ozopov Hopper reminded her father. "And Mommy can sculpt them like those French girls."

Jiminy's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets while Az laughed behind her hand. "Ambrosia Azkadellia Ozopov Hopper, you watch that mouth or I'll be washing it out with soap! Where did you hear that?"

"You say it to Mommy all the time and then you go in her studio and don't come out for a while."

Henry Strogoff Mills doubled over laughing. "Yeah and I know what it means too!"

"You just sit there and keep your trap shut young man!" Jiminy scolded.

"Mom, Daddy, we want one too," said Adora and Wyatt Cain Jr.

"No," their father said firmly.

"Aww have a heart Tin Man," protested Ambrose.

"Why don't YOU adopt one, Zipperhead?"

"I am as a matter of fact," he retorted.

"Papa, I wanna black kitty there!" Astra pointed to the emerald eyed black kitten under a bush.

"Oh no! We already have three, young lady! We don't need another," Loki said firmly.

"Yes we do! Pl-e-e-a-se!" Astra begged, giving him puppydog eyes.

"Astra Laufeyson I am NOT falling for that." Loki muttered, looking away.

"But Papa! He's cold n hungry an his name is Loki!" Astra sniffled.

"What? He told you that's his name?" the God of Mischief asked, glancing down at his daughter who wore a pitiful expression on her little face.

"Uh huh! He needs us!"

"Oh, for the love of-okay! But he's it!" Loki groaned.

"They get you every time," Gina chuckled.

"Tell me about it," Kelly Weaver groaned. "Every bloody time Robin wanted something she'd cast those eyes at me and I was a goner."

She glanced over to where Bobby sat alone. "Oh, I would ask him to dance but I don't want him to start imagining roasting ME on a spit!"

"Oh, just go for it Kel!" Roni encouraged. "You're not that Zelena and if he doesn't dance with you, he's crazy."

"That Zelena was a putana!" Zelena Sabitini hissed.

"I would go for it, dear," Sigyn encouraged. "He's a Laufeyson and they're shy at first. Not that you would think that but . . .they are. I had to chase Loki across the Nine before he noticed me. He had two bad marriages so . . . But I finally showed him that I loved HIM and the rest, as they say, is history." She gestured at her daughter.

"She is her daddy's little girl," Sigyn remarked. "And she knows how to get what she wants. Loki might be a big bad god of magic but when it comes to his daughters he's a marshmallow. And Astra knows he loves cats." The goddess shrugged. "I do too, and we have so much room in our house what's one more?"

Kelly took a deep breath. "Oh, all right. Wish me luck."

She walked over to Bobby's table and stood there, waiting for him to look up from the napkin he seemed to be studying.

"Anything interesting?" she asked. "I'm not her, you know. I look like her, I talk like her but I'm just a hippie pedaling instructor from Seattle and the former Good Witch of the North."

She laid her hand on his shoulder. "And I can feel your pain...the eighteen years of loneliness and despair." There was a faint green glow beneath her palm. "I can't change it, but I can make it hurt less..."

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

"Taking your pain," she murmured. He felt a sense of peace wash over him and gazed up at her.

"Why?"

"I've waited years to get the chance to talk to you." She held out her hand. "Captain Kelly Weaver, US Army, or I was until my discharge."

"Your honorable discharge, dearie." He reminded her.

"You…you've heard of me?"

"Feb 25, 1991. You were there when the Scud missile hit the barracks."

She nodded, tears in her blue eyes. "I was eating dinner with some of the men that had just been brought over. Twenty-eight good people lost their lives that day. Twenty-eight! And so many injured."

"You were one of them dearie, but you were still trying to help with the rescue efforts even when you were ordered not to."

"It was one of the times when I wanted my magic back. I could've blasted that goddam Scud missile to pieces before it hit and I could've saved them….I could've saved all of them…"

He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "You did what you could dearie and that was all that mattered. You were there for your brothers and sisters when they needed you. Like a good soldier."

"I got drunk and celebrated the night Saddam was captured and we all knew you had a hand in it. My CO used to say 'Bagheera's got our backs.'"

"I didn't that day," he confessed sadly. "I was still tracking Saddam and we got word of the missile strike too late to intercept. You took my pain, but you still have your own to deal with."

"I had a husband and two-year-old daughter when I went overseas but when I came back my husband was sleeping with my sister and my daughter didn't know me."

Bobby glanced over to the table where Roni was sitting with their Robin Hood. "She took your husband and you're not angry over it?"

"I was for awhile but losing Robin was nothing compared to losing some of my Army family. We're friends and business partners and that suits me fine."

"The military life is rough on the family," Bobby said. "That's why I never married. We fight our battles overseas but still have to keep fighting more at home." Their eyes met across the table. "I think maybe that's why some of us marry each other."

"I'd like to see you again, once this is all over, if you don't mind."

"I'd like that," Kelly murmured, relief washing over her. There was hope for them after all.

Her brothers' hands went to their sides.

"Stop it!" their mother warned.

"But Mum…" Gideon Weaver protested.

"Kelly's a grown woman and can take care of herself! Now shove off!"

"Yes Mum." He spotted one of the Rubys and decided to ask her to dance while keeping a watchful eye on his elder sister yet Kelly seemed to be doing well.

"You dunno how glad I am to get a Regina back on the team," Killian Gold confessed to her when he approached her table to discuss her becoming a Nevenger.

"Yeah but m'not your Regina, ya know," she said recalling her father reading the part in his story where the Regina from his realm had gone under a deaging spell unaware that she was under one herself.

"Oh yeah you are. Listen ummm….I'm gonna need somebody to lead the Nevengers in all the ports so how 'bout I make you captain of the Storybrooke Five Nevengers and Merri, you can be her first mate?"

"Can I?" Regina asked hopefully.

"If you want it," Killian said with a smile.

"I do. I really do."

"Okay then. Regina Nolan, I appoint you captain of the Storybrooke Five Nevenger fleet! Welcome aboard, mates!" He hugged her and Meredith and gave them pecks on the cheek.

"Hey, no kissin my girl!" Little Robin protested.

"Aww relax it was just a peck. Not like I was gonna slip her the tongue!"

"Killian!" his mother cried.

"What's that?" Regina wanted to know.

"It's where a guy puts his tongue in…"

"Meredith Strogoff Whale do NOT say one more word or I'll be collecting your books and locking them in my closet," her father warned.

"It's where a guy puts…"

"Killian Gold! Do you want to taste Ivory?"

"Yuck! No, Mom."

"Eww….Unca Rumple says that too. I don't wanna taste soap. It sucks," Regina whined.

Killian smirked. "We made that dick Pan and his boys eat poo!"

Meredith groaned. "Ohhh that's really gross."

"I peed all over a wicked witch," Regina declared proudly.

"I committed grand theft broom and made her crash into a tree," Meredith boasted.

"Nice!" Killian hi-fived them. "C'mon. I gotta appoint the other captains."

Regina and Meredith followed him over to where the children from Nonestica were sitting. "Hey Hope…c'mere!" Killian ordered. She hopped off her chair.

"What?"

"I'm naming the captains of every Nevenger port. Hope Strogoff, I appoint you Captain of the Storybrooke One Nevenger fleet. Nate, you can be first mate," Killian informed her brother.

"Cool! Thanks!"

"Come on. Got other captains to appoint." They approached the children of Storybrooke Four next. Adriana was appointed Captain of the Storybrooke Four Nevenger fleet with Ellie Hood as her first mate. Storybrooke Three's captain and first mate were Henry Weaver and his sister Maribelle, named after Emma's mother and Bae's stepmother. Finally, he came to the group from Storybrooke Two.

"Lucy Mills, I appoint you Captain of the Storybrooke Two Nevenger fleet with Neal Nolan as your first mate," he declared. The others hugged and congratulated her before they all claimed one of the tables for their own. The adults started laughing.

"Hey, are we gonna make the Happy Bears and Minions honorary members?" Maggie Hatter asked.

"Yeah."

"Hey, Inch be a member too!" the Elsa Molks exclaimed.

"Okay, okay, calm down Elsas. Yeah the Grinches can be members." They smiled.

"How 'bout DJ?"

"Oh he's in."

"I think we're gonna have a Cookie Monster too 'cause Mommy eats cookies all the time now," said Devon Molk Two. "Daddy can't buy 'em fast enough."

"That'd be so cool."

"So, what do we do as Nevengers," Lucy asked.

"You read the books?"

"Yes."

"Well now you know, dearie!" Adriana giggled. "And we're also the True Love Mafia so we gotta help your grampa find his true love."

"I think he's gonna find it with Melanie."

"Yeah but you better watch out for the Butthole," Bobby Carlyle warned. "She'll try an bust 'em up."

Lucy smirked. "She'll have to get up wayyy early to outsmart me!" She was going to see her grandfather happy whether Little Miss Magestrix liked it or not.

"And we're gonna help you!" the others declared.

While everyone else was preoccupied with their discussions Adora seized the opportunity and laced Storybrooke Two Zelena's drink with the ambrosia she'd gotten from Jiminy prior to the reception. Zelena had just take a sip from her glass when she gasped in shock and dropped it on the floor.

"Zelena! Zelena, what is it?" Regina Two cried.

"I am Persephone Diosa, Queen of the Underworld," she said and rose from her chair.

"M…Mama?" Adora gasped.

"Oh….Ozmalita….my light," Persephone whispered as she walked over to the table where Adora was sitting with her fiancé.

"What the hell is going on? What did you people do to my sister?" Regina Two demanded.

"They've restored my memories Regina," Persephone soothed. "Lilliana, Dorothia, Adora and Wyatt are not the only ones who have died and been reborn. So was I and in my first life I was Persephone, the Queen of the Underworld. Didn't you find it odd that I restored Hades' power with True Love's Kiss? It was no kiss, dear. It was a spell my daughter cast to trick me into giving him his powers back so that I would use my father's lightning staff to kill him and send him right back where he belonged." She smiled wryly. "My mother's curse...that we would turn on each other until our bloodline died out. However now, the joke is on her."

"How so?" Strogofff demanded.

"The stronger the love of our family becomes, the weaker it makes her. All magic comes with a price as we all know and that is her price to pay."

She glanced over at the table where Gold was sitting, him still trying to process what he was seeing and hearing. One of his nemesis a cursed goddess? It was insane, yet he'd always known she possessed powers beyond those of a normal mage.

"How did you find out that's who she was?" Regina Two asked.

"I had my suspicions when I was the Dark One," Archie Two said. "But Loki learned the truth from Titania. Alemedia was bragging to her about it."

"And everything you've done..." Gold went on.

"I have to live with that. It's the price I pay in this life. I cannot undo any of it. Time travel is forbidden for a reason and I never should've attempted it as Zelena. But I can make certain no one EVER attempts it again."

She searched with her Sight and located all the spellbooks mentioning time travel and destroyed them.

She approached Loki. "You have been a loyal ally to my descendants and I would like for you to continue to do so in my absence."

"Absence? Where are you going, Zelena?"

"The Underworld," spoke up Alina. "It's true isn't it? You have to spend six months there and six months with your mother."

"The part about my mother no longer applies but yes, I am bound to spend six months in Ephesis. The other six months I can be here with my daughters...Ozmalita and Robin."

"Not really what I would call a happy ending Sis," Regina Two mumbled.

"Sometimes that's the price you pay for happiness," Loki interjected.

"Tell Odin you have my permission to act as a legate in my family's affairs," Persephone said to him. "And if he has a problem with it, tell him to take it up with me."

"I will tell him," Loki replied, his eyes dancing. "He shouldn't mind too much. Will you need to inform your father? I am unclear about protocol where the Olympians are concerned."

Persephone made a face. " I no longer exist as far as he's concerned. I have been banished from the Olympian pantheon but not the Ozian Pantheon since it was my creation and only my husband can oppose me...but if he wants me back, he'll have to play ball."

"Zelena, you don't have to go back to him. You don't love him," Regina said to her sister.

"But I do," Persephone confessed. "He wasn't always like this, Regina. He could've taken my father's place at the head of our pantheon, but he didn't. The Hades I fell in love with always shied away from Olympian politics as did I."

"You thought you could change him before and look what happened! He tried to kill Robin. He stole Bae's soul and made it look like you killed him. Let him rot in the Underworld."

"No. It has to be this way. This is my penance for the wrongs I've done in this second life. No one gets a free pass Regina no matter how many good deeds they do."

She opened her mouth to protest but Persephone raised her hand for silence. "We're no heroes Regina. Deep down there's still a bit of the darkness inside us but our task now is to keep it contained. And I am doing so by going to the place my darkness was born."

"What about Robin?"

"I am trusting you and her father to take care of her in my absence."

She crooked her finger at Loki.

"Do you have something on your mind Seph?"

It had been centuries since anyone had used her old nickname, but she knew he would remember it even if they hadn't interacted much during their lives. "Tell Sig to keep her ugly stick close. She might need it."

She summoned a pomegranate and a knife and as she cut into the piece of fruit six seeds fell into her palm. The moment she ate the first one she vanished in a puff of smoke.

Emma Two helped a stunned Regina back to their table. Seconds later a mirror appeared on it and her sister waved to her from the other side.

"So Zelena's gone?" she asked Jiminy.

"No, but she has two sets of memories...her first life and her second," said Adora. "And they can be painful. I've been reborn three times and each time is harder than the last. But...it just so happens I still have access to Ephesis and I can take you to see my mother anytime you want without worrying about my father and sister bothering you."

"Now get up off your bloody arse and enjoy the party!" Persephone yelled from the mirror.

She had no doubt the God of Mischief would have some tricks up his sleeve throughout the evening.

At the Storybrooke Six table all appeared to be normal until a wad of potatoes went flying. Rumple Six ducked the missile but Rumple hadn't.

Splat.

"Oh my God!" Bae burst out laughing.

Rumple picked up his napkin and wiped them off. "Okay, who threw that!"

Bae Six stood up grinning from ear to ear. "I did. You wanna make something of it?"

"Really dearie? Well let's see how you like this!" Rumple picked up a wad of potatoes and threw time back, missing Rumple Six's son and hitting his own instead.

"YAY! The fight's ON!" Killian Gold yelled.

"What on earth...?" Lilly whispered.

"Tradition!" Emma Six announced. "You heard Killian. Get it rolling!"

"Oh no...no more food fights in my house...Belle!"

Strogoff was now covered in gravy.

His wife was laughing from her chair.

"FOOD FIGHT!" Henry Strogoff bellowed and pelted anyone within range with peas and corn.

"Now THIS is what I call mischief!" Loki exclaimed.

"I'm ready!" Regina shrilled and stood up holding apples in her hand.

"Oh, but you need these too dear," Regina Six said and handed the little girl a basket. "My secret weapon. Apple bombs. I use rotten ones on my enemies. Fire at will, little queen and do me proud."

"Better duck 'cause here I coooomeeee!" Regina sang and started pitching apples. One of them hit Rumple in the backside. "Ha ha Unca Rumple I got you. Yer outttt!"

"Not just yet dearie! Ha! Strawberry shortcake surprise!"

Belle Four and her sister Marie were using their brooms as bats, batting cupcakes at their husbands.

"Next thing you know we'll be fighting in the mud!" Archie Four joked. "What the..."

"Careful what you wish for Cricket. You just met get it!" Jiminy laughed.

"Oh yeah?" Archie Four tackled his counterpart into the mud puddle. Soon the other Archies joined in while their wives continued the food fight against each other.

"David, get your butt in there and help your brother. Pretend you're playing for the Crybabies!" Beth ordered her husband.

"'Least I'm not playing for the Squealers," he countered and pulled her into the mud with him.

"I know you I walked with you once upon a dream..." Beth Two sang as she danced around her husband before she mashed a chocolate pie his face.

"Better keep the cleaners on speed dial Sleeping Beauty cause that dress is gonna be more colors than pink and blue before I'm done with you!" he taunted and shook a bottle of soda before he squirted it at her.

"Unca Rumple, c'mere! Need help!" Regina called out from her position on the table.

"With what dearie?"

"This!" she cried and threw an apple that smacked him in the groin. "Uh oh..."

"You...you...hit me in the...with an APPLE!" he gasped.

"I wasn't tryin to aim THERE!"

"Next...time...watch...where you aim. Belle, quit that laughing!"

Alina and Henry were clutching their bellies laughing hysterically while they tried to dodge another food assault from Henry Six and Killian. Killian picked up a whole potato and juggled it in his hands as he searched the crowd for his target.

He spotted Hook lurking near the door, trying to get outside. He whipped the potato around the corner and heard a shout followed by Hook falling on the floor, moaning in pain, covering his groin with his hands. "Whoa!"

"Holy crap what a shot!" Henry praised.

"Killian, are you okay?" Emma Two asked worriedly.

"Damn that kid's good!" he panted.

"I wasn't tryin to him there," Killian mumbled.

"Good shot mate," Hook said as he stood up.

Killian crawled over to where the other Nevengers had turned over one of the small tables to make a fort. "How's it goin mates?"

"Happy Army! Attack!" Adriana bellowed.

"Minions! Attack!" yelled Neal Nolan.

Two divisions of happy Army Bears and Minions marched into the dining room, their arms full of fruit that they chucked at anyone within firing rang. Both Cami and Elsa Molks summoned Snowgies that threw ice cream and frozen yogurt and their Grinches threw pudding.

Loki ducked a flying banana and then summoned several types of food, tomatoes, kiwis, snow cone balls, and mini cream pies. Grinning, he lobbed a tomato in Modi face. "Think fast, nephew!"

Little DJ Molk was crawling on the floor trying to pick up fallen cookies until his mother snatched him up. "Oh no you don't! Yuck!"

"Oookies!" he wailed.

"Here, little imp! Here's some sugar free chocolate chip ones." Loki said and conjured a whole plate and sent it over to him.

"Om nom nom nom!" he cried happily and dove right in.

"Papa!" Miri called and when Loki looked over at her, threw a plate of spaghetti and meatballs right in his face. "Surprise!"

Loki wiped spaghetti from his eyes. "Oooh, are you gonna get it!" He sent a barrage of cream pies at her. "Pie in your eye, Miri!"

His daughter was covered in mini cream pies. She licked cream filling off her finger. "Mmm! Banana and chocolate cream!" Then she threw a mashed potato spoonful at her cousin.

Regina crept up behind Loki and mashed a chocolate pie on his backside. "You pooped yourself, you pooped yourself!" she taunted.

Meredith hi-fived her while she was throwing brownies at her grandparents.

Loki turned around. "Hey! I thought you were on my team!" he giggled and threw spaghetti on her head. "Uh oh! Spaghettios!"

Hook jumped on one of the tables while holding a bowl of fruit punch and chased his wife while singing.

"Revenge, revenge revenge is gonna be my...owwww!"

He slipped on a banana peel and landed hard on the table.

Loki ran by and threw a bowl of mashed up strawberries and kiwis on top of Hook. "It's a drive by fruiting!"

"You okay, Killian?"

"Yeah I got a potato in my balls and almost had the daylights knocked outta me, but I'll live Em."

She shook her head. "Maybe you should sit this out."

"Yeah, if you can't take the heat stay outta the kitchen!" Rumple giggled as he loaded up a plastic gun with tomatoes and started shooting. "Run! It's the Term-mato-inator!"

Persephone reappeared in the dining room. "Did everyone forget I am the goddess of vegetation?" She summoned her broom and began batting pomegranates at her sister and Robin.

"Clever, grandson!" Loki said and conjured another one, this one filled with snowcones. "Have yourself a Frost Giant Seph!" He shot snowcone balls at her.

"When the moon hits your eye lika big pizza pie, that's amore!" Zelena Sabintini's husband sang and threw pizza at his wife.

He was promptly spattered by tomatoes from Rumple and Daria. "You got tomato-innated!" they whooped.

"Rum shower!" Rhea hovered over her husband, dousing him with rum.

"Hey, quit wasting all the rum!"

Persephone gestured and a cloud began following Loki, pelting him with Snickers bars.

Grinning, he snatched one and ate it. "Don't waste good candy, darling!"

Kelly had tackled Bobby to the floor and was rolling him in cold marinara sauce. "Marinated Bagheera!"

Roger and Weaver challenged their fellow former police officers to a pea shootout.

"Any minute now Grampa's gonna want us all to get disinfected," Killian muttered.

Modi dumped a bowl of mashed potatoes on Loki's head. "It's Mr. Potato Head!"

"Bloody hell! This is a worse mess than after Bae's wedding!" Fiona exclaimed.

Yet she loved every minute of it. She, her daughter Catriona and granddaughter Channon began creeping up behind all the adult men and smacked their backsides.

"Everybody run! The Backside Bandits are coming!" Ambrose yelled and laughed.

"I heard they judge us by that!" Loki giggled.

"Yeah when we tell you to watch your ass, we mean watch your ass," Emma Strogoff joked.

"They better watch theirs too," the God of Mischief snickered. "I pinch!"

"Bring it on lad!" Fiona challenged.

Loki teleported behind her and pinched her on the backside. "You have a delectable derriere, darling!"

"Ye're lucky my husband isna haunting us today lad or he'd be trying to toss you in a frozen lake," Fiona giggled.

"The cold never bothered me anyway!" Loki hooted. Then he jumped slightly as Cattie smacked his backside.

"My, you were right, Mama!"

"He's a god lass, what did ye expect?"

"Awww man here comes the Disinfectant Army!" Killian groaned pointing to the thousands of wipes floating around the room cleaning up the guests and the ballroom.

"What in Yggdrasil is that?" Loki frowned.

"That's my grampa for ya."

"Get off me, get off you gits!" Hook protested, swatting at the attacking wipes.

"It's attack of the Clone Wipes!" Loki laughed.

"I can't send them away either!" Emma Two protested.

Rumple Six crossed his arms over his chest and giggled wickedly. "None of you can, dearies."

Once everything and everyone were clean to his satisfaction, the wipes vanished.

"Now that's a spell I need to try...only I'm going to do it with my broom!" Belle Strogoff laughed.

"Sigyn would love that one!" Loki smirked. "But it would drive my father insane."

"I say use it darling," Sigyn advised.

"I'll tell him it was YOUR idea!" he laughed, then he kissed her.

The Avonlea staff began pushing the tables against the walls to make room for a dance floor and a small stage where many of the guests would be singing. The Storybrooke Four group was excited for their Regina to take the stage for a number she sang years ago during the holidays.

"We're going to have a little dancing first, dearies, and then some of our guests will take to the stage and sing," Strogoff announced. "Would the bride and groom come out on the dance floor please."

Lilly kicked off her heels. "That's our cue darling!"

Archie held out his hand for his bride and escorted her into the center of the ballroom as Granny Lucas began to sing "At Last."

Rumple walked over to where Strogoff was standing and handed him his handkerchief.

"I figured you'd need this dearie."

"I never thought I'd see this day...see her here..."

He fought back tears as he watched his mother close her eyes and lay her head on Archie's chest.

Suddenly rose petals began to rain down on the couple from the ceiling.

Adriana Gold and Hope Strogoff stood back and admired their handiwork.

"Your gramma looks really pretty out there," Adriana said to Hope.

"I hope I find somebody like Archie," Hope murmured. "You got a boyfriend?"

"Uh huh. I'm marrying Neal when I get big."

"And now the bride and groom would like to invite all the lovers out there for this next song," the DJ announced.

"...You know our love was meant to be..."

"Our song!" Marie Hopper cried, nearly dragging her Archie onto the dance floor.

Soon all the couples joined the newlyweds on the floor for Chicago's 'You're The Inspiration."

"That's our mom and dad's song," Gisella Hopper informed the other children.

Johnny held up his Ipod touch and began to record his parents dancing "And we send a video of them dancing to it to the band every year," he added.

"Wonder what they're gonna play next?"

"Daddy is gonna have them play every couple's song," Hope replied.

"What one do your mom and dad like?" Alina asked her.

"After All. It's an old one that Cher and Peter Cetera sing."

Strogoff handed the handkerchief back to Rumple once "After All' began to play.

"Would you like to dance Bobby?" Kelly asked him.

"Not yet," he said with a smile. He was planning to surprise her with the song he'd asked the DJ to play when they danced.

His sister-in-law winked at him and gave him a thumbs up.

Kelly went back to her table, frowning. "He probably thinks I'm gonna step on his toes or something!"

Roni picked up her wine glass and held it in front of her face to conceal her smirk.

As she watched her counterpart dance with her Rumple, Belle thought back to her wedding. It was simple ceremony at the courthouse while the curse was still active and there were a few times when they discussed doing it all over again but never got around to it.

"Thinking about our wedding, dearie?" Rumple asked her.

"The happiest day of my life," she murmured.

"We didn't have a ceremony like this though."

"We didn't need to."

"But one of these days we will...to renew our vows."

"On our tenth," she said with a smile.

"It's a deal, sweetheart!" And they sealed it with a kiss just as "In Her Eyes began to play. "May I have this dance, Mrs. Gold?" he asked her softly and held out his hand. She smiled and clasped it in her smaller one.

"You may, Mr. Gold."

To their surprise Belle and Rumple Four joined them on the floor. "Ah so this is your song too, dearies?"

"It is," Rumple Four murmured, his arm around his wife.

The two Baelfires, one older, one younger stood off to the side recording their parents dancing.

"Has Belle been more of a mom to you like she has to me?" Young Bae asked the elder.

"Without a doubt. And they bring out the best in our papas, don't they?"

Young Bae nodded.

Loki and Sigyn were joined by Archie Two and Tracey Hopper on the dance floor while Ann Reno and Mike Wilson sang "Almost Paradise" from the Footloose soundtrack.

Jimmy put his arm around Miri while she and Modi were watching them. "We have to think of a song to dance to gorgeous," he crooned in her ear.

"How about "Beat It!" Modi teased.

"You wanna get beat with the ugly stick?" Miri countered.

Modi excused himself and went over to the DJ, a former Scorpion and whispered in his ear.

"Are you kiddin man? This is a wedding! You really want me to play Beat It?"

"Yeah."

"You lookin to get beat, or get me beat?"

"Just do it!"

"Look buddy, I almost got killed in a warehouse shootout, my brother DID get killed in one and I'm not taking any chances or I'm gonna play The Asshole song and dedicate it to you!"

"What's that song like?"

"You, so git!"

"Com e on...Mikey is it? I wanna have a little fun!"

"Yeah and I don't wanna get my ass beat by Mister Gold's Cane of Doom. Not that he'd do it just make my ass scrub every inch of his house and probably taste Ivory."

Modi made a face. "Okay, fine."

Emma Two got up to use the restroom and Hook was left looking around at the couples dancing. He noticed that a pretty hot number was standing next to what could have been himself at seventeen or eighteen.

Huh! he thought. He has good taste in lasses! Not surprising though. But I think she needs an older man.

He rose to his feet and walked over to them.

Jimmy looked up and saw Hook coming and stiffened, recognizing the look in the other's eye. "Oh hell no!" he growled, his eyes flashing.

"Hello, lad," Hook greeted. "Introduce me to the sweet looking lass, won't you?"

"Oh, holy Jesus," Beth Molk whispered. "That is a short hop to an early grave!"

"Sorry, mate. She's with me," Jimmy began.

"Not anymore," Hook drawled. "Hello, luv. Name's Jones. How would you like to dance?"

Miri shook her head. "No thanks. You're old enough to be my father."

"Now don't be that way, luv," Hook crooned. "I'm sure I can show you a better time than this wet behind the ears little scuppernong here."

"Henry, go get your mother. Now!" Jacinda snarled to her husband.

"Back off, Grandpa!" Jimmy snarled. His hand went for the knife in his boot.

Strogoff gestured and the knife appeared in his hand. There would be no bloodshed at his mother's wedding. He was about to cast a spell when he was hit with an immobilization spell.

"Mum!" he hissed.

"It's going to be taken care of," Lilly assured him.

"Well it better be soon before Jimmy wipes the floor with him," Rogers muttered.

"That miserable niding!" Loki spat, starting to get up.

Sigyn laid a hand on his arm. "Easy, alskling. We don't want a funeral. I'll handle this." She summoned what looked like a small white stick to her hand.

Astra clapped her hands. "Mama mad!"

"Let's watch the show, imp!" her father said, tweaking her nose.

Sigyn rose gracefully to her feet and glided over to the three. "'Scuse me, darling!" she drawled, her voice sweet as honey. "But I believe you need someone a little more . . . experienced . . ."

Hook turned around and his jaw dropped. "Well now! H-e-e-llo, luv!"

"Oh, I'm not your love, honey!" Sigyn whispered. "I'm her MOTHER!" In a flash she brought up the stick and slammed him in the face with it.

It glowed and suddenly his handsome face became wrinkled and ugly.

Hook clapped a hand to his cheek. "What-what was that for?"

"Get him, Mama!" Miri cheered.

Jimmy burst out laughing. "Jesus H. Christ! You should see your face!"

"My face?" Hook stammered.

"You could give a warthog beauty lessons!" Sigyn growled. "Stay away from my daughter, you cretin!" She whacked him again and a tail sprouted from his backside.

"Emma! Help!" he yelped and bolted, but Sigyn was after him like a shot.

"What the hell is going on here?' she demanded when she came out of the bathroom with her son at her side.

"Your husband made a pass at my fifteen-year-old daughter!" Sigyn growled. She brought the stick down again. "Take that! And that! And that!"

Hook suddenly grew crooked legs and a hunchback and his hair was suddenly white as snow.

"Oh man! He's been . . . uglified!" Jimmy whooped and doubled over laughing.

"Yeah you don't mess with Aunt Sigyn!" Modi laughed.

"You idiot!" Emma yelled at her husband. "What, were you drunk?"

"I...I..."

"Never mind!"

Modi and Mikey grinned at each other.

Mikey pressed a button to play the next song.

"They told him don't you ever come around here

Don't want to see your face, you better disappear

The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear

So beat it, just beat it..." Michael Jackson sang.

"Oh my God, they didn't..." Miri giggled. Mikey and Modi were laughing over at the DJ table.

Loki nearly fell out of his chair laughing.

Young Bae and his friends Ewan and Bobby came out onto the middle of the floor and started doing the Moonwalk.

"Cool!" Regina cried. "They're walkin like Michael Jackson Mommy!"

"And they're good too," Charming praised.

Adriana Gold waved her hand and the boys were now wearing leather jackets with their logo on the back.

"Thanks, Rumplette!"

She saluted her brother.

"What does that stand for?" Modi asked Mikey.

"We were a gang back in our Storybrooke," he explained. "Bae, Andi, Kat, Becky and I are Scorpions and Bobby was a Purple Knight but we took him into our gang when his got taken out by the Black Dogs. Bae's nickname is Fire, Andi's is Wraith, Kat is Shadow and Becky is Fury."

Modi nodded. "And you?"

"Music Man," he said with a smile.

"Makes sense. It reminds me of the warrior societies we have back home."

Mike rolled up his sleeve to reveal his tattoo with the name "Dickie" written under it along with two dates.

"For your brother?" Modi asked quietly.

"Yeah."

Mikey went on to tell him about the gang's escapades during the holidays including the great 'Mall Robbery' as they called it.

"We do that too." Modi pushed up his left sleeve to show a tattoo of a snarling wildcat and underneath it the runes for Narvi. "That's for my cousin. Daria's father."

"Fury and Ewan hijacked the music system and had it play all funny Christmas shit, Bae and Bobby were takin rides in the shopping carts...oh yeah those were fun times. My brother used to get so pissed at 'em for screwin off but they always got a good haul."

"You know, you'd make a good Scorpion. We don't steal stuff anymore but we love playing pranks. Lemme tell ya what we did to the Blue Fairy in our Storybrooke..."

Mikey was trying hard not to laugh as he talked about stealing the exotic dancer and teacher's undergarments and hanging them from the trees at the school over Halloween and making her toilet explode with a cherry bomb.

Modi was giggling. "Oh but that sounds like something we would have done-my cousins and me. My brother Magni is such a stiff, but Miri, me, Vali, Fen, and Jorgy would have been pranking her right and left!"

"I'm gonna propose for you for membership but you gotta pull a prank first to make your bones. Do me proud."

"I will, little skald!" Modi grinned.

Mikey stood up and walked over to Young Bae, Ewan and Bobby. "I nominate Modi for membership," he announced.

"You know he's gotta pull a prank, right?"

"Yep."

Modi looked through Mikey's playlists until he found one labeled "Prank Songs'. he scanned through the titles until he found the one he wanted and sat back to enjoy the show.

"Well I was drivin' down I-95 the other night,

somebody nearly cut me right off the road.

I decided it wasn't gonna do any good to get mad,

So I wrote a song about 'em instead. It goes like this.

Were you born an asshole?

Or did you work at it your whole life?

Either way it worked out fine

'Cause you're an asshole tonight..."

"Mikey!" Rumple Four yelled.

"Mommy, they're singing bad words!" Regina shrilled.

"I didn't do it," Mikey protested.

"Oh really, dearie? Damn kids!"

The Scorpions were laughing.

"Asshole!" parroted DJ Molk.

David slapped his forehead. "Great! Just great! My kid's learning how to talk and he already learned his first curse word!"

"So, does he get in, Fire?" Mikey demanded.

"Oh yeah, he's in!"

Mikey gave Modi the thumbs up.

Modi grinned and made the A-OK sign back.

Jimmy was laughing and so was Miri. "Your cousin's got moxie, gorgeous!"

"Yeah, he's got that all right," Miri chuckled.

"Your cousin just made his bones and he's now an honorary Scorpion," Andi explained.

Adriana Gold hopped onto the bench beside Modi and placed her hand on his arm. "Bae says I gotta give ya the tattoo like they have."

"Go ahead, Rumplette," Modi said. "Do I get a nickname too?"

"Hmmm...I dunno what we can call you. They have to decide that, but I can also give you this. A stuffed bear dressed in Army clothes appeared on the table. "This is Major Modi. All my friends and family have Happy Bears."

"Mommy, lookit!" Regina pointed to her feet. "Somebody gave me a bear!"

Charming picked it up. "Hmm...Major Regal," he read on the Bear's Army outfit.

"Hi Regina!" it greeted.

"An enchanted bear for me?" Modi looked surprised. "What does he do?"

"He can be your friend when you're lonely and he can kick butt when you need him to."

She laughed. "Just don't let him go to bars, okay. I had to court martial my bears the last time Bae was supposed to watch 'em and they all got drunk at the Rabbit Hole."

"Thank you, Adriana." He chuckled. "I will make sure my bear stays away from the mead hall. Or my uncle will court martial ME!"

Meredith and Regina were enjoying hearing their bears talk. Meredith's was named Major Victor after her father and it sounded like him too. Major Regal had Regina's adult voice.

Killian Gold was in for a shock when a group of bears marched over to him and saluted. "The Major Nevengers reporting for duty, sir!"

"At ease mates," he said with a smile.

"Papa! See bear!" Astra Laufeyson pointed at them.

Hope Strogoff, feeling a bit mischievous, waved her hand and an unusual stuffed creature appeared on the table where her father was sitting.

"Daddy, say hi to Major DUST BUNNY!" she giggled.

"How did I ken ye were gonna do that?" he groaned.

"Cause I'm a chip off the old block."

"That you are."

"Papa, want bear!" Astra wailed.

A white plush bear appeared at her feet. It was wearing a helmet like her father's and a cape. "Major Loki reporting for duty, ma'am!" it announced in her father's voice.

"That is adorable!" Sigyn crooned.

Astra picked up her bear and hugged it. "Papa, like you!" she crowed.

"By the Nine! Wait till your grandparents see that!" Loki smiled.

"Now it's your turn to make your bones," Andi informed Jimmy and Miri. "Do us proud."

"So handsome, what shall we do?" Miri asked with a wicked grin.

"You're the Trickster's daughter," Jimmy said. "You can probably outprank me."

The Scorpions waited patiently for their new recruits to make their move.

Miri put her chin in her hand and thought. Then she whispered something in Jimmy's ear. He nodded.

Miri made a discreet gesture over the bridal party's champagne glasses. They sparkled with magic and then it faded until the champagne looked normal.

Lilly and Archie had decided to take a break from dancing and returned to their table along with Strogoff and his wife. They picked up their glasses and took a sip of champagne.

Suddenly bubbles exploded from their mouths.

"What...what the..." Archie gasped.

Lilly burst into laughter. "Oh, this is the trick Loki played on my parents at their wedding!"

A large bubble encircled Archie's head.

Sigyn nudged her husband. "The Bubble Prank again, beloved?"

"I didn't do it this time!" Loki defended. Then he started giggling.

"What's in there?"

"No, Archie don't pop it!" Lilly giggled.

Too late.

Splash! The bubble was filled with champagne and it drenched him.

Jimmy and Miri high-fived each other and then doubled over laughing.

"You're in!" Andi exclaimed.

"Where did you learn that?" Bobby asked.

"From the best prankster in the Nine-my papa," Miri chuckled.

Lilly waved her hand over Archie's suit and dried it.

"Now you have to get this," Modi rolled up his sleeve to show his cousin his tattoo.

"Yggdrasil's Roots!" Miri exclaimed. "Mama's going to have kittens!" But her blue eyes were dancing with the thrill of the forbidden.

"Ask Bae's sister to give you one or you can do with your own magic."

Miri smirked. "Can we put it anywhere?"

"Yeah."

She pulled up her dress and pressed her hand to her calf. In a moment a scorpion done in blue ink appeared on her. "There! How does it look?"

"Looks fine, goddess," Jimmy crooned.

"Now your turn handsome!"

"Watch she doesn't tattoo your ass!" Modi laughed.

"When we get back to Asgard, I'm going to tell Solveig to tattoo Property of Solveig on yours!" Miri returned spiritedly.

"Hmmm...I like that idea," Jimmy grinned.

"You'd want me to tattoo Property of Miri on yours?" she teased.

"Or just your name will do."

"I'll do it when I wear your ring on my finger," she laughed. "But for now . . . where would you like the scorpion?"

"Umm...on my arm."

She rolled up his sleeve and saw a skull and crossbones. "What's this?"

"Hook had that done. I want it gone!"

"Relax, handsome. I can remove it." She covered it with her hand and concentrated. He felt a warmth and then it was gone. "Done! Now let's put the scorpion in its place." He felt a brief tingling and the black scorpion appeared on his bicep.

The music started playing again and now Miri was ready for a dance.

"Come on, handsome! Let's show these old folks how to boogie!"

"But this is disco!"

"So? You know how to dance, right?"

"Not to this stuff!"

"Go Molky!"

Beth and David Molk were already out on the floor dancing to the Bee Gees Night Fever.

Their Storybooke Six counterparts joined them.

"Whoa! They're really good!" Alina praised.

"Come on, Jimmy! If they can do it, so can you!" Miri's foot was tapping to the music.

"Ah okay! C'mon gorgeous!"

Regina pulled Little Robin out with her and Meredith was dancing with Killian Gold.

Jimmy followed Miri's lead, and soon he found he was having the time of his life.

Robert got up and walked over to the DJ table. "Can you play this next?"

Mikey looked at the name of the song he'd written down. "Sure, sir!"

Kelly was beginning to feel she and Robert would never dance together until he approached the table, his hand held out to her. "May I have this dance, Captain Weaver?" he asked her. She looked up at him and smiled.

"You may Colonel MacNamara."

After her divorce Kelly had been unable to help entertaining fantasies that she and the legendary Colonel MacNamara would eventually meet and he would be the officer and gentleman she had been searching for all her life. Many nights she dreamed he would come to her and sweep her off her feet as Richard Gere swept Debra Winger off hers in the final scene of An Officer and a Gentleman.

"How did you know I love this song?" she asked him once 'Up Where We Belong' began.

"I may or may not have asked around. It's classified."

"Oh. I see."

Roni, she thought.

"All we have is here and now

All our lives, out there to find..." Jennifer Warnes sang.

Strogoff placed his hand on Rumple's shoulder. "You've united the realms in more ways than one, dearie," he said softly.

He watched his brother and Kelly dancing, having eyes only for each other. "They seem like a good match."

Strogoff smiled, a vision appearing before his eyes of another dance sometime in the near future with Kelly in a gown of hunter green, Robert in full dress uniform. The song remained the same, but their roles would change for on that day Kelly Weaver would become Mrs. Robert MacNamara.

"Way to go Kell! Way to goi!" Roni cheered through her tears.

Robert chuckled. "I haven't carried you out of the factory!"

"It doesn't matter," Kelly murmured. "Let her have her moment."

Loki and Sigyn watched the couple dancing, and Loki murmured, "There's one you don't have to matchmake for, Sig."

"No, you old romantic," she chuckled. "But what about our granddaughter?"

"That can wait awhile," the god said. "Let her get used to being with her family first."

"Oh my. would you look at that!" Sigyn exclaimed and pointed.

A very nervous Killian Rogers was standing in front of the table where Daria was sitting with her grandchildren.

"Is there something I can help you with Mister Rogers?" Daria asked softly.

"Well...ahh...I was wondering if you...ahhh...would like to dance."

Will and Jess stared at him with their mouths agape. Rogers had to be at least a century or two younger than their grandmother but he still looked like a man in his late thirties due to the curse and magic from Weaver before he lost his.

Rhea and Jack also couldn't believe their eyes.

"Should we tell him to shove off love?" Jack asked her.

"No. He's not our enemy, however, we will watch him closely."

Daria smiled and held out her hand. Rogers took it in his and led her out onto the dance floor.

"We have a lot in common," Rogers said to her. "Two single parents with adult children."

He glanced over to where Alice was sitting with her wife. "Her mum was a bit like your Malcolm."

"I know."

He flinched. "How do you know?"

"I spent centuries in the afterlife and picked up quite a bit of gossip. You ran away from your father when you were sixteen because you didn't want to be like him. You spent three years on the run until you heard a cry for help coming from a tower. You climbed the rope made of human hair and went inside thinking you were rescuing Rapnuzel but she escaped years earlier and trapped Mother Gothel in the tower with her own spell. All Gothel needed to escape was a child of her own bloodline. She...she raped you...bore your child and escaped. You stayed to raise your daughter and Weaver and his daughters rescued you."

"Weaver was like a second father to me and I thought he would adopt me, but he had a vision that Alice and Robin would wed one day and that was why he didn't."

While Rogers and Daria danced, Jimmy held out his hand for Miri and led her out onto the dance floor to Christina Perri's A Thousand Years.

"The day we met,

Frozen I held my breath

Right from the start

I knew that I'd found a home for my heart

Beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone?

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years…"

Jiminy reached up and caressed her cheek. "Feel like I've waited a thousand years for you, gorgeous."

"And I feel like I've waited that long for you handsome." She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He held her closer, thinking this was as close to Heaven as he could possibly get and there was no other place Miri wanted to be at that moment than in his arms.

"Give me your stick!" Loki demanded of his wife while he watched them dance, being far too familiar with each other for his liking.

Sigyn shook her head. "Loki, you are not beating that nice boy with my ugly stick."

"NICE boy?! Sigyn, he's dating my baby!"

"Astra's your baby now, Laufeyson. So calm down!"

"If he puts ONE finger out of line-just ONE-!"

Sigyn kissed him so he doesn't see Jimmy take Miri's arm and lead her to her seat once the song was over.

"What was that for?" Loki sputtered when he could talk again.

"Do I need a reason to kiss my husband senseless?" the goddess asked with a sweet smile.

"No, but . . . right NOW?" He frowned. "Sig, what are you up to?"

"I'll never tell, darling!" she giggled.

He rolled his eyes. "I know you are up to something, darling. Come on, let's sit down before we cause a scandal."

"Wouldn't be the first time, Mischief Maker!" she said sassily and pinched him on the butt.

"Sigyn!"

Laughing, the goddess drew him over to the table with his relatives.

Jimmy could feel the god's eyes on him and held up his hands. "Sir, I swear I won't put my hands where they're not wanted."

"Remember that boy or you'll be looking like that pirate over there, only worse!"

A distraught Emma Two was trying everything she could to reverse Sigyn's spell to no avail. "Please, change him back!" she pleaded.

Beth, Beth Two and Marie glared at her. "Are you serious, you bitch?" Marie demanded angrily. "He sexually harassed a teenager. He deserved what he got and worse!"

"He didn't mean to..."

"They never mean to," Beth said through gritted teeth and stood up. "That's what they always say and then they do it again...and again. I spent the worst years of my life with a man who abused me in every way possible, even with magic."

"So did I," Beth Two added. "And I regret every year of it. So do yourself a favor honey. Leave him."

"He's my true..."

"True love. Don't make me laugh. It's all an illusion. He shows you the side of him he wants you to see while he's still the same to everyone else," Marie added angrily. "But if that's what you want, fine."

"Well that's not what we want!" Five furious Emmas approached the table. Emma Strogoff hauled her counterpart to her feet. "Come on Swan. We're taking a walk!"

They dragged the protesting 'Savior' outside.

"What's goin on over there?" Little Robin asked Regina. She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. Adult stuff. Hey, what's that?"

He pressed a red feather into her hand. "It's from one of my arrows. Daddy says boyfriends an girlfriends give each other stuff all the time an since you're kinda my girlfriend I wanna give you this."

"But I don't have anything to give ya. Wait I know!" She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. They heard a crash at a nearby table and saw her father on the floor, Snow fanning him with her hand.

"Come on Nolan, wake up!" She threw a glass of water in his face.

"She's too young for that! I warned you Snow. I warned you!" he cried.

"Oh, stop it!"

Mikey turned off the stereo after the last song and all the guests returned to the chairs while the bride and groom went over to the dessert table to cut the cake. Elvira from Storybrooke Four had created a beautiful replica of the Finaqua palace, lake and labyrinth, the former home of the Strogoff family until the Ozopov claimed it for their summer palace. Hands entwined, they picked up the ceremonial knife and cut two slices. They linked arms and fed each other pieces of cake, smearing icing on each other's noses.

"And now it's time for the bouquet and garter toss!" Mikey announced.

The single women from the six realms got in position behind the bride, Kelly moving to the front of the crowd as quickly as she could. Lilly tossed the bouquet over her shoulder and the women began to scramble to catch it in the air while Kelly dived to the ground and snatched it up. She stood up, smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress uniform and held it up, beaming with pride.

Robert couldn't help grinning. "Well done, dearie," he praised.

Bae Strogoff brought out a chair for his grandmother to sit in while her husband retrieved the garter beneath her skirts.

"Okay Archie, go for it!" Mikey yelled over the microphone and turned on ZZ Top's Legs.

"No doin the nasty yet! You gotta wait til tonight!" Killian Gold hooted while his parents looked like they wanted to crawl in a hole.

"They do the dirty deed every night," Meredith muttered.

"Meredith!" Archie cried.

"Well you do!"

"We do not now cut it out!" Lilly scolded.

Her grandfather shook his head and stood up with a scrap of blue lace in his hand.

The single men fell into line behind the groom, Robert determined to make Operation Catch The Garter a success. If he could help catch Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Ladin, he could catch a scrap of blue lace.

Archie tossed the garter over his shoulder and the men were tackling each other like players on a football field to catch it while Robert dived over them and caught it in his hand.

"Hah! Not bad for an old man, eh dearies?" he taunted while his siblings burst into laughter.

Kelly sat down with the garter around her knee and waited patiently for Robert to come to her. He knelt by her side, grinning.

"Go on then Colonel," she challenged. He lifted her leg and pulled the garter down slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. Her father watched them closely, his hand reaching for the gun that was usually attached to a holster on his hip only to find that it had been left upstairs in the dresser.

"No shooting your future son in law," his wife scolded.

"He's not my son in law yet! And he won't be unless he proves to me he'll be a good husband for her!"

Rogers was laughing from where he stood with Daria.

"And you shut up too rookie or you'll be getting shot if you mess with Rumple's mum!"

Rogers could feel her childrens' eyes following him all over the room.

"He does one thing out of line he walks the plank," Rhea whispered to Jack. He smiled evilly.

"The new one we built needs christening."

"We're just friends," Daria insisted. "Well, becoming friends." She smiled at Rogers. "I'd love to visit this place you call Hyperion Heights."

"There's not much going on. I didn't really get out much, but I'd love to show you around."

"I need to spend time with my children first. You understand, don't you?"

"Aye. Spend as much time as you need." He took out his phone and handed it to her. "But this little box lets us talk to each other no matter how far apart we are. Once your family teaches you how to use one, I'll give you my number and you can call me anytime, except when I'm working."

"I'd love to learn," she said with a smile.

He took her hand and led her back to her table with her children.

"And now, for the last event of the evening, our bride and groom would like to invite everyone to dance with them for a small fee that they will be donating to the Storybrooke Orphanage!" Mikey announced.

Rumple and Belle Strogoff stood off to the side holding velvet sacks in their hands while men, woman and children began to form two lines, men and boys in Rumple's line to dance with Lilly, women and girls on the other to dance with Archie.

"Your husband's not going to beat me with your ugly stick for this, is he?" Archie asked Sigyn when it was her turn to dance. She giggled and pointed to where her husband was dancing with the bride. "Only if you don't beat him for dancing with your wife."

"He's allowed. They're old friends."

"My turn!" Regina cried and tugged on Archie's jacket.

He picked her up and started dancing with her, the little queen laughing and smiling. "See I told ya the queen wasn't gonna steal Christmas and this is the best Christmas ever!"

"Did you tell Santa what you wanted?"

"I already gots it. New friends an lots of new family. Oh and I'm a Nevenger now!"

Once their dance was over, he set her on her feet. Suddenly he felt another tug on his jacket and saw little Astra waiting patiently for her own dance.

"You don't havta pick me up. I can fly. See!"

She floated off the floor and hovered above him.

"Well ahh...okay!" he chuckled and took her hands in his. "Did Papa teach you that?"

"I watch him fly lots."

Several Lokitties flew around them.

She pointed to the leather jacket she was wearing. "Killy says I'm a "Venger now so I gotta kick butts, take names and make sure nobody's got frownies. That's what 'Driana says."

"I'm sure you'll do a good job." He stepped back to allow her to float back down to the floor and Lokitties looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"You want to dance?" he asked, wondering how that would even be possible.

"I'll dance with ya!" Regina said to them.

One of the male kittens stood up on its hindpaws and held out its front paws to her.

The females brushed up against Archie's legs, meowing.

"Lilly honey, a little help here please?" he pleaded.

She waved her hand and shrunk him down to their size.

"All right ladies," he said with a smile.

"MEEEOOOWWWW!"

Modi spit out his soda laughing. "Hey Uncle Loki, I think the Lokitties are in love!"

"By the Nine!" Loki groaned.

"I think it's cute," Miri murmured and started laughing while the groom was trying to teach his feline companions how to jitterbug.

"That's it Astarte! You've got it!" he praised.

Jonny and Gisella Hoopper ran up to the DJ table and started talking to Mikey.

"Everybody wants to be a cat

Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at

Tell me, everybody's pickin' up on that feline beat

'Cause everything else is obsolete

A square with a horn

Makes you wish you weren't born

Every time he plays

But with a square in the act

You can set music back

To the caveman days..."

"Oooh our song!" Astarte cried. "Come on everybody! BE A CAT!"

"I wanna be a cat!" Regina cried.

Loki chuckled. "Well if you insist..."

He waved his hand and all the humans in the ballroom were transformed into cats except for the Navarro family that could already change into housecats.

"Everybody, everybody

Everybody wants to be a cat

Hallelujah

Everybody, everybody

Everybody wants to be a cat..." Regina and Meredith sang, shuffling across the floor on their hindpaws.

"Come on everybody sing!"

Lilly and Archie jumped onto the bridal table and wrapped their tails around each other.

Major Gold huffed and pranced over to the DJ's table. He jumped up and pressed a button on the laptop with his paw.

"I'll be doggone if love ain't a man's best friend, oh baby

And I'll be doggone if you ain't the loving end

Though I know you make me feel like nobody could

If I ever found out that you're no good

Then I wouldn't be doggone

I'd be long gone."

Major wagged his tail in time with the music and barked.

"Good one Maj!" Young Bae laughed.

Now who taught you that Major?" Rumple Four demanded.

I plead the fifth, he sent.

"Damn kids." Rumple Four muttered, knowing exactly who it was. His smart assed son.

Major tapped a few more keys and the song changed again.

"If you didn't want it you shoulda let me know

But since you didn't want it, then girl you got to go.

Don't think that you can play me, and jerk me all around.

You used to be ma baby, now your ass is in the pound.

Dawg, dirty dawg, dawg, dirty dawg,

Oohh, you're a drty, dirty,

Dawg, dirty dawg, dawg, dirty dawg

Oh, you're so damn dirty..." the New Kids on the Block sang

"Ummm did Major get dumped or something?"

Young Bae frowned. "Yep. By the poodle bitch down the street."

She dumped me for a freakin Rottie! A Rottie! Major complained.

Archie and Lily now back in human form with everyone else couldn't help laughing.

It was getting late and the newlyweds were looking forward to enjoying some time alone before Christmas morning. They bid their goodbyes to their guests and retreated to the privacy of their little cottage on the grounds.

"All right, Santa's coming tonight so it's getting close to bedtime, dearies," Rumple reminded the younger children. They ran out of the room so fast it made their parents heads

Strogoff whistled and they skidded to a halt in the hallway.

Their parents were waiting for them giving them all Looks.

"Baths first."

"AWWWW!"

"You want Santa comin in your rooms when you stink like Sock Boogies?" David Molk asked his kids.

"Nooo!" his sons exclaimed.

"All right boys, follow me," David Two said to his sons while the girls went with their mother.

"Mommy I wanna sleep with Meredith tonight," Regina informed Snow. "If she wants to."

Meredith smiled. "Cool. Can't go to Gramma and Grampa's tonight cause their doin the dirty deed."

"Ummm...Meri, they can't be doin that when Santa comes."

"I dunno if they'll quit for that or not."

"They better or he'll give 'em a lump of coal or reindeer poop."

"All right you two, it's time for baths and bed," Charming informed them, barely able to keep a straight face.

Rumple remained in the ballroom helping Strogoff and his staff clean up.

"It was a lovely wedding dearie."

"Have you given any thought to my Christmas gift?"

"Yes...Belle and I have agreed. We want to do this."

He smiled. "Meet me back here at midnight...oh…second thought you might wanna come a little early. There's gonna be a line."

"What?!"

"Almost every Storybrooke couple wants the heart spell done on them."

One of the couples who would not be participating in the ceremony were Hook and Emma Two, barely speaking to each other after the incident with Miri. Hook had been in for another shock when his wife shot down his dreams of being a father when she told him she'd taken the same infertility potion Regina did the day of Robin's funeral, deciding that she didn't want a baby with anyone but Hook and in the months following his resurrection and their wedding she'd been searching for a way to reverse it.

"Now I'm GLAD I took it!" she snarled when they were alone in their suite. All actions had a price this was theirs to pay, hers for refusing to see behind the mask and his for being unable to resist temptations.

It took the staff two hours to clean the ballroom and by that time all the children were in their pajamas, ready for bed and their bedtime stories. Strogoff was shocked when he went to the second floor and found the Scorpions old and new sleeping on mattresses on the floor. "Ummm dearies, there's no need to go to the mattresses tonight. We're not having a war."

"It's how we spent Christmas Eve at our warehouse hangout," Kat explained.

"Relax Grampa," his grandson reassured him.

"Oh, and how did you get made, dearie?"

Henry waved his hand under his blanket and a bucket tipped over on the ceiling dousing his grandfather with Frank's Red Hot.

"Nice one!" Jimmy hi-fived him.

"Oooh you know I hate this crap!" Strogoff muttered and cleaned himself with spell.

"Looked good on ya Grampa."

"Ha ha. Funny lad. Payback's a bitch, ya know. Never know when it's coming."

He left the room giggling wickedly.

"Aaaah holy crap!" Henry jumped off his mattress trying to pick a wedgie out of his pajama pants.

"Remind me to do that one when we got home," Modi whispered to Miri.

"On Magni? Or one of your other brothers?" she giggled.

"Magni!"

Miri rolled on the mattress. "Oh Norns! He would just die! You know Old Stone Face!"

That was what they called Modi's elder brother because he was so serious. He hardly ever smiled and was usually threatening to beat sense into Modi.

"Yeah it'd really mess that face up!"

Kat turned on one of the televisions and flipped to a channel showing a Christmas Eve mass while the others watched Christmas comedies on the other.

In a bedroom at the end of the hall the old and new Nevengers were being entertained by the David Molks and the Grinch himself taking turns reading 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas."

"Tell how you saved Mommy and Daddy from freezing in your cave, Inch!" Storybrooke Six's Elsa Molk pleaded.

"He did?" Regina asked.

"Uh-huh. Mommy ran 'way from home 'cause she didn't wanna get cursed so Daddy chased her and found her freezing in Inch's cave. He found 'em an took 'em back to Whoville to get warm."

"I was getting to that Elsa."

"Yeah so shuddup and let him tell the story Iceface!" Sapphira snapped.

"You better shuddup or you're gonna have a butt face, Butthole!" Regina retorted.

"Ahem! Do we want coal and reindeer poop in our stockings, dearies?" Rumple said when he came into the room to say goodnight to his younger children.

"No," they chorused.

"Then be nice."

Saphhira flipped over on her mattress and glared at the wall.

Once the children were asleep the adults made their way downstairs. As Strogoff warned there was already a long line at the entrance to the ballroom. At five minutes till one AM on Christmas morning it was Rumple and Belle's turn to go into the ballroom.

They stood face to face in the center of the room with Rumple and Belle Strogoff at their sides. Belle Strogoff reached into Belle's chest and pulled out her heart slowly while Rumple removed his own.

"We'll start with you, dearie." Strogoff waved his hand over Rumple's heart and it divided into two pieces, one in his palm glowing red, the other hovering above him glowing white.

He reached for the white piece and cupped it in his hand. "Belle," he whispered and released it. It floated over to her and she caught it in her free hand, holding it against her chest until it vanished.

"Are you ready?" Belle Strogoff asked her.

"Yes."

Belle Strogoff waved her hand over Belle's heart and it too split into two pieces. She caught the white one in her hand and held it.

"Rumple," she said softly and released it. He caught it in his hand and pressed it against his chest until it vanished.

"Now this ceremony is a little different than the one you saw with my parents at their wedding," Strogoff explained. "But it works the same. Keep holding the other half of your hearts and repeat after me.

See as I see

Feel as I feel

Let our two hearts become one

Not even in death shall this bond be undone."

"See as I see

Feel as I feel

Let our two hearts become one

Not even in death shall this bond be undone," they recited.

"Now put your hearts back in."

The moment they did so they could feel their hearts beating together in their chests.

"Merry Christmas Belle," Rumple murmured and took her into his arms for a kiss.

"Merry Christmas Rumple."

"We'll leave you two alone," Belle Strogoff whispered and escorted her husband out of the ballroom.

Rumple waved his hand and snow began to fall from the ceiling and Belle's nightgown transformed into her animated counterpart's gold dress while his blue silk pajamas transformed into the Beast's outfit.

"Regina was right. This is the best Christmas ever," he said as he led her into a waltz to Beauty and The Beast. "Forgive me if I imagine Cora throwing a tantrum in hell."

"Rumple, may I ask you something?"

"Anything sweetheart."

"Will you teach me magic?"

He paused.

"You...you want to learn magic? Why?"

She smiled. "Let's just saying seeing another version of me doing it inspired me. I want to be as good a wife to you as she is."

"You already are and you dinna need to learn magic to do so but I'll teach you if you want."

She placed her hand over his chest, feeling her own heart beating with his. "Don't go easy on me."

He grinned. "I don't intend to."

He picked her up and spun her into a graceful dip before he kissed her again. As they kissed they heard someone clearing their throat and looked up to see Regina in the doorway tapping her foot. "You better not do the dirty deed in here or I'm telling Mister Strogoff AND Santa!"

"And why aren't you in bed Miss Big Mouth Bossypants?" Rumple demanded.

"Cause I was thirsty."

He conjured a glass of water and handed it to her. "Now go back to bed."

"Okay...HEYYY MISTER STROGOFF UNCA RUMPLE'S DOIN THE DIRTY DEED IN YOUR BALLROOM!" she shouted.

"Why you little..." Rumple cried and hurried after her leaving Belle in the ballroom giggling.

"I was not now get back here!"

Regina blew a raspberry and grabbed a broom out of the kitchen. "Fly you!" she commanded

"Two can play at this game dearie!" He summoned a mop and hopped on it, speeding after her.

"Can't catch me!" she taunted.

"Oh yes I can...I...stop mop!" he cried as it came to a screeching halt in the pool room and dumped him in the indoor swimming pool.

"You told it to stop," Regina reminded him when he surfaced and swam over to the edge.

"So I did. Now get back to bed, dearie."

"Fore I do can you do me a favor?"

"If I can."

"Can you tell that mean lady to stay in heck where she belongs."

He smiled. "I think I can manage that with a little help." He kissed her cheek. "Good night dearie and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Unca Rumple."

Once she was gone a portal opened in the floor.

He stepped through to find Persephone waiting on the other side. "Cora is in the Realm of Retribution, our worst prison," she explained. "I'll be happy to help you give her Regina's regards."

A long line of people waited outside a door leading to the room where Cora Miller, the woman originally born Zorinda Strogoff resided, all of them people she'd killed in both her lives.

They moved aside to allow him and the Queen of the Underworld to pass. Cora was chained to a wall while a young woman stood beside her, a heart in her hand. "I was only a child when you killed me and all I wanted to be was a friend to your daughter!"

"Hello Cora," Rumple greeted coldly. "Enjoying the accommodations? I've heard they're quite...painful!"

"What do you want?"

"To tell you that you've lost, dearie. You came here to steal our Christmas but instead this is the best Christmas we've ever had."

"You haven't won yet," she sneered. "A Dark One will rise again and she will destroy you."

"Oh but she can't because we've brought back the one person that can keep her contained."

"No!" she gasped.

"Yes," Persephone taunted. "Sapphira Magestrix is not getting that dagger and you can put all your dreams of getting it into Regina's hands aside because your daughter has been reborn into the light. Yes, she will remember her first life when she is older but she will use it as a lesson not to go back into the darkness."

"You've lost," Rumple growled. "Accept it."

"I will never accept it!" she snarled.

"You will in time," Persephone said firmly. "Come. Christmas morning will soon be here, and we'll all be having some very impatient children wanting their gifts."

The adults were gathered in the largest living room when they returned, exhausted from wrapping the gifts they didn't have time to wrap when they were busy fighting a war or preparing for a journey to meet their other selves.

Snow finished her glass of wine and stood up. "Now that we're all here, I have an announcement to make. Now that the realms have been united, we've decided that we should have a ruling council like we've had back in our old world. My fellow Snows and I have taken a vote and we have elected a council of six, one representative from each realm."

The Rumples looked at each other in confusion. They hadn't been included in such a discussion.

Regina Two stood up. "The vote was unanimous. We feel that only the oldest and wisest should lead us and there is no one who fits that description more than Rumplestiltskin. Stand up dearies!"

"Yes, we mean all of you!" Snow added.

The six Rumplestiltskins stood up, still reeling from the shock of it all.

"We would crown you, but you'd probably incinerate them!" Regina Two joked.

"We also suggest that you elect members of your own realms to serve on your personal councils."

"I thank you all for this honor and I would like to appoint my mother Daria, my siblings Rhea and Bobby and my daughter-in-law Emma to my council along with my wife Belle," Rumple spoke up.

Now it was Strogoff's turn. "I appoint my mother Lilliana, my cousins Azkadellia and Dorothia, my daughter Regina, my daughter-in-law Emma and my cousins in law Jiminy and Wyatt to my counsel along with my wife and eldest son Bae."

Rumple Four smiled at his friends and family. "I appoint Regina, Emma and my dear friend Angelo to my council. I also elect my brother in law Archie, Bae and Belle. You may not have magic dearies, but I rely on your advice."

Weaver smiled. "Since we're the council that has no magic, I will be electing the people I trust with my life to serve on my council. They are my wife Belle, my sons Bae and Gideon and my daughters Kelly and Roni. Oh and you too Rogers."

"Thanks!" Roger laughed.

"Alice, you are the only mage left from realm. I haven't forgotten that dearie so you and Robin will be on the council as well."

Storybrooke Six's Rumple didn't have to ponder for long on who would be on his council. "I choose my wife Belle, my daughter-in-law Emma, my son Bae, Regina, Archie and Melanie."

Rumple Two was nervous when it was his turn to name his council. The people he trusted in his Storybrooke were few. "I name Bae, Regina, Persephone, Archie and Tracey to my council."

"Well now that we've got that settled, it's time for Hallmark!" Snow laughed. Male groans were heard all over the room.

"Oh, shut up and deal with it!"

"They ALL have the same damn plot!" Charming protested. "I'd rather watch paint dry!"

"You'll watch Hallmark and like it...unless you want to sleep on the floor!"

"Let's take a vote. Hallmark Christmas movies or something else."

The men soon realized they were outnumbered.

And the women would be happy to make it up to them later.

Avonlea Estate

Christmas Morning

"WAKEY WAKEY DEARIES!" Strogoff's voice boomed across intercoms all over the house at 6AM waking all his guests out of a deep sleep. The children jumped out of their beds and started running for the stairs, their small feet sounding like a calvary of horses racing across the hardwood floors.

The adults and teenagers staggered out of their own beds, many of them desperate for a coffee boost before the madness began. Everyone would gather in the ballroom to open their gifts and to watch their favorite Christmas shows before dinner. Rumple Four was excited for them to meet some of his dearest friends, Suzy Snowflake, Jack Frost and Hardrock, Coco and Joe. It was difficult not to ruin the surprise when Beth Molk mentioned seeing them in old commercials her adoptive mother liked to watch. The Grinch from Storybrooke Six was also bringing a special friend...fourteen of them in fact. They were all the same person that many would recognize.

As if on cue a grinding noise could be heard outside and a blue police box appeared on the lawn, thirteen men and a woman emerging.

They saw a green furred paw give a thumbs up from the ballroom window.

"Right. Come on then!" The Thirteenth Doctor urged her past selves.

Suddenly a sleigh came flying toward them and crashed beside the police box.

"You did it again! I'm telling Santa," the elf named Coco shook his finger at his brother Hardrock.

"Aww come on! I didn't have that much eggnog."

"Ah let's go. We don't wanna be late."

The last guests, Suzy and Jack floated in on a large ice shaped snowflake. Jack got off first and held out his hand to his pregnant wife. They were excited to be seeing their old friends for Storybrooke Four and meeting some new ones.

"We have some new guests arriving, so we'll wait...dearies, did you really think you could slip them past me?" Strogoff giggled. "I have the Sight, remember?"

"Oooh who are they, who are they?" Regina asked excitedly.

"It's the Doctor!" Killian Gold exclaimed, pointing to one of the men in the group.

"Oh my God...it's ALL of them!" Jeff Hatter from Storybrooke Four cried.

"The Fifth Doctor. My first crush as my cursed self," Belle Four said dreamily.

Belle blinked her eyes. "Rumple...is it me or am I seeing Suzy Snowflake?"

"A very pregnant Suzy Snowflake but yes, dearie, you are." Belle Strogoff conjured an easy chair for her to sit in.

"All right, kids...present time."

"Get ready to duck," Rumple laughed.

The children didn't waste a second, wrapping paper flying everywhere as they tore it off eager to see what was inside.

"Any minute now Miss I Do What I Want is gonna start throwing," Loki warned his wife.

She nodded. Astra enjoyed unwrapping toys, but clothes were another matter. They usually got thrown.

"Clothes!" Regina whined, throwing hers on a pile with Meredith's.

Astra pushed a large wrapped box over to where Loki and Sigyn were sitting. "Papa, help!" she cried.

"You have to take the paper off, darling!" he chuckled, and helped her rip it off. "What in Yggdrasil is this?"

Once the paper was off, he saw a Barbie Dream House-complete with Viking Barbie. "Wow! Astra, it's a doll house."

"That's lovely!" Sigyn said. "And look at the Valkyrie Barbie!" She went to open the Barbie.

"Mine!" Astra cried.

"Yes, I know. Let me open her for you." Sigyn opened the box and slid the Barbie out. "What in Hel?" she muttered, trying to take the Barbie out of the package. "Loki, give me your dagger."

"My dagger? What for?"

"This doll is stuck, and I need it to cut these things on it's legs!"

"Mama, want Valkyrie!" she wailed.

"Yes, as soon as I can get her out!" Sigyn cried, sawing at the plastic tie with Loki's dagger.

He opened the Dream House and stared in dismay at all the pieces. 'It's says "some assembly required! It's in pieces! What do i have to do build it?"

Bae Six burst out laughing. "Yes you do and if you make your wife do it expect a nasty message on a chalkboard!"

He knew his time to get one for Aria was coming.

"They say some assembly required but they're complicated as hell," spoke up Archie Four.

"Aww, Nine Hells!" Loki groaned.

"Try putting a baby crib together without magic," groaned Persephone.

"Finally!" Sigyn cried as she freed the Barbie. "Here, little scamp, go play with her."

"I think you took the edge off my dagger, hon." Loki grumbled.

"Our sonics won't even work on those things," The Eleventh Doctor lamented.

"They're scientific instruments, not toys!" snapped the War Doctor. The Tenth Doctor rolled his eyes. The Seventh Doctor was entertaining some of the other children with sleight of hand tricks. The Thirteenth Doctor and Grace Hatter from Storybrooke Four were discussing how to make a sonic screwdriver out of discarded silverware. Killian Gold and some of the other Nevengers were enjoying listening to the Twelfth Doctor playing his electric guitar. Ambrose was being taught Venusian Akido by the Third Doctor.

Regina handed Astra another package. "I had to ask your papa what to get you. Hope you like it."

"Papa, build house!" Astra said, clutching the Barbie.

"What do I look like, Bob the Builder?" Loki sighed. He began reading the directions and frowning.

The children wanted to give each other gifts and had spoken to the mages from their realms to make their wishes come true before Christmas morning.

Regina wanted nervously for the toddler to open her gift.

"Thank you!" Astra said and then tore the gift open. "Aww! Kitties!" she screamed, hugging them.

"How adorable!" Sigyn cried. "I guess we're going to have cats all over the place."

"Like we already do?" Loki laughed. The small black kitten Loki pounced on all the wrapping paper. Then he tried to jump in the Dream House box.

The Molks; cat Dak beat him to it.

"Never leave an empty box laying around or Dak'll get in it," David warned.

Loki looked up. "Norns! I wish the cats could put together this house! Anybody got a screwdriver?"

Fourteen doctors held theirs up.

"Not those ones!" Rumple laughed.

"Why not?" the Sixth Doctor huffed. "Anything'll do in a pinch. Oh! You've gotten me a new coat!" He held up a blue overcoat that was more fashionable than the 'explosion in a rainbow factory' he called his customary one.

Rumple conjured a toolbox and handed it to Loki.

"Umm honey...you put the door on the wrong side," Sigyn said.

Loki muttered something in Old Norse.

"Oooh you swore! Somebody get the Ivory!" Ellie Hood shrilled.

"How'd you know he swore?" Modi asked.

"Cause Maggie told me!"

Maggie Hatter smirked. "I'm clairvoyant...that's how."

"Need a little help. I'm good at inventing so this should be a breeze," Ambrose offered.

"Zipperhead you couldn't even put Junior's Lincoln log house together," Wyatt retorted.

Ambrose held up his hand. "Read between the lines Tin Man."

"I'm telling you, whoever wrote these directions was on drugs!" Loki replied.

"Nope he didn't. Mommy had to do it," spoke up Wyatt Cain Junior. "Mommy, I wanna be a dragon!"

"Not yet!"

"Pleeeese."

"No. You know you're not to be in dragon form in the house."

The dream house frame collapsed.

Charming was having his own battle with a Playmobil Magic Castle.

"Are you done yet?" Regina demanded.

"No!"

"When you gonna be done?"

"When I get done! God...Loki, trade me. You build this and I'll build the Dream House!"

"Why why why did I buy this?" Robin Four moaned while he was trying to assemble a Thomas The Tank engine for his little Rum. Rum and Ilyssa were nearly driving their parents insane by taking little flights at will.

"Okay, we'll switch," the God of Mischief said.

"Try to figure out the codes on this damn thing while you're at it!" Maurice from Storybrooke Four tossed a universal remote at them.

Emma Six conjured a blackboard and wrote: How Many Men Does it take to put Christmas Toys together? One to assemble and the rest to try to read the directions!

The women sat back and enjoyed the show.

An hour later the younger children were asleep on the padded ballroom floor, piles of torn wrapping paper all around them.

"They act like they worked hard!" Charming huffed, making little progress on his toy project.

"Somebody cheat and use magic already!"

Loki snapped his fingers and the Playmobile Magic Castle was finished.

"Yeah now you can cheat with ours too!" Charming grouched.

"It's not cheating. I'm God of Magic. It's how I do things," Loki replied and waved a hand. The rest of the Dream House was built and so was everything else.

The men breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"I should have done that an hour ago," Loki sighed. "But I wanted to experience this holiday like a mortal. But from now on anything that requires assembly gets done with magic."

"Amen brother!"

"Cowards," Emma Six snorted.

Loki laughed. "I'm not. I'm a magician. And I do what I want."

"Now you know where Astra gets it," Sigyn told the women.

The women started cleaning everything up and putting the gifts in magic bags DG made based on the magic bags Lilly's father used to make as the Wizard of Oz.

The Rumples retreated to the kitchen to check on dinner. Archie Four joined them, wanting to make his famous cake rolls for dessert.

The Storybrooke Six residents decided to postpone their annual Christmas Day food fight since they'd already started one at Archie and Lilly's wedding reception.

During dinner Regina dropped her fork and ran over to the window, pulling back the drapes. "Lookit! SNOW!"

It was indeed snowing.

"Snow? In Florida?"

"You can't have Christmas without snow," Loki spoke up.

"Yay! Snowball fights!"

The Scorpions looked at each other and smirked, eager to relive one of their fondest Christmas memories.

After dinner everyone went outside and started getting into teams for the ultimate snow war except for the Scorpions.

"What are you guys doing?" Miri asked Young Bae and Ewan.

"Watch."

Kat and Becky stuck large buttons on the head for the eyes and mouth and a carrot for the nose then Bae stuck a thimble on the bottom. Modi threw back his head and howled with laughter.

Then he put a familiar looking helmet on it.

"Who put the dick on the snowman

And embarrassed the family

Could have used a ball bat

Cucumber or zucchini

but instead you used a thimble

Somethin you can barely see

Who put the dick on the snowman

And made him look like me..." he sang.

"So, who does it look like?" Young Bae asked him.

Miri grinned. "Oh, I know!"

"Hey wha'cha...ummm...hey that looks like Unca Thor!" Astra said when she came looking for them with Regina and Meredith in tow.

"Umm...no it doesn't!" Modi said quickly.

"Uh-huh it gots his helmet, cape an hammer. but what's that there?" she pointed to the thimble.

Regina and Maredith's eyes widened.

"Umm...Astra, forget it. Let's go back..."

"Is that a pee pee? It's where the pee pee is."

"Oh My God we are so dead," Ewan groaned.

"Heyy Unca Thor come an see..."

"No, no, no, no..." Modi moaned.

"Papa, come see! Modi made a snow Thor!"

"Astra, shuddup!"

"Papa, come lookit! Snow Thor!"

"We gotta get rid of it!"

"Astra what's all the..." Loki took one look at the snowman and howled with laughter.

"It's got a pee pee, Papa. Lookit!" Astra pointed to the thimble.

A rather small one too, the god thought.

He waved his hand over the snowman. "Oh Thor! Wanna check this out?"

"I'm dead. I'm dead!" Modi moaned.

But Loki, clever god that he was, decided that he would take the credit for this insult.

Thor would expect it anyway.

"What the Hel is so pressing that..it's a snow man. Big deal." Thor said nonchalantly when he appeared.

"Wif a small pee pee Unca Thor," Astra pointed.

The god looked closer. "Oh really!?" He glared at his son. "Modi, did you do this?"

"I did. You wanna make something of it," Loki challenged.

"Oh yeah. I'm gonna beat your sorry ass!"

"Well meet me in the yard brother because I challenge you to a snow war."

"You're on, dick!"

Modi breathed a sigh of relief. "Now this I gotta see!"

The snow wars were already in full swing when they ventured onto the south lawn and everyone was participating including the animated stuffed animals. Thor decided to animate his frozen namesake to join in unaware that the Storybrooke Four residents already had an encounter with dirty snowmen years before.

"What is THAT doing here!" Rumple exclaimed, pointing to it.

"Thor take the damn ballbat off!" yelled Loki.

"Unless you really want to have a thimble for a manhood!' threatened Sigyn, holding up the ugly stick.

"Sorry kids," Thor said sheepishly and magicked the bat away.

"Damn kids," Rumple Four muttered, knowing exactly who was responsible for the frozen menace's existence and it certainly wasn't Loki.

"Mama, have mercy!" Rumple, Robert and Rhea pleaded with their mother.

"Oh no no no...you'd better pray for mercy from the Gold Fairy," she giggled and dropped a pile of snow on them.

The Nevengers and the Scorpions decided to have a battle of their own, but the teenagers were severely outnumbered by their younger counterparts.

"Hah hah sayonara LOSERS!" Regina stood up on their fort and blew a raspberry.

"We need more recruits!" Young Bae sighed.

"You gotta wait a while for that mates!" Killian Gold taunted.

Miri waved a hand and an army of snow minons appeared.

"Camis, Elsas...bring on the Snowgies!"

"Okay...Driana, can you make em supersized?"

"Comin right up!"

The Happy Army bears and Minions soon joined the fight on opposing sides.

"Hey!' Adriana protested.

"We're the Rebel Bears!" Major Bae hi-fived his human counterpart.

Little DJ Molk was content to sit and eat snow in his monster form.

The Gold's white and gold collie, Freya, was loving the snow, running around in it and then she got the brilliant idea to try and herd people.

Thor felt something nip his ankle. "What in Hel?"

Freya barked at him and nipped his other ankle, pushing him towards the house.

Loki cracked up. "I think she thinks you're a lost sheep!"

"Aww Freya!" Alina groaned. "She does that a lot."

The Strogoffs cat Lucky jumped on her back.

You. Dog. Take me back to the house.

Bossy fleabag!

I do not have fleas.

Could've fooled me.

You've got style cat, Nala praised.

Thanks.

They heard angry barking from the front steps Regina looked up to see a chocolate brown chihuahua beagle mix standing up on its hindpaws.

"Snoopy!" the Molks exclaimed.

"Who's that?"

"Grammie Mattie's dog," Jasper Molk explained. "See how his front feet are curled out. That's 'cause he's missing bones there but he gets around really good."

"Yeah but its hard for him to get 'round in the snow," Elsa added.

Loki the kitten arched his back and spit from the porch swing. Go away, dog!

Hey I just wanna play, Snoopy whined.

Snoopy's cool, Dak sent. Cats are his buddies but big dogs scare him,

They make fun of me 'cause of my front feet, said Snoopy.

The black kitten's fur relaxed. If you promise not try and bite me I will play with you.

I can't play in the snow. Snoopy jumped up on the swing beside him.

Astra conjured a ball. "Here Loki!"

"Ahhh ankle biters!" Ambrose whined when Freya nipped at his heels.

"Aww quit cryin Zipperhead. Not like he's a Papay runner." Wyatt chuckled in his mini dragon form.

The kitten ran after the ball and brought it to Snoopy. Look, a ball.

Snoopy picked it up with his teeth and tossed it back for Loki.

The cat caught it with his paws and batted it over to the dog again.

Hope you come back next year. I like this!

I will ask my little companion if we can. Loki meowed.

Little did they know the Council of the United Realms was already making plans to do just that.

"I propose we get together for Christmas every year," said Strogoff.

"Why don't we cast another curse, bring all the realms of story here?" Regina Two asked.

"You mean all the Enchanted Forests, Wonderlands, ect...?"

"And Storybrookes," she added.

"Why does it have to be a curse?" Jiminy asked.

"That's what it would take."

"We're not crushing any hearts dearie so get that thought out of your mind," her mentor said angrily.

"You don't need a curse," said Persephone. "All you need is the power of the Guardians combined. "That's what could've saved Nonestica."

"All the Storybrookes combined as one...all the realms of story tucked away in a little corner in Maine," Regina Two went on.

"We should put it to the others first before we make our decision," Rumple proposed. "But not all of us live in Storybrooke now. Some live here, one of the Molk families lives in Pennsylvania."

"If everyone agrees we'll cast the spell and bring the realms here...to merge with Storybrooke One," Strogoff said.

"Yes because Storybrooke One was created with the same magic Hades and I used to create Nonestica and your worlds sprung from that source magic," said Persephone.

They all agreed that it would be discussed later before the children were sent to bed for the night.

Once darkness fell, they called the snow wars to a halt and everyone returned to the house to change clothes and settle in front of the fireplace with warm drinks and snacks.

"This afternoon the members of the council had a discussion on a matter that concerns all of us," Rumple announced. "A suggestion has been made that we cast a spell bringing all the realms together to merge with the first Storybrooke. That includes the Forests and other realms that still exist as well as the our Storybrookes. We would like everyone's opinion on whether we do this or just arrange to meet up throughout the year."

"Wow..." Emma whistled. "That's a pretty tall order Rumple."

"I say do it!" Adriana Gold exclaimed. "That way everybody can live together and be happy!"

The children were all in agreement.

"Grandfather, what do you think?" Daria asked Loki.

"It would take a lot of magic but I think it would work."

"I would give anything to have Nonestica back, but we can't," Lilly said sadly.

"We still face a threat from the Home Office and would have a better chance of protecting ourselves under one barrier," spoke up Isaac Wallace.

"But we like living in Pennsylvania and I know the rest of you like living in Juno," David Molk argued.

"Except during hurricane season," Emma Strogoff muttered.

"And that's getting worse every year."

"You can stay in Pennsylvania dearie, we're not asking you to move. However, we will be strengthening the wards around your home."

The Nevengers and Scorpions already knew how they would vote.

"We'll give everyone until midnight to decide," Rumple announced.

While they waited for everyone to make their decision, the members of the council gathered in Strogoff's study to look through the Book of the Ancients for a spell to use.

At eleven PM there was a knock on the door.

"We're ready to vote," Charming announced.

Bae stepped forward, being asked to speak for the adults. Young Bae would be representing the teenagers and Henry represented the children.

"Bae, is the vote by the adults unanimous?" his father asked him.

"It is, and we vote yes."

"Bae, what does your group vote?" Rumple Four asked his son.

"We vote yes."

"Henry, what do the children vote."

"We vote yes, Grampa."

"Is this spell gonna drain you?" Alina asked her father.

"Normally it would but we have enough gods and demigods to help that it will just make us want to sleep for a few hours. That's why we're casting it now before Christmas is over."

They formed a large circle in the center of the room and began to chant in Ozian.

"We call upon all of the powers of the light...let our worlds here and beyond at last unite!" they chanted.

"Holy crow! Alina, look in the mirror!" Henry gasped, pointing at the wall length mirror in the ballroom.

They could see an image of their street, or what looked like it only now there were six salmon pink Victorians on the street instead of one and on the mailboxes were the names Gold Two, Weaver, Gold Four, Gold Five and Strogoff.

On another street there were now six pawnshops...six offices for Dr. Hopper, a new shop called Mystic Creations, the craft and flower shop Jiminy and Az owned and operated.

The lake had been expanded to add more cabins for each family. DG, Az, Jiminy and Lilly fought back tears when a version of the Finaqua Palace appeared there.

High up in the mountains another castle sprung up.

"The Northern Island," Az whispered.

Soon more castles appeared around it including all the Dark Castles, the palaces of the Snow Whites, Auroras and Reginas.

"Belle Reve!" Belle Four cried.

"That's the Dark Castle," Belle said.

"We renamed ours."

"Good idea," she murmured, already thinking of a few.

"Hey, it's the Lost Boys and Gabriel!" Killian Gold waved to the group in the mirror as their version of Neverland appeared in the sea.

"The Heights! Yes!" Robin Weaver-Rogers exclaimed and embraced her wife.

Six yellow Bugs were now parked at the expanded Storybrooke police station with license plates reading Swan 1-6.

Lilly sobbed in her husband's arms when the Emerald Palace and Central City appeared. "Oh, they've done it...they've found a way to bring it back to me!"

"To all of us," DG murmured.

"We couldn't bring back the people we lost but we could bring back the places they loved in their honor," Loki spoke up.

"Oh, this is so cool! There's so many new places to see an we don't havta go through portals!" Regina clapped her hands.

"ommy, Daddy, lookit! There's Gampie's house, Grammie Mattie's house, our houses and Daddy's office!" Cami Molk exclaimed.

David and Beth were astounded to see that their daughter was correct. The farm owned by Beth's adoptive father had been transported to the new Storybrooke along with their homes in Florida and David's PI office, Movarro Investigations.

"Oh dear! I didn't think it would do that!" Gina exclaimed. "It even moved us!"

"All of Seaview?" Bae Strogoff asked.

Strogoff waved his hand over the mirror. Everything had been relocated though their climates remained the same.

"It's like...it's like we have our own little world in the world!" Will and his sister Jess were excited to see their homes both on land and sea appear.

"But one where we're all together...and safe." Rumple murmured.

"Whoa...that is some powerful magic!" Robert whistled.

"I think it responded to the hopes and dreams of everyone here," Rhea spoke up.

Christmas Day was coming to an end but there was still much celebrating to be done with old friends and new in the wonderful new world they'd created with the most powerful magic of all, love.

Authors Notes: Another installment of the Gold Standard has come to an end and we'd like to thank everyone for your patience with us as we worked to finish this for you for Christmas and if you want to look back on Christmases and stories past, links to the Gold Standard, Unexpected Series and Mishap series are on Kat's profile here and AO3 and links to my Gold Chronicles series are on AO3. Happy reading and may your holidays be filled with joy, laughter and most of all…love

Snapegirlkmf and CJ Moliere


	16. Addendum Information

Hello, dearies!

I just wanted to let all you faithful readers know that there is more to what happened after the realms unite that the end of Queen. However it is in a different story by my co-author CJ Moliere called The Heart of Everything : The Gold Chronicles Book 1

Here is the link so you can read that story, which explains a lot of what happened in Oz and another realm with the Once characters. You will also see Loki featured in some parts too!

s/13257611/1/The-Heart-of-Everything-The-Gold-Chronicles-Book-I


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